And now we have some more.
Chapter 34:
Rubbing her neck as she sat in the library once again, Lightning just took some deep breaths as she contemplated how this was going to work. All she knew for sure was that the woman near enough hiding under the desk next to her was starting to annoy her.
"Seriously, Porom. You can't stay under there." Lightning said, well and truly exhausted by this turn of events. She really wondered what had been going through the woman's mind. Something that Lightning was getting a little exhausted by. "What even has you down this much?" Lightning asked hoping that it would at least get her out of this situation a lot faster and not somehow harming her more.
"It is nothing." Porom said as Lightning smiled a little and moved her chair back a bit so she could at least address the brunette a lot easier. As she continued to stare at the timid child as she continued to stare at her with a finer tooth comb.
Feeling the eyes on her, Porom just took a deep inhale as she pulled her knees firmer to her chest. "How can you be so calm about everything?" She asked softly as Lightning just smirked a little at the question. "I mean... you could be here for years upon years... possibly even the rest of your life. And you don't even have a faith... and I can even feel my own faith starting to be tested with the length I've been here. How can you be so calm about everything."
Smiling a little Lightning patted the seat next to her, hoping to coax the child out from her pseudo home. She couldn't help but smile a little at the sight of her shaking her head. Sighing a little, Lightning started to slide off her chair to sit under the table with her.
'Because you are so far off the reservation that I'm positive we've drifted onto someone else's.'
"I don't have some magical answer." Lightning said as she could see the child deflate a little as she just decided to continue her point. "Most of my earliest memories are in hell. And even then they are spotty at best. As for the reason I don't have a faith like you and your brother is because after years of spending time in hell... it just felt like Lindzei abandoned me. Not to mention religion wasn't really big in my family to begin with." Lightning said as she could see the child look towards her, a clear look of sadness on her features.
Taking a deep breath Lightning just shook her head at the concern. "I'm not entirely without faith Porom. I just don't view any of the big religions in the same light. They always have the same idea for what you should do with your life. So I suppose that is why I feel calm. I'm not being instructed with what I should do provided I know I'm doing something good. Which includes this right here. As for why I'm fine knowing I can be here for years... it is better than the alternative where I eventually snap and make a successful suicide attempt because the alternative at that point would be mass murder and I know I don't have that in me."
'Lies are truths we wish to hear.'
"What?" Lightning asked as Porom looked at her before realising it wasn't nearly as bad as she once thought it was.
'Nothing. Just something you once read. Don't worry about it. I think that is how I'll make you fall back a few pegs. Just citing off some old poems you read.'
Shaking her head again, Lightning took a deep breath and just gestured Porom to go on with her point as though Lightning had everything under control with what she knew was going on. "I once thought that as well... but after lunch... it is clear that I could spend my entire adult life here. Then what happens when I get out? How much will have changed? Will I ever find true love once I get out? Will I even be able to live up to what Bhunivelze wants of me? or am I just squandering his gifts?" Porom spoke with a frown as Lightning reached out carefully.
She was unsure if this was what she should do. It was making her feel like she was lost, but she knew that this child needed some sort of comfort. Taking a deep breath, Lightning carefully extended a few fingers to gently rub her fingertips against Porom's back.
Frowning a little as she could hear a small laugh from Porom next to her. "I'm glad you are trying to show me some support Light. But it isn't your strong suit." Porom said as Lightning shoved the girl gently.
"It took me four months to learn how to hug my sister again. And even then it couldn't be for more than a few seconds until recently. And even then it just makes my skin crawl a little." Lightning began as Porom just smiled at her. "But don't worry about that stuff Porom. Things change all the time with or without people knowing. You could find your true love in here... you may only be in here a few more months. But above all else... doesn't Bhunivelze have a plan? So this just has to be a step in his plan for you. I mean look at me, I don't even follow him and I have a feeling that life will sort itself out."
'Why do you tell us these lies? They are hurtful and I have lost respect for you.'
Shaking her head violently, Lightning looked at Porom who had at least started to pick up at that simple statement. It was something that just made sense to her at this moment. Even if it was something that just made her seem better about the entire situation. At the very least the outlook seemed to have shifted a little.
"Are you alright Lightning?" Porom asked calmly as the pinkette just looked at her and smiled at her.
"Nothing I can't handle. But now, can I get back to reading without worrying about you?" Lightning asked as the child nodded her head a little. Just causing her to smile as she started to slide up from her down position back onto her chair. Smiling a little as she grabbed the book and pulled it closer.
As she started to flick through the pages to find where she was she could see Porom crawling out from her spot under the table. A sign that she had really accepted what Lightning had told her. A feat that just made Lightning feel a lot better about the entire thing. She didn't want to think what else was the issue.
"Hey Porom, do you mind if I ask what was it that sent you and your brother here?" Lightning asked softly as Porom took a seat on the chair next to Lightning. She could just tell from the way the teen was biting her lip that it had been a near internal struggle to figure out if she really could tell Lightning without entering another tail spin.
Coming to her answer, of trusting that if she entered another Lightning was going to be able to help her out of it, Porom took a deep breath as she spoke up. "Palom and I saw our parents being murdered. We were taken in by the local church because that was the only place that could really hold two orphans. But when the Abbot found out about that because no one really told him, he waited for us to show something like we were processing their deaths... after multiple months where I just shut in and Palom went the other direction, he decided to call Rosa who was passing through our town. And after a few hours she was able to coax me out a little and reeled Palom closer towards the centre of the spectrum of healthy reactions. And after that meeting she came to an agreement with the Abbot and the village who had practically been footing the bill for us already out of sympathy."
Pressing her lips into a think line, Lightning couldn't help but know that if she was being honest it really could be hard for many people to see something like that. Or at the least people with a healthy respect for their parents anyway. It was just something that Lightning fantasised about.
Even if she knew that it wasn't exactly a healthy fantasy to have, it just made some of her worst times seem that much more bearable. Even if it was something that was only going to ever be for a few fainting seconds, it was still a pleasant thought.
"From my experience with Rosa, she seems like she knows what she is doing, and if you have questions if you ask her to tell you the truth... she normally will. Especially if she thinks it will help you. So if you do have a crisis of if you will ever get out... it doesn't hurt to just ask." Lightning stated a little glad that she had been told as much from the girl. It just meant that she was either trusted enough to be told something like that or at least Porom knew that Lightning wasn't going to blab about that.
"What if she doesn't tell either of us?" Porom whispered as Lightning just smiled at her.
"Then what have you lost? You have the everything to gain by simply asking. And provided you ask in the right manner you have nothing to lose." Lightning stated as she could see Porom just relax further at that statement. "Now, I'm going to turn back to my reading." Lightning said as she did just as she said. Not really wanting to spend longer than needed to with the woman. She just had to bide her time for another hour before she can start her second hour of outside time.
Just the thought of her getting to run just made her smile. It would be so much fun that she didn't even care about anything else really. Even this entire situation with someone who had started to grate on her nerves just as much as Vanille did at points. But not while she was outside.
The one hour she was already out there was magical. The way the wind rushed past her and her nose was filled with the pleasant smell of the wild flowers and the other plants. She didn't even care that she could feel the eyes of the orderlies as she just jogged around the half acre of land she was allowed to.
Hell, Lightning didn't even care that she had to deal with the occasional person asking her if she wanted to join in some game or another. She was just content to jog and smell the fresh air. Even if it had some sort of oppressive smell from the fact that she knew she was still in her newest prison.
"Hey Light... you plan to head outside again don't you?" Porom asked snapping Lightning from her small trance as she looked back towards the child.
"Yeah." Lightning said a small smile as she could see the book that Porom at some point had gotten while she was in her trance of remembering the freeing feeling of just running outside. "Why?" Lightning asked hoping that she wasn't going to be stopped from what she wanted because she would gladly shoot the child down, punishments for harming her mental health be damned.
"You just seemed so lonely when I looked out at the sight of you running around. Do you want some company? Or maybe we could go to the garden." Porom spoke as she continued to beam as Lightning just groaned internally at what she knew was the girl trying to get closer to Lightning for whatever reason. A reason that she just didn't care about at that minute.
"I don't mind being alone Porom. I'm used to it. If anything I prefer it most of the time. Not even to be alone with my thoughts. It is purely because I really don't do groups well. And I view a group as more than two people. And I actually jog slash run pretty fast, you could hurt yourself trying to keep up." Lightning said hoping that she could persuade her away from this. Just because she didn't want to spend even more time with what was becoming a nuisance.
'You know, if you really didn't want to spend time with them, just be up front. Or you know... stab someone in the neck with a spork. A foon. Or go easy mode and use a Splayde... or sporf... Etro be damned these people need to figure out one and stick with it. Oooohhhh that is like hard mode. Using a stick... twig? Seriously people are stupid.'
"They already have. It is called a spork. What kind of psychopath calls it a foon?" Lightning hissed as she could almost feel the eyes in her from that outburst as Porom just started to chuckle a little. Something that broke Lightning out of her stupor causing her to look towards the near offending person.
"Do I want to know?" Porom asked as Lightning shook her head as she knew a for sure way to remove all this questioning gazes from her.
"Not really. But I'm going to head back to my room. But my point stands Porom. I don't do well around crowds and it is already taking me so much concentration to not snap during the likes of eating with you guys. Maybe in a few weeks once I can wrap my head around the fact you guys aren't going to stab me while my back is turned." Lightning said as she picked up the book and walked towards the shelf she had taken it off from.
'I don't know. That Hope guy seems like he has a stick up his ass and wouldn't mind stabbing us... but don't worry Light. I'll protect you. No point letting your pretty head get hurt. I mean father dearest might get mad he wasn't the one to cause your death.'
Ignoring the jab coming from the voice Lightning just shook her head and slipped the book into its home. Just enjoying the fact that she could feel that the preteen had accepted her stance on the matter.
At the very least she knew that she could take some solace at that. Once she knew that she wasn't going to be nearly attacked she could enjoy the silence of her room with the book she still had. And not to mention she would get to enjoy the fact that she didn't need to explain what the author meant or why you couldn't take a modern look on the book that is older than the both of them put together.
"Okay Light. I'll be in the garden in an hour... so you can go there if you want some company." Porom said softly as Lightning turned around and smiled at her. As if she was trying to tell her that nothing bad was going to happen. Or at the very least that nothing bad for another chunk of days was going to happen.
"It will be fine Porom. And I know you will be too. Okay. Just remember what we talked about if you still feel like you are having a crisis. It may help you a lot more than you think." Lightning said as she lightly patted Porom's head as she started to walk out.
Taking a few steps on the stairs, Lightning just took some deep breaths just to make sure that she was in fact alright. That had been the first person besides Vanille that Lightning didn't particularly feel like she should shove away, but for some reason she couldn't seem to point out why it just felt different.
When Lightning was around Porom it felt more like what she felt with Serah. In how she had the feeling of an older sister when it came to any number of topics. Which just further confused Lightning. She had thought that was how she felt around Vanille, but it very clearly wasn't.
'Maybe it is because you want to touch Vanille's butt... and boobies... and whatever else grownups do. I mean your only knowledge of what grownups do is Dysley... his generals... and father dearest. I'd say mother dearest but she follows father... so it would be redundant.'
Taking a few more steps, Lightning just took a deep breath. "Just shut up." Lightning spoke softly in an almost defeated tone, but she didn't care about that. For once she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts. Or maybe even talk to someone who at least understood her. The only problem with the later was the only person that really understood her that she felt comfortable talking to wasn't going to be near a phone for possibly a number of days.
'Oh Light... we both know that won't happen. I mean... you really don't want to be alone with your thoughts and you know that. We have a symbiotic relationship here.'
"More like parasitic." Lightning hissed as she reached the door to her floor. Enjoying the lack of sounds coming from the floor meaning that she was probably going to be alone long enough to talk.
'Okay, ow. That hurts Light. We both benefit here. I make sure all your crazy thoughts are in line... and you gave me life. So what if I say a few things that are inappropriate. Or go on tangents... you are the one that speaks out loud now.'
"Look where we are. If that is your one job you aren't pulling your weight." Lightning muttered quietly as she opened the door to her room before nudging it closed with her foot. Stepping out of her given slippers Lightning walked towards her bed and fell face first down. Just wanting to enjoy the lack of people talking outside her room.
'Trust me Light. If I wasn't doing my job, you would have snapped a lot sooner and possibly killed yourself.'
"I doubt it." Lightning muttered as she closed her eyes and just took a deep breath knowing that she was just going to be able to rest for a few seconds before someone would come by and start to annoy her over something stupid or what they perceive as the healthy option.
'If only you knew Light.'
Author's Note:
On that mysterious ending... I hope you all enjoyed it... I'm going to get back to playing final fantasy x for what has to be the hundredth time but this will only be my second 100% playthrough.