Leliana

Awareness came slowly. I opened my eyes, thanking the Maker for whoever possessed the foresight to close the shutters. Dim light drifted in through the slats of the shades. Even so, dull pain fired through my eyes and into my skull. I winced and licked my chapped lips, feeling a subtle sting. The soft surface beneath me sank as more weight was added.

A cool hand came to rest on my forehead and I relaxed as the pain faded momentarily. I glanced upwards into shimmering green eyes. They smiled.

"Welcome back." Kathyra smoothed my hair away from my face. "How are you feeling?"

Strange, I breathed easier, realizing that the voice of my thoughts was my own. So very, very strange. I think…I think I talked with god…surely that must have been more than a dream.

"Thirsty." my voice came out hoarse and I smiled to soften its rough edges.

"Mind magic affects every body differently." Kathyra searched my eyes, looking for any sign of pain or weakness. "Do you think you can sit up?"

I took a moment to assess my condition. "Yes."

Her arm slipped around my shoulders and she eased me into a slow rise. My throat tightened as I thought of Salem, her strength, her painstaking gentleness when I was sick or injured. The way her warrior's hands could instill such a peace in me and take away pain with a touch.

Tears sprang to my eyes as I remembered her love…her love and what it had brought me to. A prophet? I wondered. Is this now what I am? Is this my new calling? And will it take me from Salem? Will the love that earned the eye of god be rent asunder by this new destiny? I have no way of knowing. I have been given the ability to see the future, but my own is so cloudy. It isn't fair…it is not right.

"Here." Kathyra pressed a cup of water in my hands and I lifted it to my lips, feeling strange as the glass touched them. "Drink slowly."

I followed the physician's orders, finished drinking, and Kathyra set the cup aside. She brushed the tears from my cheeks and met my gaze with sympathetic eyes.

"I understand." she assured me, attempting to empathize with a pain she thought she comprehended. "The memories are…difficult…but the pain will fade with time, I promise."

"I'm fine." I whispered, taking her hand and squeezing it. "Are you all right?"

Shock fired through her green eyes and she backed away, shaking her head as if to clear it. A silent moment passed as she stared at me, attempting to come to terms with reality. "They're bloody fools, the lot of them."

"Who?" I asked, wondering who she spoke of.

"Cassandra and Justinia both." she hung her head and heaved a sigh. "Trying to demonize you and discredit you…all while ignoring who you really are."

Does she know? I asked myself. Does she have some as-of-yet unmentioned connection to the Maker? Surely there is a reason that she is in my life; that we have been brought together. I just…I am spun about on gales of change and the one thing to which I could anchor myself is…gone. Perhaps forever.

"Who am I?" I asked, wondering if the physician could provide illumination, as I was steadily losing my grip on the definition of what I was.

I know what I have been. Daughter. Student. Bard. Assassin. Victim. Sister. Warrior. Lover. Wife. I wanted that to be the last of my many titles, but it has been divinely superseded. Prophet, the word rang uncomfortably in my mind. Perhaps I can convince myself that it was all a dream. The mere notion is preposterous, in any case. Andraste was a paragon of virtue, a woman who had done no wrong. I am…anything but.

And yet the Maker said she failed. I am so confused.

"You are the…" Kathyra bit her lip, as though afraid to continue, "…you are simply incredible. How did you do it, Leliana? How did you find it within your heart to forgive that…that monster?"

"The mage?" I asked, gently redirecting her perceptions. "The very, very human man who took no pleasure in what he was forced to do to me?"

Her eyes sharpened to knife points. "Magic is evil, Leliana." she spouted the rhetoric of the Chantry.

The Chantry has lost sight of the Maker's heart.

"Magic is not evil." I shook my head. "People are evil. Leron was evil, and what he did to you was a sin. But that man in there…the terror and sorrow in his eyes as he was forced to use his gifts against his will. It broke my heart. I forgave him the sin he thought he committed. In truth, the command to do so came from Justinia. Hers is the sin."

"You truly believe that?" she questioned me, as I would have questioned myself had I not witnessed the wonders I had.

"I do." I breathed.

"How did…Leliana, forgive me, but I must know. You have shown me a beautiful heart, kindness unmeasured, and forgiveness unheard of and yet…yet you gave your heart to my sister. Marjolaine did not know the meaning of compassion or of love or of, Maker forbid, forgiveness. So how you…how did…I cannot phrase this question and yet I must ask it."

I chuckled and ran my fingers through my hair, shaking my head at what felt like a distant, distant past.

"I was young and foolish." I shook my head at that naïve, ignorant girl who had fallen for the promise of heaven in canny green eyes. "And Marjolaine was the picture of intelligence and beauty. She may not have had a heart, but I had only begun to realize my own heart's existence, and it did not know truth from fantasy, or love from infatuation. And thus began the painful road to reality."

"And you were not embittered?" Kathyra asked, and the awe in her voice chilled me to the bone. "Maker's breath…Marjolaine betrayed you and had you tortured. What you said…the way you treated that mage; the Chantry does not instill such beliefs, and no woman who has endured what you have could find such ideals easily."

"No." I admitted, saddened by the truth of her statement. "Not unless they were shown."

Kathyra's face fell, but a smile quirked her lips. "It seems that everything in your life comes back to the warden."

"Yes." I acknowledged the beauty and sorrow of her words. "And I wish that I could convey my thoughts without seeming so…so besotted. But in truth, Kathyra, Salem is simply inhuman. I watched her look into the eyes of a woman who had her beaten, cut, flogged, and burnt, and she said 'I forgive you,' without animosity, without guilt…without any sort of apology whatsoever. It was just…given."

I remembered that moment, the dark hatred and fear glittering in Cauthrien's eyes. Salem's unearthly assurance as she stood within reach of the knight's powerful blade. The way my warden had smiled at me with such calm and spoke those words, even though she had barely escaped Cauthrien's ministrations with her life.

"And you wanted that for yourself?" Kathyra wondered, her eyes in a faraway place.

"I love her." I nodded, feeling pain as I smiled. "And I want to be the light that she was to me. But I…I do not even know how to begin."

There were tears in Kathyra's eyes as I spoke ineloquent words of love. "You have made an excellent start of it, Leliana. I can assure you of that."

Have I? I questioned myself. Is this what…is this what the Maker intended? Is this why I am here, so far from my home and my heart and my love? To evoke change…to show the world that love exists. To transform Andraste's failure into a success. I feel so ill-equipped for this task…if it even is a task. I am still unsure…

"You should rest while you may." Kathyra instructed from across the room as she gathered her emotions to herself and re-oriented her thoughts. "Cassandra is in a red fury, and the instant she discovers you are awake I am quite certain she will drag you before the Divine."

I shuddered at the thought and pursed my lips, feeling again that subtle stinging sensation. Curiosity overwhelmed me. "Kathyra, is there a mirror I might make use of?"

"One moment." she rustled about in a drawer and brought me a small, handheld mirror.

I examined my face, ignoring the pallor and the dark bruises beneath my eyes. I gasped as I touched my fingers to my mouth and felt the new scar that sliced across the center of my lower lip.

There will be a sign waiting for you when you awaken. It is something only you will know as new. All others will be unaware. I remembered the Maker's words, her lips ghosting across my own with a kiss.

I have but one way to prove this, my heart began beating faster.

"Kathyra," I caught the physician's attention and returned the mirror, "when she struck me, did Cassandra split my lip?"

"She broke skin." Kathyra replied. "But nothing more. Is everything all right?"

"This scar." I gestured to it, pleading with her to prove me wrong. "I do not remember it."

Kathyra sighed and sat down beside me once again. "Leliana," she took my hands in hers, speaking with a professional, detached calm that must have taken years to achieve. "Mind magic is impossible to predict. You did not resist, so you might have a better chance of recovering your memories than most, but it will take time. You have recovered remarkably fast, and for that I am grateful, but you must not overtax your mind or fret about missing memories."

My heart sank as I realized what she meant. "So…this scar…"

"You have had it since I met you." she answered, resting her hand on my shoulder in an act of commiseration. "Now, if it is all right with you, I am needed elsewhere for a while. A Templar patrol was tracking an escaped mage and returned with some rather nasty burns."

"Go." I bade her, looking up as she left. "The mage? Did they…"

"Dead." Kathyra answered. "They had no choice."

"I'm sure." my voice sounded dead as the physician departed.

I collapsed into myself and let my grief overwhelm me. Sobs wracked my body as I wept for the cruelty of the world, the devastation caused by men who would be gods. I cried for the loss of Salem, and my soul shrieked as I realized at last the true weight of the burden my warden had carried.

To change a world…to save a world…that will not lift a hand to help itself. I have never felt so alone.