Serena woke with the sunlight the next morning. Her head lulled to the side and she opened her eyes slowly. She saw a dark figure standing about twenty yards in front of her, gazing out across the glistening lake and recognised it as Severus.

She sat up and noticed the cloak draped around her, it was Severus' and she realised she had slept with it. It smelt of spices and that musky potion smell he carried with him. She stood up, wrapping it around her shoulder and walked up to meet him.

He turned to her when he heard her and was wary of her reaction- he was unsure of her feelings this morning.

"good morning."

"is it?" she said quietly. "what time is it?"

"eight, we should go inside, students will be awaking."

She nodded and they walked back to the castle. "here" she said, handing him his cloak before they entered the castle. He nodded and took it from her, knowing they had to keep normality before the students. "I shall follow you in five minutes" he said quietly, "I have to send an owl."

She nodded and he turned away. As she walked, students emerged from common rooms and from the great hall. She got looks of pity from everyone, and they seemed to grow quiet as she passed. She kept a defiant look on her face, raising her shirt collar with her slightly shaking hands. When she reached her office she leant against the door in relief.

"calm" she said to herself. "it's okay, it's going to be alright Serena, pull yourself together."

She went for a shower, the water was cold and she shivered intensely, but it was worth it. She wrapped a small towel around her and walked out into the bedroom.

"Severus?" she called nervously through the bedroom door.

"I am here" he called, having just got in.

She nodded to herself and dried and styled her hair. She kept murmuring away to herself, keeping her mind on other things, keeping concentrated on everything else, she had to keep control; she had to be strong for Kingsley. She lined her eyes in black and used waterproof mascara in case she cried.

"It's nine thirty" she told herself, "it's okay, it's just ok."

She changed into her black corset robes, with her long coat over. She pinned a black flower into her ruffled hair and put on her black high heels, the high ones Kingsley loved her in. "see Kingsley, I knew you'd like these" she murmured. "you said they were too expensive, but a good investment I said."

She looked at the photo frame besides her bed of the two of them dancing and gasped at the lump in her throat. She shook her head looking away. It's okay Serena, it's okay, it's okay, keep calm, it's going to be fine. She took a deep breath and opened the door into the living room. Severus stood up to greet her.

"you look… perfect" he said quietly, knowing she needed all the confidence she could get. She nodded in appreciation, noticing he was wearing different black robes to normal. They looked more expensive, and he wore a black shirt underneath rather than a white one.

"shall we go?" Severus asked.

She nodded, keeping her lips pressed tightly together. As she walked with him along the corridor Severus noticed that although she was still smaller than him she was about three inches higher and he realised she was wearing heels. He found them attractive but knew it would be inappropriate to say anything. She kept breathing at a steady pace, in, out, in and out, the rhythm kept her sane.

Severus took her hand and linked it through his arm as they had done last night and she squeezed it tightly, showing without words her gratefulness.

When they reached the entrance hall there were already people waiting there- Albus, Remus, Dawlish, Minerva, Filius, Poppy, Sirius and a man she recognised as the barman from the hogs head. They were all dressed in black and wore the same look on each of their faces. Serena pulled away from Severus and met Remus in a tight hug.

"don't worry" he whispered in her ear. "we're here for you."

She nodded and he put his arm around her comfortingly.

Albus walked over and grasped her hand. "We are just waiting for Nymphadora my dear, and might I say you look wonderful."

She tried and failed to smile at him but he swept away again. Tonks arrived in under a minute and they all silently turned, walking in a precession down the drive towards the gates where they could apparate. Severus walked behind with Minerva and Dawlish, watching as Remus took Serena's hand tightly. He scowled; knowing today was not the day to be jealous, but not being able to help himself.

"poor girl" Minerva said, following his gaze. "and they had just got engaged…"

Severus did not reply.

"do you know what she plans to do for the summer Severus?"

"I believe she wants to travel abroad. I know for certain she does not wish to stay around here."

"understandable."

"running away is not the answer."

Before Minerva had a chance to reply Albus indicated it was time to apparate and they all turned into the darkness. Serena concentrated as hard as she could and suddenly felt fresh air wafting around her. Remus squeezed her hand and she felt reassured.

She opened her eyes.

They were on a large lawn area, there were over a hundred black seats lined out, facing towards a golden table at the front- with a silver coffin on top… his silver coffin… There were many people standing about, wearing black and talking in low hushed voices. Many turned and pointed to her and she knew they were talking about her but she did not care. She recognised one man making his way swiftly towards the group and he stretched his arms out towards her when he saw her. She rushed to him and he grasped her in a tight hug.

It was Samuel, tall and black like Kingsley, but with softer, less muscular features. His eyes were bright blue contrasted with the warm brown of Kingsley's.

Here he was, suffering her pain, feeling the loss, the emptiness too. A tear escaped and trickled down her cheek and she pressed her lips together tightly.

"I'm so glad you're here" Samuel said to her. They turned towards the group, Samuel taking Serena's hand.

"everyone this is Samuel, Kingsley's brother… Samuel, most of these you know, but this is Sirius, Tonks and Filius, they were good friends of..." She trailed off and looked away from them all as he shook their hands and then turned back to Serena.

"you're not going to say anything?" he asked her in Kingsley's deep voice.

She shook her head. "I couldn't… not in front of all these people. I hardly know any of them…"

"they're from the ministry" he said frowning. "aurors, but also… just officials who have to be here…"

She nodded, breathing the air in deeply. She gazed up to the sky- the sun had come out and the clouds had cleared. She did not know if it was magic or if it was natural, but she breathed in the fresh air as though it was life itself. As she gazed around she saw many people, including Albus and Minerva had taken their seats. Samuel was talking and so he had to sit at the front.

"where are you sitting?" he asked quietly.

"the back… make us laugh Samuel."

He smiled, "I'll do my best."

Samuel excused himself and Serena played with her coming-of-age silver ring, feeling lost amongst all the people. Severus spotted her alone and carved a path through the crowd towards her.

"Serena."

She looked up and was relieved to see him.

"the service is beginning in a few minutes."

She nodded. "I do warn you not to sit with me Severus, I'm going to cry awfully."

"I am used to it, by now," he said, making her smile slightly.

She sat down on a chair at the back and Severus joined her. She watched as more people sat, guessing that there were over a hundred. Some she recognised as Kingsley's cousins or friends from work and they raised a hand or bowed to her when they passed.

"Is Samuel married?" Severus asked, trying to distract her mind.

"Yes, he's with the woman at the front in the corner, you see?" she said, "with the red hair band."

"I see."

"they have a child, about two years old… max…I met her when I first lived with… with Kingsley" she struggled, "but they were just friends then."

At that moment music started and the crowd hushed. Serena breathed in and out, in and out. A small bald man stood up at the front.

"we are gathered here today, in memory of Kingsley James Shacklebolt, a dear friend, a cherished brother and a loving fiancé.

Tears began to trickle down Serena's cheeks as she remembered the night he had proposed. The candles… the meal he had cooked for them and then finally, the words. There had been no other answer than 'yes' and she had not even had to think about it. Mrs Serena Shacklebolt, he had called her, but of course she would never been known by that, the moment had passed, he was an 'almost lover'. She would never be 'his' again. She wiped her tears and refocused her blurry eyes on the talking man. Severus glanced sideways at her – she was crying, but in a calm and controlled manner, wiping away the tears as they fell.

A small woman stood up at the front and Serena recognised it to be one of Kingsley's work friends.

"If we fail" she said loudly, "we try again. We fight for peace and we fight for equality and we fight if we die trying. Kingsley said those words every time he led his team outside the ministry. He fought for everything he believed in and if he thought something was wrong he would tell us. His main concentration was the safety of his team, always before his own. He gave everything to us and we are the aurors that we are today because we followed his example. His words will forever echo in our minds and for this," she turned towards the coffin and smiled slightly, "we thank you." She brushed away tears and sat back down.

Serena clapped along with everyone else, wanting to thank her for being so honest about Kingsley.

Another ministry official stood up and began to talk in a generic fashion. Serena heard the phrases, "kind of heart," "generous and loving," "hardworking and committed". He pretended to brush away fake tears for a fake loss.

Her thoughts wandered again, back to when Kingsley would sit studying for his auror modules on his big arm chair. She would sit nestled in his lap, kissing his neck and testing him on the various histories he had to know about. 'how can I concentrate?" he would murmur deeply, 'if you keep kissing me?' She would laugh and say she was just imputing the same amount of distraction the death eaters would- and so he needed to deal with it.

Of course he could not deal with it very well and after a while he would succumb, kissing her lips and throwing his books to the floor. She almost smiled as she reflected, but then reality returned and her smiled vanished, replaced by tears of the real, tears of him, gone, forever. Severus moved his chair over and put his arm around her, glad they were sitting at the back. She buried her head in his chest, shaking slightly and just letting go. Severus gazed over her head grimly. He wrapped his arms around her and rocked her gently back and forth. If people turned around to shoot her looks of pity he would look away from them, but sometimes he caught their shock as they realised it was him- comforting her- voluntarily. A few minutes later Severus noticed a man stand at the front.

"Serena" he murmured. "Samuel…"

She looked up to the front and inhaled deeply. She caught Samuel's eye and she nodded at him encouragingly.

"Kingsley" he began, "was my older brother, the clever one... it's safe to say I inherited the good looks" a low murmur of laughter rang through the crowd and Samuel gained confidence. "he was a great brother, always helping me with school work, spells, potions, everything but women…" Serena laughed through her tears and he caught her eye again, smiling too. "but of course, Kingsley did not need to be great with women- he had found the perfect one before he had turned twenty three and they were unstoppable." He smiled at her warmly.

"When he first introduced me to Serena I thought he was joking- that he had paid her to say he was with her, but apparently he had just slipped her a love potion." She laughed, so glad Samuel was talking and not her, he knew how to lighten the mood, which was exactly what Kingsley would have wanted. "well anyway, all these years on, despite a few glitches, they announced they were engaged, which was great for me. I thought I was finally getting a little sister, and even though he may be gone, she's not getting away from me that easily."

The crowd laughed, some turning back in their seats to see Serena. She ignored them, focussed on Samuel as though there was nothing else.

"I have seen Kingsley in some of the best and worst times of his life. Kingsley was loved and admired by many, myself included. He was the best brother any man could ask for, a great uncle, a loyal friend and a damn good woman magnet.

"No seriously," he said, smiling to himself. "Here's to you mate, I'm going to miss you." He bowed towards Kingsley's coffin and sat back down, dabbing his eyes slightly.

Serena leant into Severus' side, grasping his hand as the minister stood back up. Severus glanced down at her small hand inside his and found himself imagining them as a couple together… He looked up, trying to distract his mind. The man at the front was ending the ceremony.

"And now we say goodbye to this great wizard. Oh lord, take Kingsley into your arms, watch over him and protect him. In the name of the Father," he waved his wand and white flames erupted around Kingsley, "the son," they turned green, "and the holy spirit." The flames turned red and then back to white and Serena watched through tears as his body was cremated through magic in front of them. The flames died as quickly as they had been started and the man raised his wand.

"Kingsley Shacklebolt" he said loudly and the crowd echoed his words. White sparks erupted from his wand and shot into the sky, producing white smoke like fireworks. There was silence and then the crowd began to talk and some stood up: the service had ended.

Severus stood up and Serena clung to his arm tightly. "I am not going to leave your side if you wish me not to" he said in her ear quietly. "however, I would appreciate it if you did not cut off my blood circulation."

Serena let go, her mouth twitching slightly, glad Severus could turn her mind at a time like this. She sat back down and he put his arm around her, for which she was grateful.

"acceptance" she said quietly. "I have reached it."

"reached it?"

"there are said to be seven stages of grief… I believe acceptance is the last… Others are anger, guilt, disbelief- which I remember blaming you for… I am sorry" she said looking up at him. "for the ridiculous things I said…"

Her words flashed back to Severus but he was taken aback by her apology. "you… don't need to apologise Serena, you weren't thinking it's… understandable, I assure you, it's fine."

"Serena," a middle aged man walked over to them, wearing wizard robes and a black hat. "Simone" she said, standing up to hug him. Severus stood too, feeling slightly awkward. "Severus this is Simone, Kingsley's cousin, Simone this is Severus, he's… he's been looking after me." Severus raised his eyebrows at this statement but shook hands with the man all the same.

"how are you?" the man asked.

"I… fine, fine" she said trying to smile bravely. "just a, a big change now…"

He nodded.

"um… we have to go" Serena said, stepping backwards, "see you soon Simone."

When they were out of ear shot she sighed. "when are we going to Grimauld place?"

"now if you wish?"

"I do wish."

Severus walked to Albus who was talking to a group of people and muttered something to him. He nodded and Severus offered an arm to Serena.

"we can apparate now."

She took his arm and they both turned into the darkness together. She had only just landed when she felt Severus push her through a door and suddenly she was in the hall of Grimauld Place. The long, dark narrow corridor seemed daunting but Severus led her through with a hand on her shoulder to the kitchen where they could hear voices.

Molly and Arthur Weasley, Remus and Tonks were waiting there.

"more people will be arriving soon" Severus explained.

She went to Remus and he hugged her whilst Severus helped himself to a drink of brandy.

They were soon joined by many of the teachers, including Minerva, Filius and Pomona, and then by a few people in Kingsley's family he did not recognise. As the room filled up he spotted Serena on her own again, sitting on the table and twirling her ring between her fingers. He strolled over and sat next to her.

"do you want to be alone?" he murmured.

She shook her head. "just some questions and comments I'd rather avoid…"

"I don't understand you."

"I know" she said quietly, rather than explaining.

They sat in silence for a while as the room filled up with people. Serena got up when Samuel came, praising his speech. "you made me laugh Samuel" she said smiling up at him. "that's a pretty damn impossible thing you accomplished."

"I'm glad I did… he would have liked that… Are you going to say something now?"

"will you stand with me?"

"of course."

Samuel raised his wand and shot sparks in the air. The conversation died down.

Serena cleared her throat and addressed them. "um, first of all I want to thank you all for being here today, I am grateful and Kingsley would have been too… He… he wouldn't have wanted to die… not because he was afraid of death, but because he would not have wanted us to be here, mourning him and feeling the pain of loss.

"Kingsley turned my life around, he brought me salvation… He gave everything for me and I should have told him every day how much he meant to me, but- this is hope" she said bravely. "because the past few days have been…horrific… but Kingsley would say, we think about it, and then we reach acceptance and we pick ourselves back up and carry on and fight again… Just… don't you dare forget him" she said her voice breaking with emotion.

She raised her glass and looked out at everyone through her tears. "Kingsley."

The room filled with echoes of his name and Serena felt arms around her. It was Samuel and she wrapped her arms around his waist, crying.

Severus watched her from across the room. He had seen people dying, their partners being upset before, but he could feel how true her love for him was. She had said she'd never forget him… does that mean she would never want to be with someone else? He was unsure what to do and that made him uncomfortable. If she found out about his feelings towards her… it could go one of two ways- she would realise she felt the same way and he would be granted the luckiest man on the earth, or she would be horrified that he could have such feelings when her lover had just died- she would be disgusted and their 'friendship' would be shattered.

He could not tell her now he knew it, he didn't think he could ever tell her. But then, that was what he had done with Lily, he had never told her… perhaps things would have been different if he had…

"still can't feel emotions" a voice said and he jumped, realising Serena was there next to him.

"sorry?"

"I still can't feel emotions" she repeated.

"I see." He risked a glance at her, she was not crying but her eyes looked red, however if anything she looked stronger now, she was right- she looked as though everything had been accepted, that life was hard but… she had to move on…

"It should return, in time, but of course no one can be sure- there are very few people in the world who can do what you can."

She nodded understanding. "do we need to continue occlumency this summer?"

"I have not yet decided. "you shall come to my office on Friday night, we'll go through some things and I'll make a decision."

"can we make it Friday afternoon? I was hoping to be gone by the evening."

"so soon?"

She nodded.

"do you know where you are going yet?"

"I'm going to France for a week I think… I can speak the language so it will be easier."

"I did not know that."

Molly and Arthur came up to them and said goodbye, each other them hugging Serena gently. She thanked them for coming and said she'd see them soon, but she wondered if she would.

"This potion is working" she said quietly. "I haven't smashed a single glass, I think that's a record."

"It will wear off tonight."

"well thank you, Severus, it must have taken you ages to create."

"not really."

"that clever are you?" she said smiling.

He said nothing and more people came to say goodbye to her. After a while only a few people remained- Severus, Serena, Albus, Remus and Sirius. It was three o' clock.

"I'm going back to the castle" she decided aloud.

"my dear, might I escort you?" Albus said smiling.

She nodded and smiled too, glad for the company. She went to Remus and hugged him and then she hugged Sirius too which angered Severus- he hated the man.

She walked up to Severus and grasped his fingers with her hand and then she gave him a kiss on the cheek which stunned him.

He was glad Sirius and Remus had taken the moment to look away. She gazed into his face for a moment, so thankful for his company the past few days. She showed him how grateful she was without words, through legilimency and as always he shrugged it off, telling her it was fine, just following orders. She turned and walked out with Albus behind her and Severus stared off after them, still feeling her lips on his skin.

"staying for a drink Snivellus?" Sirius retorted.

Severus made the difficult decision to walk away, rather than turning his wand on that unworthy mutt. He turned on his heel and apparated as soon as he reached the top step.

Author's Note: phew. that was a struggle.

firstly i wanna thank you guys for all your support and reviews! DON'T WORRY! it's not the end! but each one makes me smile and gives me the inspiration for the next chapter. so thanks! tell me what you thought of today's episode.