Chapter 36 Sakura's Past

Shaoran, Sakura and Yukito headed back to the palace when things seemed to have settled back down. No one really knew how to feel coming back. So much has happened, both positive and negative, that it seemed that it was foolish to feel just one thing.

But somehow it was a welcome relief that they were heading back. That was the feeling they shared with one another without realizing it, especially Shaoran and Yukito. They were already apprehensive enough bringing Sakura out in the front and after what happened to her, it was a big relief that they were heading back to somewhere safer for her. It wasn't that they grew tired in looking after her but the thought that she was in eminent danger was just heart-piercing, especially Shaoran.

When they arrived at the palace, they all headed to the briefing room. They were surprised when they were met there by three soldiers and a Lieutenant of the Ayleth army. The Lieutenant seemed to have been advanced in age a little and seemed to have seen a lot of things in his life. Before Shaoran or Yukito could ask why they were there, they had surrounded Sakura.

"What is the meaning of this?" Shaoran and Yukito asked.

Sakura said nothing and didn't dare to move. She had a certain calmness in her face. Somehow she had expected it to happen.

The Lieutenant bowed at Shaoran and then at Yukito. "This woman is no Ayleth woman. She is of Wolfed." He said.

Shaoran and Yukito were taken by surprise. Before they could argue, the Lieutenant motioned one of his men to bring in a captive. The captive, it seemed, was a high ranking Wofled military officer. Sakura's eyes flew wide open with surprise when she saw the man. Her eyes, face, her entire being registered fear. But she said nothing.

When the man saw Sakura, he smirked and said, "Well, it looks like the rumors are right. That little whore is still alive."

Sakura bit her lip. Fear and anger were running through her body but she fought to control it. She wasn't going to run away, not this time.

The soldier holding the captive tightened his restrains at the neck to silence him. He was one of the soldiers Sakura had treated which eventually helped save his life. Ayleth or Wofled-born, she still saved a lot of Ayleth soldiers' lives. Nothing can ever change that.

"Is it true, Sakura? Are you from Wofled?" Shaoran asked. He was trying to keep his emotions in check and trying to keep his stoicism.

Sakura closed her eyes and took a deep breath and nodded. It brought shock to almost everyone. The Wofled soldier grinned.

"We cannot kill you but we are going to send you back, a message perhaps to the King." Yukito said, a little labored as he was having trouble swallowing the truth himself. He felt some sort of panic come from Sakura, which didn't escape Shaoran as well. But she still tried to hide it and keep calm.

"I am not going to reason out or seek mercy from the truth but I will ask for death before you send me back there." Sakura said. Her request stunned those who were there but no one said anything. She opened her eyes, not really looking at anyone as she continued, "I would rather die than go back there. Death is sweeter than returning to that hell."

"Weren't you ever going to tell us? Tell me about all of this?" Shaoran asked, a little anger in his voice.

She understood where he was coming from and what he was probably feeling. "I've tried countless times but something always came up."

"Don't you think it was important for me to know?"

"Yes. But this isn't as important as state affairs that threatened your people. I was never sent here. I ran away. I didn't even expect to be here." Sakura answered. Shaoran shook his head. He couldn't believe what was happening.

"Then what is the truth?" Yukito asked.

Sakura bit her lip and closed her eyes again. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes to answer, "Fine. I will tell you the truth. But I do not expect you to believe me." She stopped, took another deep breath.

After gathering her courage she finally said, "My name…my name is Sakura Kinomoto…daughter to Fujitaka Kinomoto, true heir to the Wofled throne." She looked at them and stopped. "But my mother was from this land, a woman of Ayleth."

Sakura could feel tears starting to come so to hide it, she closed her eyes again before starting, "The only crime my parents made was falling in love. Their marriage brought them a sentence of death. Having sired us, we were also fated to suffer the same. They knew this so once they married, they fled, living a life on the run. Even if it was hard especially having conceived us and brought into the world, my father always said that they were happy, we were happy. But when I was born, while the midwife took me away to get cleaned and while my father and my young brother then were away trying to get information and securing a safer place to go to, my father's brother, the current King, caught up with us and killed my mother. The midwife saw what happened so she quickly ran away with me. After meeting up with Father, I was given and we had no choice but to flee. We were told that her body was stolen by men from Ayleth and brought here to be buried before Wofled soldiers or even my uncle could desecrate her."

Those listening could tell that there was much pain in her voice and that she was fighting desperately to hold back her tears. They said nothing. Nobody moved. Sakura continued, "Years later, when I turned five years old, Father hid me and my brother away in the closet because he knew they were coming. It was a small, hidden closet that no one knew about. We hid there but from the crack we saw that once again his brother had come. By his hand…" Tears started to flow down her eyes. She choked with her words.

"By his hand, Father was killed. My brother held his hand against my mouth to keep me from screaming or crying out loud. We witnessed Father's murder. Afterwards, when everything seemed to calm down a bit, Godfather took us in. He wasn't a priest then but rather a Lord, part of Wofled nobility and Father's best friend. He entered the Church to protect us from within its walls all these years. But something happened…a year ago…someone found out our real identities…where we were staying…who helped us…" Sakura couldn't continue. Raw emotions were coming and she fought desperately against them. She started to quiver. She held herself to stop it.

"When my brother and I got back from his training and gathering herbs Godfather needed, we saw the church burning. Everything was shut and we could hear people crying from the inside. I wanted to run and help but brother stopped me. We watched in horror as everyone was burned alive. Before we knew it, we were surrounded by Wofled soldiers. It was a trap after all. My brother fought to save my life but instead lost his when while he was fighting, a burning pillar fell over them by the side of the church and burned. They restrained me and made me watch as they took his charred body, burnt beyond recognition, cut it into pieces and fed to the dogs." Tears flowed from her eyes. She couldn't look at any of them. "They said that that was what we are…filthy half-breeds who didn't deserve to live…our only use was nourishment for lowly animals…"

Shaoran, Yukito and other Ayleth soldiers couldn't believe what they were hearing. They felt her pain. They saw her pain. They have known her for a year as someone who always had a smile on her face and with unwavering faith. They never expected her to bear so much pain and suffering. The way she acted towards them, the way she spoke, how could they have guessed? She was right though. They could never have guessed what she had went through.

Shaoran finally realized why she kept saying that her past was filled with darkness that he would never have imagined. He understood why she was reluctant in loving him, why she was pushing him away. She didn't want him to see. It wasn't really because she was afraid to love…but rather…she was afraid to lose her love to that darkness. She was ready to sacrifice her happiness for his safety. The truth pierced through him, through his heart.

"For three days after that, I was kept in the palace dungeon, only leaving to do chores. Some people took pity at me and gave me food in secret because I was forbidden to be fed or given water. I stayed there in the dark with others. Soon I found out that the King had hired bounty hunters…bounty hunters to come to Ayleth and kill you, Shaoran, your entire family and every single high ranking official here. I was the payment."

Sakura finally looked at Shaoran and Yukito. She sarcastically smirked and said, "Can you believe that? My flesh and blood sold me as a sex slave?"

"So many people have died to protect me, my honor. If I was going to die, I certainly was determined not to die like that. I was weak and a little drugged…wounded…so I don't know how much belladonna I placed…it was only to immobilize them but I don't know…I just wanted to get away…to get away from them…to save others like me who were kept as sex slaves…I could hear women being…being…"

Sakura closed her eyes again before continuing, "…being…used…from the other tents…from the outside…I did what I could to get away…I was lucky enough that it worked before it happened to me…I ran…I ran for my life…for my honor…I didn't know where I was going but some managed to follow me…I was cornered at a cliff…I jumped…I jumped without regret…I was welcoming death…I wanted to taste its sweetness and for once be with my family and know the true meaning of happiness…I did not expect to be saved by Oba-san and Ojii-san. I did not expect to be nursed back…to meet all of you…to be here…I planned to run away from the start but I couldn't because I had nothing to leave to repay for their kindness…also, knowing where I was…I thought maybe before I die, I get to meet my mother…just once…that is the truth…so you see…I would rather die than go back…I've been in hell…I don't want to go back there…" She finally finished as she still fought hard to control her tears. She couldn't look at them straight in the face.

No one spoke. They were still at much shock at Sakura's revelation. How much and horrible she had been through…it made them all wonder…how could she have had the strength to get up on her feet again, care for all of them and smile the way she did?

The Wofled soldier then shouted, "The truth? You call that the truth? You are nothing! You're maybe a princess but you will always be a whore! Like mother, like daughter!" His words seemed to strike deep at Sakura. Shaoran wanted to strike him down but held himself.

Sakura looked at the Wofled soldier with much contempt. She then said to him, "I maybe nothing to you but I know my worth as a person. You don't! You allow yourself to be a slave of that monster! My mother was never a whore. You call me a whore? Why? Because you were the one who brought me to those bandits? You sick bastard! The only reason I survived is because the King's son gave me the belladonna."

"So it's true? You corrupted even the King's son?"

Sakura quivered with much anger and sadness as she said, "Corrupted? That's what my uncle said? He was the one who jailed his own son at the dungeon, whom he also forbade to eat. He was going to use the belladonna to kill himself. The only reason why he changed his mind and to keep fighting for what is right is because I gave him the food and water given to me. He told me about your plan and told me to save myself."

The soldier grinned and said, "Well too bad. The King already had him killed. Corrupted by the likes of you."

Sakura was taken by surprised. Was the King of Wofled that cruel as to kill his own son? Shaoran had enough. He quickly slit the man's throat killing him.

He said nothing. "Well, Lieutenant, I believe there had been some misunderstanding here. Get someone to take this man out of here." Shaoran said.

The Lieutenant bowed as he and the other soldiers gathered the dead body and started to take it somewhere else. They knew that she couldn't have been lying. No one lies about something like that. But before they could leave, the door opened and Eriol entered and closed the door. He was listening from the other side all along. He told the soldiers to stay.

"So, it's true then." Eriol commented as everyone turned to him. He walked over to Sakura. "You asked me to help you look for your mother, well I found her."

Sakura's eyes registered hope but she said nothing. "Do you know the previous King of Ayleth?" Eriol asked. Sakura nodded. "Well he wasn't without a child. Shaoran wouldn't have been the King because the previous one had a daughter. Her name was Nadeshiko." Eriol said.

Sakura's eyes flew wide open as she started to shake her head. "It couldn't be…Nadeshiko is a name that anyone could bear…" She said. Eriol smiled and nodded.

Upon realizing where it was heading, the Lieutenant finally understood. He stepped forward and said, "No. Adviser Hiiragizawa is right. Princess Nadeshiko was the heir to the throne before she disappeared and returned dead. You say your Father was Prince Fujitaka, then it all makes sense."

Everyone turned to him except Eriol. "Princess Nadeshiko and Prince Fujitaka were friends when they were children. They fell in love before this war started. Ayleth and Wofled were allies who fought a war together but it seemed that Wofled turned and another war started, this time between the two kingdoms. To end the war, Princess Nadeshiko left Ayleth to meet her beloved Prince Fujitaka but it seemed that fate was against them and they were lost. I was her personal bodyguard and I was the one who brought her back here."

Sakura sat as she hadn't expect that. She closed her eyes as new tears started to fall. Eriol knelt in front of her and said, "When an examination was done to her before she was buried, Oba-san confirmed that she had had at least two children. We have been trying to locate them for years. But it seemed that she came looking for us instead."

Sakura looked up at him. He smiled at her. "All you wanted was to meet your mother right?" Sakura nodded. "Well, you have her now. You also proved that she's not who she is portrayed to be there and you have found her family." Eriol explained.

She looked at him and didn't quite follow on the last part. Eriol smiled and said, "Princess Nadeshiko's mother and Oba-san were sisters. They had one sibling too. Mine and Yukito's grandmother. Yukito and I share the same grandmother as she bore my father and Yukito's mother. So it seems that we are all related, that we are all cousins. As for Shaoran, well you're only related to him through Ojii-san and Oba-san's marriage and your relationship so you guys are safe." Sakura was having a little hard time comprehending.

Eriol then spotted the necklace that Sakura kept hidden beneath her clothing or pockets. "What is that?" He asked as he pointed at the necklace.

Sakura looked at it and took it out and gave it to him. The necklace bore a ring and a pendant. Eriol's eyes flew wide open when he realized what it was. "This is…" He said as he held the ring. Sakura nodded.

Eriol stood and said, "This is the crest of the Wofled throne."

"It was my brother's. He gave it to me before he was killed. It was Father's before that. He said that as long as I had it, I would never be alone." Sakura said.

Then all eyes fell on the pendant. Eriol asked, "Where did you get this, Sakura?"

Sakura looked at it and said, "I've had it since I was born. Father said it was the last thing Mother gave me before she was killed."

Eriol smiled and said, "Well, Gentlemen, these are the proof you need. We have just proven that she is indeed telling the truth. She holds the crest of both Kingdoms, the crest of Wofled and the crest of Ayleth."

He then turned to Sakura and said, "This pendant is only handed down in the Royal family of Ayleth, the next heir to the throne. His Majesty gave it to your mother and your mother gave it to you." Sakura said nothing.

As everyone basked in the truth, it all seemed surreal. But Sakura then said before the Lieutenant and the soldier finally left, "Please…let this be between us…only those in the palace…in your family, Eriol, Shaoran, Yukito-san…they already have a rumor that I am alive…if they confirm this, there will be nothing to hold them back. They hate me more than they hate this land because I am the living proof that the royal blood of Wofled had been stained and the King despises that."

Everyone looked at each other. Even with the truth, Sakura wanted it to be among them. It wasn't for anything but to keep them safe. It seemed that it didn't matter what happened to her as long as she could keep them safe.

After things have calmed down a bit, Eriol and Yukito left Shaoran and Sakura to be alone. They knew that it was probably better that way. They too could hardly believe how things turned out to be. To find a long lost cousin in Sakura was surely unexpected but also, in a way, a relief. To find out that she was a Princess of Wofled was remarkable. To find out she was a Princess of Ayleth as well was truly awesome.

She said that she was made to believe that her existence was a mistake and that she was termed as a 'filthy half-breed' back at Wofled but to them, Sakura stood for peace. Her existence proved that there was hope that peace could once again reign over their lands.

"Listen, I'm going to go tell Oba-san. I'm sure she'd want to know everything." Eriol said.

Yukito nodded and said, "I'll tell May Yu and Inna. I'm not so sure about what their reactions are going to be, especially Inna but this is something we cannot hide from them."

Eriol then became reflective on how Jin Sun died. He and his men were attacked by Wofled soldiers led by the King himself. He knew Inna didn't have that shallow personality but still, it might bring back hurt. Eriol nodded as they parted ways and went to do what they needed to.

There was an awkward silence in the room when Eriol and Yukito left. Sakura honestly didn't know how to feel now that everyone knew the truth. Shaoran felt overwhelmed. He finally understood her, the things she had been telling him, everything. He glanced at her. She still would not look at him. He knew that she re-lived all that pain. He knew that now she didn't know how to place herself in the world. He walked towards her and got a seat and sat in front of her. Sakura closed her eyes but said nothing.

"Is this why you pushed me away?" He asked softly.

Sakura didn't answer him right away. He was about to say something again but Sakura spoke, "Close but not exactly…"

"Then why?"

"Because you are the King, Shaoran and I know past that, you are a very noble and great man who does not deserve to partake in the darkness I've lived in. I told you…my wish was to make peace with my past so that somehow I can be worthy to be loved by someone like you."

Shaoran knelt in front of her and took her hands in his. He then said, "Sakura, you know how much I love you. I've told you that no matter what your past held, it wouldn't have been that bad having you turn out the way you did."

Sakura looked at him and squeezed his hands, "Your people will judge you because of me and my heritage. The least I wanted was for them to lose faith in you because of me. It's not like I'm looking down at anyone but I know how it feels to be ostracized for absurd reasons. Why would I want anyone to go through that?"

"Look at me, Sakura. Do I look like I care about something as trivial as that? Knowing that you only think of what's good for me and for others is something that truly amazes me after everything you've gone through. But if you are asking me to let you go I-"

Sakura then laid a hand on his cheek gently. She bid him look at her. She gave him a small smile and said, "I'm not asking you to let me go, Shaoran. But I am going to ask you to give me time…time to set things right…ever since I was a little girl, I've dreamed of this day…the day that I learn the truth…clear my mother's name…everything…but I hadn't expected it to hurt this much…I want to set it all straight. Perhaps if I do that, I will have earned the respect of your people as well as my Father's and I would really be worthy enough for you."

Shaoran took her hand and leaned over to kiss her. After, he wrapped his arms around her and whispered, "If time is what you need, you have it. I will wait for you. Know that I will take no one but you and one day I will come and take you as my wife."

"Yes. When the time comes, you have me."

(to be continued…)

This is the chapter I've dreamt about a long time ago, different names of characters and stuff but this is the first scene where this whole storyline was built around in. All else just followed after I had this figured out and cleared inside my head. This was the easiest chapter to write but also the toughest. I've had it inside my head for such a long time and having it pour out on paper like this…well…I guess I got a little emotional. It's like I'm saying goodbye already to something that has endeared itself to me. I hope volumes have been answered with this chapter though, volumes that you guys must have been wondering since this fic started. Thanks for reading this far. Please, please do review. This is the chapter where I really want to know what you think. Thanks.

Michiko