Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.
Rated M for several reasons.
Chpt 34 You, Me, & Tanya Makes Three
BPOV
Stung to be caught out like that I make an ignominious exit, retreating to the master bedroom and pacing it like a caged animal as my thoughts, yet again, spiral out of control.
No matter how furiously I whirl around the room, I can't tune out the low conversation taking place next door and it keeps reclaiming my attention.
Despite her fear of The Volturi, loyalty and concern has drawn her to join us. Kate was willing too, but with the help of Eleazar and Irina, Tanya was able to dissuade her. She also concluded that a scent unknown to Daire might aid our search. Great minds think alike and like me she's considered deliberately seeking out The Volturi.
Edward still doesn't like the idea.
Eleazar is hiding something. She's nothing concrete, just years of living with him and recognising the signs. No, she can't see how it can be anything pertinent or sinister, more likely a holdover from being with The Volturi in the first place, he's always tight lipped about it.
Then the conversation gets a little more personal.
Edward mustn't blame himself for everything that's happened, or for her being here. People who care about each other should work together for the best outcomes.
Is it really fair of Edward to toy with my affections when I'm grieving for my mate?
Does he know what he wants?
She does.
"Tanya . . . ."
I'm not waiting to hear his response, I can't fit anything else on my plate right now. Like a scalded cat I charge into the bathroom, undressing only after I'm under the pounding hot water, where it's impossible to hear them.
Edward has very kindly put out my things and so for a while I'm able to lose myself in the familiar ritual of washing my hair and traitorous body.
When the water runs cold I tentatively turn it off. I can hear the TV in the next apartment but no conversation from ours.
With a wry smile I realise that in my haste I didn't bring any clean clothes into the bathroom with me so I wrap a towel around me and cautiously open the door.
Edward is sitting on the end of the bed, staring at the floor between his feet.
"Where's Tanya?" I ask.
"Shopping. She didn't bring anything with her so she's gone out to get supplies." He smiles ruefully. "Apparently nothing I say will dissuade you ladies from exposing yourselves to risk."
Swiftly he grabs my bag and brings it over.
"Clothes?"
"Please."
"Bella." He whispers, reaching out with his free hand to cup my cheek. "I'm sorry. I wish she hadn't come but it's too late now."
"She came for you." I observe quietly, refusing to lean into his hand but suffused with warmth nevertheless.
"Yes." He acknowledges.
With I sigh I relieve him of my bag and retreat into the bathroom, mustering all my powers of avoidance.
When I emerge he studies my face for a moment, noting the change, and then nods regretfully.
Once again we will not be having a conversation about 'us'.
This time I'm not entirely sure I'm relieved.
...
By the time Tanya returns we've got the apartment looking like a military operations centre. All the computer equipment is set up and the minimalist walls in the living area are covered with maps of New England.
Edward is determined that we're going to do this thing properly. Or at least, as properly as we can muster, based on what we 'know' from movies, books and researching on the internet. If he had his way Tanya and I would be wearing trackers so he can follow us on the computer and find us in a hurry should we get into trouble.
A part of me wants to laugh and a part of me is aware that my background levels of fear are spiking.
Not for the first time I wonder what the hell we are doing.
Tanya and I share a moment of mirth when we realise that we've both bought almost identical black 'ninja' outfits in which to do our scouting. I can admit it looks much better on her willowy frame than my more petite one.
Edward goes over the rules again.
No contact. We're just to find Daire or his men and report back to him immediately.
Tanya and I wanted to split up to save time but Edward isn't so keen, pointing out that as vampires time is not something we're short of. I think its overprotective bullshit personally but still I'm secretly relieved not to be doing this on my own.
He has divided the whole, not particularly small area, into sections and we're to search one at a time, sticking to populated areas which would deter a vampire attack as much as possible. The areas have been prioritised by number of unexplained disappearances recorded in the last six months, our apartment is luckily in one of the safest areas, we're assuming that the ones we're looking for aren't likely to be vegetarian.
Finally we're ready to go.
Pointedly Edward stuffs my cell into the pocket of my coat, holding my eyes with his own.
And then there's a slightly awkward moment as Edward wonders whether or not to kiss me, I wonder whether or not I want him to and Tanya shuffles her feet in discomfort.
...
Realistically I knew that we wouldn't go straight outside and find a vampire with 'Follow me to Daire' written on his forehead. But as the days crawl by I can't help becoming dispirited about the whole thing. Maybe they aren't even in New England any more.
Edward and I haven't had a moment alone and whether it's the lack of it that's making me crave him, or something else, I'm finding that I don't like it.
I should be resenting the hell out of Tanya right now but instead I actually quite like her.
She's led a fascinating life and is more than happy to share the details. She's extremely broad minded and very liberal in her views and behaviour, with a wicked, dry, sense of humour that I can't help but admire. All of which makes me wonder, what is it exactly, that she sees in Edward? They're almost total opposites in many ways. She freely admits that he's the only vampire who has ever really held her attention sexually, she normally prefers human lovers. Too bad I don't have the guts to ask her about it, I'm sure she'd tell me.
"I am beginning to think there are no vampires in New England at all." She complains, collapsing gracefully onto the park bench beside me.
"Just a lot of serial killers." I giggle.
"Shall we hunt on the way back?" She asks. "Some of these humans are staring to smell tempting."
I nod. Sounds good to me, I'm actually quite thirsty.
It's an hour's run by the time we reach a good hunting ground and night is rolling in.
Even though we're not fictional vampires, restricted to the night, I still find it welcoming. However you look at it we're other than everyone else out there and the more time you spend around humans the more that knowledge weighs down on you. For some reason it's always mattered less to me at night, I can move at closer to my natural speed and act truer to my actual nature under cover of darkness.
I might not kill humans deliberately but I have a full set of hunter's instincts. I enjoy stalking and catching my dinner, on a primal level. And I like hunting with Tanya, there's a friendly competitive edge to it, although the rules are getting more and more outlandish.
Which reminds me so much of Em it's almost physically painful to think about.
Full now, I swing up into a mighty oak to wait for Tanya, texting Edward to let him know we're hunting. He's going to have to hunt soon and it will be both more practical and more satisfying for him to hunt in the city. I know he's avoiding the subject in case his preference for human blood offends me, but that's plain ridiculous, in reality I can cope with him drinking humans, as long as he doesn't have sex with them first.
Tanya shimmies up the trunk and joins me on my branch.
"We have to try and persuade Edward that it's okay for him to hunt in the city." I observe.
"That will not be easy." She sighs. "He is trying very hard at the moment to be on what he thinks is his best behaviour."
"Why does he keep doing that?" I ask rhetorically.
"Edward has always had an obsessive personality." She sighs, peering off into the distance. "Obsessed with his music. With being the gentleman his parents were trying to raise. With being worthy to be Carlisle's son. Obsessed with Maria and then with you.
Of course, all that has made him pretty obsessed with himself too. I always thought he spent too much time thinking and not enough time living, not that I had any idea then how much living he had already managed to pack in."
I snort in agreement. None of us did. And the strange thing is, if he hadn't tried to keep it a secret none of us would have felt any differently about him for it.
I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have done. I loved him. I would have loved him even if I'd known that he'd had a torrid longstanding affair with a woman and had done more than the occasional snacking on humans he'd alluded to. I would still have loved him if his gentlemanly demeanour had slipped and he'd thoroughly ravaged me on my little Forks bed. In fact, teenage nympho Bella would probably have loved him even more after that.
"It does not make any difference to me." Tanya concludes, I assume having followed a similar thought process. "I know he hurt you very badly and his walk on the wild side seems to be what has precipitated this current situation and I am sorry for all of it. But it does not change the fact that he is a good man or that I love him."
Ah. A declaration. I shift uncomfortably.
"His current obsession is with being the man he thinks you want him to be." She says after a moment's silence.
"I don't know what to say." I hedge.
"You do not need to say anything." She says gently, patting my knee. "You and Edward have issues to resolve between you and your feelings for each other are none of my business. Edward has never done anything to encourage my feelings for him and I would never want to come between you if you were truly meant to be together. I love him enough that I want him to be happy.
He believes he will be happy with you."
Something's going to slide off this overloaded plate of mine and make a big mess on the carpet any time now.
Tanya smiles as if she can read my mind.
"Edward says you had the idea of looking for The Volturi and asking them what is happening here." She says, changing the subject.
"I thought it would be quicker and slightly less dangerous but he didn't agree."
"He is an old woman where our safety is concerned and has a certain view of The Volturi. I think you are right and seeking them out would be the best course of action.
I discussed the option with Eleazar before I left and he was against it too. However, that is because his default position is to obey them in all things. I have my own reasons to fear them but Eleazar is convinced that the freezings are a warning for us to stay away and therefore I cannot see them physically harming us for simply asking a question."
Despite her words her face betrays her doubt.
The Volturi killed her mother for breaking a cardinal rule and creating an immortal child, I'm surprised she is willing to go anywhere near them. I'm scared enough myself, the memories of my one and only trip to Italy have faded over the years but not the horror and not the fear.
"Do you really think it's a good idea?" I ask.
She shrugs. "What alternative do we have? We could be looking for the others for centuries without ever finding them and if we are successful it still is not likely to end very well for us. These vampires wanted to enslave Edward and they have killed repeatedly in order to do it. I believe there is a chance that if we can find and approach The Volturi directly they will answer our questions and allow us to make sensible decisions about how to go on with our lives in peace and safety."
"Okay." I sigh, wishing I sounded a little more convincing.
"There is one other thing. While we were talking about it Eleazar said that under no circumstances should we let them know that Carlisle is dead, he is not convinced that Aro's indulgence will extend to us in his absence."
"Edward's never going to let us do it." I point out, in part relieved that he probably won't.
"And we will be telling him, why, exactly?"