Chapter 35 Don't say you love me unless forever

The next morning Alex was the first one who woke up. He hadn't slept that much and decided to take a shower. Cause after all it was just a normal working day and he had agreed on an early meeting with the guys to talk the day through. His eyes had stared for minutes to the woman sleeping beside him. It brought a smile on his face; she was so sweet like this. Alex didn't want to wake her, so he kissed her softly on her cheek and made his way to the bathroom.

The sound of running water slowly woke Stevie up. She turned around a bit, not opening her eyes yet, but the memory of last night was coming back. She smiled moving to the right side of the bed, but it was empty. Stevie opened her eyes and not much later she realized Alex was under the shower. She snuggled up to his pillow as a replacement.

Alex walked back in. His hair wet, still a few drops of water covering his body; towel around his waist. Stevie looked at him. 'Hey cowgirl, good morning', he said it covered with a huge grin, curling up his nose, moving closer to give her a quick kiss. She greeted him dreamingly. 'I hope you slept well.' Stevie nodded pleased, brushing some hair out of her face.

He made his way to the closet to get his clothes. Stevie just stared at him, watching every move. 'Why are you up so early, she asked. He looked shortly at her, pulling up his jeans. 'That's what farmers do, remember?' She was slightly disappointed, wishing she could just lie in his bed snuggling up to him for the rest of the morning. Work was the last thing on her mind and she guessed the girls would totally understand that.

He sensed her thoughts and moved closer to the side of the bed. 'We can have breakfast together later, if you want?' He was buttoning up his shirt and sat down on the bed to put on his socks and working boots. Stevie moved up, half covered with the sheets, sneaking up behind him. Her hands went around his waist and she kissed him softly in his neck. 'Do you really have to go?' 'Yeah', he said turning his head to her a bit. She gave him another kiss under his ear. 'Cause I don't want you do to go. I haven't even thanked you', she whispered in his ear. 'For what?', Alex asked while bending a bit down to put on his right boot.

'For last night.' 'Ah, I guess I need to thank you for that one too', he smiled but at the same time tried to ignore her asking for attention. 'You were great', she mumbled, placing another kiss, tightening her grip along his waist. Alex laughed. 'I know, you weren't bad either, but I really have to go. The sooner it's done, the better.' Stevie wasn't intending to let go of him. 'Just a few minutes, please?'

Alex sighed, knowing it was hard to say no. She wanted to pull him on the bed. 'No no, we're not going to do that', he grinned. 'Aw Alex, I didn't know you were such a fun spoiler.' She gave it another try with her lips and he just let it be. Knowing it was better to just sit and not turn, cause that was what she exactly wanted and would make him surrender.

'I love you so much', she said while letting go of his neck. It was on a serious tone, not just to please him. Alex could hear it came from the bottom of her heart, and he sighed, glaring in front of him. For a moment it remembered him of the attempts Fiona had made, the words, the need for him to answer them. And he felt stupid that it made him think of her.

I know this face I'm wearing now
I've seen this in my eyes
And though it feels so great, I'm still afraid
That you'll be leaving anytime

Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me, if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away

He stood up, resolute. Stevie looked questioning at him, wondering if her words made him stand up. He didn't look at her, but mumbled under his breath that he had to go. 'Alex?', she asked, but he already left the room and it didn't look like he would come back.

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

It felt so strange, but he just couldn't look her in the eye and tell her he loved her. The moment had made him realize how much he loved her and it scared him, afraid of losing it once more. Saying it would make him so vulnerable and he wasn't ready yet.

'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare her

Stevie got out of bed, saw Alex' bathrobe to put on and walked after him. 'Alex, wait!' He walked down the stairs, got his coat to make his way outside. She rushed herself to reach him while he still was in the house, moving quickly over the steps of the stairs, but walking down the second part of the stairs she tripped over the bathrobe.

He could hear her stumbling down, the bang which she made hitting the floor. For a sec he stood still, holding his breath, turning around, rushing through the hallway. 'Stevie!' It felt like his voice echoed through the house, seconds became minutes, and his heartbeat started to work overtime.

Still a little bit of your ghost, your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed

And there she was, lying on the floor, her eyes half closed, blood dripping through her bathrobe. He stood still, frozen to the ground, a few meters away from her. His hands holding on to the back of his head, his mouth open, breathing heavy. 'Nooo!'.

He looked at her, but he couldn't move closer. He simple didn't have the courage for that. 'Stevie?', he mumbled softly, swallowing, hoping for some reply. Alex glared at her, seeing blood covering the floor. She isn't breathing, she isn't breathing, it kept repeating in his head. He couldn't see her breathe.

It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose

He panicked even more, not sure what to do. He rushed outside, standing still for a moment, glaring to the ground, still breathing heavy, disordered. 'Hey Alex!' He turned around, which felt like ages. Marcus walked up to him and all of a sudden saw the despair showing in Alex' eyes, teary eyes. 'What's up?', he asked his friend.

Alex blinked, trying to get words out of his mouth. 'Go inside, go, the stairs.' He half pointed with his hand, standing there bewildered. Marcus stared at him for a moment, before running inside.

Alex was out of himself. He couldn't go back inside. His brain had left him and he only could think of getting to his Ute and drive away. He didn't want this; he lost her.

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Trying to block every thought that wanted to enter his mind he drove away. But he couldn't block the images floating before his eyes. Stevie lying there, no sign of life ... Claire, no sign of life. Tears started to fall down his face, floating like a cannonball.

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry

When you know that you just don't know

Damien Rice – Cannonball
The Corrs – Don't say you love me