Skye:

Two days later

I liked to think I was a responsible individual. I'd definitely dealt with a lot during my young years that had taught me how to be independent and responsible. Yet there I was on Christmas Day, sobbing into my pillow. What had I done? How could I have betrayed him like that? He would never forgive me. I couldn't forgive myself.

XXX

10 hours previous

Christmas day. When I had been a kid, it had been my favourite holiday. Most kids would say it was because of the presents and all the food you got to eat. But for me it was all about family. My dad had always made sure he was home for Christmas; it was the one day I knew he would always be there. Myself and my parents would spend the whole day together, unwrapping presents in the morning, eating our big dinner mid-afternoon and then playing card games in the evening. It had always been so perfect.

My first Christmas in Terra Nova had been magical. It had snowed. That had been the first time I had ever encountered snow. My father had taken me outside and taught me how to build a snowman. We'd constructed about five of them before our lunch! After we'd eaten, my mother had come outside as well and we had had a snowball fight in the middle of the marketplace with about half of the other citizens. I'd thought every Christmas after that would be the same; that we had gotten new traditions involving snow and our suddenly bigger family. But instead that had been our last ever one as a family.

About a month after that Christmas, the first victim of Syncillic Fever died. I'd have given anything to go back home to our little cramped apartment; I would have traded Terra Nova and the snow for another Christmas with my parents playing card games.

I looked out of the kitchen window then. Silent snowflakes were cascading down from the heavens. I light powder of snow covered the ground. A white Christmas. How perfect. My hand snuck to my middle.

"I'll show you how to make a snowman one day." I promised quietly.

And maybe one day, daddy will come home. I thought it, but I didn't say it out loud.

A shiver rippled through me. Taking a steady breath, I turned back to my bedroom so I could get ready for dinner at Taylor's.

XXX

"Skye!" Taylor greeted as he opened the door for me. "Merry Christmas!"

I grinned at him.

"Merry Christmas!" I held out the bright coloured bag for him to take. "This is for you."

"Thanks." He took the bag from me and peeked inside. Although I had wrapped it up, it was obvious it was a bottle of alcohol. In fact it was Taylor's favourite brand of whiskey. He grinned at me before gesturing inside. "Please c'mon in." I smiled gratefully and strolled inside, slipping off my coat and hanging it up. Taylor closed the door behind me and walked into the living room with me. "How are you doing? You look like you've gotten bigger!" He announced excitedly, eyeing the small mound that was visible through the blue jumper I wore.

I grinned and patted my middle affectionately. I was loving being able to see my stomach start to expand.

"We're both fine." I informed him brightly. "I've not been feeling as sick lately either."

Taylor nodded his head.

"That's good. Do you want anything to drink?" He offered.

"Just an orange juice please."

As Taylor marched into the kitchen, I sat myself down on the couch. Although I had treated myself to a big breakfast, I was already feeling hungry again. The joys of eating for two!

"Here you go." I beamed up at Taylor as he walked back into the room, carrying a glass of orange squash with him. In his other hand, he held a large bag that looked as if it was bursting with gifts. "Now I know I might be being a little early, but I couldn't help myself." He announced, placing the glass down on the table in front of me. "I saw some things that I knew would be perfect for my grandchild and I thought why wait." I giggled as Taylor handed me the bag. There were absolutely loads of individually wrapped items in there. I shook my head disbelievingly, though I couldn't blame him. I'd already bought a few little things too. "There are a few gifts in there for you too."

I grinned.

"Thank you." I said sincerely. "You really did not have to buy all of this."

Taylor shrugged.

"I wanted to. Still do actually; there's a lot more stuff that I've seen."

I laughed. Though that was exactly how I was feeling too.

XXX

"Are you sure you don't want me to walk you home?" Taylor asked again.

I shook my head.

"No I'll be fine." I announced as I pulled on my jacket.

Taylor opened the front door for me and gave me a final hug as I left his. We'd made plans to go up to Memorial Field tomorrow, a tradition that we always did on Boxing Day. I waved as I walked down the path. Then he retreated back inside, probably deterred by the harsh icy air. It really was freezing that night and the snowfall had picked up considerably.

Steam billowed out from my mouth and nose as I breathed out into the cold night. I wrapped my arms around myself and waddled through the colony. I was definitely feeling pregnant right then; though that could have had more to do with the amount of food I had gorged myself on rather than the baby.

"Skye!" I heard my name called. I turned around and smiled when I saw Matt walking toward me. "Hey." He greeted.

"Hi. Merry Christmas."

He grinned.

"Merry Christmas." He replied. "What you doing out here so late?"

"Oh I'm heading home. I was just at Taylor's for dinner." I narrowed my eyes. "What are you doing?" I retaliated playfully.

He shrugged.

"Just wanted a walk." He remarked. "I'm pleased I ran into you though. It makes the walk worth it." I smirked at him. "C'mon, I'll walk you home."

"Oh you don't have to."

Matt shrugged.

"I know. But I'm trying to be a gentleman."

I chuckled.

"Fine. Lead the way." He grinned at me and then offered me his arm. I looped my arm through his and we began strolling casually through the dimly lit paths of Terra Nova. "Have you had a good Christmas?" I asked.

Matt pulled a face.

"I haven't really done anything for it to be honest. Celebrating holidays like this wasn't something we used to do in the Phoenix Group." I frowned sympathetically at him. "Have you enjoyed it though?" He questioned brightly.

I nodded.

"Yeah it's been good. I just hung out at Taylor's mainly. Then tomorrow I'm going around to my friend's for another dinner."

Matt smiled.

"That sounds nice." He remarked. "And it looks like you've done well for presents." He commented, eyeing the bag full of gifts from Taylor that I carried. "Do you want me to take that?"

I shook my head.

"No. I'm fine."

"Still. Should you really be carrying heavy loads?"

I rolled my eyes.

"It's not that heavy." I pointed out. "And I don't want people to start fussing over me."

Matt ducked his head in surrender.

"Hey I wasn't fussing, I was just being a caring friend." I sniggered. "So remind me when your due date is?"

"5th of June."

"Oh wow, still got a while yet then."

I shrugged.

"It feels like it. But the time just seems to be flying by."

Matt glanced down at me.

"I think you're really brave going through with this." I peeked up at him. "It must be terrifying not having Lucas with you."

My heart sunk in my chest. I'd been hoping to get through one day where Lucas didn't come up in conversation. Taylor and I hadn't spoken about him at all for once. I had thought I was going to make it.

"I'll be fine." I muttered.

"So he still hasn't seen sense yet then?" Matt pried.

I grimaced and shook my head.

"No. He still hates me."

Matt frowned.

"He doesn't hate you! No one could hate you."

I sighed lowly.

"Well I did screw him over pretty badly so I think he's entitled to that feeling."

I was relieved to see that we were almost at my street. I was desperate to get away from Matt and his curiosity. But then suddenly Matt had halted, forcing me to stop with him. I frowned questioningly at him.

"Skye..." He started, sounding a little awkward. I raised my brows at him. "You don't have to be alone y'know."

I frowned confusedly.

"I know. Taylor's made it clear that he's here to help as have my friends."

Matt pulled a face, as if I were missing the point of his statement.

"I get that. But I mean...you don't have to be alone. I am here for you and for the baby. I know it would be a bit weird but...y'know I've always liked you as more than a friend." My mouth fell open as he said that. "I get that I'm not Lucas but I am still here to be whatever you need me to be." A baffled frown formed on my brow. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I still like you as much as the first time we met and I don't care that this wouldn't be my child...I'd still love it and you." Matt reached his hand up to my face. I flinched when I realised he was wearing fingerless gloves and for a moment I was back in the Sixers camp with Lucas. His green eyes gazed intensely into mine as he announced he had solved his precious equation. "I still want to be with you." Matt murmured softly.

It was hearing those words that snapped me out of my reverie. My eyes widened when I realised Matt was about to kiss me. I could have pushed him back; I should have pushed him back. Yet I hadn't felt wanted in such a long time that I found myself actually stretching my neck up to meet his lips. His hand cupped the side of my face and his other moved down to rest against my hip. My hands slid up his jacket and gathered clumps of the fabric to keep him against me.

The kiss was sweet and nice, but it didn't feel right. There was no stubble scratching at my delicate flesh, no prying hands that tried to slip under my shirt, no real passion in the way our mouths moved together. He wasn't Lucas. He was never going to be enough. Lucas had left this gaping hole in my chest that no one was ever going to fill.

I snapped my face away and pushed back Matt. He didn't try to fight against me, but instead took a step back. My breath shook. I tightly hugged myself, the guilt and shame already rising within me. What the hell was I doing?

"I love Lucas." I mumbled, keeping my stare down at the floor.

Matt sighed.

"I know. I get that I'll only ever be the second choice, but we could make it work."

I shook my head.

"It would never work." I turned abruptly on my heel then. "I need to go."

Matt called my name, but I sped hurriedly away. I practically sprinted down my street, wanting to get into the safety of my house. My breathing was erratic as I slammed the door behind me. I had betrayed Lucas. I was never going to forgive myself for that.