Notes: FIRSTLY! I would EXTREMELY appreciate feedback on today's take on shadows. I love that people are reading and kudo-ing—It's more than I honestly thought would happen—But I would really, truly like to hear some thoughts on the ideas I'm putting forth. I had two people check it out before I posted and they both responded positively, so I'm hopeful... But YOU who read stuff on here; you are the super-Persona-fans who enjoy breaking down your own ideas and theories and everything and I'm curious on your opinions! Thank you!

I've really wanted to focus on things that often go under the radar. I know in the past I've expounded on what it's like to actually travel in and out of the TV World, and Adachi mentioned reviving people. I feel as though these are things that get super glossed-over when games get turned into shows or books, but could be more interesting to explore. For most of their "armor" I pulled stuff out of the SMT wiki and tried to figure out what it would look like—Rise's is different because I wanted more funny juxtaposition. I gave Kanji an original weapon, but I think it's pretty realistic (and funny) compared to the other stuff he's toted. Also carrying things and transporting ridiculous weapons into the TV—Like WTF GUYS? None of you carry packs or anything and some of Kanji's weapons would NEVER fit through anything but a movie-theatre screen...

As for Dojima and (it's going unused for now, but) Nanako's weapons... I felt WAY too lazy just recycling weapons. Ugh. I did a load of reading through different eras of combat weapons and pulled flamethrowers and chakram out of research I did a few weeks ago. I DID think it would be ignorant to discount the fact that Doujima likely carries a gun, though, so he can have both. Whatever... Flamethrowers aren't great for more drawn-out fights; can only carry so much fuel. I just didn't want to have Adachi, Naoto, AND him all have guns. That's no fun...

I've done a crapload of reading up on guns! I've probably put in more than five hours of research just pouring over different gun databases, instructions, and YouTube videos. I also asked simpler questions to my husband, who's actually gone shooting. I know next-to-nothing about how they work or what the parts of guns are called or anything. I've been wanting to make Adachi a bit of a gun person—I mean he DID make his own from a model in canon... And aren't the guns part of why he became a policeman? My husband and I poured over screenshots from the Golden Animation to figure out what gun Adachi has. And THEN, after like an hour, he remembered there's a nifty website that tells you what guns people use on TV! It's a Nambu Model 60. I also wanted to give Doujima a different gun than him. I felt that would keep it more interesting... (Also I screwed up and was looking at the wrong model of Nambu before and thought it was semi-automatic and had a magazine, so I needed to find something that takes a magazine.) I ended up going with a Heckler & Koch USP because that'll come in handy for a later plotpoint anyhow. I also purchased an airsoft Marui Colt off eBay to learn how guns work and how to handle them. (That involved a lot of me posing with it and my husband telling me never to point it like at that or that or hold it like that or put it down like that...) I hope it's as accurate as possible! I feel too cringey writing about things I don't have knowledge of...

I talk a bit about the rules of shadows in Mukidashite, which are a different than in general, but align with what I've been doing. I also give a little info on the shadow and persona that pop up in the endnotes. If you don't mind spoilers, feel free to read it first. ^_^

Chapter Eleven: Due Duality

(Ryoutarou)

Today's the day.

We've planned with the kids, went out and bought weapons, I listened to their stories, and now all I can do is wait. I pace the first floor, edgy, while Tohru runs around gathering things up and tossing them on the dining room table. So far there are a bunch of guns—of course—but the rest of the stuff doesn't look very important...

Two bottles of water, a mirror, a small fucking bomb... A bag of rice, seeds, some candy... More food and drinks. And some partially-used tubes and jars of who-the-fuck-knows.

He's been a whiny mess since the kids left. "Do you even own jeans?" he screeches from upstairs.

"No."

"Right. Then put on something heavy. Cargoes? You got anything flame-retardant?" I hear thumps as things are thrown around above my head. I don't have time to answer before he shouts that he thinks he found something acceptable.

I find a bottle of ibuprofen in the downstairs bathroom and swallow four. Going to be one of those days.

As I walk back out to the main room, Tohru dashes by me and starts tearing apart the front-hall closet. "You have a pair of work boots right?"

"…I think so." I sigh. "Did you look in the shoe cabinet?"

"Weren't there earlier!" he calls.

"Do I really need all this?" I snap.

I hear Tohru cheer. "Found them!" He walks over to me. "And the point," he emphasizes, throwing the heavy boots to my feet. "Is that you don't know what you'll need." He hands me an old pair of pants with a lot of pockets. "Put all that on and then we'll figure out the chain mail."

"What're you wearing?" I interrogate.

Tohru grins and picks up my old winter work-coat.

"It's the middle of summer, moron!" I shout, exasperated.

"Woah~" he whistles. "Armor comes in all shapes and sizes. Also I don't need a lot of protection—Just a bunch of pockets."

I shake my head. "Well, you're covered there," I quip.

While I change, I watch Tohru take the armor out of the box. He inspects it and the attached fob—That looks more like a decorative bauble rather than anything of value. "It's good for starter wear," he concludes and carries it over.

I squirm into the damn thing, wondering for the millionth time how I got where I am today... It fits like a very heavy sweater. I take the bracers next and slide them over my forearms.

Tohru puts on the jacket and starts stuffing things in the pockets, handing some for me to stick in my pants' pockets.

"What is all this for?" I question.

He explains as he hands me the different objects. "Healing... Attack... Healing... Healing... Defense... Can you remember which is which?"

I nod, trying to stick all the food and medicine in one pocket to make sure.

"Let's go up. I'm going to send Naga away so I can get ready," Tohru tells me as he walks on ahead.

In his room, I look on as Tohru bows to the snake-person and politely thanks it. The thing returns the gesture and vanishes instantly. He snuffs out the incense and throws the window open before stomping over to the television.

"We're coming for you!" Tohru hollers at it, giving the TV a good smack. "So stay in there for a little longer."

I heave a sigh and sit on the couch. "Really? Going to antagonize it now?" I gripe, but when he turns around, he looks angrier than I expected.

I take out a cigarette and he holds the lighter for me. Then I sit quietly while he opens a suitcase I'd not noticed before. He pulls out an armband and boots for himself.

I watch as he methodically clears all the food and crap off the table and sets out his guns—I saw my USP among the clutter earlier. He looks unusually focused while he cleans and loads each one; taking care to make sure they're in proper condition.

I never knew he was such a gun nut.

"We're getting a bigger damn gun safe for all of those," I absently declare. "Not going to fit in mine."

He "tsk"s. "I've always kept them in the locked suitcase before I moved here." He points to the hard-shell that looks about ready to fall apart.

I sigh and take another drag, feeling antsy. "How many..." I shake my head, knowing I won't get an answer. "Never mind. We can discuss it later."

When Tohru's done he picks mine up by the barrel and passes it across the table.

"And how am I supposed to carry this?" I raise my eyebrows. My usual holster isn't going to fit over the literal armor.

"Pocket?" he replies.

"That's not safe."

Tohru gives me a disdainful look. "None of this is safe."

Then he silently hefts the huge television I bought him off the table and sets it on the floor. I'm not entirely convinced I won't just land on the TV itself, snapping it to pieces. He glances over at me guardedly, as though he can tell I'm unable to implicitly trust him on this.

Tohru sighs and sticks his arm in the screen—literally inside the screen. "Remember?" he huffs. "Just follow my lead."

"Fuck," I breathe, reaching for the ashtray. I feel my face pull tight. "I trust you."

Tohru grins, but it looks oddly empty. "You probably shouldn't."

I raise my eyebrows to yell at him—to ask him why the hell he would say that now, right before I have to take the biggest leap of faith in my life—but we're interrupted by Kanji announcing his entrance, Rise piping in that she's also here. More chatter that I assume is Teddie and Kanami follows them.

Tohru's already turned back to his preparations. I clear my throat to attract his attention, but he won't look back at me. Great.

"You all ready?" Teddie runs in smiling. That fox trails behind the boy and sits down near Tohru, giving him a few sniffs. The two have a brief staring contest, but the interaction looks positive.

"Hey!" Kanami waves as she walks in. "Long time no see!"

I nod to her and pull out another cigarette. Tohru's lighter lands in my lap and I use it, then pocket the thing—Won't give it back now until he redacts or qualifies that last comment. He doesn't seem bothered as he stuffs three guns and a load of ammo in the zippered pockets of the coat. I roll my eyes while the kids appear put-off.

I look between the two who haven't met. "Kanami, this is Tohru. Tohru, Kanami."

"Nice to meet yah!" Kanami beams.

"Hi," Tohru curtly replies and goes back to ignoring everyone.

"How are you?" Kanami asks when he goes back to working. She takes a seat on the other end of the couch. Teddie squats near Tohru and the fox.

I snort. "Alright. You know what it's like."

"Yeah..." she empathizes. "But you'll do fine! You helped me before—I'm sure you can pull it off yourself!"

I nod, cracking a smile. "Thanks."

"Ojisan!" Kanji grins, dipping his head as he enters—and completely ignoring Tohru. Thankfully Tohru ignores him back instead of picking a fight. I haven't the faintest idea why, but Kanji looks as though he's dressed for a festival instead of a fight: happi and a headband paired with sneakers.

"Hi everyone!" Rise chirps in her bubbly voice, stepping into the room behind him. I can't help laughing—the idol's in full riot gear!

Kanji shakes his head, smiling as he drops down in the middle of the couch. "Yuki-chan should be here soon. You know she works like every day!"

"Makes sense," I reply, nodding.

Rise taps away on her phone by the door and we're quiet until Tohru stands and Teddie moves into his personal space. "You're gonna do great! I know you can figure it out~" he smiles up at Tohru and places his open hand over the taller man's heart.

Tohru flinches and backs up, looking unnerved. He shrugs it off and walks over to the couch and shoves Kanji away. The boy huffs but pushes over.

This is getting ridiculous again.

Tohru sits next to me and takes his lighter back out of my pocket and I feel a surge of annoyance as I try to grab it again. "I hold on to this," he asserts, flicking it open and closed a few times. I give him a look and stub out my only half-finished cigarette just to piss him off.

The front door opens again and Yukiko shouts a greeting. She walks into the small room carrying two large sticks—Or at least they look like sticks. She's wearing a dark, flowing robe and an embellished samurai helmet.

"These are my new fans," she beams. "They're too big to open here, though."

"Too big, or too dangerous?" Kanji laughs. The girls giggle, and Yukiko swings one around jokingly.

When the laughter dies down, Tohru stands and walks over to the television. "Okay. Are you all ready?"

The girls nod, while I stand to put on the contraption Kanji brought up, that will be serving as my weapon. I don't feel really comfortable operating the thing, but I guess this is it.

"Uhh," Kanji vocalizes. We turn to him. "I have a new weapon, too, but it's kinda big. Can you get it in there for me?" he asks Tohru.

"Probably," the other man noncommittally answers, following Kanji back down the stairs.

"Teddie usually handles our weapons," Rise explains. "And he says Adachi is like him, so..."

"I don't know where you're going, so Tohru needs to do it," Teddie adds, looking around. "It's getting crowded in here. Kana-chan and I are going to take off. Good luck!" Kanami waves to us as they head back down, as well.

"Are you nervous?" Rise asks, her eyes searching mine.

I frown. Of course.

But can I tell them that? They're doing this for me...

I sigh and nod, feeling embarassed.

"Good," she replies, breaking into a smile. "Gotta be honest about this stuff—We are going to work together."

Yukiko leans in closer to us, as if she doesn't want the boys to hear—From downstairs. "We were all worried about our shadows—That's what they're made of. It's natural."

I smile back at them. "Thanks." Yukiko flashes a thumbs-up and Rise goes back to typing on her cell.

Shouting breaks the silence; can be heard though the open window.

"What the fuck are you going to do with that?!" I hear Tohru howl.

Kanji moans and yells back at him. "It's my new weapon, dammit! Just get it over for me!"

There's more squabbling, and then silence returns. When the duo comes back, Tohru and Rise stand on either side of the TV.

"I know where we're going," Tohru announces. "So follow me, I guess~" The kids all nod and get in a line. He holds out his hand, so I walk around the table to take it, watching him step through the screen and disappear. I take a deep breath as I jump in behind him.

It's a weird sensation—Falling through nothing.

It's like swimming—But you can breathe. It feels like a long time before I can see again, the area around me so dark I can't even make out where my hand grasps Tohru's.

We finally break through to the other side and fall maybe eight or so feet to the floor. Tohru lands on his feet and snickers when I don't, pulling me upright.

I look around—It certainly is my office, but with much more empty space. It's just as he described: my desk and chair at one end, with a gun and glass bottle on top, and an oversized noose dangling from a rafter.

Super! My mind looks completely sane...

"We don't have rafters..." I gripe while we wait.

Tohru shrugs. "It's supposed to be twisted, not exactly the same." He walks around the room that feels way too big. "The writing's gone..." he says in a quiet voice, looking unsettled.

The kids pop out of a portal that appears in the ceiling, expertly landing on their feet one-by-one. It strikes me as funny, like an old super sentai show. Yukiko opens her fans and Tohru draws his favorite revolver. Kanji looks over at him, and is directed to a corner of the room, which he jogs off to—I guess retrieving his weapon.

Rise stands near the back of the room, farthest from the door and calls Kouzeon, her persona, to gather information. I've never seen someone summon their persona, aside from Tohru, and I can't help but gawk at the goddess floating above her.

I feel a tug on my hand and look over to see Tohru pulling me away. "Sorry about earlier," he sullenly tells me. "I've been snappy..."

"It's alright," I reply and ruffle his hair. He rolls his eyes. "It'll work out. I do trust you. You know I lo—" the words catch in my throat as we all hear the door creak open, a sound familiar to Tohru and I. Everyone turns to look, Kanji and Yukiko staggering themselves in front of Rise.

And that's when he—or rather the eldritch version of me—walks through the door—decorated in my old uniform and hat, gun proudly displayed, sporting a clean-shaven look, and seeming much too muscular... Maybe even taller? His nametag bears an old nickname I refuse to even think, my eyes darting away and over to Tohru, astonishment likely showing on my face.

Oh... His hair—I think...

I can't see enough to be positive—The hat obscures most of the neatly cropped hair.

"Wh-what?" I dumbly stare. Why does mine look so different from me?

"The hell?" Kanji echoes my thoughts.

I catch Yukiko shaking her head out of the corner of my eye. "This is... Different."

Tohru snorts. "Different isn't always bad... It'll... Be fine." He sounds almost sure of himself, but the others don't seem to buy it—I can sense it in the way they're all poised for a fight. "See what he wants from you," Tohru drops my hand and nudges me forward.

How the hell do you talk to yourself?

I scratch my head and scrounge around one of the leg pockets for my cigarettes. I step forward, squarely in front of him. "Ah," I dumbly hold the carton out to my shadow, one tipped foreword.

"Hnn," he snorts. "Still hoping to die young?"

I feel myself shrink back a little. "Huh?"

"I can tell by the entourage that you already know how this works. I am you. I know al~ll about it. All of it." The imposter adjusts his hat higher on his head so I can see his shockingly—but that's not what they said—sky-blue eyes. "Well, guess you can't die too young now, yeah?" he chuckles and clicks his tongue while I stare, unsure how to reply.

"Adachi's right—He doesn't have the right presence," I hear Rise urgently alert Kanji and Yukiko. "He's strong, but that's not it. It's not what we're used to. Stay alert!"

He walks around the room, moving between everyone and sizing us all up before making his way back to me. "Put away the damn cancer sticks and face me like a real man—Not whatever the hell you've let yourself become." He rudely waves me off.

I look down at myself, startled—I think I do alright.

But then the other one speaks for me, showily hooking his thumbs through the straps of his vest. "That's right!" he smirks, talking loudly so the others can hear his boasting. "He's such a disgrace that he refuses to wear the uniform anymore. Hasn't for four years now. But you know what? I fucking miss it—I'm a policeman. I do my job—Unlike him," he jabs his finger in my direction. "I don't get shitfaced at work, but woooh—He deserves that."

Wait—Only four years?

Four years?!

But it's been ten since I last wore—

"Ah—" I struggle. "Just what year do you think it is?"

I see my blue-eyed self chortle. He slaps a hand to his forehead a bit too dramatically. "As if you don't know what year it is! You know how long it's been to the day!"

I try to speak evenly. "Humor me."

"Dumbass!" my other self jeers. "It's October of—"

He's cut off, appearing slightly stupefied by Tohru's inhuman shriek. "Nooo!" I hear him holler over and over again. "Shut up shut up shut—!" He cuts himself off by swinging his revolver around and slamming the butt-end of his the gun into the side of his own skull. "Go away again!" Kanji and Yukiko move closer to Tohru, but let him have his tantrum—I'd be more concerned if any of this felt even slightly real.

It's too...

I shake my head, lost.

But I snap my attention back to the weird me when he bursts out laughing. "And then there's this goon! Still enjoying taking care of the moron? Still got nothing better to do, I assume." He smirks at me, stepping closer to Tohru—Who's still having some sort of episode, hammering his fist and gun into his skull, shrieking. "You really did a good job finding someone so..." He rolls his eyes and snorts derisively, folding his arms to loom over Tohru, who's now on the ground, still hollering incoherently.

He watches undisturbed until Tohru senses how close he's gotten. When he realizes, Tohru abruptly jumps to his feet, eyes blazing. "You'll tell us the truth—" he yells. "You can shut him up!"

Us?

Him?

"Why not?" I see my shadow laugh. "Try me."

"I'm not a replacement," he states, even though it comes out sounding almost like a fearful question.

"Ah-hah!" he guffaws. "A replacement?! You think you could be her replacement?!"

Tohru pinches his face in confusion. "Told you!" he sneers, smacking the butt of his gun into the side of his head again. "Now go away!"

"Well he really is a goddamn crazy," the imposter shakes his head, chuckling. "Funny guy, but totally out of his gourd..."

While he was trailing off that last statement, Tohru had gotten right up in his face, grinning crazily. "I don't care what you think!" he spits. I move forward as Kanji motions to Rise.

"Don't agitate him!" the girl sharply admonishes Tohru.

But he doesn't listen, smirking as he advances on my shadow so the other one has to back up; harshly jabbing the muzzle of his gun in the shadow's chest. "I can tell Ryoutarou knows it by now—But you're old news—" Tohru pauses to dramatically jam his revolver into the shadow's nametag and I shudder. "Ryota!" he stupidly taunts, looking maniacal.

"Don't you fucking call me that!" my other self growls and lashes out at Tohru—Trying to grab his throat. I groan as I watch Tohru jump backwards, landing on his butt and then scrambling away. The shadow draws his own gun and I finally snap into action, moving between them and pointing the stupid flamethrower at—At myself, really.

"You're the opposite! You can't have it!" He's raging and stomping around in front of me, both large hands gripping his own tiny gun. His infuriated, azure eyes meeting my frightened grey ones. He growls out the words, starting to emit a red aura. "Don't you let him ever fucking call us that name!"

I don't move even when he gets right up in my face. "You know damn well we can only stand that animal because he's so goddamn different! Don't you ever fucking go there!" He punctuates each word of the last sentence by leaning around me and brandishing his pistol at Tohru again.

I see the kids getting into some sort of formation and signaling to each other.

"Try to calm him down!" Rise calls to me. "You need to accept what he thinks you're pushing away."

"Pbbft!" the other me laughs, pacing. "There's too much. You won't get it," he patronizingly mocks. "None of them will—No one even knows! Except that fucker!" he spits the words, aiming his gun at Tohru again.

Then he starts to pace, thankfully replacing his USP in its holster. "You were done." He stops to look me in the eye again, to lock his blue orbs with my own slate-colored, human eyes. "Finished," he spits. "Checked-out."

He stares at me still, fury in his shiny eyes. "We were all ready to tell this dump sayounara—But then that bastard came along and just had to act like he needed us. Like we meant something to him—And no," he lampoons. "You and I were not ready to move on, but for him we did..."

He pauses, glaring at me smugly, dark laughter hissing out of his mouth. "Well, we did whatever the hell he wanted. Didn't care as long we weren't alone—Cause fuck—That was worse than literally anything else."

I wince, knowing this is partly true.

I needed—

I needed somebody.

And he wanted me. The way I was.

Seemed to accept me. So I went along with it until I—

"—loved him."

"Oh yes you did!" the shadow sneers again. "Hah! And you don't even know what he did to us—I mean all of it! Not just that bullshit you blocked out for so long. Y'know—That goddamn daytime soap-opera at the hospital."

He leers, now, narrowing his eyes. "But I know you remember that part now. I can tell by the panic written all over your stupid, gullible face." I glance away from the shadow. "But I always remembered. Fuck! I had a front row seat through every television you walked past." I shiver; can feel my teeth chattering. "So hah!" he yells with an air of superiority, hands on his hips.

"I'm not you—Beat you to it!" The aura changes and red sparks roll off him in controlled waves.

He's stepping towards me now, purposefully locking eyes with the others, one at a time. I see a wicked smile emerge, as he motions to another door—when did that happen—and tries to sling an arm around me. I dodge, but he grips my shoulder and yanks me back over. "And I've got a special guest—Showed up earlier while we were talking. Go say hi."

And I hear the others gasp—fuck I could just die—at who walks out of that new door that's just—Just there all of a sudden!

Another one.

Me again—

But this one looks more normal, more like me, and I find that absolutely terrifying.

Like this one knows so much more than the first.

"G'mornin'," I hear a tired, crackly version of my voice come out of a third body and—seriously though, for fuck's sake—what fucking level of hell is this?!

He looks—physically—more like me, but he's a goddamn mess! The new one's only wearing boxers and a bathrobe, a cigarette dangling out of his mouth, and a large bottle of sake in his right hand. Those old traditional sandals of mine slap the floor at odd intervals as he stumbles around. He's got a goddamn hobo-beard and his hair's sticking up as though he hasn't showered in days. He takes a drag from the cigarette and holds it in his free hand, looking around at all of us—With yellow eyes, this time.

"I'm not asking that one, too—" I hear Tohru hiss, getting ready to clock himself again. Kanji thankfully steps in and wraps a hand around his wrist—Shakes his head. Tohru growls at him, but Kanji doesn't let go.

"How—" Rise tries, confused. "There are two?"

"Heh!" the first one laughs. "I'm what he could be. That loser is who knows he really is and how people see him. Effing pathetic," he scoffs.

The new shadow leans against the wall and gulps down some sake. "H-hey! A-ah-m," he splutters. "'m happy. You ken all fuck yursel'fs." He takes another swig. "Jus' lemme—Jus' lemme finish this..." He trails off, shaking the bottle to listen for how full it is like I do, and I pinch the bridge of my nose feeling a frigging headache coming on now.

"No'ne needs me," he drunkenly titters. "Cant'do anyth'g right—" He takes another drink. "Nan'ko s'fine—Bett'r off wi'out me." When he's done, he smashes the bottle on the floor and inspects a particularly nasty-looking piece of glass. "H's back, but To'ru left fr'a reashon... Aft'r all he did't wan' me and I could't take't."

I feel fear prickle through me and I can't move. I'm frozen in place—Don't tell him!

The first shadow barks out a laugh.

"Don—" my voice shakes and I can't say it.

The second one looks right at me, while the first one rolls his eyes and shakes his head, folding his arms over his chest. "Yup!" the yellow-eyed shadow giggles. "Tha's why I want'd to jump." Kanji's jaw drops and the second shadow giggles again. "Shu'da let m'go!"

I barely register Kanji faltering, losing the struggle to restrain Tohru, who's now trying to charge the drunk one. "What?!" he screeches.

"Ooh," the second one laughs. "He dos't know, eh? Fucken' f'ntastic!" After that he can't stop laughing, smacking his free hand on the floor, like it's the best joke he's ever heard.

The first shadow rolls his eyes again takes over. "Yeah, " he snorts. "That bastard—" he points at Kanji and alarm bells are going off in my head "—held those two sots down until goddamn security came and carted them off to the crazy floor."

He shifts his gaze away from Kanji, gesturing to me and the second shadow, and staring—steadily—right at Tohru, who seems to freeze as well. "You fucked us good! So they tried to climb out the hospital window... Didn't make it." He pauses to shake his head sadly and snort. "All of this goddamn mess..." He shrugs, shaking his head again—Gloating.

"Well, now you're caught up. You happy? Things turn out how you wanted?" he taunts Tohru, chuckling. "Hmm?"

Can't look at Tohru.

Can't deal with this—

Help—

"St-stop," I stutter. "Enough."

The first shadow sneers while the second one lights another cigarette and walks over to the desk, swaying as he stares up at the noose. "Hnn," the first one grunts. "You still don't remember what made him decide to run. And I'm not going anywhere until I get to jog your memory."

"No!" Tohru howls and uses his free hand to squeeze off a round at the first one's head. "Don't—" I don't think I've ever heard him sound so desperate— "You know I didn't mean—" Tohru cocks his gun and keeps it shakily trained on the shadow while Kanji runs over to try and drag him back again.

What the hell happened?

Reading my mind, the first one looks innocently back over at me and my skin crawls. The bullet pops out of his forehead and he catches it, brings it up for inspection. "Would've been a good shot if I were completely human. Guess he's good for something."

He faces me again and says it so simply, so emotionlessly. "You already know about the injury, but I don't believe you've figured out the rest of it." My hand automatically goes to my shoulder with its weird scars, feeling the old injury. "Almost killed you. Wasn't enough to just let him—" He pauses to throw a nasty smirk at Tohru and bring his hands together in a deafening sound—Way louder than it should have been.

We all jump and Kanji loses his grip on Tohru, who just appears next to the shadow and wallops him good with the butt of the gun, catching him at the base of the skull. I see a surprised look as that one falls to the ground, laying still for only a second before chortling. He presses a hand where the gun connected.

Then the shadow coughs, throwing up black bile. I instinctively back away from the two of them—The first shadow and Tohru.

Tohru's face twists in pain and he smacks himself again. "Go away! You can't—" he howls.

"We all do that," the shadow expounds for my benefit, ignoring Tohru and wiping his mouth, dull blackness smearing on his blue sleeve. "He does too—Did it that same day of the incident," he finishes, cocking his head in Tohru's direction.

Then he gets to his knees, a red glow starting to emanate from him again. He looks up at me, gritting his teeth. "Pulled you back out and then his shadow casted Nanako on the Channel. Got Namatame to up his game and go after a child. Our child."

I don't near enough have time to process that before the shadow clears his throat, rage in those light eyes. "Wasn't enough, eh? You gotta fucking kill me, too? Wanna go another round?" He spits more of the black stuff and makes it to his feet.

He starts to unclip his vest, and Tohru's eyes dart around, looking scared all of a sudden—Which frays the last of my nerves. "What're—" he tries and fails to produce words.

"Do you remember the footsteps in the hallway? That was me, not you. I sprouted from his head when you threw him in here all messed up." He walks towards Tohru, glowing more and downright seething. "Let them all see what you did!" He throws the vest to the floor and Tohru lets loose a string of abuse while he fights to keep the shadow from unbuttoning his shirt—

He loses—

And then I have to look away from what must have been the original damage.

I feel sick—

Can feel the contents of my own stomach trying to come back up.

It's grotesque—

I don't know how the hell he ever fixed it to what it is now. I dig my nails into the same place on my own body, gripping my stomach with my other hand; worried I'll throw up.

The first shadow turns in a small circle so everyone can get an eyeful of the wound—muscle and bone clearly visible—then turns back to me. "Do you get it yet?" he demands. "You can't do it. Can't find anyone to really care about you for you and mean it. Can't even take care of the family you have left. And you'll be alone forever—

He draws himself to his full, towering height. "So let me have a crack at it. I'm sure I can do a better job of living than you—You miserable, wretched dumbass!"

The red glow is getting so bright it starts to burn. I stumble backwards, trying to inch behind Yukiko, who's suddenly right next to me.

The shadow's voice changes, sounds more warped and energetic. "I'll do it. I'm the best of us three—The obvious choice! The other one just wants to die and you aren't far behind! So just give up! Give in!" He cackles, sounding insane. "And I'll be the model citizen neither of you fuckers can stomach to remember!"

Tohru pulls out a second gun, backing up and shouting for Izanagi, who appears instantaneously.

"Shit!" Kanji screams. "Get back!" He calls for his own persona and it jumps to life behind him. Then the kid raises a goddamn car door above his head to fight with.

Rise shouts for Kanji and Tohru to get in front of Yukiko and I.

Yukiko holds the two giant fans defensively, her persona flaring in, too—And even then I barely remember I have a weapon.

I fumble to relocate the nozzle of the flamethrower—hadn't realized I'd dropped it before—and point it ahead of me, spreading my feet for balance.

"I am a shadow...! The true self...!" the first shadow clamors, now completely engulfed in red flames. The ground rumbles as it twists and writhes, seeming intent on turning into even more of a monster than before.

When the dust clears...

...he looks exactly the same.

"Wh-what the hell?!" Kanji cries. "Nothing changed!"

"It does feel more power—" Rise starts, but is cut off by a loud CRACK.

We're all shocked as the shadow crumples to the floor, the bullet sticking this time. His hat flies off, revealing surprisingly light-blond hair—Which finally prompts surprised noises from most of us.

It turns out Tohru didn't miss a beat—He just shot him in the head again. Keeping his eyes trained on the fallen shadow, he again pulls the hammer on the Nambu and levels the Colt at him, too. "Get up!" he roars, looking outraged. "We know you're not dead!" The shadow doesn't move, so Tohru advances, his face tight. "You're not coming back with us! So get the fuck up and let him accept you."

"Don't get too close!" Rise shouts to Tohru.

Tohru sighs and sounds positive when he speaks; voice full of agitation. "He's not going to hurt me." He waits while the shadow continues to play dead. "Am I the only one who's realizing he isn't a reversed arcana?"

"He isn't what now?" Yukiko questions.

Tohru sighs, agitated. "He's not evil. He isn't going to hurt us..." Tohru closes the distance and kicks my first shadow hard in the shin, like he does when he's irritated with me. "Get up!"

"What?" Kanji asks. "That doesn't make sense..."

Tohru doesn't look back himself, but does point to the second shadow. "That's the one you should be more worried about—This one just wants to come back with us."

Tohru turns to me. "He can't," he pointedly enunciates. "So you need to admit to the stuff that's true so he can rest—But seriously—Rise keep your goddamn eyes on the other one!" he barks out that last part nervously. "That one's a loose cannon. This one just wants him to know the truth and accept his old fears... And... Fuck I don't know—Probably throw me out on my ass or—Shut up!" he clutches at his head and howls, pulling his hair. "Get fucking lost! I'm not letting you out!"

Yukiko glances at Kanji, both looking fairly disturbed. "Who does he keep talking to?" she nervously inquires; all of us hoping for some kind of an explanation.

"He's trying to get me to let him out again. I'm not. And that's why we—" he wheels on the unmoving shadow, grabbing him by the hair and yanking him into a sitting position. "—are not bringing you with us, either—You fucking follow-the-laws prick! You're not getting a persona! So snap out of it and finish telling him your damn sob story so you can disappear!"

I'm baffled—Completely lost now. This isn't how the other ones went at all.

I can't say it's comforting the others look just as puzzled.

Tohru keeps cursing the first shadow out until he finally opens his blue eyes and frowns. "You're wrong," I barely hear him whisper. "I already have a persona." The bullet pops out of his head again and clatters to the floor.

"It's calming down—" Rise brightly comments, but cuts herself off. The shadow is glaring tightly at her, but stays quiet.

"Yeah," Tohru nods. "It's trying to pull what your bear-friend did. It's been in here for more than five years, probably growing its own ego; its own thoughts and feelings and all that other bullshit—But we shouldn't let any more shadows out."

The shadow grunts, knocking Tohru's hand away from his head to replace his hat. "You're only saying that because I despise you!" It turns to the kids, angry but pleading. "I was going to bide my time until you took care of the other one, but that bastard figured it out—I-I'll take his place and do a much better job! Give me a chance to—"

Tohru glares. "Stop it." He motions for me to walk over to them. "Tell him what you want him to know and dissolve," he loudly orders, grinding his teeth.

"I-I'm part of you," the shadow mumbles, standing and glaring distrustfully, flicking his eyes between Tohru and I. "I'm part of you and I exist." His voice gets louder the more he goes on. "Even now I'm still in there," he says through gritted teeth, jabbing me in the chest the way I find myself doing to other people. Tohru grunts and childishly slaps his hand away from me.

The shadow and I sigh at the same time. Then we both make the same face at each other.

"Great," Tohru grumbles. "Like fucking twins." He pushes between us and speaks directly to the shadow, now. "He's getting the persona out of that abomination over there. So you need to quiet down and disperse now."

First time I've ever seen Tohru act like a fucking cop.

The shadow's eyes widen, like he's remembering something. "I already told you—I'm in there!" he shouts, and points to his own shoulder. "If I can get that piece of myself back I'll be whole and can leave this place! And I have a persona—" he asserts. "I'm no different than all of you!"

The shadow peeks around Tohru to stare at me helplessly. I gaze back, unsure what the hell it even wants. I hold up my arms to show him I don't know anything. It's better off pleading its case to Rise.

"Oh good," it mumbles. The shadow folds his arms and stares back at me, a smirk forming on his lips.

'Good intel.'

"What?" I ask aloud.

'You can think it to me now.' The shadow taps his head and stares at me smugly.

"Fuckfuckfuck!" Tohru screams and wheels around. "Please tell me you can't hear it?"

'You can.'

I grimace guiltily at Tohru.

Kanji steps foreword, raising an eyebrow. "Wh-what's going on guys?"

Tohru yanks at his hair, looking miserable. "I don't know how to get rid of it now. They can hear each other—In their heads. Urgh!" He stomps around, scratching. "That's when I couldn't get rid of mine—And it keeps trying to get back out. He could be a real problem, long-term." Tohru locks eyes with Kanji, then Rise, sensing they make the decisions.

"Uhh, that's," Kanji tries, his eyes sliding over to the idol. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Rise?" he calls. "You know anything about being able to hear each other in their heads?" She gestures in the negative. "Dammit! Gotta ask Ted then..."

'Small blond boy?' the shadow asks me.

I sigh heavily and press a hand to my temple. "Yes," I tell him aloud. "But he's taller now."

'Happens.'

Kanji jolts. "Yes what?"

The shadow barks out a laugh and Tohru looks livid.

'I like seeing the bastard angry.'

I groan and sit on the ground, trying to get my head to stop pounding.

'I get that, too. It's probably from the zio.'

"Zio?" I ask, frowning at the shadow.

Tohru pistol whips the shadow again and yells at him to shut up. But the shadow's had enough—Certainly got my temper.

'Can't send me away anymore, huh?' Gaining confidence from that statement, he wrenches Tohru's favorite gun out of his hand and holds it out of reach. "I can bend this," he glowers. Tohru hisses but stands still until the shadow gives it back. Then he turns to me. "Give me back the piece."

I shake my head. "I don't know how."

The shadow frowns.

"Hah!" Tohru grunts triumphantly. "Then you can't come back anyway."

"I can still try to kill him and take it myself," the shadow asserts.

Kanji steps forward, brandishing the car door. "Don't you friggin' try it!"

"Everyone?" Rise asks, sounding concerned. "If he isn't going to be rash, we still need to do something about that one..."

The second shadow has climbed onto the desk and is inspecting the noose, now. He's already drunk the other bottle of liquor, its smashed pieces lining the floor around the desk.

"Here's what I'm hypothesizing: accept it fully and it'll go away. Accept it only partly and it'll become part of you. Ignore it and it'll take on a life of it's own, eventually becoming mostly human, like Teddie—And can get its own persona." Tohru squints, looking thoughtful. "Prove this has gone too far—that you have a persona—and we'll make a deal."

"Hnn." The blue-eyed shadow makes a throaty noise and holds up his hand. A blue card flashes in, spinning above his extended fingers. "Yamantaka!" A monster appears to flow out of his body, forming behind him. "Maybe we don't need to make a deal..."

The thing is a giant humanoid abomination—Some sort of beast hybrid. It has too many arms, all of which brandish daggers. Extra sets of eyes run down its cheeks; a single, unblinking demon-eye in the middle of its forehead. The thing has two human legs, coupled with four animalistic limbs sprouting from the torso. They end in hooves.

"Th-that's..." Rise breathes. "Definitely a persona. Not just part of a shadow."

"Nnngh!" Tohru wails, clutching his head again. "Now we have to take it seriously..."

The not-shadow bellows out a laugh. "Yes you do!" he insists. "I want out of here—Don't care how many of you I have to plow through... So figure something out or I'll obliterate you all! I'm Ryota, and I'm here to stay."

End Notes: These contain spoilers (for this chapter)!

Foremost: the rules Tohru postulates are what I'm going with. They line up with the story about his shadow and work well here, too. Also going to work in my favor for the future. They are, again: "Here's what I'm hypothesizing: accept it fully and it'll go away. Accept it only partly and it'll become part of you. Ignore it and it'll take on a life of it's own, eventually becoming mostly human, like Teddie—And can get its own persona."

I like how Teddie's coloring is the same as the velvet room attendants, except his eyes. So if one is "Teddie-ing", I figure they should BEAR (that was an honest accident) a similar palette.

I created my own persona! Yamantaka is mentioned on other pages, but does not have his OWN page in the SMT wiki, so I believe he has not been used in a game, yet. I read up on him a load and tried incorporating most of the main characteristics. Yes, I even made a stats/abilities sheet... I got super-serious about this! If I'm going to make one up, I should try to do it well! If you don't know his history, I encourage you to wait to read up, as his lore will be explained before this story ends. No; I didn't just pull this guy outta my ass—I had reasons!

Re-Edited 6/16/17