(Some dialogue and exerts from the following dream were taken from pages 169 – 173 of "Young Jedi Knights: Lightsabers" by Rebecca Moesta and Kevin J. Anderson.)

Chapter Nineteen: Lord Onyx

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After so many victories, I knew every contour of my lightsaber. Although I was well aware that real battles – with real beings, rather than holo-simulations – were much more difficult, I was high on triumph. I had even felled a ferocious rancor. What I would have given to see Vilas' face when I struck down the beast with which he was so enamoured…!

And so I strode beside Master Brakiss, confident in my ability, in my place. I had never felt like this before – proud, strong, powerful – and my head was high. Master Brakiss was leading me to the station's central hub, somewhere I had never before ventured, but I restrained my curiosity for the moment.

Instead, I studied my master as surreptitiously as I could. His features were impassive, but just the hint of a frown touched his forehead, and his aura held just a trace of…fear? When I couldn't stand it any longer, I cleared my throat and said, "Master Brakiss, I sense…uneasiness in you. You haven't told me about this next exercise. Is there something I should know?"

Brakiss' brisk pace slowed for a moment and his gaze pierced mine. "You are about to face your most difficult trial, Zekk. Everything depends on this. You must demonstrate how talented you truly are."

Pride straightened my spine, and I lifted my chin, my hand instinctively dropping to my lightsaber. "I'm ready for anything." I would not disappoint my master, who had believed in me from the very beginning. No one else had done that – not even…

I rebuked myself firmly. Jaina didn't belong in my thoughts now. It was regrettable that she had not joined the Second Imperium, and I was hurt that she had not told me about my potential, true. But what if she had told me? Then I would never have met Brakiss. He would never have shown me my true power. Instead, I would have been taught to hide behind the weakness of Luke Skywalker's Jedi.

I was strong. I would live up to Brakiss' faith in me. I would prove myself to them all. They would never be able to look down on me again, dismissing me as a mere street rat.

When we reached a metal door, Brakiss punched in a code, making the hatch open slowly. When I peered in, my eyes found a small airlock chamber and a second, sealed door blocking the other side.

"Trust in your abilities, Zekk. Feel the Force."

Although increasingly confused, I nodded proudly. "As always, Master Brakiss. I will pass your test. But…" I hesitated, and then pushed on, "Why is this so important? Why should you be so concerned?"

Brakiss gestured me into the chamber. Just a little uncertain, I entered and waited, but my master remained outside. "Because it will be a fight to the death," he said, then slammed the door shut.

To the death.

To the death…

I waited, nervous but prepared, and then finally the second door opened and I stepped into…nothingness. The chamber on the other side had no gravity. The surprise and lack of preparation sent me reeling into the air, twisting and bouncing off things as I adjusted to the atmosphere.

Brakiss was introducing the event, and I made out his proclamation that whoever won this would be the first general of the Shadow Academy forces. Then Vilas – my rival – was there, smirking, mocking. "If you surrender now, young trash collector, I may only cripple you."

It was all I needed to hear; my pride more than just stung, I began my fight. Hurling rocks was a waste of energy, as I realized after my first attempt, and Vilas' mockery rang in my ears.

I would not fail.

The fight was the most important in my life, and I used my anger to propel myself forward, even after my embarrassing mistakes.

I would be the Darkest Knight; I would lead my Jedi into battle. I would. It was my turn to prove myself.

And then it was over – so quick that the horror took whole seconds to sink in. It hadn't been a simulation. Vilas was dead; I had murdered him. The cheers of my fellow Jedi mocked me.

What have I done?

This wasn't how I wanted to prove myself. Vilas' head bounced back off the wall, his eyes wide with shock, and then they changed from black…to light brown, until Jaina was looking back at me.

What have I done?

"You have won this battle," Emperor Palpatine boomed, startling me. "You are my Darkest Knight, Zekk. I have chosen you to personally lead my Jedi into battle against Skywalker's Jedi Academy." Emperor Palpatine smiled grimly as he congratulated me, and I felt my pride begin to return, but – still – the disgust…the horror.

Who was I to cut down another being?

The years passed, and more died at my hands. I fought Anakin, paid assassins to rid me of political threats, until blood covered my hands.

And then the dead's sticky, thick blood began to rise. First to my knees, then to my belt, then up to my chest, and up…up until I was drowning, trying to stay above it, but too guilty to be clear-headed, and –

"Wake up!"

Jaina's eyes snapped open to look right into Aarylia's frightened visage. Before she could regain control from the horror of her/Zekk's nightmare, she shot up, whacking foreheads with her once-apprentice. Both cried out in pain and shrank away from the other.

"Sorry, Aarie," Jaina said weakly, clutching her head.

The young girl rubbed her forehead, still looking sleepy. "It's…okay. Are you alright?"

Would she tell a fragile, scared twelve-year-old if she wasn't? Jaina smiled and ruffled Aarylia's red hair. "I'm fine. It was just a nightmare." Only, it wasn't. But Jaina was getting better at dealing.

Aarylia shuddered as her own, cerulean eyes became dark. "I hate nightmares. Why can't brains just turn off when you're sleeping?"

Jaina slipped an arm around the girl's shoulders, her own pain retreating to the back of her mind. "Dreams help us see into our own hearts and minds. The only way we could escape them is if we were dead. And…it is good to be alive. Very good," Jaina finished quietly.

Aarylia only snuggled deeper into her former master's side. Slowly, her eyes closed and her breathing deepened. When she was sure the girl wouldn't wake, Jaina tucked the apprentice in on the couch and sat back, content to watch her.

Tiran had not wanted his apprentice to go with Jaina, but Aarylia had grabbed hold of Jaina and refused to let go. He had given up and didn't argue when Jaina invited Aarylia to stay in the Solo quarters. "Deal with her nightmares," he had said as he shoved Aarylia's bag of belongings into Jaina's hands. "You caused them, after all."

After yesterday's attack, Jaina was beginning to wonder if the girl wouldn't be safer with Tiran. Besides which, she couldn't escape the feeling that Aarylia was meant to move on, away from Jaina's path—whatever that was.

"It never gets easier," Leia said, startling her daughter.

Jaina didn't look up. She still wasn't sure how to react to her mother, who refused to see Zekk's goodness. On the one hand, she could understand it. Hadn't Jaina, herself, given up hope? Jaina had been there—had watched—as her brothers died. Leia had barely known Zekk.

But…

Zekk wasn't Onyx. It was as clear to Jaina as anything ever had been. Leia should trust her.

"What doesn't?"

Leia turned the lights up a bit more. "Seeing them go down a different route. Aarie isn't your child, but she was once your responsibility. Your death split the path you set up with her."

It sounded, Jaina thought, as if Leia was sincerely trying to be understanding, and her heart softened. "I don't suppose this is your roundabout way of telling me that you have accepted my path?"

Leia hesitated, stiffened, and bent down so she was eye-level with her daughter. "Not all elements of it, Jaina."

Too bad, Jaina thought harshly. Because my path is me.

Her mother continued. "There are some things that—that can never be forgiven, and certainly never forgotten. But…I am trying."

Jaina's sleep shirt had begun to slip off her shoulder, and she pushed it back up, resigned. Leia's offer would have to do—for now. Jaina nodded slowly, and grinned. "It's the extra hormones, isn't it?"

Leia returned her smile. "Probably."

Detecting the worry in her mother's eyes, Jaina impulsively reached out and placed her hand on Leia's protruding stomach. So much life within… Her brother or sister. Was she ready for another sibling?

She would have to be.

"It will be alright, Mom," she said gently. "The baby has a lot of pressure to be a boy, but the birth will be fine."

Before Leia could voice her surprise, Jaina rose and headed for the kitchen, her bare feet padding on the bare floor.

Zekk needed her.

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"Ready?"

Zekk shifted, wanting to rip the leather armour off and run away from it, as if it was a dangerous beast. The clothes were uncomfortably comfortable, a blatant reminder of his own Darkness. Already he felt like Onyx again, and he hadn't even begun to play out the deception. "Ready as I'll ever be," he replied.

Krista looked up at him, a little worried, then reassured herself that her black wig was on right. "Let's go."

With trepidation, Zekk cuffed the girl, making certain that they were loose enough for escape. Pressing a firm hand against her back, he pushed Krista along the corridor to the prison's inner holding cells. At the sight of the white, crisp decorations, Onyx's hard, arrogant expression overtook Zekk's face. Knowing he wouldn't last long in the Imperial prison if he didn't, Zekk blanketed his memories of Jaina, leaving only the ghost of her face to anchor him.

Zekk didn't want Onyx to touch Jaina.

He let the metal door clank shut behind him before he spoke to the wing's supervising guards. "I assume the captive's cell is ready?" he demanded, his voice implying that it was the very least they could do.

The first one, with a husky frame and just enough confidence to keep his fear from his eyes, stood and nodded. "Of course, Lord Onyx. Follow us, please."

Onyx's piercing green eyes narrowed at the younger guard in disdain, then he followed the senior supervisor, his boot heels clipping the tense silence. Krista stumbled and scowled appropriately, sullen, making things as difficult as she could with the bruises she had painted onto her skin. As they walked, prisoners glowered at Onyx, and some, recognizing Krista, cried out angrily.

Zekk shuddered – a movement that always had been, and always would be, hidden by the padding of Onyx's suit. When would it be time? Zekk wasn't sure if he could stand much more of his alter ego.

As if she sensed his distress, Jaina briefly rose in his mind, loving. A moment later, Krista's hands were free, swinging back to receive the blasters Zekk offered. "Sorry, lads," she said cheerfully, shooting both of the guards. "Stars! I'd forgotten how easy it is with an inside source…"

Zekk grabbed the senior guard's ID card and ran back to the main computer. Quickly typing in the man's number, Zekk invaded the guard's profile. When he tapped in Onyx's master code, the cells' access number appeared. Grinning with pride (it had always been his problem), Zekk ran back to Krista. "590-9VS-L87," he recited rapidly.

Krista acknowledged his discovery with a vigorous nod, her wig bobbing. "Thanks, hot stuff," she bubbled, winking and grinning when Zekk blushed.

The prisoners quieted, their eyes suddenly widening as they realized that Onyx was an accomplice. However, when Krista keyed access for the individual cells, they pushed the epiphany away to make room for freedom. Most were involved in NR intelligence, or had led their planets against the Empire; they were not meant to be in incarceration.

But, Zekk calculated, I daresay they are more willing than ever to give everything to the fight – which is always a good thing.

Krista took aside two of her more anonymous operatives, prepping them to take hold of the prison ward until the NR could supply replacements. In the Empire, where camaraderie was discouraged during work hours, and prisons were isolated, the operatives should have a smooth two weeks.

Leaving her chosen two to change into the guards' apparel, Krista led the rest out of the base. Three more guards were replaced on the Rebels' way out.

When they were back on their transport, Zekk quickly changed back into his normal clothes, throwing Onyx's hateful, black garments across the room before sinking into a large chair.

"You know, if you keep frowning like that you'll make moldy-oldies look sexy, but I don't think Jaina would be pleased."

Zekk spun around to see Krista leaning in the doorway, chewing a piece of gum. "I activated the lock."

She shrugged. "So? I have three older brothers: I picked the two-credit piece of junk." The young woman had removed her wig, but her pale hair was still arranged, haphazardly with pins, to hide it under the fake locks. "If you keep doing this, you know, the NR will probably pardon you. We're going to win this war; now isn't the time to worry about betrayal."

"I want to help," he replied, realizing she thought he was upset for different reasons than his own. "I just…I turned my back on Onyx once, and only after Jaina…died. It took that much to bring me back to reality – and it's not a price I can pay again."

Krista's face was impassive. "If you can't do this, you better tell me right now."

He forced a vaguely reassuring smile. "I just need a little time to catch my bearings."

Slowly, she nodded. "Alright – if you're sure… But you're under orders to call Jaina every night, got it?"

He started to tell her that he only had to reach out to Jaina in the Force, but then stopped. "Are you giving orders as an Intel leader or as a romantic?"

"I'm not taking a loose canon into the field; if Jaina brought you back before, I trust her to keep you back," Krista said, but then smiled lightly. "Besides, Jaina waited for you for five years. The least you can do is lavish her with attention until she's blue in the face."

"Did you think I wouldn't?" he retorted, offended.

"You're a guy," Krista rejoined, as if that explained everything. "And, obviously, the two human genders are wired differently. For example…"

"Krista, I don't need this lecture. I'm quite aware of the difference, thank you very much."

She grinned and shook some of her hair out of its pins, letting it flutter in her face. "Give me a break – I've had three fathers, and no younger siblings, since I was nine: I have to scold someone."

Zekk blinked. "How about if you give me the talk later, then, when I'm not ready to burst."

Krista's smile was bubbly with excitement at the idea of turning the tables. "We hit the food suppliers next," she informed him, then skipped out of the room.

Smiling, Zekk reached out to retrieve the holo-com. Jaina was waiting for his call.

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Any comments would be appreciated :)

.Tjz