Anders walked over to the armour rack and Leila opened a chest on the floor. She found a tunic and began opening her corset, so she could remove her torn and bloodied shirt. She felt Anders hands on her shoulder and he turned her around. He said nothing, but pushed her hands away and began opening her corset. He was afraid and to be honest so was she. She was not used to these things and she did not belong out here. Her anger had first encouraged her to go along, but now fear was holding her back. She feared that Anders would concentrate so much, on keeping her safe, that he would neglect to watch out for himself and get hurt. He removed the corset and placed it on top of the chest before he began unbutton her shirt. She looked at him, but his eyes didn't meet hers. He pushed the shirt of her shoulders and she reached to touch his cheek. He grabbed hold of her hand and kissed it firmly. He then kissed her down the arm, where she had been wounded, before putting his other hand on her neck and pulled her close for a bruising kiss.
"You shouldn't be here. This is all my fault." He breathed his voice full of regret and she made him look at him.
"None of this is your fault. You have always done everything in your power to keep me safe. If something happens, it will not be because of you." She comforted and gave him a kiss. He sighed and reached for the tunic.
"You better put this on and I'll see if I can find some amour that will fit you." He replied and Leila put on the tunic and her corset on top of it.
Anders came over to her with some leather padding and helped strip it on to her thighs. He handed her several pair of gloves and when she found a pair that fit, she cut of the fingertips. Anders found a belt with a sheath for a dagger and strapped it around her waist and onto her leg. Leila found a coat that looked a little like Varric's only longer and darker. She tried it on and though it fit in length it was a little too wide. Ander took a belt and adjusted the size of the coat in the back. He then found a quiver with arrows and strapped it onto her back. It was unnecessary that he did this, but he needed to make sure himself, that she was armoured probably and she knew he felt this way. She put her hair in a long braid, making sure it wouldn't get in the way. Anders made a heavy sigh looking at her. The white tunic that reached to her knees, the black corset on top of it, the longish dark coat, the trousers that now had extra dark leather padding on top of them. Though, she looked beautiful and prepared, he never wanted to see her this way. Never wanted her to be in a position, where she could be harmed. She walked over and kissed him.
"Stay close to me, no matter what happens. Promise me." He said seriously.
"I promise. We better get going." She replied and stroked his cheek.
They walked outside to the others, who were discussing strategy. Hawke looked at them.
"Good you are ready. Anders we are going to go in as a group. There seem to be far more than we anticipated, so we can't afford to divide into groups. Leila you will stay close to Anders at all times. Anders, I just want you to focus on healing us. Now we go in and bust some Carta and go home." Hawke said the last part cheerfully.
"Sure, it will be easy." Carver remarked sarcastically.
They walked inside and for a long time it was quiet and abandoned. It seemed that whatever patrol there had been there had followed Isabella out earlier. Ebony and Anders kept close to Leila at all times. Leila had never seen Anders appreciate the dog, as much as he did now. Leila was surprised at how calm they all were, as her own heart was beating at the speed of light. As if he felt her anxiousness, Anders reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. As they walked a lone dwarf suddenly came running towards them.
"The Hawke's blood! The Master will rise. He must be free!" The dwarf replied standing still.
"Gerav?" Varric asked wide eyed and walked forward.
"Varric? No one told me you would be part of this. We were just going after the Hawke."
"Why has the Carta been attacking me and my family?" Hawke demanded.
"I c-can't say. The master must be free."
"Really Gerav? I thought better of you than this. I mean, gutting the occasional competitor for fun and profit, that's the game. But what are you all even doing here? Worshipping demons?" Varric said with confused disappointment.
"We drink the darkspawn blood. He calls us..."
"Isn't that lethal?" Leila asked looking up at Anders, who nodded.
"It's the only way to hear the music." Gerav explained
"Oh, come on you nug-licker! Snap out of it. There is no gold in hallucinating." Varric replied.
"Manners, Varric. Introduce me to your lunatic friend."
"Hawke, this is Gerav. He is greedy son-of-a-nug from the Carta. Gerav, this is Hawke, the one whose blood you want to drink or bath in or whatever."
"The master is calling. He needs the blood." Gerav replied.
"Is that why you almost butchered our cousin?" Carver asked heatedly.
"T-that was a mistake. We needed the blood of the Hawke, but her blood did not work. We still need the Hawke." Gerav replied and summoned reinforcements.
The three warriors and Isabella charged forward, while the ranged stayed back. Leila stood her ground next to Anders. She knew nothing of this and had to rely on their experience alone. She was struggling, she didn't want to watch this and yet she had to. They adrenalin in her blood and her survival instincts kept her moral issues at bay. They attacked them and they were just defending themselves. Her grip tightened around her bow and she pulled forth an arrow.
"Watch it. These guys play dirty!" Varric yelled and several dwarves disappeared in smoke.
"Watch the shadows." Anders told Leila and she looked around.
While the others were concentrating she could look out for them. One appeared behind Varric and was about to drive a dagger into his back, but Leila reacted quickly and shot the carta in his shoulder. When he turned she ordered Ebony to take him down. Ebony launched and grabbed the dwarf be his throat, knocking him backwards. The dwarf hit his head on a mine cart and was knocked unconscious. Hawke cast a horror spell and some of the dwarves ran away in fear. One came directly towards Leila, but Anders trapped him in a paralyzing glyph. Leila hit him over the head knocking him unconscious as well. She looked around and saw that most of the dwarves were dead. She tried to take comfort in the fact that they died quickly, but it didn't seem to help much. What did help was knowing, that they didn't manage to hurt those she cared for. Anders put a hand on her shoulder.
"Are you alright?" He asked softly.
"I'm fine. What about Varric?" She replied and nudged her head in Varric's direction, who was looking down at his dead friend.
"He will be. Varric's has been through worse." Anders replied with a sad smile.
They walked along and Isabella came up next to Leila and handed her a dagger looted from one of the dwarves. Leila smiled as a thank you and put it in the sheath. They walked closer to another room and Hawke held his hand up to stop them. He pointed on Leila and Merrill and pointed for them to stand next to the door. From the noise there were at least a dozen of dwarves in the next room. Leila and Merrill did as instructed and let the others head into the room first. Ebony sat down next to his mistress. They could hear Hawke arguing with a dwarf, when suddenly the gate went down and they could hear battle coming from the other room. Leila's heart ached and she felt more useless than ever. Hopefully this would be over with soon and they could go home. Looking through the gate she was torn. A part of her not wanting to look and another part had to know that her friends, and most of all Anders, were safe. She readied her bow and as a large bronto was charging towards Carver from behind, she managed to shoot it's leg, giving Carver the opportunity to turn and slay it. Had it not been for adrenaline and survival instinct, she would have been shaking like a leaf. She had never seen this much death before. She tried to sum up all the arguments she could to justify this. They attacked them, they wanted to kill them, they were already dying from the darkspawn corruption and they almost killed her. It made sense and on some level Leila could live with it, but she still felt incredibly remorseful and even ashamed. When the battle was over Carver and Aveline opened the gate. Leila ran over to Anders and hugged him. He looked down at her with a smile, when she pulled away and stroked her face. They turned around, when they noticed a bright glow. Hawke was glowing and had a staff in his hands.
"It knew how to do that." Carver replied with amazement.
"There are dangerous magic's here. Be careful Hawke, we still don't know what we are dealing with." Anders cautioned.
"I know, but this thing will take me to Coryphaeus." Hawke replied caressing the staff.
"Everyone! We're about to be attacked!" Merrill called and five dwarves came running towards. When they saw them the stopped dead in the tracks and ran in the other direction.
"After them!" Hawke yelled.
They followed the dwarves down the dark mineshaft and down a scaffold. They were heading further down, but towards what, they had no idea. They then came to a hallway made of stone and followed the dwarves down a set of stairs. As soon as they were down below they heard a noise behind them. They turned and saw a magical barrier had formed behind them.
"For the love of..." Carver cursed under his breath.
"There better be another way out." Aveline stated looking around.
"Sure there is. Haven't you guys learned already? I am lucky." Hawke smirked carelessly.
Leila walked over and touched the barrier. It felt hard, but gave of a tingling sensation. She saw the others looking out over a railing. She walked over to stand next to Anders and saw creatures unlike anything she had seen before. To her it looked like a mixture of what she imagined an orc and an undead would look like. They were truly terrifying in their own right.
"And here I thought I was done fighting darkspawn." Anders sighed.
"Cheer up, Blondie. It could be worse. I'm not sure how, but I'm sure something will come along and prove me right." Varric replied with a grin.
"Why does that not make me feel any better?" Anders replied with a smirk.
"Okay guys let's get going." Hawke instructed and they walked along.
Leila kept looking around and even had small smile on her face. She stopped and let her hand run over the carvings.
"These are beautiful. It's a shame its under ground and hidden away." Leila said with fascination.
"We are in the bloody deeproads and you think it's beautiful? Too bad you are not a highly trained fighter. With that attitude you would make a great warden." Carver chuckled.
"Are you kidding? She would end up feeling sorry for the darkspawn." Hawke grinned and Leila just rolled her eyes. She walked up to Anders.
"Be careful what you touch down here and try not to come in contact with any of the darkspawn blood." He instructed.
"I know. I'll be careful... Are you alright?" She asked softly and he smiled down at her.
"I'm fine. Besides, there is one good thing about being trapped in an ancient underground prison... not a lot of templars." He smiled.
"You should set up shop. It's no worse than your current digs." Hawke smiled.
"Good point. I could be quite comfortable here actually. Clean the taint off the floor, maybe hang a few pictures. It might even be a step up from Darktown." Anders continued.
"And Leila already likes it. You've got all this room. What are you going to do with it? Could we come visit?" Merrill replied and Leila had to laugh.
"Leila belongs among Kirkwalls nobility, where she can truly make a difference." Sebastian replied with a fond smile, looking at Leila, who had to try hard not to shift uncomfortably.
"Oh, you mean be admired, while charming her way through the nobles? It's really too bad you are not a thief. With those charms you could rob a man blind, before anyone would be the wiser." Isabella smiled.
"Why steal, when I can get them to give it to me?" Leila replied coyly with a grin on her face.
"One day we must send you to Tevinter. It would be interesting to see what you would make of the magisters." Fenris chuckled looking at Leila with a smile.
Anders felt his throat tighten. Leila's sweetness, cleverness and careful tongue, made almost everyone like and trust her. When he looked at Fenris and Sebastian he knew exactly what they were feeling. He wondered how many rivals he had, that he was unaware off. He then sensed something and he and Carver looked at each other.
"There are darkspawn nearby. I can sense them." Anders stated.
"Yeah, me too. Be careful." Carver cautioned.
They knocked down the door in their path and sure enough it was filled with darkspawn. Leila reached for her bow and this time she did not hold back. She was careful, because she did not have the skill that the other had. Still she managed to inflict a fair amount of damage. A genlock charged towards her and Sebastian placed a hand around pulling her out of the way at the last minute. Anders froze it in place and Hawke shattered it with a bolt of lightning. It was only then that Sebastian realised, that he was still holding Leila's waist. He blushed and turned to see that all the darkspawn had fallen. No sooner had the last darkspawn died, before a cage opened and several demons showed up. Leila was thankful that all of them had come down to this place, as all of this seemed overwhelming to her. When the demons had fallen as well, Leila looked down at the darkspawn and shook her head.
"Don't worry Leila. We know what we are dealing with." Carver soothed.
"I'm not afraid. I can't afford to be." She replied looking at the genlock.
"Then what is it, lethallan?" Merrill asked.
"I was just wondering... Killing people bother me, but killing these didn't." Leial replied.
"These are monsters created by the hubris of magisters and are forsaken in the eyes of the Maker. There is no reason for us to feel sorry for them." Sebastian replied.
"That is chantry propaganda... but these are mindless and violent creatures, who cause much suffering in their path. They are not capable of compassion and mercy." Anders replied.
"Those are rules and justifications created by us. Why do we have more right to live than these souls do? And yes I know they are a menace that destroys everything in their wake, but where do we draw the line? And why do we apply those same kind of justifications towards mages, elves and qunari?... Never mind this is not a place for this conversation." Leila replied and walked ahead with Merrill, leaving the men stunned. Except for Anders, who had become somewhat accustom to her way of thinking. He had to chuckle looking at the others, as their confusion was amusing to him.
"Well she is... different." Carver replied and Anders laughed.
Leila walked up next to Isabella and Varric. Isabella handed Leila a small flask. Leila smelled it and knew it was whisky, but instead of turning it down she just shrugged before taking a sip. "That's my girl." Isabella said fondly and they continued to walk. Leila then felt Anders walking next to her and reaching for her hand.
"We passed another broken pillar. You know what that means." Varric said cheerfully.
"Everybody take a drink!" Isabella exclaimed happily and handed Leila the bottle.
"The last time we played this game, I kissed an ogre. Please let's not go there again." Ander replied.
"Eeww! Either I am highly disgusted or incredibly insulted that you would refer to me as an ogre. In either case I am not kissing you again." Leila teased and the others chuckled.
They got to a bridge leading to the centre of the tower and saw a man looking old, crippled and sick coming towards them. Leila's blood ran cold. She had seen that illness before. She had seen Anders die from it in her arms. This what was going to happen to Anders without Justice. For a moment she thought that all the trouble, which came with Justice, was worth it to avoid this fate. The man called Lauriaz seem confused and disoriented, but promised to help them find a way out, yet as soon as he appeared he was gone again. They walked along an entered the centre of the tower. As Hawke activated a big demon appeared. Anders pushed her back out of the room, making sure she was at a distance. She was tired of feeling this helpless and useless, but the skills the others had took years to learn. This would never be her strength. But seeing Merrill getting trapped and almost crushed by something magical tore her heart apart. She was grateful that she had her bow and at least could make some small difference. When the demon fell, Lauriaz appeared again. As Anders explained how the wardens were not immune to the taint forever, he looked at Leila apologetically. Leila knew this already, but could not show it. Admitting that she knew, would mean having to tell Anders about her deal with Death. For a moment she had thought her own life had been the bargain, but it wasn't. She was still with him and the price still unknown. They started walking again, when Anders expression became pained and he took himself to the head.
"I'm not listening... I'm not listening!" He chanted and Carver went forward looking at him.
"Anders? Anders! Maker, it's like he doesn't even hear me." Carver sighed, with a worried expression.
"The abomination's hearing voices. How unexpected." Fenris scoffed. Leila walked over in front of Anders.
"Love, what is it?" She asked softly placing her hand on his face.
"Voices... whispering... make it stop..." He begged in a pained voice. Leila took his hand and brought it to the amulet. She held his hand tightly around the amulet and rested his forehead against hers. His breathing started to calm and his expression became less strained. He turned his head to kiss her palm and looked down at her.
"Thank you." He whispered softly and he heard Hawke give a relief sigh and began to walk again.
And so their journey continued. Entering battles with darkspawn and getting out of it unharmed. Anders kept close to her, both in order to keep her safe, but he was also clinging to her like an anchor. She could tell he was struggling. More and more often his hand would fly and grasp the amulet and the other would hold on to her. She didn't ask what was going on. He was troubled enough and shouldn't use his energy explaining things. The further they got the more demon prisons did they find. When they reached one with a desire demon an apparition of a man appeared. He looked a little like Hawke and his voice seemed calming somehow. Hawke and Carver revealed that it was their father's voice and as they were standing and reminiscing, Leila had never felt more uncertain. They were mourning their father and sister. Her soul had once been Bethany's, but she wasn't her any longer. At some level she wished that she was, but Anders then pulled her close and kissed her hair. With no words at all he told her, that he didn't want her to be anyone else. A selfish wish perhaps, but one that made her heart feel relieved. As they continued to walk Anders was in pain again. The voice seemed almost to give him physical discomfort.
"No! Get out of my head!" Anders said with determination and grabbed hold of the amulet.
"We have to do something. His episodes are getting worse." Aveline cautioned.
"He is doing something. That amulet is an anchor to him. It helps him redirect his thoughts." Leila explained and they observed the mage holding a tight grip on it.
His eyes were closed and he took deep breaths, as the earlier desperation seemed gone. Leila placed her own hands on his giving him the time to calm down. Isabella looked at Leila and seemed to be the only one to understand it.
"Easy. Hold it together. Deep breaths." Isabella encouraged and got a grateful smile from Leila, while Fenris just scoffed. A few moments later Anders opened his eyes and managed to give Leila a smile. Aveline smiled and walked on. They got to the bottom of the tower and Leila looked around. The old ruins were surrounded by water, the air was incredibly humid and the smell was even worse. They had not gotten very far, before they were attacked by a huge number of spiders and deepstalkers. During the fight Isabella got a poisoned fang stuck in her thigh. Anders walked over to her after the fight and took a look at it.
"Oh, look at the sweethearts! I want one as a pet!" Merrill said with excitement looking at Leila.
"It would be a nifty pet. Unusual, but neat. Imagine us having one each walking through Hightown." Leila laughed.
"No way!" Hawke interjected.
"Oh, that would be great. But what if they try to eat the neighbours?" Merrill replied.
"Enjoy your new pet!" Carver laughed heartily.
"And she'll find one too. Thanks for that!" Hawke grumbled looking at Leila and walking over to Anders and Isabella.
"How bad is it?" Hawke asked.
"I have purified most of the poison, but her system needs to deal with the rest on its own, before I can heal it probably." Anders explained.
"Alright. We will make camp over in those ruins for tonight." Hawke replied and helped Isabella to her feet.
They set up camp and Anders made a fire. Varric and Merrill had searched the area for some food.
"Do I dare ask what we are having?" Leila smirked.
"Deepstalker and mushrooms." Varric replied and Leila cringed.
"As a warden I have had worse, believe me." Carver chuckled looking at Leila.
After eating the culinary disaster, they all tried to get some rest taking turns to keep watch. Anders lay down on his bedroll and Leila stroked his face gently as she sat down next to him.
"Are you feeling any better?" She asked softly, her voice filled with concern and worry. He sighed heavily.
"I've tried to forget about this side of myself. Justice is... so strong. Sometimes the Wardens seem insignificant. But seeing that poor bastard brings it all back. The Darkspawn taint. The call of the archdemon. It's inside me, as much a part of me as Justice." He said almost desperately.
"Shh... it's going to be alright. Maybe we can find away to cure you." She replied softly stroking him.
"You should find someone else, love. You don't want all the ugliness I'm going to bring into your life." He replied with a pained expression. She looked at him with loving determination.
"I didn't walk into this blindly, remember? You are not the one bringing it into my life. I am the one letting it in. As difficult as this might be, it could be worse. You could beat me or be unfaithful to me. You could come home drunk and leave me, when I need you the most. I have seen the true horrors of relationship and this is nothing compared to that." She replied and Anders looked at her with a worried expression.
"Who hurt you?" He asked seriously, cursing himself that he never realised this before. He saw the pain in her eyes and felt his heart ache.
"My father was not kind to my mother... He would drink and stay out to all hours of the night, never letting us know where he was. It was driving my mother crazy with worry. He had several affairs, which I know of, but that was not the worst of it..." She replied looking away from him. Anders took her gently by the chin and made her look at him.
"What did he do?" He asked softly.
"My mother had cancer twice. When she had it the first time, my father started an affair. My mother was dying and he was with another woman, when she needed him the most. Before she was on her way to recovery he left her... He abandoned a dying woman." Leila explained with a pained expression.
"And left his daughter to take care of her alone." Anders finished, before sitting up and claiming her lips.
To Anders this was like receiving the last piece of the puzzle. This was why she fought so hard to protect those around her; it had been imprinted deep into her soul long ago. She needed to take care, protect and love all those that others had abandoned. She had seen a grave injustice done and had tried to rectify it. Compensate for the wrongs done in the past. He had wondered why Leila had taken burdens on her shoulders, which had nothing to do with her. What did she have to gain by helping the refugees or speaking on behalf of mages and elves? She was not even from this world and had no relation to any of it. Still she had done it, without anyone having to ask or any kind of hope for reward. Life had taught her that people were unjustly left behind and decided that she was the one to pick them up. Justice was overwhelmed all of a sudden, by emotions that were entirely his own; appreciation, admiration and devotion. He could no longer deny these and blame them on Anders. He finally realised he was returning the same affection that she held for them. He was no longer alone in this strange world, as compassion had become his companion.