Ch. 35 - He Goes or You All Go

She could smell the alcohol on his breath; taste it on her lips from where he had mashed his lips against hers. She could hear him whispering what he longed to do to her; imagine it clearly as if it was still about to take place. More so, she could feel the texture of his clothes as it glided across the bare patches of her soft flesh when her clothes shifted in the cold night air.

It was why she had been unable to lay beneath the sheets. The stimulation was too real, even if it was harmless; just a memory.

And yet, despite her precautions, lethargic limbs shifted frantically in a faint struggle beneath the sensation of his phantom, calloused fingers as they began the long trail up the inside of her thigh.

Assaulted by the memories of New Year's Eve, Bella laid paralyzed as the events unfurled upon the endless screen crafted by the back of her eyelids.

Eyes snapping open in an effort to stop the hallucination, Bella stared blindly at the wall in front of her. Watching as the sun's rays gripped fruitlessly at the edge of her window, as if trying to pry apart the blinds, the inert body remained motionless upon the covers, covered in drying sweat.

Slowly, gradually, the fragments of light transformed before glassy orbs into figments of joy and happiness while the innocent shadows were replaced by tendrils of fear, confusion, and misery.

Helpless of what occurred before her, the brunette observed the struggle of dark against light as the day slowly ebbed on; the battle mirroring the sentiments inside her head and heart. Unfortunately, despite hope's best attempt, just as the darkness kept the sun's rays at bay, agony retained control for another day.

Exhausted, brown eyes fluttered shut as the shadows consumed her body and mind once more.

"Bella?"

"...Bella."

"Bella, hun, you need to eat…"

It had been almost a week since the party, almost a week of hiding in her room with nothing more than her memories, uncertainty, and a noticeable lack of tears to keep her company.

Alice and Rosalie had done their best to alleviate the pain, but Bella just pushed them away time and time again. She didn't want her roommates, Bella knew that much, but at the same time, Bella wasn't sure what or whom she needed.

Unfortunately, there was no one else.

Bella refused to reach out to both family and friends.

In the end, the only thing Rose and Alice could do was to linger at the tip of their friend's awareness as they traded turns in keeping an eye over their devastated roommate. Regardless of their best efforts and intentions, the women felt their hearts slowly brake with every scream and cry that escaped from Bella's room as haunted recollections continued to dance within the silhouettes of darkness.

Teetering dangerously on the edge of the bed, Bella stared unresponsively at her arm as the sun struggled to breach the tightly closed blinds once again. It was there, in the faint rays, that chocolate iris traced the detail of each darkening bruise.

Each one was etched so clearly upon her fragile limb, a reminder of what had occurred.

At the time of the event, Bella had feared the worst was about to occur when James had first began to touch her. She was helpless to the guitarist's whimsical fantasies; he had proven that time and time again as she scratched and clawed at her assailant. The bruises marking her arms laid claim to how her frantic struggles meant nothing to the man. If anything, her fear simply spurred him on.

The markings on her arms were only the beginning; there were other marks on her body, each one a result of her grapple with James.

Tracing the assortment of colors awashed on her forearm, brown orbs memorized the details of the overlapping blemishes, especially the distinctive hand print that seared into her flesh as if she had been burned. Even though her body was marred for the time being, Bella knew that the results could have been much worse.

James had merely attempted to rape and violate her.

But, before his hand could climb further than part way up her torn dress, his assault had been interrupted. By whom, exactly, Bella was left uncertain.

In an effort to block out the events that were taking place and certainly to follow, brown hues had slammed shut as a panic-stricken brain strived to detach itself from the horrible nightmare that was taking place.

As a result, the next thing that Bella became aware of was the sudden absence of the man's body pressed threateningly against her. In exchange, she was cradled into the soft fabric of a heaving chest. It took another moment to realize that the owner was clearly overwrought with emotion. If it was rage or sorrow, the brunette never found out. Discerning safety at its finest, Bella's body finally caved beneath the weight of exhaustion brought about from the lack of sleep, stress, and turmoil.

When she awoke next, Bella found herself bathed, changed and in the safe confines of her bed.

At first, Bella had been disoriented by the surroundings, passing the faint glimpses of memories off as a horrible nightmare. However, as her mind began to clear and organize itself, flashes of the previous night rapidly returned, especially the last few glimpses before she had passed out.

It wasn't her dark prince that had come to her rescue, as Bella initially thought; the strong arms had been clad in crimson silk. And even though she did not get a clear look at the scene before her, broken images of a dark green evening gown stood clear amongst the shadows of a dented tree. Blood had darkened the rich fabric in various patches, just as it did the trampled grass. Before darkness claimed Bella completely, the last thing the girl recalled was that there had been three forms - a blonde angel restraining an enraged demon while the third laid motionless, broken and bloody upon the ground.

Despite her recollections, Bella was still confused as to who her saviors had been. It wasn't until Alice confided that the Denalis had found her that Bella was able to patch the pieces together. On any other day, Bella would have been mortified to see such a side of the young Slovakians. However, all Bella felt at the time was relief. She knew that the women would never hurt her.

And, yet, they had.

Lost in the recesses of her own mind, Bella couldn't help but bemoan the absence of her white knights. Curling up in a smaller ball, Bella tucked her arms against her stomach, removing her limbs from the faint traces of the golden glow.

What was the point of surviving to feel so miserable?

There was no point.

You're alive though, and safe, a voice consoled for the umpteenth time.

But why did they not bring her home? Why did they not stay with her? Had she truly upset them that much that when all she wanted to do was curl up in their embrace and apologize, they deserted her when she needed them the most?

Bella knew that the Denalis had watched over her until Alice and Rose had come to take her home, but she was lost as to why they did not call, why they did not check up on her.

If she was fine, as her brain continued to convince her, then why did she feel so alone, so cold?

Try as it might, her brain could come up with no explanation, no response.

Time and time again, she racked her memory over the events, scouring for some minute detail she had missed. All she could conclude was that the past week had been nothing more than a nightmare.

That was what it was, a nightmare.

If only so, perhaps then Bella would have been able to convince herself that she had merely been dreaming. Yes, she would have woken up in her bed, covered in sweat and shaking uncontrollably, but, that form of terror could be dealt with, especially in comparison to what she actually faced. If only it had been a nightmare, then the hellish sensations that wracked her subconscious would be naught but a horrible, horrible, figment of her imagination. In turn, the empty hole she felt in her chest would not exist.

The pain was there, however, both mentally and physically.

Closing her eyes, Bella forced herself back into an endless sleep.

"You can't go in there!"

For the first time in a weak, Bella's mind responded with something beyond distraught. Curious as to who was screaming outside her door, brown eyes flickered open and to the side. For a moment, Bella thought about moving. She could easily roll over or perhaps even get up to check. As the seconds ticked by, however, and her body remained motionless upon the covers, Bella decided it was too much work. The temptation was not strong enough to offset the sorrow.

Heavy lids closing once more, Bella's ears were assaulted by more words, "Let me pass! I need to see her!"

See her? See whom? Bella wondered for an idle moment. She could tell it was Alice's voice on the other side of the door, so perhaps it was Rosalie that the other person wanted. But, why would Alice be blocking access to Rosalie's door?

Did it really matter?

All she wanted to do was sleep and forget.

Before Bella's brain had time to come up with a decisive decision, her body jerked as her bedroom door was forced open.

"Bella?"

Flinching at the sound of the first male voice she had heard since that night, skeletal muscles coiled tightly, ready for either flight or fight.

Flight it was.

As soon as she felt the rough, calloused fingers rest on her body, Bella was off the bed and in the corner of the room before green eyes could even focus into confusion.

"Edward! I told you no!" Alice scolded her brother before quickly coming to Bella's side to comfort her friend.

Edward. How did she not recognize his voice through the door?

Relaxing at the sight of a familiar figure, Bella felt her legs crumble beneath her. Sliding down the wall, the disheveled woman slid to the floor.

"Bella? Bella!" Edward cried out, his voice hitching in shock at Bella's slattern state.

"Edward, don't!" Alice warned, but it was too late.

Strong arms had already scooped the girl off the floor, only to drop her once more as a scream echoed throughout the room.

She might have been fine with Edward being in the room, but she was not ready to be touched, especially so unexpectedly.

"Out," Alice commanded. "Now!" Despite her tiny frame, the pixie woman shoved her older brother out the bedroom door as Bella tried to collect herself.

The instant the door latched shut, Bella could hear Edward's voice raise in octave as he demanded to know what was wrong with her.

Curling in on herself, Bella tried to ignore the siblings as Alice's voice echoed in the hall, the frustration evident in the young woman's tone.

How much would she tell her brother? How much would Edward believe? James had been his best mate since grade school. They had only been dating for about a year. Yes, Bella knew of Edward since high school, but he had been away at college for most of it.

And if he truly cared, where had he been all week?

Before Bella's thoughts could get carried away with various scenarios, the doorknob turned, allowing soft voices to carry back into the bedroom.

"You need to calm down, Edward, or you cannot go back in there," Alice warned. "Bella needs a friend, not more drama."

Sighing, the tall man ran his hand through ruffled, mahogany locks. "You're right, you're right. I was just...surprised."

Eyeing her brother, Alice slowly opened the door before walking in first.

"Bella?" Alice called softly as she stepped into the dark room.

"Over here," a muffled reply called out from behind the bed.

Walking around the furniture, Alice realized that Bella was still in the same position that they had left her in. Dropping to the floor with a saddened sigh, the pixie reached out a hand. "Oh, Bella," Alice whispered as she brushed tangled locks out of the girl's tear streaked face.

Not realizing that she had begun to cry again, brown orbs blinked blearily at the girl in front of her.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Edward whispered in turn. "I did not mean to startle you," he added while keeping his distance this time around.

Raising her head from her arms, Bella stared for a moment at her boyfriend. In the glow of the hallway light, he looked ragged and tired. For the first time in the past week, Bella thought about someone besides herself. Opening her arms, Bella watched as Edward approached slowly before dropping to her side as well.

Pulling her in close, Edward whispered apology after apology into the dark locks.

Happy to see some form of movement and response from her best friend, Alice quietly slipped out of the room to give the two some space. It had been too long since Bella had so much as moved from the bed. Alice was afraid that if they crowded her now then she would just hole herself back up.

"So James is gone?" Bella repeated as she held a cup of steaming tea in her hands.

After latching onto Edward for the better part of ten minutes, the woman finally registered the state of her dress. With the help of Alice, she had Edward wait in the living room as she showered and cleaned herself up. Once done, she tried to eat the food Alice had made her, but she had no appetite, especially when Edward began to fill her in on the events of the past week.

"Yeah. We resumed the tour a couple of days after New Years only to find out that James was being kicked off the tour. At first we protested, but it was either him or all of us," Edward huffed in frustration, still clearly upset by the events.

"Did they say why?" Bella inquired, slowly stirring the hot liquid with her spoon.

Again Bella wondered how much Alice had shared with Edward.

For a moment Edward stared sullenly at the wall without speaking before he finally bowed his head in submission. "No, they didn't. All that was mentioned is that we should have had a better reign over our band member," Edward admitted.

"I see," Bella murmured. For a moment she wondered why nothing had been said, but just as quickly she dismissed the thought. There had been no police report, despite Rose and Alice persisting that she go down to the station. No one had shown up at her door, so Bella figured there was no point in going herself. James would just get away with it and she would be dragged back through the events having to recant them accordingly for documentation.

But why hadn't he at least called? Surely Alice had tried to reach him, despite Bella's disinterest in informing people themselves. If nothing else, her lack of silence should have risen alarms since she had neglected to contact him.

Thinking back on it, however, Bella wasn't even sure where her phone was, if it was alive, or if Edward had tried to call her. Perhaps he felt she still needed space after the Christmas party. They hadn't left on a very good note, despite the walk. Not wearing the ring had put her boyfriend in a royally good mood.

Oblivious to Bella's thoughts, Edward rested a hand on Bella's leg.

Resisting the urge to shy away from his touch, brown eyes met green.

"I'm really sorry for not being here for you, Bella. If I had known what happened, I would have been here sooner."

Unable to restrict all her thoughts, the next question came uncensored. "When did you find out?"

"Last night," Edward responded, brows furrowing in confusion. He had already answered the question. Alice had called him and he came as soon as he could, considering they had a concert the day before. "If you meant about what took place, well, just a bit ago," Edward reconsidered.

"Right," Bella responded, her mind already onto the next question she longed, yet dreaded, to ask.

The night of the attack, James had warned Bella to hold onto Edward before she lost him for good. What the guitarist had meant, Bella was uncertain. Wondering if James knew about her interactions with the Denalis, Bella chewed on the inside of lip. If she asked and that's what he meant, then Bella would be placing herself in an awkward position with Edward, revealing information that may never need come to light, considering the cold shoulder she was receiving from the band members.

Weighing her options, Bella decided against asking. She had clearly lost the Denalis, she couldn't lose Edward, too. Not now, not when she needed the solace of familiarity, safety.

Deciding to error on the side of caution, Bella latched onto the words tumbling out of Edward's mouth as Bella remained silent.

"...and with James gone, we had to enlist a substitute guitarist the other night, but we need to find a replacement."

The anger was still raw, still noticeable within Edward's tone. Bella wondered if the emotions were directed at James for his prior behaviors or at the fact that he was no longer in the band.

"Any idea of who you could get at such a short notice?" Bella asked. This line of questioning was safe. It didn't bring up unwanted memories or answers, despite wanting to know Edward's true feelings regarding the news.

Sighing in frustration, Edward shook his head. "No. The couple of people we thought of are spoken for."

"I might have an idea," Bella slowly offered. She knew that Edward wouldn't go for it willingly, but it was worth a shot. It would help a friend out and help Edward out at the same time.

Arching an eyebrow, Edward stared at Bella as he caught the hesitancy in her voice.

"Who?"

"Jake."

"No."

"But, Edward-"

"I said no, Bella."

Knowing what she was going to say next made her feel dirty, Bella hesitated once more before throwing a counter argument. "I'll accept your proposal if you take Jake on as your lead guitarist."

"What proposal?" Edward questioned, just as hesitantly, not wanting to get his hopes up.

"I'll accept the friendship ring as the engagement ring you meant it to be as long as you agree to take Jake on as your lead guitarist."

"You're certain?" Edward pressed, trying to contain his excitement.

Biting her lower lip, Bella nodded in agreement. She had lost the Denalis, the last thing she wanted to do was lose Edward, too. Over the past week, Bella had time to think things over, and not for the first time wondered if the events had been a result of Karma for her inappropriate desires and thoughts.

"Yes!" Edward exclaimed, before Bella could back out of the bargain. Elated that Bella finally came around, Edward grabbed hold of his fiance by the shoulders. Kissing her soundly, Edward missed the grimace that skirted across Bella's features.

A/N: So, I know my track record for updating is shoddy at best, but my aim is to finish this story by the end of the month. I want to see if I can cram it in before I hit the two year mark on working on this tale. As such, there will probably be about five chapters left based off the outline I crafted. On that same note, we all know how the story takes a life of its own, so that's a really big if with a lot of wiggle room. Anyways, back to the tour. Exit stage right: James. Enter stage left: Jake.