Caesar holds a somber expression as he turns away from the screens. They'd just showed clips from the games with more angles and better editing. It all looked professionally put together, which it was, but also fake, which it wasn't. The tributes, the children who were chosen, had all died like that. They'd been through those trials, that pain, and the heartbreak. It all happened.
"Now," Caesar starts, addressing the crowd, "that is a lot for anyone to go through. That these were young persons is much more remarkable. They were all so brave, so strong, and we are proud of them for their sacrifice. We thank them for all they've done for the sake of Panem. One more year, one more Hunger Games has passed, and it was another reminder of all the years of hardship we have all been through.
"Since the first rebellion, since the very first whispers of someone challenging the people who kept their homes safe, we have been afraid of what will happen next. We all, collectively, watch as these tributes experience that. Experience how it used to feel with enemies on all sides, with fear in your mind every second. They experience the hunger, the thirst, the unpredictable landscapes. They each realize, in their own time, exactly what we went through before the Treaty of Treason was formed.
"We solute you, fallen tributes of this years Hunger Games." He finishes on a strong note and there's applause. Smoothing out his light blue jacket, he waits for the commotion to die down.
It starts up again and he lets out a small sigh before smiling and standing up. He catches the extended hand and brings it to his lips. I smile, "I was too excited to wait any longer. Sorry for interupting."
He smiles back, brightly, "You're welcome on this stage any time, Megan. I was just about to introduce you, though."
Turning to the audience I give them a small wave and a slight curtsy. Again, they cheer. I gesture towards the chairs and Caesar sits before I do. I can tell I'm pissing him off. He doesn't like anyone running his show. His job is to keep in control, to lead the interviews. Good luck, buddy.
Settling my hands over my lap, I admire the silver fabric again. I'm happy to be made up again. This time I was promised to have whatever I wanted delivered to my new home. That meant whatever I liked from Gradin's make up bag would be on my vanity by the time I got back to my district. I'm much more excited for the make up than this interview.
"You took a nasty fall at the end there. We're glad to see you're recovering well."
They'd had to wait a full week before I could be brought out for an interview. For the first day I didn't even wake up. When I finally did, I was praised for having so much fight left in me. The medics told me that if I'd really given up I wouldn't have woken up so soon. I wondered which part of me still cared so much to wake me up. After that I was in and out of consciousness as they used all sorts of methods to try to revert me back to the state I was in before I entered the arena. I'm still not in perfect health but I'm a lot closer than I was. There's still a scar running from the part of my wrist under my left thumb to just above the center of my palm. I've been told it will heal slowly over time but will never go away.
Instead of letting me respond he asks, "Was that the most frightening moment for you? Falling to what you could only assume was your death?"
"Honestly? I feel like it should have been." My smiles falters and I look away from the triumph on Caesar's face, "I don't think anything could compare to how it felt to see that knife in Gale. You may be able to pinpoint the exact moment my whole world crashed down around me." I look back at him stubbornly with my chin up and see his pointed look telling me that, yes, he can, and he has.
He pats my hand, "I understand." No you don't, bastard. "I've told everyone that that is why you requested to be brought in after that one particular clip show. Are you ready for something more cheery?"
No. "I'm here, aren't I?"
He chuckles, "And we're glad you are." He passes me a box of tissues and I take it gratefully, though his smirk pisses me off. Then we turn and watch one of the many screens set up around us.
The first few minutes I handle easily enough. Pictures of some tributes, clips of them smiling and waving at the parade. Some of the less dramatic moments during the games come up and I'm still okay. Aaron and Ben play some hand clapping game, a tribute I'd already forgotten about skips along the road, then Bea is running into Toby's arms and hugging him. My breathing comes a little faster for a moment at the sight of Toby, but I calm myself remembering that he wasn't really my friend, that he was excited to kill me, and that he's gone now. He fell with me, but he wasn't as lucky as I was.
Then I'm staring at myself as I'm laying next to Gale. We're just watching each other, enjoying the company. I remember this moment. We weren't faking. We were just having a moment to ourselves. I never thought I'd see this moment. Or the next, of a time when we were moving camp when we were all just... happy. It started with me asking another stupid question and Toby being the first to comment. Rather then more arguing, Bea's laughing ignited even more laughter from us all. Even Henry chuckled a little.
And that was about as light as the clip show got. Within the next minute I'm crying. More of mine and Gale's happiest moments. Some of the nicer moments I shared with the others. More Gale. Benjamin. If I weren't shaking and trying to choke my sobs down, I would be embarrassed about all of Panem watching the passionate make out session I had with Gale. This isn't the first time they've seen it, but it's mine. I watch as I pull him back to me, I watch as he presses himself against my body, and I notice every little thing that happens between us. It seemed a lot different in the moment. I don't even mean because of the music they added to the clip. And it doesn't end there. They have gathered a lot of footage.
The tears stop falling before the video ends, and I calm myself as the lights slowly come on. I was assured that my make up wouldn't run but by the way Caesar searches my face I'm sure that isn't true. I grab the water someone had set out for me and take a long drink as the crowd finishes their cheering. I'm sure I could completely fall apart up here and they would still cheer.
Caesar grabs my hand after I put the glass down. He pats it and smiles, "How do you feel? After seeing all of that?"
What does he mean by that? Am I supposed to read more into it? I feel awful, truthfully. I feel like those moments, those memories, should be mine and mine alone. What right do these people have to watch them and fawn over them. I take a deep breath and answer, "I was happy to have those moments with Gale. Now I just..." I shake my head, "I'm mourning the loss while celebrating his memory."
The majority of the audience nods in response. Caesar just pats my hand again, "You two were one of the greatest love stories we've ever witnessed. Tragic the way it ended." What Caesar said pisses me off and I can tell by the way he lets go and leans back that he knows it. He was trying to tear me down but I'm not giving in while he's downplaying the love I have for Gale. Romantic or not, I love him.
"Gale's dead. He's not gone. Not from my mind, my heart, or my soul. I still love him and I always will." More cheers, but all I notice is Caesar's face going pale. I make him nervous.
He asks me a few more questions then rushes me off the stage. I manage not to cry again. It wasn't very difficult; we mostly went over my stats. The bets that were on me, the training score, and all my support. I had sponsors, but nothing was sent to me. I'd asked Faith about it and she told me that though she did her job as a mentor and managed to get me a lot of sponsors; she was not permitted to send me anything. She would have, more than once, but she would have been jailed if she tried. The sponsors money went to the gamemaker.
So far the mentors for my district, Polly, and Caelus had been the only people to visit me. I'll be spending one last night in the apartments then on the train heading home. I don't know when I'll get to see Jack, and I'm not sure I even want to so soon. What would I say to him? Could I say anything? I might just collapse in his arms and cry. I don't want to cry any more.
I make it up to the apartments without saying a single word. I hadn't eaten before hand because Caelus didn't want me throwing up like I nearly had at the last interview, so he sits me down at the dining table. I didn't miss Polly's face. I think she notices my deep frown as she sits down across from me, but she says nothing and simply stares out the windows to her right. To my right, Caelus holds a fork up to my mouth.
"I can feed myself." I say, snatching the fork from him. I chew on the potato piece as he shrugs. For a few minutes we all eat in silence. I shove some things into my mouth and slowly nibble on others.
"Are you ready to go home?" Faith asks cheerily when she sits down to my left. Across from her, James smiles slightly.
"Yeah. It's weird to think that everything could just go back to normal."
Faith touches my arm and her smile saddens, "It never really does. You'll be okay, Meg. And," she glances at James, "you're going to have new neighbors!"
I smile, "We can throw parties together!"
"There's one I'm already planning," she laughs, "and I'll definitely want your help with it!"
"What kind of party?"
She glances at James again and reaches over the table to find his hand. She grins, looking around the table, "A baby shower!"
"What! That's so great!"
Caelus leans over me and asks, "I hope you were pregnant before the games because if not that's a little insensitive of you-"
I elbow him, "That's his way of asking how far along you are."
"Five weeks. We're hoping for a boy but want to be surprised-"
"Oh!" Polly finally speaks up, "That's so wonderful! Have you thought about names yet?"
"We thought it might be a bit too early for that. You're the first ones we've told, and we might just name the baby when we see him or her for the first time. That's how my parents did it, and it's worked for me."
We all laugh, and I'm so relieved that the mood has lightened. James and Faith look so happy. Caelus is making jokes, Polly is trying not to slap him, and I'm just smiling along with everyone. I'm happy for them, I really am, but it seems like an odd time to announce a pregnancy. Maybe they just knew it would cheer us all up? I guess I'm thankful. They've given me hope for my own future. No matter what happens when I leave the Capitol, if I can be half as happy as they are everything will be okay.