Chapter Thirty-Four:

I lean over dad's face, listening for a breath, for any sign of life. I reach down to his wrist, feeling for a pulse. I hear Tommy's voice from behind me, calling the paramedics. At least someone is thinking clearly.

I can feel my heart beating out of my chest. And the only thought that keeps running through my mind is that this could be it.

I'm not ready.

This can't be it.

I feel a weak pulse on dad's wrist and hear a very faint breath. I grab his hand tightly in mine, leaning close to his ear. "Daddy, it's Jude. I'm here. Sadie and I are both right here. Just hold on. Help is on it's way." My voice is frantic, subconsciously releasing the panic I'm trying not to expose. A few of my tears fall on his face and I wipe them away, feeling his clammy skin under mine.

My eyes lock with Sadie's tear-stained ones; I can tell she thinks this is what we've feared all along.

But it can't be.

He's supposed to have another two months.

In the distant night I hear the sirens coming closer.

Help.

Salvation.

Please let it be in time.

I feel Tommy's strong arms pulling me up and away as the paramedics begin to surround Dad.

His arms envelope me, sliding across my chest and around my shoulders, pulling me back against his body.

I feel my breath coming quicker, forcing out shallow breaths as I watch the paramedics load my dad onto a stretcher. I'm becoming hysterical, having some kind of delayed reaction to what has just occurred in front of my eyes.

"Shhh…" Tommy soothes, and his grip becomes even tighter. His body is warm and his heartbeat is steady. And as I spin in his arms, I see comfort, worry and love shining in his eyes. He's everything I need right now.

The paramedics steer the stretcher out of the room towards the ambulance and I begin to move in that direction. He can't be alone. In case the worst happens, I'm not going to let him die alone. "I've got to go with him."

Tommy nods, linking his hand with mine and leading me towards the door. Sadie follows close behind and she jumps into the ambulance ahead of me.

"I'll meet you at the hospital, as soon as I can get there," Tommy whispers, kissing me softly before helping me step up into the ambulance. I squeeze his hand, taking every bit of support I can from his touch before reluctantly letting go. The ambulance doors close but I can still see his sad eyes watching, praying for my sake that everything will be okay. My vision focuses on him as the ambulance drives away. He's standing in the middle of the road staring at the ambulance; even as we get far down the street, I can still see his figure, small in the distance.

When I can no longer see him, I turn to look around the cramped ambulance. Sadie is sitting near my dad's head, talking to his still unconscious body. I look on, just staring in disbelief. Only ten minutes ago, he was happy. And now… I don't even want to think about it.

The ambulance worker glances at me, smiling sympathetically. I'm sure he's seen this kind of thing all the time. Life being given and taken.

Luckily the hospital is close; when we get to the emergency room, the doctors take dad right in to the exam room. Sadie and I wait powerlessly outside the room, praying for good news.

Only ten minutes later a friendly looking doctor, a young, dark-haired male with kind eyes, comes out.

"Are you Mr. Harrison's family?"

We both nod frantically. "I'm pleased to tell you that he's doing a little better now. He just overdid it; he's dehydrated and tired. Patients in his condition have to be more careful, okay?"

"Has his tumour gotten worse?" I ask, needing to know if there have been any major changes in his condition. After tonight, I need to know how long we've really got.

"We're going to run a few more tests to check on his condition. I'll let you know as soon as I know anything. You can go in one at a time to see him if you like."

"Thank you, Doctor," Sadie says, and the doctor nods before walking off towards his other patients.

"You go in," I offer, needing to collect myself before I see him. She wordlessly nods before proceeding into his room.

I take a deep breath, pacing outside the room. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm suffocating in my own skin. This was way too close. What if had been for real? What's going to happen in only a few short months when it happens, when he actually dies?

I rush out the large emergency room doors into the chilly night. The onslaught of cold air feels nice. I sit down at one of the rod iron patio tables, used by patients during the day when they want to get some air.

I'm sitting for a few minutes, not really paying attention to anything at all, when I hear footsteps approaching. My head turns towards the source of the noise, and I notice Tommy approaching.

"Hey." He smiles faintly, and sits beside me. "Baby, you're freezing," he says worriedly before taking off his suit jacket and placing it around my shoulders. He grabs my hands between his and begins trying to warm them with his own.

I turn my head towards him, surprised. "Really? I can't feel anything." I lean my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes for a few brief seconds.

"I went in and Sadie was looking for you. Your dad's awake. He was asking for you," Tommy states, brushing one hand absently through my hair.

"I need to see him. I just… I wanted a minute to breathe first." I linger against Tommy's body for another minute before pushing myself away and standing up.

Tommy follows suit, getting up and taking my hand. We walk the few feet back into the hospital and I immediately feel the boiling stuffiness and smell the awful scent that is characteristic of hospitals. I really hate hospitals.

We walk towards dad's room in the emergency room. Sadie and Kwest are standing outside talking, but Sadie breaks away from the conversation when she sees me coming. "Hey. I was worried when you disappeared. Are you alright?" She asks, putting a supportive hand on my shoulder.

"I'll be fine. I just needed some air. I'm going to go in." I walk away from three sets of eyes, all of which seem to be watching me carefully like they're afraid I'm going to break.

I push the door open and Dad's eyes open immediately, anticipating my appearance.

"Jude, honey," he whispers, as I sit in the chair by the bed.

"Hey Daddy." I lean over and kiss his cheek lightly. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. But I'm not worried about me. Honey, I'm sorry if I scared you."

"Dad—"

"No, I can see it in your eyes. You're petrified. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I love you so much, Jude, and I just wish this wasn't hurting you the way it is." His voice is weak. I hate seeming him so vulnerable. He's my dad; he's supposed to be strong and invincible.

I squeeze my eyes tightly, trying to hold in the threatening tears. There just doesn't seem to be an end to my supply of tears these days. "Dad, of course I'm sad. You're my dad. You were the first person who loved me and accepted me for who I am. You never once wanted to change me."

He smiles widely, his eyes glistening. "Why would I want to change perfection?" I laugh at his corny joke, tears mixing with my laughter. The tears win out, however, and even when I'm done laughing I'm still crying helplessly.

"Come here, sweetie," he says, pulling me into a hug, tucking my head under his chin. He rubs my back as I cry in front of him, the one thing I didn't want to do. I feel so selfish letting him comfort me when he's the one going through this.

I sit up, trying to pull myself together. "I'm okay. It was just a really emotional night, overall."

I can tell he's trying to hold his eyes open for me, trying to be strong in my presence. "Dad, you need your rest. We'll all be outside, okay?"

"No, Jude. You all need to go home. The doctor said I'll be in the hospital until tomorrow, so you just go get some rest and I'll see you then." He's using his forceful voice, the one he knows I'll obey.

I smile, squeezing his hand. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you, Daddy," I whisper, standing and pecking his cheek lightly before striding out of the room.

Sadie, Kwest and Tommy are no longer standing outside the room, but I spot them down the hall sitting in some chairs in one of the smaller waiting rooms. I walk towards them, collapsing in one of the chairs. "He's sleeping. He said we should all go home. But I don't know…"

"He told me that too. Jude, he's still dad and he's still looking out for us. And he can probably see how tired and restless you look. He'll be okay; the doctors gave him some medication so he'll likely just sleep through until tomorrow anyway," Sadie says. "I talked to the doctor and they're going to put him on some IV fluids tonight to help his dehydration but he should be ready to be released tomorrow."

I know Sadie's right but I still don't like the idea of leaving him here all alone. Tommy gets up from his chair and makes his way over to stand in front of me. "It's been a long night. Let's go home, get some rest." He coaxes me up, pulling me into a standing position and directly into his arms.

I close my eyes, happy to be enclosed in his embrace, happy to think of something else than my father's impending death. And standing there, suddenly a thought occurs to me.

"Actually," I say, pulling away, "I'm more curious what you wanted to say earlier."

He smirks, leaning down to whisper in my ear, "I'll tell you when we get home."

I nod in agreement and turn towards Sadie. "Alright. We'll come back tomorrow."

All four of us head towards the exit and wave a tired goodbye before heading towards our separate cars. Tommy helps me into the Viper, jogging around to get in the driver's side.

"Can you put the top down? I need to feel the air," I request and he does as I ask without question.

I close my eyes, leaning my head back on the headrest. The freedom of the open air feels amazing. I luxuriate in this feeling until, at one of the stop lights, I sense Tommy turn his head towards me. I open my eyes, feeling his eyes on me. "Are you alright? I know that was one hell of a night." His eyes are filled with concern.

"I'm okay. I mean, it just made me start to think… about…." My voice begins to crack helplessly, "about… when it really happens." I clear my throat, trying to push the thought out of my mind. "But he's okay." Tommy smiles caringly and reaches his hand to grasp mine. Our hands remain intertwined until the light turns green and he has to use his to change gears.

The rest of the short ride is spent in silence, my mind reliving the events of the night. So much good came out of it, with Tommy and me revealing our relationship and my dad seeing all his old friends again; and the party really was fun. But his fall seems to have overshadowed all of that. I can't let it. I have to focus on the good. Tommy's here with me. And Dad's alive. What more can I ask for?

I feel myself beginning to calm a little as we reach the apartment. And as I calm, my curiosity returns regarding what Tommy wants to talk about. Both times it was brought, when he mentioned it originally and when I asked about it at the hospital, his face took on a curious expression, one of love and anxiety and anticipation all mixed in one.

We get out of the Viper and he takes my hand subconsciously as we make our way to the apartment building. I smile at the small public gesture, relieved and happy that it doesn't matter anymore if any one sees.

On the ride up in the elevator Tommy seems nervous. Actually, every minute we get closer to the apartment, he face looks a bit more anxious. What is going on with him?

When we reach the apartment, I immediately begin to head towards my room to get this dress off. He puts a restraining hand on my arm, silently motioning towards the couch. Okay, now he looks like he's going to be sick.

I humour him, sitting down as requested. I slide his jacket off my shoulders and lay it on the arm of the couch.

"Tommy, what's wrong?" I ask as he begins to pace in front of me. He finally takes a seat beside me. He takes my hands gently in his, and his eyes lock on mine. There's that curious look again.

"There's something important I need to talk to you about," he says squeezing my hands. "See, this week I've been talking to your dad quite a bit, mostly about us. Our future."

"Okay…" I ask, still confused as to where he's going with this.

"I know you're only seventeen, and there's no way you're ready yet. But I wanted to ask him before it was too late," Tommy rambles, pausing to breathe. He bows his head nervously for a moment before returning his gaze to my eyes. "I wanted to get his permission to ask you to marry me one day."

I feel my eyes widen and my jaw drop. Did Tommy just say he wanted to marry me?

He begins talking again, quickly, nervously. "I don't want to scare you, I just… I know how important your dad is. So I wanted to ask him now, to make sure that one day, when you're ready, that he would be approving of us getting married. And, amazingly enough, he is." He pulls out a small, red velvet box out of his pocket. "We even talked about rings. I wanted him to be a part of this. And this was the only way I could think of to include him." He's talking so quickly and looks so anxious; it's actually really cute. "But Jude, please don't think I'm pushing you or—"

I cut him off, pressing my forefinger to his soft lips. "Tommy," I interject, silencing him. I can't help but smile. Actually, I'm guessing that there's a big goofy grin on my face right now. "Ask me now, Tommy. I'm ready. Now."