28th April 2015

Tuesday

Los Angeles

…

What makes time stand still? Part 1

The whole apartment was lit up by every lamp with a light switch, making shadows retreat to nooks and crannies, and yet, despite the warm glow of her lamps, the darkness was intruding. It was not even that dark outside; street lamps, the light from the neighbors, and the overall orange glare that permeated the night of the city, all made the night sky a little less dark. It was not pitch black. Yet it did not lift much of her unease, even if she knew it ought to.

Her eyes went to the night sky and the outlines of clouds in the horizon. She longed for daylight and the bright, warm stare of the sun baking down and banishing any dark thoughts that had a predilection for growing in the night. She would be in more control of herself in daylight. At well past midnight, there was time and space for ruminations and small uncertainties to fester.

Sharon lingered for a small moment outside Rusty's room, her mind focusing on breathing slow and steady. There was still a small knot of tension in her chest. It had been much more pronounced earlier on, and even if it was subsiding ever so slowly, it was there, aching.

She had taken extra time to say goodnight to Rusty; she had a feeling they both felt a little out of sorts, and she had calmed herself down by sitting on his bed and brushing his hair. Rusty lay curled up in blankets and looked back at her. It was one of those times where he had the look of a small boy, and it only made her knot ache all the more. He was trying to find some semblance of peace within himself and with the experience they just had. She had kissed his temple and he had said 'love you', his eyes big and wide. She had kissed his temple again, and reassured him she was more than fine and that she loved him. She had left his room with the promise that if he could not sleep, then he could come wake her up.

The shock of it all was slowly dawning on her, Sharon realized. Down in the parking garage she had been so affected by adrenalin, she felt far removed from the whole incident, so much that she had barely felt the small scrapes and bruises. Now that peace and quiet had replaced buzzing activity, she was starting to feel the aftermath of it all. Her hands were cold and numb, and soon the rest of her body followed. The skin around her left eye throbbed, and her knees smarted when she moved. The whole length of the left side of her body was making its pain known as well. She had fallen onto the concrete ground, and she was sure, come morning, there would be a large area of bruised skin.

She was standing in a soft cotton pajamas top and yoga slacks, socks on her feet, and yet, despite the warmth of the day, she felt cold. Sharon moved into the living room.

Andy was tinkering in the kitchen, the quiet sounds felt comforting to her. He had kept Rusty company while she had gone to headquarters to get her injuries documented. Morales had checked her out, the doctor was more gentle and quiet than she had ever witnessed him. Truth be told, Sharon felt more at ease in Andy's presence, even knowing that outside her apartment, two uniforms were stationed for the night. She did not feel at ease because of the safety he provided, but more out of the need to be near him and the solid comfort he represented.

When Sharon hesitantly rounded the corner to the kitchen, Andy was standing with his back to her and had the water kettle in his hands. He was taller than she remembered. She stood still and silent for a short moment, watching him, unsure of herself and their relationship. She felt very vulnerable in only her sleep attire; she didn't even have shoes on.

Andy turned around, and a smile quickly lit up his face when he saw her.

"Hey," he greeted with a soft voice.

"Hey," she said back, taking a step towards the counter. She leaned her elbows on the counter top, her fingers laced together to stop them from betraying her.

"Rusty asleep?"

She hummed, her smile brief and without much warmth.

"I am making some tea," Andy offered with a questioning gaze, "I mean, if you feel like tea?"

"That sounds nice," she replied.

What she really wanted, however, was for him to stay the night. She was trying to find the courage to ask him. It was just at the tip of her tongue and yet, just thinking about asking him, filled her with uncertainty.

"You alright, Sharon?" he asked, this time taking a step closer to her, "You look a bit pale."

She shrugged and gently touched the puffy, strained skin beneath her swollen eye, "I'm just a little sore," she paused, and then exhaled, "I will manage."

That earned her a dry chuckle.

"If only I had been a little faster," she half-joked.

"Julio said the moron was complaining about you kicking him in the groin," Andy smiled, "You got him good and square."

She shrugged noncommittally.

"Hey, you're alive," Andy pointedly said, his hand squeezing her shoulder to get her attention, "and you've got your head on straight, isn't that what Morales said? No head injuries? No concussion?"

"Mmhmm," she nodded, "I am fine." She paused and inhaled a deep breath, and then she sighed, "It's just," she stopped and shook her head, feeling a bit annoyed with herself. Another deep breath and then she expelled, "I just keep replaying it over and over. I should have stayed in the car with Rusty and called back-up. We would still have had time to surprise him."

Andy shook his head, "He would only have been there a few minutes, not enough time for back-up to arrive. You made the right call, Sharon," he said.

"Doesn't really feel like it."

"That's because Stroh is still out there, and he's messing with your head. He's messing with all of us."

She nodded and let out a small agreeing hum, but otherwise staying silent, her eyes followed Andy's movements as he took out cups from her cabinets and made his own teabags with a caffeine-free blend.

She let out a breath, still feeling obnoxiously nervous.

Andy pushed a cup over to her on the counter, his eyes searching hers.

She wrapped all her fingers around the cup and looked into the water that was beginning to take on color, enjoying the warmth of the boiling water. It heated her cold fingers and she felt her nerves calming gradually.

Andy was already sipping his own tea, and judging from his grimace, he had burned his tongue. He always started drinking his tea and coffee too fast; she knew the grimace quite well now. She felt like she was waiting for the right moment to ask, but it would never come. She knew that. She might as well get it over with.

"Will you stay?" she asked, looking away as she asked the question. She felt embarrassed to even have to ask in the first place. She had done just fine without a man for most of her adult life.

She swallowed uncertainly and felt her throat closing up.

She heard the rustle of clothes and looked up, surprised to find Andy in front of her. He reached out and gently touched her chin, tilting her head up. His eyes were soft and there was something in his look that calmed her.

"Of course," he said matter of fact.

She tried to smile but her mouth trembled more than it smiled and she felt her tear ducts on the verge of breaking.

His thumb moved up along her cheek, still so careful in his touch, "I'm not going anywhere."

She breathed out a sigh of relief, he was so close and his scent was slightly intoxicating.

"I have a few extra blankets," she said, looking back over her shoulder at the sofa, "The sofa is not that comfortable but,-"

He interrupted her and smiled, "I'm sure it's fine."

She glanced up, searchingly in her gaze, aware that he was still caressing her cheek.

"Thank you," she said, this time able to return a smile.

Andy leaned forward and carefully kissed her temple, and then he opened his arms and she willingly fell into his embrace, taking comfort in the warmth of his body.

"You cold?" he asked, his voice muffled by her hair, she felt more than heard him breathe in through his nose.

She hummed, her cheek pressed against his chest and her arms tightening around his middle. She could hear his heartbeat. This intimacy between them, it was so very new. It rushed through her and left a molten feeling in her stomach.

They stood still in the embrace for a long moment. Breathing slowly, she felt chip after chip breaking away from the knot in her chest. It was as if the embrace was the only thing keeping her from floating up and away.

"You want me to tuck you in?" Andy asked her, breaking the silence. His voice was full of humor and warmth.

She smiled and looked up, seeing only the slight stubble on his chin, "I'm a little too old for that, don't you think?"

"Nah," he shook his head with a smug expression.

She hummed and then countered, "Are you going to tell me goodnight stories too? Hmm? Sing for me?"

He chuckled, "Sure, Nicole's boys love my nighttime stories."

She pursed her lips to keep from smiling too much at the image.

There was that damnable situation again; the in-between friendship and something more; that thing beyond the line, that feeling that made it hard not to move forward. She wanted to cross the line; she had known it for a while now, and even if she was not ready for a cliff dive, she wanted to take just a few steps forward.

Andy must have read her expression because he met her halfway, his lips soft on her hers as they shared a kiss in the kitchen. Their first kisses previously shared between them, had been almost timid and shy, innocent and soft, and yet they had left an impression under Sharon's skin; a blazing, aching need for more. Now, it was more. It was warm and fierce. And one kiss turned into a second kiss even more heartfelt. She felt his hands soothe down her back till they lingered on the low point of her spine, the slight pressure the hands made, sent a shudder of delight through her.

She drew a short breath, stood up on her toes and then she captured his lips in a third, warm kiss with her arms tightening around his middle, her own hands coming to rest on his spine.

He broke out in a happy smile when they finally drew apart, the expression in his eyes leaving her a tad winded. She smiled back, feeling equally happy.

"So?" Andy asked her, curiosity in his tone and the smile crooked.

"So?" she drew the word out, questioning even though she knew what he wanted clarified.

"Well, are we, you know, at that stage where we kiss goodnight, or is it … you know, more?"

She hid her smile as she looked down. She was still in his embrace, his hands loosely around her.

"I would like more," she smiled.

"More is good," he agreed with a goofy expression.

They should talk, she thought. They should talk seriously, and talk about what they both expected and what it actually meant to move entirely forward. But for once, she felt more inclined to let it flow into the background for a while. She wanted to kiss him again.

So, with another smile she leaned up and caught his lips in another breathtaking kiss.

…