Chapter Thirty-six – Your Heart Is Not Breathing

The days afterwards went by in a blur. Congratulation's, thank you's, champagne, Taylor, smiles, cards, hugs, Taylor, friends, Taylor, family, Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. I was drugged up on euphoria, and everything had this pinkish tinge. It felt like the pieces of my life were, are, finally falling into place.

When we got off the plane back in Nashville, tired but still happy, Hayley announced that she'd spent our last few days in England organising an engagement party and, jet-lagged or not, we had to attend tonight.

At that, the dark circles beneath Summer's eyes seemed to shrink away, and her eyes lit up as though someone had returned home and turned the lights on. You just have to mention the word 'party' and Summer's mood rockets skyward. She barely gave me enough time to dump my bags at home before her car pulled up outside, the horn beeping. She then had me trying on dress after dress after dress.

Halfway through this shopping session Taylor texted me saying, Jeremy's taken me hostage while Hayley is decorating my house. I'm scared.

I barely had a chance to reply to the text before Summer was making me try on different pairs of heels. Eventually we both managed to settle on a dress, and it's safe to say I felt like collapsing.

Now I'm at my house, Summer adding the finishing touches to my make-up. She steps back and grins at me, "There, finished," she says. "You look perfect, I have to admit."

I roll my eyes at her and spin round to inspect my appearance in the mirror. I chose a simple navy skater dress and nude heels. Nothing too flashy, but the process of rushing from the airport to my house to Macy's made me feel like I was preparing for the Oscar's.

"You don't look half bad yourself," I say, and I wink over my shoulder at her.

She smiles. "Well, beauty does come naturally to me. Anyway, I'll head to Taylor's now and you two can rock up fashionably late. But first, I want to witness Taylor's reaction when he sees you in that dress."

I laugh. I think Summer is more excited than me. I'm an equal mix of turbulent excitement and nerves. "Calm down, Summer, it's not like he's seeing the wedding dress for the first time."

"Oh I am so excited for that day. You understand I'll be the one crying the most at the wedding." It's not a question.

"That day is a while off yet but yes, I don't doubt you'll be sobbing," I say, and we both grin at each other.

I grab my clutch from the bed and Summer starts ushering me towards the stairs, flapping her hands like they're wings. I'm halfway down the stairs when Taylor appears at the bottom. His cheeks are puffed out, like a hamster storing food in its pouches.

I stop and give him a withering look. "Tay, we'll be eating at the party."

"I know," he says sheepishly, his voice muffled by all the food in his mouth, "but I was hungry." Whatever he says next gets lost amidst the food.

"What?"

He manages to swallow and repeats, "You look beautiful."

I feel the blood rush to my cheeks. It doesn't matter that he's my fiancée, it still feels like I'm in that perfect period when the relationship first begins. By the time I'm used to calling him 'my fiancée' he'll be my husband.

"Aww," Summer squeals behind me, and that only makes me grin harder.

I take the last few steps and wrap my arms around Taylor's neck. "Thank you," I say, and I give him a quick kiss. "And I have to say you're looking very handsome."

He feigns over-the-top modesty and says, "Aww, shucks, Callie."

"Come on you," I say, slipping my hand into his, "we have an engagement party to go to. Summer, you going ahead?"

She rushes past us, yanking the door open with a lot of strength for someone so slim. "Yep, see you there."

By the time we reach Taylor's my heart is fluttering nervously. I don't like being the centre of attention at the best of times, but now I've got a whole party dedicated to something involving me. But it's not just me, it's Taylor as well, the two of us together, and as if he knows what I'm thinking he reaches out his hand and laces his fingers with mine. I meet his eyes, that warm, comforting brown, and we share a smile.

Then he yells, "Let's get this party started!"

Still as kooky as ever.

Walking up to Taylor's front door, he slips his arm round my waist, pulling me close. Taylor knocks on the door, and seconds later Hayley opens it, grinning. She doesn't say anything, just merely steps back, an outstretched arm gesturing us inside. Suddenly, a cheer of 'congratulations!' roars to life, and I see the throng of people crammed into Taylor's living room, smiles on their faces and drinks in their hands.

I look at Taylor, and he looks at me, and we smile.

It takes us a while to make the rounds. I'm concentrating on making conversation and showing people my ring and keeping my grip on Taylor and admiring Hayley's decorating skills. I feel a bit like a celebrity. Taylor seems more relaxed than me, and maybe it's because he's used to being swamped by people. Zac has even made an appearance, and while the conversation between him and Taylor is a little strained at first, they soon look more comfortable around each other.

It's so noisy I barely hear my phone beep in my clutch. While Taylor is talking to Zac, I take the opportunity to check my messages. My stomach does a funny little squirm when I see who's texted me: Josh Farro.

I heard there was a party. I'm outside.

Just like that. I feel my stomach squirm harder, tightening. We invited his brother but not him. Oh god, I hope Josh isn't going to kick off. I don't want him to ruin this.

"I'll be back in a second," I tell Taylor.

"Alright," he replies, planting a kiss on my forehead.

I weave through the party guests to the front door. My hand hovers over the door handle for a second, deliberating. I'd really like to just leave Josh outside, but then I feel awful for not inviting him. I need to settle this.

I open the door and quickly shut it behind me. Josh is stood on the porch, and at the sound of my entrance he turns around. His clothes are smart, and immediately I feel my stomach twinge again. I feel horrible.

"Josh," I say, not really knowing how to begin. I sound breathless.

He has his hands stuffed in his pockets. "So I heard you and Taylor got engaged."

"Yeah," I say, "when we were in London."

Josh clears his throat. "Well, congratulations, I guess."

"You guess?" It comes out before I can stop myself, and I immediately want to snatch the words from the air and crush them in my hand, pretend they were never said. "Sorry, I didn't mean that."

Josh's frown deepens. "Is Zac here?"

I nod. I don't trust myself to speak.

He clears his throat again. The silence begins to eat away at me. I can hear the party inside, happy and warm and lively. Outside it's cold. "So why did you invite Zac and not me?"

Not this petty stuff again.

"Taylor and Zac have been talking," I reply. "If you had actually spoke to Hayley or Jeremy or Taylor before this party then maybe we would have asked you to come. It's only an engagement party, and it was really last minute. Please, Josh, please don't be pissed off." And I think to myself, why am I pleading with him? Why am I always the one pleading with Josh? This isn't even my argument, but somehow I've become entangled with it when trying to set things right.

I laugh awkwardly and continue, "I know it's a long way off but I'd actually like you to come to the wedding."

Josh laughs too, but it's loud and bitter, and immediately my attempt at a polite smile fizzles away. "Because I'd be so welcome there."

Why is he being like this? "Josh-" I begin, but he cuts me off.

"Just forget it, Callie. Everyone hates me and that's never gonna change. Have a nice party." His voice is sour, and the twisted smile on his face makes me feel ashamed and angry all at once. He's hurt, but I don't know how I feel about that.

He turns and storms down the porch steps, the wind grabbing at his jacket.

"Josh!" I call after him.

I can't leave him like this.

I hurry down the steps, not exactly that agile in heels. "Josh!" I call out again. He's on the other side of the street now, opening the door to his car. "Go back to the party, Callie," he says, not looking at me.

"Don't be like this, Josh, it's stupid," I answer, stepping out onto the road.

He laughs again, still humourless, and shakes his head. "Drop it; this isn't your war."

"War? You think this is a war?" I say, just a metre or so from him now.

I'm so wrapped up in this whole thing that I don't hear the car, not over the sound of my hammering heart and Josh and the wind screaming through the trees. I only know it's there when the glare from the headlights washes over me. I turn my head and look, shielding my eyes, and in that second I know exactly what it feels like to be a rabbit trapped in the headlights.

The car hits. The air is knocked from my lungs. I see the sky, dark. The trees. My own flailing arms. And then I'm coming down. Down, down, down. My back hits something hard. The road. My whole body feels like it's on fire. Everything is blurring.

"Callie!" Josh. Suddenly he's beside me. I can't make out his features. Everything looks so soft. Then he's calling another name, a name I know so well. "Taylor!" he says. "Taylor! Help her!"