So sorry for the delay, been on holiday and writing a story called Real Emotions and etcetera...

Few things I'd like to address before we full stream ahead...

Firstly Alclemene who reviewed (thanks by the way) Bellatrix, Andromeda and Narcissa are all older that Sirius, Bellatrix, the eldest, is something like 9 years older than him and Narcissa is 4 years older. Check out Harry Potter Wiki it's a great research tool.

Secondly Kenzieloveify who asked if it was canon. It is in all the ways that count, the plot of the Harry Potter generation won't change too much but in my 'extended epilogue/second part' thing I haven't figure out yet my influence shall be there in places. I'll tell you this though: Tonks, though I love her, will just be a chirpy cousin and who knows what the final battle will end in... that part is not as important to my story, it's just... there to come, maybe, if I can be bothered...

So... that it?

Here we go!

To Resign

Sirius

I looked up as the dorm door slammed open and Remus strode in with an unreadable face. I watched as his walked to his bed and flopped onto the covers without hesitation. He didn't say a word and I exchanged a look with Prongs across the room. The window above Remus' bed was open and the sky was visible, I saw Remus stare out of the window.

"Full moon in two days" He said blandly and I shared another look with James.

"You say that as if we don't know" James said slowly.

The boy on the bed shrugged and sighed.

"Have you sorted things out now Moony? It's just that..." James looked at me uncertainly and I shrugged. No point him not knowing.

"It's just that the Grey's are getting... y'know... depressed" he finished and Remus sat up quickly, so quickly he obviously felt it, as he raised a hand to his head.

He blinked us back into focus.

"What do you mean?" He demanded.

We glanced at each other again and I took up the initiative. This stupid business was messing up my relationship as well after all. I'd seen the way Al had been the last few days. Most importantly I had been there in the dead of the night as my boyfriend shook and shivered and whimpered in his sleep until I was almost pleading with the boy to wake up. Even then it was hours before he calmed. I'd known that Lara too was doing exactly the same in the other dorm room and it had only made me pull the boy deeper into my arms.

I clenched my jaw.

"You know what we mean Remus." I said steely, Prongs looked at me shocked.

I got up and walked to the head of Al's bed and pulled opened the top draw of his table. From there I brought out a small leather case I knew was always there, just like the one he carried in his bag, and Lara too, I suspected. Turning around I saw Remus eye the bag fearfully. Prongs looked confused; he only knew half of the story.

I threw the bag to Remus and he caught it. I stood waiting, my arms crossed.

"Go on then, open it" I snapped, growing impatient.

Remus gulped and undid the buckle of the case. He glanced at me then flipped it open to show the many pocketed interior. Looking down we all saw two rows of phials, secured tightly in place by leather and corked closed. There were ten phials per row and half of them were filled with cerulean liquid and the other half a pearly pink: calming and dreamless sleep potions.

Six were empty.

"That was full last week." I said.

Yeah, I'm a nosy boyfriend but it's not my worst trait. I have a pretty bad temper too.

"Now you think she'd be better without you?" I snapped and Remus cringed "You haven't seen what I saw last night and even then he had me." He winced but I didn't care "You didn't see him, even with two bloody calming potions down his throat, crying out, shivering and bloody begging. You know as well as me that those twins do everything together and I don't think it was Al dragging Lara this time." I paused to let the words sink in "You might have seen the PCE before, but that was before and those scars they have weren't the only thing that left a mark" I walked closer to him, my fists clenched; I lowered my voice to a whisper "Imagine it."

He put his face in his hands and I pulled out my final bomb.

"Now imagine ten hours of it"

I turned on my heel and stormed out.

I needed a snog, right now, before I started to hit something.

Severus

Larissa practically fell into her seat and when I looked up I raised a delicate eyebrow.

"You look shit" I remarked bluntly.

"You need to wash your hair" she retorted, palming her face.

"You need to slap Lupin"

"You need to get a girlfriend"

I chuckled, unable to help myself.

"Slag"

"Bastard"

"You've outdone yourself, really, I feel so wounded" I said, closing my book with a crack "but seriously, you look crap"

There were dark bags under her eyes and the scar over her face looked a darker red colour than before. Her eyes practically sagged with fatigue and her hair fell past her shoulders in a hasty plait that was uneven and coming undone. Her hands seemed to be quivering slightly and her shoulders sagged.

Larissa rolled her eyes.

"You almost sound concerned" She drawled sardonically.

Perhaps that's because I am. I thought to myself unwillingly and hoped she didn't hear it. I could just imagine the way her eyes would smirk at that comment. She was insufferable when smug.

"Don't flatter yourself" I sneered and the silver haired girl stuck out her tongue in the most immature way ever.

I paused. What the hell could I say that wouldn't sound like I was becoming all chummy with the persistent Gryffindor? It was bad enough she was now 'Larissa' in my head. I mean, honestly, she was the sister of Black's girlfriend; she was a blood traitor, a Gryffindor for Salazar's sake! If any of the Dark Lord's servants found out then I would never be accepted into his inner circle. Nonetheless, I was getting this strange feeling that I should be helping the bitch reign in her fool of a werewolf.

"You know" I started and the girl looked up "Lupin always seemed" I scowled "intelligent. I'm sure that he'll get over his Gryffindor tendencies. He's probably just wallowing in self pity" snorting I crossed my arms "Which is just typical of course"

The girl blinked in that way that she had that made me feel uncomfortable and like I'd done something wrong. She could bloody well stare a person out, I'll give her that.

I levelled off her look and she blinked.

"Thank you... Severus" She said quietly and I grumbled under my breath.

"I don't need your gratitude" I said in my cold voice but totally ruined it by adding "Larissa"

Damn.

I froze and sighed in resignation as I saw the Gryffindor perk up at my use of her given name. She was never going to let that go.

"You called me-"

"I know what-"

"Does that mean-"

"It means nothing pest-"

"But you finally-"

"Ugh!" I cried and slammed my head into the table.

When I looked up Lari- Grey – was smirking and looked at me in amusement.

Great, now she'd be under the unfounded believe we were friends. Which we weren't, no, never ever would I be friends with a blood traitor and pesky annoyance.

Not going to happen. I thought stubbornly.

"The lord doth protest too much, methinks" she said in an overly elegant and refined voice, to the point of chanting, her eyes glinted.

I scowled and pursed my lips, deliberately opened my book with a snap.

Damn her.

"You still called me-" she sang.

"SHUT UP"

Remus

That was it.

I couldn't do this anymore. I had thought over every single disadvantage, every single flaw with her reasoning. Dammit, I had tried to live away from her for two blasted days and look at us both.

It wasn't bloody working!

We'd both been depressed. Lara and her brother had been hallucinating for Merlin's sake and I had lost the small amount of fat that I had held to my already near the edge body. Full moon was in two days, I couldn't sleep, think, eat, and I was spending the hours I should use for homework just... just being an idiot!

School would start tomorrow, Monday, I would have lessons with her and we were paired together in many of them. I would have to talk to her, have to be next to her, have to work with her.

Sirius had glared at me. Alex had frowned. James had huffed. Lily had stared significantly. Alice and Frank had shaken their heads, identically. Happy go lucky Amy had crossed her arms and glared till Tabby had taken her by the shoulder and led the tiny girl away. Even Dumbledore had told me to be 'selfish'.

And Regulus! Regulus Black had given me his weird talk: told me in a threatening voice 'not to waste it'.

I was suddenly very much the bad guy, from everyone, including me.

And dammit! I was just so miserable thinking of ending it. Perhaps I was just being so irritatingly stubborn that I couldn't, wouldn't...

I had seen in that mirror normalcy and truly I knew that Lara, (beautiful, animated, passionate) Lara could and would give me that should I let her.

If I could let her.

I was a monster though... a beast... I was... unworthy.

But she wants you.

I looked up as I heard a giggle and looked out of a window to see a couple running across a courtyard. They were hand in hand and running, laughing, to a nearby bench that they collapsed in. Their heads were close together and the boy laughed and wrapped an arm around her waist. He kissed her temple as she continued to speak and giggle and I saw his face a mixture of tenderness and amusement.

Damn this.

Stuff it; to hell was I going to throw away the girl I loved only to see her wilt away. Bugger them all that would be prejudice asses, my girl was stronger than any of them. I didn't care if I was a monster, why don't I deserve that. Why can't I just be simple and happy and, damn it all, in love. Dumbledore had never given me bad advice, so you know what? I'm going to be a selfish bastard and those who complain can find a small dark hole to hide in.

So there.

Lara

Lily and I sat together in the Library catching up on Transfiguration homework McGonagall had set for Tuesday. Lily got up and said she was off to look for a book and I was left alone. I was just referencing something when a shadow fell across the table and a mind became apparent near me.

Looking up I saw a tall boy in the same year as me which I recognised as Ryan Davies, the Keeper for the Ravenclaw team. He had immaculate dark brown hair, creamy skin and brown eyes. He was one of those boys that made girls giggle when he walked by, the kind that winked and smirked. Wasn't so different to Sirius in that respect, I thought wryly. We had been Herbology partners last term and I knew that he was an intelligent boy but a little too proud.

"Hey Lara" He said smoothly, sliding into the seat next to me.

I shifted uncomfortably.

"Oh, hey Ryan" I said and he flashed me a smile of pearly white teeth.

Ryan's mind was horribly open as well and as much as I tried to blank it out I could still taste the emotions bounding inside him. A mixture of smugness, confidence and excited apprehension wound up inside him like a spring. I didn't like it.

I was suddenly very conscious of the fact we were alone.

"What's up?" I asked uneasily.

To my horror he moved closer to me on the window chair we shared and just when I thought it couldn't get worse he slung his arm around my shoulders. The smell of thick musty cologne caught in my throat hideously and the too strong chemicals scratched at my throat. He was too close. Heat from his skin surrounded me and I felt sweat break out. I resisted the urge to gag and remove his arm that was a dead weight on my shoulders.

Remind me why girls like him?

I glanced around, hoping to see Lily coming back to still the tension. The walkway was completely clear. I pressed myself back against the window, trying to get as far away as possible. He didn't seem to notice, his face too close to my own. His breath felt heavy on my cheek.

"I was just wondering if you wanted some cheering up and would join me tonight" he whispered in my ear with a cocky smile.

I gapped at him, shivering at the feel of the husky voice.

He's joking right? Tell me he's joking. But my Legilimency didn't lie and I knew when someone was joking, and he wasn't now. He really wasn't joking.

"Ryan, I-I'm flattered, really, but-" I started.

"Oh come on Lara. You're not with that Lupin guy anymore" I bristled at the audacious assumption "and you obviously look like you could do with a little... relaxation" he smirked and I tightened my eyes at him.

"Excuse me?" I stuttered and he leaned in closer.

How dare he? How dare he even suggest...

I was lost for words and he took that to mean he could continue to 'flirt'. He totally ignored my exclamation and the fact I was gapping at him in shock and trying to push away. I choked in horror as I felt his hand slip from my shoulder and slid under my shirt to land on my naked waist. His hand was hot, too hot, too sweaty.

I looked up and saw that my wand was lying on the other side of the table where it would be much too obvious to try and reach

"You're a very beautiful girl Lara" He whispered, making me shiver "Even with that scar, I'm sure I could-"

"You had better take your hands off my girlfriend right this instance Davies, preferably before I make you" a voice hissed above us and I sighed in relieve as the Keeper drew away with a scowl, even if his hand was still on my waist.

I looked up and saw Remus standing next to the table with clenched fists and a face filled with contempt. His jaw was clenched and I almost expected him to snarl. Ryan sneered and I felt his hand tighten on me, drawing me closer, I gasped in pain as he squeezed the tender part of my scar that usually rubbed against my trousers.

"What makes you think she doesn't want me here?" the Ravenclaw said with a snigger.

Remus

After watching the couple out of the window a little long I clenched my jaw and started to jog to the common room. I was out of breath by the time I reached it and a quick glance around showed that Lara wasn't here. After some contemplation I ran up to our dorm room. Lots of people stared at me as I walked through the room but I ignored them.

Flying into the room I hardly paid any attention to the lounging boys in there already.

"Hey Remus, what you-"

I paced quickly to James' bedside table without heeding Frank's voice, or caring why he was in our dorm when he was in the year above, and pulled open the bottom draw. Riffling around I soon drew out the battered bit of parchment I had been looking for.

"See you" I called, waving the piece of parchment for Wormtail to see and ran out of the room.

Once outside the common room I checked the map and saw Lara was in the Library with Lily. I quickly made my way there.

I had hardly thought about what I would say when I got there. I just knew that if I tried to think too much about it then I would end up changing my mind, or spend even more hours in useless contemplation. I concentrated on the image I had seen in the mirror. Myself, calm, secure, dreaming of a loving home and simple comforts.

I could do that.

Reaching the doors to the library I checked the map again.

There was the little label 'Larissa Grey' but who was that? 'Ryan Davies'? The Ravenclaw? What was he doing with her and why, pray tell, were they sitting so close?

Shrugging, I walked in, shoving the map into my pocket.

Finally, Lara's table came into view and what I saw made me see red and the inner wolf in me jumped up in anger.

There was Lara pressed up against the window and there was Davies with his hand sliding down her side to push up her top and touch the pale white of her waist. His face was close to hers and he was smirking and whispering things in her ears and I could tell that she was truly uncomfortable.

How dare he! How dare he touch my girlfriend like that?

This boy was going to pay.

Striding up to them I quickly announced my presence.

"You had better take your hands off my girlfriend right this instance Davies, preferably before I make you" I growled at the boy who jumped back in shock.

He sneered when he saw me and I felt my insides boil with dislike. He pulled Lara closer to him possessively and she fell forward with a whine of pain.

"What makes you think she doesn't want me here?" he said obnoxiously and smirked as if he were right.

The wolf didn't like that. This time I really did growl.

"Quit it Davies, before I do something we'll both regret" I snapped and I saw a glimmer of something in his eye before they hardened.

"I don't see why I should; it's not your business anymore who asks out Lara" he said and his chest puffed out superiorly.

"Funny" I drawled "last time I checked, it was my business, seeing as she's my girlfriend"

This time uncertainty was clear in his face and he glanced at Lara who scowled.

"And its Larissa to you" Lara added coldly, standing up and pushing him out of the seat in an amusingly easy motion. She stepped out from the table and stood next to me, without thought I wrapped and arm around her waist, staking my claim.

He jumped to his feet and looked between the two of us, both of us glaring. I saw understanding light up in his eyes and he groaned.

"That will teach you not to listen to the rumour mill" Lara said and with an instinctive flick of her hand I watched in amusement as the bag I hadn't seen under the desk flew at the brunette and wacked him full in the face.

We watched him stumble away.

"You're really getting the hang of that wandless magic" I said with admiration.

I glanced at her and saw she was wincing and holding her side.

"What's wrong?" I said urgently, steering her to the seat and crouching before her.

"Ugh, just that bastard opening up my scar" She said, lifting up the side of her top,

I saw a dribble of blood leak from the rawest part of the scar where it looked like the scab had come away. I fluttered my hands, unsure what to do and Lara laughed at me before grabbing her wand and pointing it precisely at the gash.

"Vulnera Sanenture" She whispered, the word flowing off her lips liquidly, and the blood stopped flowing "Vulnera Sanenture" when repeated I watched as the gash began to loosely re-knit together.

I shook my head in amazement. This girl just kept surprising me.

"You would not believe how long it took me to get that spell right" Lara whispered and I grinned up at her.

My smile slipped.

I hadn't noticed before but it was now that I saw just how exhausted she looked. I winced in pain seeing the fatigue in her eyes and the dark shadows. I bowed my head and bit my lip.

Dammit.

I saw her jaw clench and slowly I rose and sat in the seat opposite her. I didn't know what to say. She bit her lip and a bit of hair fell over her eyes which she impatiently pushed away. I noticed vaguely that she'd had her hair cut and had a new side fringe. I didn't know what to say.

Then it came to me in a flash and I took a deep breath. I concentrated on my own thoughts, concentrated on every single feeling I'd been feeling over the last few days. I saw Lara cock her head and frown so I knew it was working. I shut my eyes and I forced out my thoughts, pushing them out of my head, as if that were possible.

Fear: what if I hurt her, what if I changed her, what if people hurt her because of me, what if I couldn't look after her, what if I passed on this... disease to some innocent child, what if she couldn't get a job, I couldn't get a job, what if the DE's came for her, what if...?

Pain: I couldn't have a family, I couldn't live normally, I was a monster, hated, ridiculed. I couldn't drag someone else into that life. I wasn't even human. Wizards hated me. The ministry hated me. Even Muggles had stories about me, the monster. I was so pitiful and so... lonely...

Loneliness: I felt so empty, the idea of being alone all my life. I had had a taste of what it was like to be loved, to be in love, I had felt that warmth and now it was gone. I felt like... something inside me was withering away till it was just me inside my own head...

Longing: I wanted it all so much! I wanted a family and a home. I wanted a cottage with a washing line and clean white furniture and pots and pans hanging on the walls. I wanted to watch a child grow and know it was mine. I wanted to know I was safe, know where my meals were coming from. I wanted peace, love, simplicity and I wanted Lara. Why couldn't I have that? Did I even deserve that? How I wanted...

Regret: I saw her drained eyes, the empty phials, the hard (desperate, in pain) look in Padfoot's eyes, the threat and ache in Alex eyes, the way Regulus glared. She had been hurting. I had just spent the whole weekend pretending, being a coward, that I wasn't worth it all when in fact I should have thought if she deserved something...

Jealousy: if we broke up would some other guy get her, would she still say no to some guy like Davies, or would she give them a go in the hope they could give her what I couldn't? I was giving up her...

Resolve: I didn't care dammit, I wanted normalcy and, hell, I wasn't going to give it up! I couldn't, wouldn't. I didn't want to, I was going to be a bastard, sure, but I didn't care. I was going to be selfish!

I need you Larissa Astra Grey.

Lily

Turning to the table where I had left Lara, I back peddled and, after a shocked moment, quickly turned away to find something else to do for the time. My cheeks heated up but I still felt a smug smile rise up on my lips.

I didn't feel in the mood for interrupting Lara as she snogged the brains out of a certain Remus Lupin. The consequences of that action didn't bear thinking about.

So turning away from the newly reinstated couple with a small smile I scratched my head and wondered what I was supposed to do now.

Oddly, when I saw two brunettes near some shelves I was draw to them without thought. It was only once I was a meter away that I realised I had inadvertently and yet willingly sought out James Potter. Oh dear Merlin, what was happening to me?

When I approached them I saw that they were peering through the shelves at a first year Ravenclaw boy and silently shaking with laughter. When I looked at what was happening to him I nearly started laughing as well, not that I'd admit that to anyone.

Every time he picked up a book it would seamlessly switch in his hand with one of the others on the table. He'd then put that book down with a huff and pick up the other book which would again disappear, leaving another in its place, and reappear back on the table. The poor boy was getting more and more frustrated, throwing down the switched book and grabbing at the other. I heard the soft footsteps of Madam Pince and she immediately hounded on the boy throwing her precious books around.

"It's not my fault! The books-"

"Impertinent boy, disrespectful-"

"It was the books, I swear!"

"-Juvenile the lot of you-"

"-Was holding one, then it just-"

The two boys were clinging to the shelves in their amusement as the Librarian started snapping at the indignant boy who was being led off by the scruff of his collar.

I tapped my foot at the two boys, crossing my arms in my 'prefect stance'. When they looked up at me Sirius just continued to laugh and James looked sheepish. I felt my lips curve into a smile and I relaxed my posture and flopped into a seat.

"I should probably report you" I told them and Sirius gave me a smirk.

"But you won't will you, not when your lovely bo- ow!" He cried as James hit him.

I looked at them in amusement but I still felt my face heat up. I knew what he'd been about to say.

"I doubt reporting you would do much. Detentions don't seem to work on you two" I said, more to persuade myself than anything.

James casually leant into the seat opposite me, his cheeks an amusing pink colour and his hazel eyes still crinkled up in amusement. His dark hair was ridiculously messy, as ever, and I tried to silence the thoughts that it actually looked quite endearing...

I bit my lip and looked away, flushing.

"So Lady Flower, what brings you to our humble side once again?" Black said with a smug look, though he still looked exhausted as hell.

I sent a look down the corridor where the love birds were hidden and smirked.

"Remus has stopped being a prat and Lara has... taken it to heart" I said with a chuckle.

James grinned and Sirius sighed and smiled tiredly.

"See that Paddy? Our Moony Poo has seen the light" James crooned nudging Sirius with his elbow "He's becoming all grown up"

Sirius barked out a laughed and fell into the seat next to his friend. I thought it looked like a massive weight was off his shoulders and it confused me.

"About time too. We may have brought him up right but it took a bloody long time" He replied, swinging an arm over James' shoulder.

"Easy there tiger" James 'whispered', pushing the arm away with mock embarrassment "don't want anyone to know you actually have the hots for me"

Sirius pouted.

"Prat"

"Poof"

"Bitch"

"HEY! There is no way I'm bottoming in this relationship I'll have you know" James cried indignantly as I laughed at their stupid antics.

"But unfortunately for you Potter, I'm the only one who is allowed to top Mr. Black" a voice said above us and I looked up to see Alex leaning up against a shelf with a small smile and reached his eyes.

I forgot how tall he was sometimes and how thin everything about him was. His arms were long, his fingers long and his legs long. He was wearing a plain white shirt and dark trousers under his black robe that seemed light on his shoulders. Silver hair fell over his eyes and with a pale hand he pushed it back. As he did the sleeve of his shirt fell down and I saw the still pink scaring on his inner arm that I knew said GREY in bold over his pale skin.

I watched as Sirius relaxed palpably and turned in his seat to see the boy at his shoulder. He eyes had a shine to them as he raised a hand to grasp the other boys. Alex face also seemed to soften at the touch and when their eyes met the air seemed to still slightly.

There was silence for a moment as they looked at each other. After a while Alex nodded lightly, flushing slightly, and a bright but small smile spread over his face. I briefly wondered at the odd relationships between the twins and their partners but to be honest I was just too caught up in how cute they were.

"Wait a moment" James said breaking the moment and I looked at him to see a look of dawning coming over his face "does that mean that you, you Sirius Black, are the bottom?"

Sirius blushed generously and started to splutter as Alex laughed as he slid into the seat.

"Wouldn't you like to know" the silver head said with a smirk.

I love you reviewers, subscribers and favouritors! I can't believe you actually like this story!