Chapter XXXV

I found myself in a vast, lust green land. But it was covered in mist. I was so confused. I looked down and found myself wrapped in a white toga, tied with a golden rope. I wiggled my bare feet, feeling the soft grass in between my toes.

What the fu…? I wondered. Far off in the distance I could see something shining, shinning like is was calling me, beckoning me. I began walking toward it. The closer I got; I began making out the shape of the shining thing. It was oval shaped like a giant egg. I got close enough to touch it. It was a giant mirror. At least that is what it looked like. I looked around, even more confused. I looked back into the mirror and watched as my life played out before my eyes, all the pain, all the bliss. Then I saw myself, lying in a hospital bed. I saw Sam at my side; rubbing my knuckles and running his hand threw my hair. I saw Dean coming in, gently laying his hand on Sam's shoulder.

"How's Charlie?" Sam asked, without looking away from me. Dean shook his head.

"The same. Doc says that she is stable. But in a coma. He can't predict whether or not she will come out of it." Dean said.

"How's Jay?" Sam shook his head and laid it on the bed.

"She is fading. Her heart rate is faint and she is on assisted breathing. The baby is fine, though." Sam said, fighting the tears. Dean squeezed his shoulder.

"If Jay's body holds on for three more months, I will at least have a part of her. Dr. Strange says that it is unlikely she will ever awake up. He believes that Jay is holding on long enough for our child to be born." Sam started cry, silently. Dean kneeled down and took Sam in a brotherly hug.

I could feel my own tears running down my face. I didn't want to die. I was not ready to leave Sam. I wanted to live a full life with him and our child. Maybe have more children. I wanted to grow old with him. I looked back up into the mirror and saw four forms walking toward me. I backed up instinctively, preparing for battle. I watched as the four forms walked through the mirror. My knees gave out when I saw who they were. My parents, Jacob and John stood in front of me.

"Jay…" Jacob's voice washed over me. I began to sob uncontrollably. Jacob kneeled down in front of me. He lifted my chin and kissed my forehead. His light blue eyes glistening with tears. He ran his hand through my curled air.

"You look like a Goddess." He said.

"I'm not done yet…." I sobbed.

"I can't be." My parent's kneeled on either side of me.

"You don't have to be, honey." My mother cooed. She ran her hand threw my hair.

"Wha ….. Wha …. What do you mean?" I looked at them, I was beginning to hyperventilate.

"Everyone has a destiny, some have more than one at time." John said, staying where he was.

"You have many things left to do, should you choose to go back." He paused.

"But if you choose to come with us. You have filled a destiny that you were meant to." My father said.

"What do you mean? Come with you?" I asked.

"When someone dies, the ones they love cross over the Vail to help them with the journey. It can be difficult." Jacob said, motioning to the mirror.

"That? That is the light?" I asked.

"You were drawn to it, were you not?" My father said. I nodded.

"All people say is that they saw a light. But what they saw was a reflection of their light." My mother said.

"The choice …. is yours." John said. He stood by the mirror. It really was beautiful. I stood slowly and walked to the mirror. I looked into it and saw Sam, sleeping at my side, clutching my hand, it was like he thought if he let go I would leave it.

"I….." I stammered.

"I choose to stay. I want to go back." My parents and Jacob looked slightly disappointed but John was beaming. He knew what I knew. If I left, Sam would never recover and I could never rest in peace known that I had caused him so much pain.

"Very well." My mother said. My parents hugged me as did Jacob. I watched them disappear into the mirror.

"Give my boys my regards. Tell them I am proud of all of you and that I love them." He said, kissing my forehead. He wrapped me in a tight hug.

"I know you will make a wonderful mother." My breath caught in my throat. Suddenly I felt pain, deep in my body. In my side, where I had been stabbed. I cried out and feel through the ground I was standing on. I fell into my body.

I sat bolt up in the bed, gasping for air, choking on the intubation tube. Sam jumped up yelling. I had scared him. The doctors and nurses rushed in, followed closely by Dean. My eyes were a different colour, I could only tell by the way everyone reacted. A few of the nurses screamed in shock as I looked at them. I reached out for Sam, but I was gagging on the tube them had shoved down my throat. Dr. Strange pulled the tube out. I coughed and gagged, but nothing was coming up.

"Give her air!" Sam shouted, shooing everyone out. Only Dr. Strange, Dean, and Sam remained. My body had finally calmed down.

"Jay? Baby?" Sam said, inching close to me. I looked at him. My eyes still that different colour. Sam jumped back a little, but still continued to get closer to me. I reached out for him. He grabbed my hand and kissed it.

"I thought I had lost you!" He cried.

"You almost did." My voice was rough and foreign to my ears. I pulled him closer to me and planted a kiss on his lips. A gentle, loving kiss. Suddenly an alarm went off.

"Charlie!" Dean shouted and ran out the door. I looked at Sam.

"She woke up." Sam explained. I nodded. I knew there was something I was suppose to say, but I could not remember what it was. It was nagging at my mind.

It was a month before the clean up had been finished, and I was well enough to travel. I will always remember the day Sam came into my room, one of his extra large jackets in his hands, with an ear to ear grin on his face.

"What?" I asked, looking up from my pudding.

"We're going home." That simple statement made me want to jump for joy. It took us hours to load everything into the two cars and our clothes. By about noon we were ready to leave. Charlie rode with Dean and Sam drove my jeep. Some of the Task Force members had taken the liberty of fixing up our vehicles, making them road ready. The good-byes were not tearful, sadness wise. We exchanged numbers and addresses with the members. I gave Claire and Gabriel my number, incase they ever had any questions. By 1300 hrs we were on the road, heading home.

The drive was slow, mostly because I had to stop and pee every five hours or so. We made it home after two and a half weeks on the road. By the time we got back into Oregon, everything was looking like it had before the war. The hospitals and police stations were the first things to get back in working order, than the banks. Slowly civilization was recreating itself. All four of us walked up the front steps, I opened the door and we pushed it open.

"First order of business," I started. "Cleaning." We all nodded, looking at the dust covered rooms. I was 8 and ½ months by the time everything was cleaned up.

Next order of business, baby proofing the house. That didn't take to long. Sam was putting together the crib when we both heard Dean cussing from the kitchen. We walked out of our room to see Dean fiddling with on of the cabinets.

"How the fuck do you open these things?!?" he shouted. It was such a funny sight, we had to stop laughing before any of us could help him.

"I guess baby proof means Dean proof," Charlie giggled.

I was peacefully sleeping one morning when I was woken up with a particularly hard kick. I got up slowly and walked into the bathroom gasping for air. Suddenly my feet were surrounded by water.

"OH!" I shouted. "OH!!" I screamed. Sam came rushing into the bathroom.

"My water just broke!" I shouted. Sam just stood there for a moment before springing into action. He sped to the hospital. We rushed into the ER.

"My wife!!" Sam shouted.

"My wife is having our baby!!" Three orderly rushed at us, some we knew from the compound. They grabbed a gurney and put me on it. One of them handed Sam a pair of scrubs.

"Put these on and you can be in the delivery room." Sam did as he was told. The labor was long and painful. I thought I had a high pain tolerance. I was wrong, very wrong. There was looks of screaming and crying. Finally at 2345hrs (1145pm) our baby girl was born. According to Sam I could not have been more beautiful than with our newborn child in my arms.

"What name should I put on her certificate?" asked one of the nurses.

"Sarienna Mary Winchester." I said. Sam beamed. It had taken us a long time to come up with her name. She was born 6lbs and 13 oz on May 31st, 2012. The first child to be born in the post war world. News spread like wild fire. Reports came to get lots pictures, which we didn't allow. A cover story was run on us, only her birthplace and her picture from the hospital were run. We didn't allow her name or our names to be released. It was unnecessary hype.

Dean could not have been happier, but he was too nervous to hold her. He was afraid that he would harm her in some way. So here we were, a happy family. Living in the back woods of Oregon. We had made sure to put the fear of God into the hospital staff, to make sure that our information remained private, after the photo was leaked.

Sleep did not come to us easily anymore. Sarienna would wake at all hours. I would get up, nurse her and change her. Then I would bring her into bed with Sam and I. The three of us would lay there, in our king size bed. Sam and I would just watch as our beautiful child slept. We would take turns napping through out the day while the other took care of her.

The first time we gave her a bath was something. Sam had pulled the video recorder, I was holding Sarienna, naked, on my hip while I filled up the sink with about three inches of water and Johnson's & Johnson's baby wash. I lowered her into the warm water. What was her first reaction? Splashing mommy. She giggled and slammed her hands into the water. She thought it was the best thing in the world compared to mommy milk. Sam got every second of it on tape. Something, when she was older, would embarrass her to no end. Sam felt the need to show to Dean and Charlie when they got home from food shopping. Sarienna was three months old before we got our first full night of sleep.