Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or anything that has to do with the Bleach franchise.
Shunsui walked idly to his family's manor where he knew his father and brother would be waiting for him. He had been vague about the details in the messages he sent them, only that he had some news to share about Saya. Of course, his father had written a hasty reply wanting to know if she was hurt. Shunsui simply wrote back, "She's fine," not really knowing what else to say but knowing that his father wouldn't be appeased by the answer. Michi had inquired if Saya was coming as well. Shunsui answered the she wouldn't be able to join them.
Kyouraku Daisuke was doing something rather unexpected for a man of his age and status; he was pacing outside of his front door while waiting for his youngest son to arrive. Shunsui gave a small smile to his father.
"You look like a crazy old man doing that, Oto-san."
"I feel as if I'm about to go crazy, what took you so long? Where is Saya? I know you told Michi that she wouldn't be coming with you but I had hoped she would anyway. You were so vague with your messages. Has something dreadful happened to her? Shunsui, what…"
"I will be sure to answer all of your questions, but I'm sure Michi would like to hear the answers to them as well. Why don't we grab a nice bottle of sake and sit in the gardens?" Shunsui suggested, hoping that perhaps his father would numb himself slightly by the time Shunsui had to deliver the news.
Daisuke looked blankly at his son and then walked into the house while telling a young servant girl to bring some sake out to them.
"Asuko, is that you?" Shunsui asked while tipping the brim of his wide straw hat up in order to get a better look.
"Hai, Shunsui-sama."
"You've grown prettier since last time I've seen you and I always thought you very pretty."
"Arigato, Shunsui-sama." Asuko blushed slightly. "My husband thinks me pretty as well."
"Ah, so that's it. Congratulations, I had no idea. They say that a woman who is taken by the man she loves grows prettier each time. Your husband must be insatiable." Shunsui kissed her hand.
"Shunsui, leave the girl alone." Michi had entered the room and was leaning against one of the doorways, arms crossed in front of him, giving Shunsui a sly look. "Besides, father is wanting to know where you and the sake are. I figured I would look for one and would surely find the other. But, at least I found you."
Asuko bowed and ran towards the cellar. Shunsui started to walk towards the back of the house to exit to the gardens but Michi grabbed his arm in passing.
"I know it's not good news. You always write vague letters when you have something bad to tell us. Is father going to be terribly upset? Is Saya alright?"
Shunsui saw the concerned look in Michi's eyes. "Let us join father and I will answer all your questions."
By the time Shunsui and Michi joined their father in the back gardens, Asuko was already pouring sake into their waiting cups. Shunsui was happy to note that his father had quickly downed the first cup in one gulp and motioned for another. Obviously, Daisuke was expecting something horrible.
"How is my nephew doing, Michi?" Shunsui asked as they sat down.
"The little tike is doing fine. He's trying to convince me to allow him to go to the Spiritual Arts Academy; wants to be a soul reaper like his dear aunt and uncle. But he's still only a child."
"Well, if he ever wants to spend a week with me…"
"Stop stalling, Shunsui." Michi said seriously. "I appreciate you asking about my son, but the fact is you came here to discuss Saya and you have been avoiding the subject. Get on with it."
Shunsui gave a loud sigh. "I suppose it's no use then. Where to begin? Saya has gone, supposedly to the king's realm. I really don't think that there is any other place she'd be right now."
Taking advantage of the shocked silence that followed, Shunsui allowed himself a long sip of sake.
"Explain everything." Daisuke whispered. His eyes were wide and his hand was visibly shaking as he brought his sake cup to his lips.
Shunsui nodded and began the story.
"How did it go, Shunsui?"
It was too much to expect that Juushiro wouldn't immediately ask him as soon as he opened the door to his friend's small house. "As good as to be expected, I suppose. Father and Michi were terribly upset. I think the main problem is that none of us really understand why she went back. All I can guess is that she must have been too afraid to stay here. It would be good to know what Souta-kun meant by 'treating her like a traitor.'"
"Perhaps death? That is how traitors are dealt with here in the Sereitei, are they not?"
"But I think Saya would have said something to us. She didn't really give us any clues." Shunsui's hand absently went up to the ribbon in his hair, Saya's ribbon.
"Is there anywhere that we can obtain information from the king's realm? I seriously doubt that it's kept in the main records hall." Juushiro said while taking a sip of tea.
Shunsui looked at his friend. If there was one person who wanted answers more than Shunsui, it was Juushiro. Outside of this house he didn't speak of Saya and everyone seemed too skiddish on the subject to mention it in front of him. Shunsui knew that it probably only worsened his pain, but was happy that the two of them could talk about her now. It had only been a few days and the pain of her leaving cut deep in both of them, but their friendship was strong and they relied on each other to help heal.
Shunsui had heard through the grapevine that the ninth squad was really upset about the disappearance of their vice-captain. Shunsui and Juushiro had informed Soutaicho about why Saya was missing; it didn't talk long for the rumors to fly throughout the court, most of them incorrect. It seemed to Shunsui that Soutaicho encouraged the false rumors. Most believe she had gone on a secret mission to the real world and been killed by a hollow. Only the other captains knew the truth behind her absence, but discussion on the matter among anyone but themselves was absolutely forbidden and would result in a harsh punishment.
A couple hours had passed and Shunsui was walking towards his division. He had taken to sleeping in his private rooms located in his office rather than at his own manor.
"Kyouraku-taicho." A voice called from behind him.
Shunsui turned his head and saw Aizen approach. "Good evening Aizen-kun."
"Good evening. I hadn't had the chance to apologize to you yet. I'm very sorry to hear about Saya."
Shunsui nodded his head a little. "She was attached to you in her own way. I know that she had seriously considered your offer on becoming your vice-captain. I forget sometimes that more of us are suffering than just myself and Juushiro. You must feel some loss as well."
"I don't mean to compare my feelings to yours or Ukitake-taicho's. But I did favor Saya and am sorry that she is no longer here. If there's anything I can do for you, please let me know."
Shunsui nodded once more, thanked him for his kind words and started off towards his own division again.
Aizen watched as Shunsui became smaller and smaller as the distance between them grew. His sincere smile turned into an irritated line.
"Yo little Saya ain't gonna be helpin' us now taicho." Gin said as he stepped out from the shadows.
"It is of no matter. It may be of benefit that Saya is no longer a factor."
"Whatcha mean, taicho? Ain't they gonna train 'er back up?"
"Not after so many people now know who she is. They'll suppress her powers. She'll be no more able than any tramp from the human world." Aizen answered.
"Whatta shame. You was really hopin' this time?"
"Like I said, it doesn't really matter." Aizen turned to head back to his own living quarters.
A week passed and Saya still hadn't moved from her bed, falling in and out of sleep that couldn't be described as peaceful. Her hair was greasy and her skin lackluster. All of the maids assigned to her pleaded for her to get out of bed and at least bathe and change into new clothing, but Saya would ignore them all, pretending that no one existed.
In fact, the interruptions only upset her more. Saya was sure that if she listened hard enough, that if everything was quiet around her then she would be able to hear Hanryo. But after a week of nothing but her own thoughts filling her mind, after hours of sleeping without seeing his face, Saya felt defeated. Thoughts of Juushiro, Shunsui, and Kamikaze filled her mind and left her without hope. She never thought that Kamikaze would be taken from her the way he was, especially when she felt like the giving up her lover and brother was punishment enough.
One time Saya had attempted to take of the bracelet that subdued her inner spirit; it had burned her fingertips. Anyone else could touch it without pain, but Saya would not be able to take it off.
She heard the door open as she often did, but the footsteps coming towards her were much heavier than the young handmaidens that came into her room. She knew who it was without looking, but refused to take her eyes off of the canopy.
"Saya-sama." Souta's voice was quiet, as if he might break her if he spoke too loudly.
No answer. The sound of his voice made her want to cry, it was filled with pity and concern and she didn't want anyone to look at her like that, no matter what her pathetic state. She knew she was pathetic; she didn't have to see herself to understand that. All she wanted was to be numb and everyone around her to be numb towards her. She figured that she was almost there, if only she pushed a little harder.
"Saya-sama, the maids say you haven't eaten anything for a week."
No answer. Why should she eat? She didn't feel hungry, people who didn't possess any substantial amount of spiritual pressure didn't need to eat, they didn't become hungry. Right now, Saya's soul was just as ordinary as any human's found on earth.
"Saya-sama, don't you think a bath might help you feel a little better?"
No answer. A bath would make her feel clean, it might possibly rinse away the numbness that she was so close to achieving, she didn't want to have to start over again.
"Saya… please."
Saya blinked in surprise. She had been so used to Souta using the honorific that she was taken off guard when he only said her name. His voice was no longer filled with pity or concern, it was simply pleading with her to do anything, say anything. A second shock hit Saya when she turned to look at Souta's face. No anger was etched in his features, much to Saya's surprise, she had expected him to be furious or at least mildly irritated by her. Instead, all she saw was pain in his eyes and the heaviness of that grief clearly showed in his features. Souta looked haggard by the sorrow that pressed down on him like an invisible weight.
It was then a realization hit her.
Slowly turning and throwing her feet over the opposite side of the bed, her back towards the young man, Saya stood for the first time in a little more than a week. "Please tell the handmaidens to help me with my bath. And then have someone inform the kitchen that I would like something to eat."
Her words came out more dead than even she expected, but at least they came out. Saya didn't have to look at Souta's face; she already felt the small lift in his spirit. Hearing his footsteps heading towards the door, Saya made her way to her bath and waited for the maids to tend to her. While alone, Saya took a glance in the mirror and immediately turned her face from the person looking back at her. She didn't recognize herself. That girl in the mirror looked sallow, her eyes were dead, hair limp, lips dried. Saya hadn't wanted to acknowledge her own pitiable state and couldn't bear facing it for more than a moment.
"Naishinnou-sama, thank you so much for allowing us to take care of you." Saya's head maidservant said with a bow upon entering the bathing area.
Saya nodded once. "Forgive me for the trouble I've caused you."
By the stunned face of her maid, Saya assumed she had probably never once apologized for any trouble she had caused in the past and most likely wasn't expected to apologize now. She turned her gaze away from the woman, choosing to ignore the unexpected response. Saya knew her own face was still blank and emotionless, despite the looks of those around her.
Kamikaze, what would you say right now? Would you tell me that I was harsh in the past, uncaring, and this is why they react in such a way even though they deserve the apology?
Saya closed her eyes, not that tears would escape them anyway, she had run out of tears after her first night without Hanryo.
"Naishinnou-sama, your bath is ready."
Two butlers led Saya to her grandfather's private study. Having bathed, eaten, dressed (though she still insisted on plain colors), and made-up, Saya felt she looked appropriate enough to go and see him. If she remembered correctly, and she had a feeling she did, he would always see Saya whenever she wanted a visit. Others were always forced to make an appointment. But under the current circumstances, she knew that he would especially want to see her, no matter the time or place. As expected, she was granted immediate entry into his study.
The king looked impassive as Saya stepped in with the two butlers and he dismissed them with a word and a wave of his hand. After the two butlers left, the king's face took a different expression. Saya was almost amused by the revolving looks of worry, concern, confusion. Although she couldn't be sure, Saya hoped that she recognized a bit of regret run through the lines of his face as well.
"Saya, I've been so concerned." The king made a slight motion, as if he might walk over to his granddaughter but stopped himself.
She raised a curious brow. "Are you afraid to embrace me, ojii-sama? That makes me sad, but if you don't feel you should then I won't ask it of you. I simply came here to show you that I will start acting as an imperial princess should. I will no longer burden you with my recent behavior. I'm sure you have been suffering, in your own way, as well. I know that I have duties other than…" Saya stopped, knowing she was about choke on the words. She felt as her eyes turned cold and her face tensed and so she looked away from her grandfather momentarily to calm herself. "Other than what you have outlined in my punishment. I am making myself available to you and any of your affairs that you may wish me to take part. That is all." Saya was slightly irritated with herself. Her voice still sounded dead and distant to her and she was hoping that it would come out cold and serious.
Her grandfather crossed the room in what seemed like one step and embraced Saya. "You have no idea how much relief I feel just seeing you stand before me. I have been worried all this time when they told me you would not eat or speak. I know that a heavy burden has been laid on you. You are not yourself, but you are trying, and that is enough for me right now."
Although she attempted to give him a smile, Saya's face couldn't move in that way. Seeming to understand, her grandfather gave her a small kiss on her temple.
"I'm sure I am not the only one you wish to speak to?"
Saya's eyes widened slightly and then she felt her face return to its previous deadened state as she nodded and turned to leave, realizing there were many things about her grandfather that she had forgotten. Even though he was king of the soul society, he was still just her concerned grandfather in private. That was his true self; the other was only a mask he wore for others.
Even the smallest of tasks, such as bathing, eating, and walking short distances seemed to suck the energy out of Saya, not that she currently had much energy to play with. After her short visit with her grandfather, Saya required a nap. Although they tried to hide it, many of the servants looked worried, as if she was going to revert back to the staying in bed for days at a time. Saya couldn't deny that the idea still appealed to her, but she explained that it was because she hadn't been active much and the small amount of activity had exhausted her. It was true and Saya actually had a semi-restful sleep.
When she awoke again it was late in the evening, the sun was setting and the sky was painted with warm pinks, reds, and oranges. It looked as if someone had upturned their paint buckets and just allowed the rich colors to spread across their canvas.
Sunsets are truly magnificent here in the King's realm. Saya thought. Out of habit she waited for a response from her friend, but only silence filled her mind. She allowed herself a defeated sigh and then called for a handmaiden to assist her in readying herself for dinner.
"We are so happy that you have decided to join us, Naishinnou-sama. You are looking well."
Saya looked at the king's advisor and attempted to smile but it was in vain. But she actually believed the man in front of her; he had been one of the advisors that were adamant about her being forgiven and wholly believed her situation.
"Arigato, Hitoshi-san. It brings us pleasure to share your company." Saya bowed her head slightly towards the older gentleman. He was probably older than her grandfather, but still with much life left in him. Known for his even-temper and ability to look at a situation from all perspectives, Hitoshi was a valued member in the King's cabinet.
A small twinkle seemed to pass through his eyes and an amused smile played on his lips. "It will get easier." He whispered. "It doesn't seem like it now, but it will. You are lying to others, trying your best to act according to how they would want you to. Soon those lies will become what you tell yourself as well. If you hear them enough, then they will become the truth and you won't have to fool anyone anymore. At that time, you will be happy."
Saya nodded her head a little lower. "Arigato. We will remember and cherish your words."
After dismissing her escorts, Saya made her way out of the palace and into the lavish gardens that decorated its courts and grounds. People bowed as she passed, and in general she paid them no heed. That seemed to be what they expected anyway. Although all the gardens were beautiful and peaceful, only one in particular would satisfy her. It was odd for Saya, knowing exactly how to get to a place she only barely remembered. It was as if the muscles of her body were doing the remembering for her as her mind was totally unaware of what was happening, clearly her feet had walked this path thousands of times.
Saya stopped a few feet short of her destination and looked at the young man who was leaning against a large tree. His eyes were closed and he looked peaceful, so different from the pained expression he wore earlier that day. Much to Saya's surprise, she felt a small smile at the edge of her lips and felt her mouth with her fingertips just to be sure she wasn't mistaken. It had felt odd to smile.
Souta's eyes opened and he turned to look a Saya. He blinked several times and started to stand up.
"Don't move, Souta-kun. You looked so peaceful I didn't want to disturb you." Saya sighed inwardly, even if she had managed a small smile, it didn't reach her voice.
"Saya-sama, I…"
"Aren't you going to invite me to join you? That would be the polite thing to do."
Souta smiled. "Saya-sama, please join me."
Another small smile made its way to Saya's face as she walked the last few steps and sat beside Souta under the tree. Neither of them said anything at first, only looked at the stars that shone brightly over them.
"I remembered the other times that you had called me only 'Saya.' You hardly ever dropped the honorific from my name, even though I had asked you several times. You only dropped it when I made you hurt. I remember that I had been severely wounded by a hollow and you were frightened that I wasn't going to live. You called me Saya then, while you were begging me to stay alive."
Souta nodded, but didn't turn to look at the blonde girl beside him.
"The other time was when I went to visit my father in the Sereitei and I didn't tell you I was leaving. You cried thinking that I wasn't going to come back. You were so young then; I don't think it was long after I had brought you to live here and you were always attached to my hip then. You thought that I had abandoned you and you cried to me when I returned. 'Saya, please don't leave leave me again. I thought you gone forever. I was so sad, Saya.'
"I remember how much it hurt me, to know that Souta-kun had suffered because of me. I cringed at the thought of making you sad, at bringing you pain. I'm sure the thought of my being alive brought you happiness at one point, and I have stomped all over your happy feelings. Here I am, not thinking of how others may feel, bringing you pain. I am suffering too, but it is selfish of me to take it out on the ones I love."
Souta looked at Saya for the first time since she had sat beside him.
"I will do my best to not make you suffer anymore. I am sorry that I have already brought you so much pain, though I feel like I cannot yet ask for your forgiveness. When I can be content in my current situation, I will ask for your forgiveness and I hope you will give it to me." Saya said.
"You are already forgiven, Saya-sama. It makes me happy that you're trying. It will only make you suffer more if you feel I am unhappy with you. But please remember, you don't have to shoulder this alone. It will ease you to let me share some of your burden. The thing that has hurt the most is that Saya-sama won't speak with me, she won't share her thoughts her feelings. Saya-sama would always tell me everything. I will help ease your pain, and by allowing me to help you, you will ease my suffering as well.
"I know that it will take a long time for you to feel content. I feel bad for taking you away from the happy life you made for yourself. But please help me build some happiness here for you."
Saya's eyes widened in surprise and then a true smile formed on her lips. "Souta-kun is not that small child I remember. He is a very fine man, ne? Thank you."
A small blush covered Souta's face as he smiled back. "Thank you, Saya-sama."
Arigatougozaimasu to everyone who has reviewed, specifically: Daydreamer Magby, Ukitake-chan, I heart Bleach, HaloteveCV, firewaterearthwind, rukia23, SheDevil85, cheeky half-demon, SorryCharlie, Fefisgbf13, Gimlet, and SemperVenice. Thank you to everyone that put this story on alerts, faved or added me as a favorite author, it truly means so much to me.
I hope you didn't find this chapter as depressing, although Saya is still depressed, she's trying. I'm excited, as I'm in the final stages of the story... but you know me, chances are this will be the never-ending-fanfic! hahaha.
Anyway, please take the time to review, I always appreciate any feedback.