34. Rushed

I found Amber sitting on the porch of my house when we came through the woods from out hunt. I was full of blood, still bouncy from the taste and in a good mood. It had been a long time since I had last hunted and since I didn't need to like Angel or them did; I decided not to go when they did.

It went well for the most part. None of my instincts were gone from the time of no hunting; in fact they seemed even sharper than I had thought they were. We stayed out for hours, herding anything that moved and had enough blood to sustain us for a long enough time without impacting the wild life.

I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I didn't know it was going to happen so soon. Once I caught scent of a mountain lion and I was off the hunt, Jason had to get in my way. He leaped out in front of me right as I lunged with that stupid smirk on his face. I didn't even think of stopping. I was too far into my senses, not realizing what this was going to cause. I hit Jason at full force, the sound like two boulders crashing at each other, then taking down a few trees. I clawed at his skin, trying to show him that this was my kill. It even got to the point where we both phased; going for each others' throats, but it ended soon after that once they all pulled us apart. We stayed miles from each other since that first hour, not even getting closer that we needed to.

We arrived back at the house around eight, everyone full of laughter, the tense of being thirsty was gone for the night and joy filled every crevice. It was hard to be in a bad mood when there was nothing to be sad about.

That's when I saw Amber sitting on the porch, her arms in her coat, puffs of steam coming from her mouth and nose, her cheeks pink from the cold, and her body shivering. Her hair was up in a pony tail, the wind blowing it back and forth into her face. When she saw us come out of the woods she stood up and stepped off the porch lightly. He steps seemed a little forced, but that might have been from the cold.

My family stopped behind me, slowly their pace greatly.

I kept walking up to the small figure of the girl I loved. I stepped over the brittle grass and stood in front of her. She looked up at me, fresh tears running down her face. She let out a burst of air when my eyes touched hers then she threw herself at me, her hands in my hair, kissing me desperately. I clutched her closely, not truly understanding. I kissed back, holding her waist with one hand, my other one tracing her back, occasionally feeling the soft skin of her arms. She broke away once for air, then kissed me again. It took all my will not to have her right then and there, to rush up to my room and close the door, but I knew this would only hurt her. I had to control myself better, starting with this.

This time it was I who pulled back, holding her face in my hands, wiping the tears away with my thumbs. I told her it was okay, that I was sorry, the same words every time, but this time was different. Amber was acting different. She kept shaking her head, saying it didn't matter, that she loved me, that she always would love me no matter what. I told her I loved her too.

"You don't understand." She said again, sobs breaking from her chest. "I will always love you. Nothing can change that. Got it?"

"Yes." I told her hesitantly.

"Promise me you'll remember what I'm saying."

"I promise?" where was this energy coming from?

"Promise me." It was almost a growl.

I leaned down and kissed her again, tilting my head to kiss her better. She opened her mouth, her sweet breath on my tongue. I leaned my forehead against hers. "I promise." I vowed with everything I had left.

Amber nodded. "Don't forget." It was barely above a whisper.

I took her hand, feeling the icy touch of her skin. "You must be freezing. Come on-I'll make you some hot chocolate."

"Sounds perfect." She grabbed my hand as I led her into the house. I opened the door, feeling Amber shiver as the gust of warm air from the house hit her skin. I held her more tightly as I set her down on the couch. I kissed her forehead and went to the kitchen. I came out with her steaming cup of hot chocolate to see her wrapped up in a wool blanket and her head on a pillow. I could still hear her teeth chattering. I sat down next to her, helping her up.

"Thanks." She smiled then made a sound of pleasure as she took that first sip. I laughed at her expression. I might as well have told her she won the lottery. "God this is good."

"Always the tone of surprise." I teased, putting my arm around her. She shivered once more at my own warmth and then put her head on my shoulder while taking another sip.

"I love you." She said again for what felt like the thousandth time.

Now don't get me wrong, I about whooped with delight at the sound her of saying those words, but for one, guys don't whoop. Two, this wouldn't bother me as much if there wasn't a certain tone to her voice as she said them. Something about them bothered me.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked her, pulling her chin up towards me.

Amber looked confused, completely innocent as ever. I immediately felt stupid for asking the question. Of course everything was fine with her. What could be wrong? Maybe she just wanted me to know how much she loved me, and that's why she was back. Was she telling me she would always come back? Or that she would always be here for me, no matter what, no matter how much I screw up? It made sense. My worries vanished in that same second, Amber hadn't even blinked by the time I thought it through it now.

"Not that I can think of. Unless you want to tell me something?" her voice wasn't suspicious, but rather kind. It still surprised me that even though I've put her through hell, she still loves me, cares for me, wants to be around me, and isn't bothered by my presence.

"Nothing at all." I smiled at her. I kissed her nose gently, making her laugh.

Amber stayed at my house that night, just like every other night before and after we break up. I never asked her what her father thought her little over nighters, but I didn't care what her father thought. He could he suck it.

She walked in my room, wearing one of my t-shirts that were way too big for her. It came down to her knees, a little tight around the waist because I don't have her curves. She crawled into my bed while I pulled out the sleeping bed from my closet.

"No."

I turned to look her, about to ask her what was wrong.

"Come here." She patted the bed, scooting over to make a spot for me.

"Amber, I've told you why-"

"And I don't care." She said matter-of-factly. "I trust you." The way her words hit my ears made my heart melt. She trusted me. Somehow, she trusted me.

I put the sleeping bag up and slowly walked over to her. I sat on the edge, giving her plenty of room, trying to keep her comfortable. Amber sighed, put her arms around my bare chest. She snuggled closed to me and laid her head on my back. I turned over, making her head more comfortable on my chest than my back. She fell asleep in my arms while I watched her dream for hours.

This continued for a whole week. On the Monday of the second week since we got back together, she kissed me goodnight. Each night the kisses got longer, sweeter and better. Sometimes we went to bed early and just kissed for hours. I still felt that same desperation in her kisses as I felt the night we got back together, but I was too wrapped up in her to notice. One the third week, I traced her legs with my hands, holding them, then her back. She never minded, just kissed me, but I was too much of a coward to go farther. I was afraid I would scare her off, that maybe we were going too fast, but she was there every night in my bed with a smile on her face.

It was a Tuesday on the fourth week when I walked into my house with Amber, hand in hand.

"Jonathan?"

"Who else?" I laughed and followed Nick's voice. I found him in the kitchen with a piece of mail. We never got mail. "What is it?"

"Amber's dad dropped this off this morning right after you too left for school." Nick handed it to Amber and walked away. I watched him go, but I turned my eyes onto Amber when I heard her ripping open the mail with haste. I saw Amber's whole completion turn pale as she read the little slip of paper that she pulled out. Some letter.

I was too consumed with Amber's face than to notice why the note was so small. I went to grab it, but Amber jerked her hand away and ripped the paper into shreds. I could have taken it from her and put it back together in a second, but if Amber didn't want me to have it, then I wasn't going to try.

I never brought the letter up again, but I couldn't forget that look on her face, like someone had sentenced her to death.

Two nights later when I walked into my room at the same time I had for the last few weeks, I found that Amber wasn't in there waiting for me like normal. I looked around, expecting her to be hiding like she did once, but she wasn't in this room. I lay down in bed and looked out the window at the stars.

I heard Amber open the door.

"Jonathan?"

I looked at Amber, and then did a double-take.

Amber was standing in my doorway, but it wasn't the fact that she was standing there that surprised me-it was what she was wearing…or rather what she wasn't. All she had on her body was a bright blue bra and lacy black panties. I had pictured Amber like this so many times, but now that she was right in front of me, I couldn't help but look at the stuff I missed. Her shoulders were broad, well muscled for someone of her size. She was skinny, of course. She had small curves, but her torso was so skinny that the curves were amplified. Her stomach was small, showing faint lines of a four-pack somewhere. She had long, well toned legs that were shaking. She bit her lip when I looked back at her.

She shrugged her shoulders and gave a small smile.

I gulped.

"What do you think?"

What do I think? What do I think? I didn't even know what to think! Right now I had the hottest girl I've ever met standing in front of me, half naked, asking me what I thought about her. I could have told her many cheesy things, I could have given her a one word answer, but instead or risking my voice cracking, I let out a low whistle.

She blushed and turned her face away.

I got up and put a blanket around her and led her to the bed gently.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

She shrugged.

I sighed.

"You don't like it do you? Not on me. I have to admit I'm not as pretty as some of the others girls."

I barked a laugh. "You're right. You're much more beautiful."

She laughed. "That's cheesy."

"Is this what you want, Amber? Is this what you really want?" I grabbed her face so she would have to look at me.

"I love you." There was that sentence again.

"I love you, too, more than you know, but you have to think, Amber. I can give you this, I wanted to from the start, but its different now. I love you. You can't take it back, Amber. I have to know that this is what you really want."

Amber looked at me. She lifted her body at her full height, held her chin up, and looked at me sternly. "I. Love. You."

I leaned in slowly, my decision made, but I wanted her to have time to stop me if she changed her mind. My lips touched hers.

It was nothing like I ever experienced before, nothing like the twenty-four years of girls and parties. This time I was making love to someone I actually loved, which made it ten times better. After it was over I just laid there, sighing her name in her ear, reminding her that I love her forever.

The nights went on like this for a few days. We would have sex, she would fall asleep, when she woke up and found me still there, watching her, she would smile and kiss me lightly. She would then proceed to take a shower while I made her breakfast and then took us to school. Jason even went out of his way to give me a sad, yet dirty look every time he saw me in the kitchen. It's like he was trying to warn me, but he hated me so it didn't really work.

I never slept with any other girl than Amber since the last time we got back together which was about a month ago. In fact I didn't really need to. I had what I wanted-Amber Bay forever and ever and nothing was going to tear us apart. At least not while I was still breathing.

I never saw Cody…or Claire. Sometimes I'd wonder about her, what she was doing and why she hadn't revealed herself yet, but I didn't like to think about it. She knew what she was doing and as long as I did my part, she would show herself in due time. At least that's what I told myself.

It was a Friday on the sixth week when Amber told me that she couldn't stay the night. She said her dad told her she needed to come home for the weekend, that he didn't know she was staying at my house and she would be back Monday. Her lips twitched when she told me that. I had no reason to suspect anything, so I didn't. She left early Friday morning so her dad wouldn't notice she was gone and told me she'd see me at school.

Amber never showed up to school.

I stayed in the parking lot well after the tardy bell rang, hoping she was just running late. When she didn't show up I found that I had completely missed first period and rushed to my second, not bothering to explain where I had been, not that anyone cared enough to know. I waited all day, hoping she would show up. I even expected that she would be in the lunch room when my lunch bell rang, but she wasn't where we normally sat, so I just slid in next to Liam, whom I felt like I hadn't spoke to in months.

"Do you know where Amber is?" I asked him when he paused to take a bite.

"If you don't then I definitely don't."

I turned away and ate in silence. I didn't talk to anyone but Amber anymore. Now that she was gone I realized how much I secluded everyone. I sighed, wishing Amber would show up for the second half of the day.

She didn't.

I even waited after school for her, hoping she would at least come home with me. After I waited an hour after school, I finally got into my car and drove to her house. When I parked the car on the side of the road I saw her trunk was full. It had a pillow and blanket in there as well as some bags and shoes. Leaving the car, I walked up to the door. I went to knock but it was already open. Fear coursed through me. Had Cody came and gotten her? I rushed up the stairs, already thinking of the worst case scenario.

I pushed open her bedroom door, ready to fight, but there Amber was, throwing things on her bed, packing clothes into bags, crying. She kept whispering that it wasn't enough time, whatever that meant. That's when she saw me standing in the doorway. She looked at me, tears falling down her face.

She threw her cell phone at me. I ducked and heard it shatter as it hit the wall. I looked back at her, horror on my face.

"Get out!"