Chapter 33: Risk it

"This place is a disaster." He spared her no comfort or ignorance- he was so annoying these last few days she wanted to plunge a butter-knife in his stupid fat belly. "You should clean it."

She sighed and searched for his floating fat body in the air. Upon finding said subject, she laid her gaze at the black monitor of their TV. "Dudley?"

"Yes?"

"You're annoying. Leave me alone." She mumbled as she stared at that stupid TV. All she wanted was a bit of piece, so she could just lay down at the couch and slowly waste away with no interruption. Dudley's presence was ruining the moment. And his comments interrupted her slow (metaphorical) death. Of course, her honest plea did not reach his small ears as he floated in front of her vision, his head upside down as he shook it. "Can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because then you'd waste your time crying pathetically." He stated bluntly, no emotion hidden in his voice. She narrowed her eyes at him and did her best effort to glare. "What if I promise not to?" Compromising seemed to be the only means of communication with this floating imagined Dudley of hers. He was just more proof that she's gone barmy. "Don't promise things you can't do." Was his final answer on the matter as he floated back somewhere behind her.

She huffed- who says she wouldn't be able to promise that? No one but a floating vision of hers. But still; she stopped crying yesterday- now she just wished to be gone from this utterly depressive world. Dudley's comments weren't helping. She opened her mouth; searching for a retort to his words. But then she remembered; why? Why even try? Nothing she could say would leave her alone. She was just wasting time. Once again- plain ignorance and lack of movement seemed to be the best answer.

"I'm still here you know."

She sighed and closed her eyelids- 'Ignore him. He might get eaten by your imagined dinosaur.' The thought tugged a smile at her mouth, but it was easily replaced by a frown when Dudley's voice interrupted the very amazing daydream. "And I'm not leaving till you move."

"You never leave." She corrected, wondering if she had enough strength to throw a pillow at him. "So there's no difference really."

"Fine. Then this will be a very looong one-sided conversation." She threw the pillow somewhere behind her, not even aiming or opening her eyes, not caring where it hit or landed. It was silent for a few seconds until unsatisfied grumbling reached her ears. It made her smile for just a little bit. "Congratulations. You hit the lamp." His voice was dry, a lot more than it normally was, so she assumed it was his tone of expressing annoyance or anger. "Thanks. What's my reward?" She asked, slightly amused. There was no doubt that Dudley was annoying her; but he was still successfully keeping her mind off other things.

"My never endless chatter."

"I'd rather a broken lamp, thank you."

"No can do. There are no switches- plus it's not broken."

"How can you know? Maybe it's hurting from the inside."

"I know Lamp language- it's fine."

"Really? What's it say?" She knew that she was now actually conversing with him- but she didn't really care and she couldn't deny that her mind didn't need a distraction from constant depression and self-hating over the last few days. And despite all odds; This Dudley was actually pleasant to talk to. It was very strange; he had the appearance of Dudley but his voice and actions reminded her very much of Robert. Except he really didn't give a damn about her and he was quiet and blunt- never sugar coating the truth. And he tested her- forced her to use vocabulary and words that a normal 7 year old soon to be 8 shouldn't really have.

But Holly always knew she wasn't a normal 7 year old.

"Except for the dirt around me that's suffocating my light and the nasty surprise of a pillow attack- I'm chipper!. Or something along those lines." He mumbled to her, probably floating right above her right now. She grinned slightly.

"Then please tell it: I'm very sorry."

"Your gonna have to do that yourself."

"But I don't know how to speak lamp."

"Well neither do I."

"What? But you said you did."

" I can understand it- I can't speak it." He answered back and stared at her from above. "Do I look like a lamp to you?"

She opened her eyes and stared at his obnoxiously chubby floating body. She cocked her head to the side. "You look like a whale to me. Umm... Maybe if you started twinkling?" She provided; a small smile on her face. She yelped as his upside down face was suddenly in front of her; a deep frown turned upside down, his small eyes scrunched up. She was expecting an explosion from him; anger, harsh words. But he just nodded his chubby face. "Yes... Your definitely one messy broom."

And that's how it went on for another hour.

The conversation had no specific topic; they switched from theme to theme, trying to rile up the other one. But despite the somewhat harsh blows, they were both more amused and irritated at each other than really angry. It was weird and peaceful at the same time. At one point they stopped and Holly found herself in silence. She frowned as her thoughts drifted elsewhere. To a letter and her uncle. To the guilt, the blame. To her aunt upstairs- was she even alive? Holly had barely been feeding herself, let alone her aunt. And at times at her lost cousin, which she mourned and hated at the same time. She regretted her cousin's death- nobody should die like that. But she found a guilty hate rise up beneath- his death has caused so much problems; so many crushed hopes and misfortunes. Even in death, Dudley had managed to break her nerves.

Yet the thing she hated most was herself. At times it felt like she was never even meant to exist- that she was just an accident that had to happen. She tried so damn hard to make things work- for the people around her to be happier; to really gain a family. And she foolishly thought it would all work out. 'Im such a moron... Such a baby.' She smiled bitterly, a lazy arm shielding her eyes from the outside light. She bit her lip as she held back the tears. Tears would not help her now. She shed enough of them- they made no difference.

She knew she should get up- but what difference would that make? To try hard again, and barely hold down the raging disappointment later on? Why should she get up and try again? What for? There was nothing left. She would admit defeat; 'Just make the pain go away...'

"Hey, Dudley?" She whispered, her voice hoarse, not able to ask what she wanted to know. He floated behind the coach, watching her from above. He knew the emotions she was feeling now; but he wasn't the one that could help her. For this he knew only one person really could. 'And they're listening...' He turned slightly, seeing the figure that just arrived from the corner of his eyes. He grinned wickedly; perhaps this will be the best family she could have. 'It will be really rough... And tons of disagreement and fighting.' He thought, a smile playing on his lips. 'It will be a beautiful family.' He purred to himself and floated into a corner, neither seen by the figure or his host.

"Why... Should I try one more time?" Holly finally whispered, not really expecting an answer in return. Yet she received one. That is, a question.

"Why should you not?" A whisper asked; Holly's breath hitched. That wasn't Dudley's voice. And if she wasn't hallucinating that meant...

"A-aunt P-petunia?" She stumbled with the words, not expecting to see her aunt downstairs at all. She gaped slightly and rubbed her eyes; her aunt was wearing a dress, a clean normal dress. It was a completely different aunt- different than the ones in the past. This one had no pearls or jewelry adorning her long neck. Her hair was combed- and only that, as it fell past her shoulders- the messy blond color slightly wavy at the ends but straight nonetheless. Her face held no makeup nor dirt- it was cleaned and that's it. And her eyes... Perhaps they experienced the most change. They weren't lighting up and neither were they pompous; but they also weren't savage or mad. They were cold, with a hint of sadness in them, but that change alone was remarkable.

She didn't know how long she exactly stared, blinking at the non-received words her ear heard. "Ummm... Excuse...me?" She tried, not catching absolutely anything but incorrect mumbling from before. Her aunt narrowed her eyes a bit, the very much known annoyance lighting them up. "I said; what soup would you like?"

Holly stared at her, wondering if her brain had somehow taken her to a land of dreams without her realizing it. She blinked a couple of times, before finally opening her mouth. At first nothing came out, so she tried a bit harder. "Uhhh- I... I... U-Ummm..." By the look on her aunt's face, her answer wasn't really satisfying. 'Way to lose the ability to speak' She grumbled/thought absent-mindedly, as her aunt huffed and turned to walk away. In that moment, her eyes found Dudley's as she stared at him in question, as if this was his plot or something. But he just shrugged and continued to read an open magazine on the floor. Holly huffed in irritation; what was this, confuse-Holly day?

"Well?" Her aunt yelled as she came back. "Don't just stand there!" She crossed her arms, impatiently tapping her foot. Holly looked at Dudley's corner one last time before giving up and getting up, following wherever her aunt was headed. They roamed their way into the kitchen, which on further inspection, wasn't in tip-top shape. Holly winced as her finger slid through the table, leaving a very visible track and proving just how dusty and dirty it was. How long was she in depression again?

She found her aunt rummaging through the refrigerator, leaving all kinds of angry mumbles. She sighed as she stepped out, closing it as she went to a drawer. She took out a pad and pencil and sat at the dusty table Holly was at. She ignored the dirtiness (which was very un-Petunia like) and started scribbling and mumbling to herself. Holly was either impatient or annoyed for being called over for no reason whatsoever as she dared to speak up. "Can I go now?"

Auntie looked up at her only once, before going back to her scribbling. "No. You may not." Holly was furious; she was on short ends all week, yet her aunt came down just now? And what was she writing anyway- a list of her new chores? "Why not?!" She raised her voice a bit higher than necessary, but her aunt paid her no mind either way. She answered only after she was done writing. "Because... You have to go to the grocery store."

Holly must have undergone a shock exposure as she was handed a list of things to buy and money. She blinked and looked at the list, making sure food was written on it and not something like: Go jump off a bridge; you're bonkers. To her horror every last item on the list was food- and more importantly, food they actually needed. "Chicken soup for lunch." Her aunt mumbled as Holly turned to look at her. "Your favorite right?" Holly put a lot of effort for her jaw not to drop, so she just nodded a bit, checking the money. She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "This is... More than I need."

"Oh yeah- buy yourself something too."

That would have been an appropriate moment for her to pass out on the spot. 'Alright, that's it!' She gulped as she found the words. "Um... Auntie... What's wrong with you?" Being blunt seemed the right way to go. "Are... Are you feeling ill?" Holly asked, putting as much concern in her words as she could. She would have loved to ask something like "HAVE YOU FINALLY SNAPPED?!", but that seemed just a bit too much for her to handle. And she would find out if her answer was somewhere along the lines of: "Shut up doll, and do as you are told. Mwahahaha!". She wasn't even exaggerating. Not one bit.

"No- clearly I'm not. What makes you say that?" She retorted, irritation leaking into her voice.

"Because..." 'Your clean, your talking go me as if I actually were a human being oh and, yeah you just gave me extra money and told me to buy myself something.' "Your... Making me chicken soup." Honestly, Holly was flabbergasted by that the most.

"For us." She corrected. "I'm making chicken soup for the both of us."

"Yes, fine. But that alone is..."

"What? Strange?"

"YES!" Holly cried out not being able to keep it in any longer. "Your not hissing insults at me or chasing me down the hall and... Your making chicken soup!" She panted a bit, surprised at herself. But Petunia stayed calm and looked at her as if that screaming action didn't even happen. "I most definitely will not start chasing you down the hall and insults you might receive only when insulting me back." Holly could have just slapped herself in the face then and there. "B-but-!"

"Let it go." A familiar haughty voice whispered in her ear. Shocked, she saw him floating beside her out of the corner of her eyes. "Can't you see your aunt is trying to let go of her past and focus on the present?" She looked more closely at her aunt, and noticed the biting lip and the worry in her averting eyes, and the distressed aura she seemed to spread; things she hadn't noticed. 'But why would she do that? And why now?'

"Because she wants to reestablish some sort of relationship with you." A voice answered in her ear. "Because she has made terms with the past; because she knows that he had left you, just like he had her, and she realizes that perhaps, you've never been took in. Only left alone." He whispered, a cruel smile tugging at his chubby face despite the seemingly comforting words. She was shocked; at his words and more than that. 'Is he reading my mi-?'

"Oh don't be surprised." He yawned at her side, probably bored. "I told you- I'm a part of you. Your thoughts and mind- they can not be hidden from me." He whispered again and then floated behind her, resting his chubby hands on her shoulders. She shivered at the sensation- because he was actually touching her and she felt it. His hands weren't warm or cold; but they were solid. And that freaked her out more than she would have liked. She narrowed her eyes and stared at the dirty surface of the table. 'Despite what you say- why should I give her a chance? Why should I try one more time?'

"I don't like questions with why. I ask myself 'Why not?'" He squeezed her shoulders a bit. "What do you have to lose? Your aunt doesn't love you- but she doesn't hate you either. Not anymore. Stop thinking about her as a loving family member; think of her as a future guardian." He whispered; even though nobody but her could see him or hear him. 'Feel him...' She shivered a bit; the once innocent hallucination he represented was gone- now he seemed to be something much deeper than that...

She reconsidered his words for a moment. She had always assumed that a family member was just another definition for a guardian. Someone that loved you... Kept you close. She didn't know how, but something deep inside her told her that wasn't the case. So why shouldn't she take this chance? She was sick and tired of fighting for a family member- those experiences and scenarios all went down the drain. She was sick and tired of trying so hard... For once, she just wanted to stop and not try as much, but still have something- someone to rely on when needed. 'A guardian...'

"Would you... Like something in the store too?" She whispered, her decision and answer clear. Dudley grinned and squeezed her shoulders a bit before letting go, floating back to the door. Aunt Petunia stilled a bit, obviously shocked by such an abrupt change. But she didn't mention it. She smiled, her lips barely going upwards at all, but it was something of a smile/grimace either way.

"Vanilla and chocolate ice cream." It was short and clear; not really an order but neither a question. She got up from the table and began to sort this kitchen mess out. Holly nodded and walked to her room to get dressed properly. Dudley smiled in satisfaction, waiting for his host at the door. 'You can't have a family, Holly... Because they just break your heart. But, a guardian is someone you need...'

A/N: This doesn't seem long...But it's my longest so far I think. Isn't Dudley just... Unexplainably evil at times? Do you wonder why- even though his intentions are clearly for Holly's sake? So what's up with the evil grins and sinister smiles? Only I know the answer.

Try to write your opinion about the chapter (C'mon just one little review? ...Please?): We just passed a great hurdle ya know. I think the good stuff is beginning next chapter- magic and all that jazz. But the 'Dursley Middle Ages' era is officially finished. And it took only, like, 33 chapters... no biggie *gulps loudly*.