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Act XXXVI
176. Never
Ginny plied me with hot tea and warm cakes until I felt somewhat human again. The whole story came tumbling out: his gifts and his subsequent disappearance.
"I need to find him. We need to at least talk about what happened."
Ginny blushed slightly and squeezed my hand. "Ilsa, what did happen? Did he—you know, take advantage of you?"
I frowned. "No! He would never!"
"He—he is, well, not the way I remember him," she confided.
"If anything, I took advantage of him. I didn't do it on purpose; I was halfway through before I realized what was happening."
177. Blame
Ginny clearly didn't understand.
"I care for him," I said earnestly, "Really care. I think—I think I love him. But I dragged him out to Yorkshire without so much as a by-your-leave. I took advantage of his willingness to capitulate with whatever I asked of him. I kept him tethered to me like a fucking dog."
"Ilsa—Professor Snape might be a lot of things, but he isn't weak; if you think you are to blame for what happened, you are wrong." She pulled out a copy of a newspaper. The bold headline read: Ministry Marriage Scandal Exposed.
178. Battle
Underneath the headline was a black and white moving picture of the vaulted chamber that was used for apparating. Severus and I flounced across it, me in my converse high tops and sparkly cardigan, looking even younger than nineteen, and Severus looking very serious and mature in his full black robes.
He spun me into the apparition, a soft smile on his face.
"The Professor was my teacher you know," Ginny said softly. "He was actually very cruel when we were in school, but he worked very hard to keep us students safe and prepare Harry for the final battle."
179. Campaign
I must have looked confused because Ginny smiled and shook her head. "I forget you don't know about these things."
And finally it came out: a war that spanned generations and had almost wrung the life and soul out of the hidden magical world. She narrated Severus's role, first as a Death Eater and then as a spy, to me. He had spent half of his life hiding who he was from people.
"He was a rotten teacher, but I think he might even admit it now," Ginny laughed.
I chuckled, remembering a conversation on the moors so long ago.
180. Disguise
"Professor Snape is many things, Ilsa, confusing not the least of them, but if he took you to Yorkshire without complaint, bought you a cottage, and is sending you to art school, it's not because he doesn't care for you. Perhaps it is because he cares about you."
"The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows. The Buddha."
Ginny didn't say anything for a long time. "He has spent most of his life pretending. I don't know if he knows how to be 'just Severus'. I think, with you, he is closest."
A letter to my speedy beta renaid, who even corrects my spelling of the word apparition... because sometimes I am lazy and don't look things up because she is so good.