Thank you for your wonderful reviews.

shayer – Thanks my friend! Good call, I had always intended for Ethan to change his tune. I agree completely, as hard as it was for Spencer to watch, it would have been sublime torture for Ashley to actually have to live. Yet again I am mean to Ashley…

LoveAsh87, slushhy – Thanks, Tilly and Eva are kinda adorable

lilce1992, freakanatomy, SJVlovesLAD – Thank you!

uluvme – no your eyes do not deceive you Ethan Marks apologised. I think it will become clearer as the story progresses. Yeah I sat around think about how Evie could ask out Tilly and all I knew was it had to be a bit out there lol.

mutt009 – Well I love it when I do something unexpected! The showcase will be up soon

imaferrari – It was a tough situation for both women, having to watch it and having to act it out. Ethan was always planned to change his tune and apologise. Eva and Tilly danced around each other for a little while, according to my timeline it was 28 days from the first time they met to Eva asking Tilly out. They also knew each other for about 19 days before they even kissed.

momo0414 – Not sure Tilly is gonna trip Ethan Snr, but we'll see!

Usual disclaimer – SoN not mine, of course Eva, Tilly and Harrison are though!

You Had Me At Um

Chapter Thirty-Five – Some Home Truths

Ashley's POV

Tonight was the Marks Records Showcase and the official launch of my second single, What I Didn't Say, and I could not stop thinking about a certain blonde who was the inspiration for that and all my latest songs.

I had thought it would be easier once we had spoken, but instead it was just worse. Being that close to her and seeing all the hurt and pain I had caused her had cut me more than I ever anticipated.

I had been replaying our conversation over and over in my head, trying desperately to make sense of it all, to figure out a way to dispel my fears so I could go to her and tell her once and for all that I could be what she needed me to be. Life without Spencer Carlin was grey and I missed the colour.

Filming my music video had been particularly hard. Not only did I physically have to relive it over and over again but it had felt like the ultimate betrayal to be acting out our break up with a man playing Spencer's role. It felt like I was cheating on her. After filming was over I had felt dirty and had raced home for a hot shower. It had been a long and hard day which had resulted in a few verbal ass kickings from Eva and some encouraging word from the director Sarah. She was great but she was no Spencer.

I had taken one positive step since our talk. I had given an interview to a reporter, being deliberately vague so she could draw her own conclusions about Aiden, Spencer and I. It had worked too. While I was freaking out a little bit, I was also proud of that article. It never actually admitted that I had ever been dating Aiden and it left it open for people to wonder about Spencer and I.

The labels response to it was not too positive. Ethan Senior had called me into his office and yelled for like forty-five minutes about my obligations as an artist and as my father's daughter (I was getting sick of them always throwing the 'father card' at me, it was a low blow), and then he ordered my publicist not to let me go out on any more interviews unless all questions were vetted first and she had gone over answers with me. It was degrading to have him treat me like that. I felt like a puppet and it made me want to smack him.

I was sitting on my sofa in sweats and Spencer's hoodie, which now smelt only of me, much to my sadness, and gazing blankly out the window of my apartment. I wasn't really seeing anything, I was just staring.

I'm not sure how long I had been sitting there when the buzzer went off telling me someone was downstairs. I sighed and reluctantly got to my feet, wishing Kyla wasn't at yoga so she could make who ever it was go away.

I hit the intercom button and called down impatiently, "Hello?"

"Hello, is that Ashley Davies?" A gentle male voice asked.

"Who wants to know?" I asked with a little attitude, I was in the middle of some serious moping and hated to be disturbed.

"My name is Arthur Carlin and if this is Ashley Davies then I believe you know my daughter Spencer," The kind voice said, not reacting to the attitude in my tone at all.

"Spencer's Dad? Oh my God is she alright?" I asked as I started to panic. All the possible worst case scenarios were racing through my head until I was sure she'd been eaten by a shark or something (I'd watched Jaws the night before if that helps you figure out my convoluted thought process).

A chuckle came through the intercom before Mr. Carlin said, "She's ok Ashley, I just wanted to talk to you if that's alright. I promise I'm not here to yell or blame you, I just want to talk."

"Um…ok, I'll buzz you up," I said timidly into the intercom. I hit the button to open the door and unlocked my front door. I scanned the place to make sure it was presentable and nervously bit me lip. It's not everyday you get a visit from your secret-ex-girlfriend's father. Despite his reassurances I was still pretty positive he was coming to kill or maim me in some way.

I was standing near the front door when a tall man with curly black hair and blue eyes that were rivalled only by my Spencer's, knocked on my door before stepping inside. He smiled reassuringly at me and held out his hand. I stepped forward and took it hesitantly.

He smiled again and said, "It's nice to meet you Ashley, I'm Arthur Carlin."

"Hello, Mr…Mr. Carlin. It's nice to meet you too," I stammered. I was keeping an eye on his hands just in case he lunged at me, which I totally deserved.

"Ashley I promise I am not here to yell or attack you. I really just want to talk, could we sit down? Oh and by the way please call me Arthur," He asked in a soothing voice.

I swallowed hard and nodded, "Um ok sure." I led him over to my living room and took a seat on an armchair across from the sofa where he sat down. I very wisely refrained from telling him what his daughter and I had done on that sofa, multiple times.

"I know you must be a bit confused about why I'm here if it's not to give you grief about breaking my daughter's heart." I nodded and winced. I hated living with the knowledge that I had broken her heart. Arthur looked at me sympathetically and then continued, "I'm here because a very long time ago I actually knew your father," Arthur said softly.

I felt my eyes bug out as I stared at him in shock. This was just too strange. He knew my Dad? I hate coincidences just for the record. I opened and closed my mouth a few times before I was able to choke out, "Huh?" yeah intelligent I know.

Arthur looked at me with infinite compassion as he spoke again, "Your father and I were roommates in college. I moved to L.A. for college with my high school sweetheart, Spencer's Mom, and met Raife the first day of freshman year. We roomed together until he dropped out in junior year when his band got signed."

"Wow!" I said breathlessly, "That's insane. You knew my Dad and I ended up dating your daughter, it's a damn small world."

Arthur chuckled and nodded, "That it is. After he left college and the band took off I didn't really hear from him again until the day before he died." Arthur paused and ran his hand through his dark hair, a gesture I'd seen his daughter do more times than I could count. "I knew he was gay Ashley. We lived together for almost three years so I knew him very well. I always tried to convince him that he should be honest about who he was, but he was adamant that he couldn't because it would destroy the music career he was trying to build. I believe you and Spencer have had many similar conversations, am I right?" he asked quietly.

I sighed and nodded, "We have. I have said that to her so many times. I hate the way those words sound coming out of my mouth," I said angrily. I wasn't angry at Arthur, just at me and my stupid hang-ups.

He nodded, his affable expression now becoming serious, "The night before he died your father called me. I was well aware of the scandal about him and the men that had come forward so wasn't really surprised to get the call, seeing as I knew there was truth behind it. I think I was the only friend he ever told. He was so upset when he called. He told me he had messed up, but he wasn't talking about his career."

I stared at him in confusion as tears started stinging in my eyes, "What do you mean?"

He flashed me a brief smile before continuing, "I mean he was upset that he had messed up with you." I slumped back against the chair cushions and stared at him in disbelief.

"I'm not making this up Ashley. He told me he had been putting his fears onto you for years and making it seem like homosexuality was something to be ashamed of. He told me he was scared you'd go down the same route as him and end up alone because of all the insecurities and fears he had fed you. He told me he loved you and was worried that he'd done irreversible damage. We talked for a long time. I told him all about my teenage daughter, Spencer, who had come out. I told him I was so proud of her but that her mother was not accepting of it," Arthur sighed and ran his hand through his hair again.

"Mrs. Carlin wasn't supportive?" I asked softly, wondering if I'd known that.

He looked at me sadly, "My wife hasn't been the same woman since she was the driver in a car crash that killed our son. It wasn't her fault, but she has never been the same. She has never been able to see this from Spencer's side. All she sees is the loss of all the dreams she had for our daughter. In her eyes it's like the moment Spencer came out to us she lost another child, and she did. Spencer and Paula have not had a relationship in years."

"I didn't know that," I said a little ashamed that I didn't know that important fact about the woman I loved.

Arthur grinned kindly, "That's not surprising, Spencer does not like talking about Paula, I think it still hurts too much. I guess both you and Spencer have had issues with parents when it comes to your sexuality. Spencer's had the opposite effect to yours, it made her stubborn and determined to never hide who she is, while you took on your father's insecurities and the advice of a man who only ever led your father wrong. Ethan Marks Senior is a bigot and should never have been allowed to influence you or your father."

I stared at the softly spoken man across from me and try to absorb what he was telling me. Arthur was as kind as his daughter, you could really see a lot of him in Spencer. It made me instantly trust him and feel safe in his presence.

He let the silence hang over us for a little while before speaking again, "Your father was a great man Ashley, but he was scared. He lived his life as one of fear and deception and I know that if we could talk to him right now he would tell you that he would never want that life for you. Raife Davies was one of my best friends when we were young men and it saddens me to know he led a life that was a lie."

I let the tears start to fall from my eyes. Seeing this Arthur rose from the sofa and walked over to pull me into a comforting hug. Usually it would be strange to be letting an older man I'd just met hug me, but in that moment I needed him. Arthur cradled me against his chest and just let me cry it all out. I actually remember Spencer telling me once that he gave the best hugs and man she was right.

His embrace was so soothing and comforting. Before long I was calm and sitting beside him on the sofa sniffling quietly. He flashed me a gentle smile and patted my hand, "Ashley you are a talented singer and musician. The world is not going to care who you love." He paused and turned so that he was facing me more fully. "I am now speaking to you as Spencer's father. I do not like seeing my little girl so miserable. She is lost without you. Spencer told us what happened between the two of you and while I understand your reservations I want you to think long and hard about everything. Spencer loves you and I know she will wait for you to sort yourself out. The question is how long are you going to make her wait?"

I sat silently and stared at him while I tried to get my head around everything. Arthur smiled kind-heartedly and got to his feet, "I should leave you to it. Spence doesn't know that I've come to see you today, but you don't have to hide it from her. I know you have a lot to work through and I hope for your sake and my daughter's sake you're able to."

He walked towards my door and stopped a few feet from it. He turned around to face me and smiled, "You're father would be proud of your success Ashley, but not of the sacrifices you've made to get it. I know in my heart that he would want you to learn from his mistakes and not live the type of life that caused him so much pain and self-hatred. It truly was a pleasure to meet you and I hope to see you again soon, with Spencer."

He smiled once more and walked quietly out of the apartment. I leaned back into the sofa and let the tears start falling again. That had been a tad overwhelming to say the least. I was still reeling from all he had told me about my father. Being the moron that I am it never occurred to me that maybe my Dad had been wrong.

I had idolised that man for as long as I could remember. He was my hero, my rock and my best friend. I loved him so much and I grew up thinking he was flawless. He wasn't. I know that now. I had put my father up on a pedestal so high I never really saw him for the frightened, lonely man he was.

My father was a good man, but maybe he had it wrong? Maybe his way of living wasn't really living at all. I mean what good is all the accolades and applause if the person you love isn't by your side to share it with you?

I was sitting deep in thought when Kyla walked back in. She took one look at me, dropped her bag and yoga mat and was by my side in a second. She wrapped her arms around me and held me close as my tears fell.

"What happened Ash?" She murmured into my hair.

I let out a deep, shuddering breath and leaned into her, "Well I had a surprise visitor."

"Spencer was here?" Kyla asked, her voice getting pretty shrill.

"Close, but not quite," I replied. Kyla looked at me in confusion and I smiled thinly, "It was her Dad."

"Oh shit, really? Did he tear you a new one?" She asked, starting to check my body for injuries.

I shoved her hands away and got up to start pacing the room, "no, nothing like that. He is actually a damn nice man. He just wanted to talk. He, uh he actually knew Dad."

"He did? Oh my God, that's too weird!" Kyla almost yelled.

I rolled my eyes and responded, "Yeah it is. Apparently they were college room mates before Dad dropped out when the band got signed. Mr. Carlin seemed to really like Dad. Actually he said Dad called him the night before he died, they hadn't seen each other in years, but Dad called him." I stopped and leaned against the wall.

Kyla nodded slowly and then locked her eyes on me, "What did he say?"

"He told Mr. Carlin that he messed up with me. That he had made me believe that my sexuality was something to be ashamed of. He, uh he told Mr. Carlin that he didn't want me to end up like him," I murmured softly.

Kyla looked at me with an unreadable expression and then smiled bitterly, "End up like him huh? So is this the moment when we finally talk about who our father really was?"

I felt my entire body tense up. I had been avoiding this conversation with Kyla for ten years. I don't know why, but I had always avoided talking to her about the scandal surrounding our father before his death. I guess I always felt that he had gone to such lengths to hide it that I owed it to him to keep his secret.

I looked up and met her eyes and nodded, "Ok I guess we talk about it. What do you want to know?" I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat and waited for her response.

Kyla bit her lip and then asked in a voice so quiet I could hardly hear it, "Is there any truth to the rumours about Dad."

I looked at her for a moment before nodding, "yes there is."

Kyla stared at me hard for a moment and then asked, "So he really was gay then?" I nodded. "And he hid his sexuality from the world?" I nodded again. "Did he really die in a car accident?" she asked in a soft, pained voice. I think in her heart of hearts she already knew the answer to that one.

I sighed and felt the prickling of tears in my eyes yet again. I looked her dead in the eyes and rasped out, "No, he killed himself a few days after his record label dropped him following the scandal about his sexuality."

Kyla looked stricken. She clamped a hand over her mouth and let the tears start to fall. I moved to her side and held her close while she sobbed into my shoulder. I rocked her back and forth slowly, trying to ease the pain from information she should have been given years ago. I never should have hidden it from her. I was a monumental screw up and only capable of hurting people so it seemed.

Kyla pushed me away gently and got to her feet. She started pacing the trail I had been walking not too long before. She was fidgeting nervously with her hands and it looked like she was muttering under her breath. I sat quietly and waited for her to speak again.

Kyla spun around to face me with a broken expression on her face, "So let me get this straight. Our father was gay and hid it from everyone? Fuck! Ok first question, how the hell was I born? Now second and most important question, how they hell could you do this to yourself and Spencer?" I looked at her confused and went to speak only to be cut off.

"No Ashley, shut up and listen. You had to watch our father hide his sexuality from everyone until it erupted into a scandal large enough to tank his career and lead him to kill himself and yet here you are voluntarily living the same life, making the same mistakes and you dragged Spencer in to it? What is the matter with you?" Kyla shouted, visibly trembling with rage.

I slumped back into the sofa, the venom and anger in her voice shocking me into silence. I stared up at her in shock as she seethed with anger. I had never seen her so upset or livid. Kyla was usually a pretty happy kind of person and right now she was starting to scare me.

"How could you willingly live a life that caused our family so much pain? I have always been disappointed in your choice to lie about your sexuality, but now I am truly disgusted. I never met our father so I can't say I know what he would want, but I can't imagine that he would be happy to see you going down the same path as him. You're better than that Ashley!" Kyla all but screamed at me as tears ran in torrents down her face.

I felt my lower lip tremble as I fought the urge to cry. She was right, but it still hurt to know that my little sister was disgusted by my choices. I hung my head, I couldn't look her in the eye any more.

I felt the sofa dip as she sat down beside me. Kyla took my hand and squeezed it gently. "No matter how disappointed I am in you I will always love you Ash. You have got to get over this bullshit nonsense that you have to hide your sexuality. I also think you need industrial strength therapy. I love you sis and I just want to see you happy," Kyla murmured.

I raised my tear-filled eyes up to meet hers and sighed tiredly. I swallowed around the lump in my throat and choked out, "You're right. What do I do now Ky?"

"Now you go clean yourself up and we get ready for the Showcase tonight then tomorrow you start sorting your shit out. I have a friend who is a very good therapist, I think it would help you to see her. You are going to work this out, you are going to make this right. You have to start fixing things or you will lose her," Kyla said in a no nonsense voice.

I nodded and let her drag me off so that we could start getting ready for the showcase. I hoped Spencer would be there. I knew she was invited, but Ethan had been very closed lip about whether she was coming or not.

I wanted her back, I knew that. There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be with my blonde goddess, now I just had to get my shit together. I was lucky Kyla was around to kick my ass and save me from making even more mistakes than I already had.