A/N: Hello everyone. I finally had time to write the new chapter, so here it is. It does have some nice drama in it, but it also contains some violence, so be warned. I hope everyone likes it, and please comment. Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star or "The Music" by Alexz Johnson.

Chapter 32

Dear Diary,

It has been three weeks since my friends decided to turn on me and it has been hell. Peter has them all brainwashed or something because they all sound just like him. Every last one of them has told everyone else in camp just how "fake" I am and how I am just putting on some act to get pity complements. It is all so insane. I never thought that my friends, the people who are supposed to stick by my side and stick up for me, are saying all of these things about me. Yesterday I heard some new kid talking about what happened to me on New Year's Eve. I can't believe they are telling people about that, but I guess that one is more than likely thanks to Peter. I don't know what his sick fascination is with me and especially with all the stuff that happened between jack ass and me. I just wish my friends would think for themselves and realize that Peter is just using them for some bigger plot. I have no idea what that plot may be, but it can't be good. Not only are my friends talking all this crap about me, they are ignoring me completely and have convinced a lot of other people to do the same. As of now only about ten people still talk to me, most of those being the older campers who think Peter is full of himself and should just shut up already. Obviously Alice is one of those people. She has been so amazing these past three weeks. She has stuck by me and stuck up for me to everyone who says something about me. The other day she almost punched this girl because she was talking about how I deserved what jack ass did to me. Alice is without a doubt the best friend ever. Annabell is another person who still talks to me and Peter is not happy about that. I can't figure out if she is talking to me because she has to for writing class or if she actually wants to talk to me or if just maybe she is playing secret agent for Peter. Annabell is such a sweet girl, I really hope she isn't letting Peter manipulate her like that. I never thought I would say this but I am really looking forward to the end of camp. I love it here, but all this Peter crap is making life very un-fun. I try to not let the things they are saying get to me, but I am not as strong as I like to think I am. I never let them see that they are getting to me, but once I am alone it really starts to consume me. This whole thing has not helped my cutting problem at all. I think I cut at least three times a day, and with multiple cuts at a time. I just feel like my life is falling apart and I can't do anything to stop it. All of the stuff people are saying, the lingering pain from the abuse, and that nagging feeling of being so broken is all weighing down on me and I don't know how much longer I can take it. It gets so bad sometimes that I feel like I can't breathe. I just wish all of this would stop and life would be simple again, but this isn't a fairytale and wishes don't come true.

XO Jude

"Come on Annabell, you can do way better than that. Focus on what you want to say and just let it flow out of you." I aggravatingly state.

"This is hopeless. We have been working at this one song for almost four weeks now and I still don't have anything worth a damn." Annabell says frustrated, as she throws her journal across the room.

"It is hopeless, you just need to focus." I reply reassuringly, sitting down next to her.

"I am focused and I still have nothing." Annabell says the frustration growing in her voice.

"Okay, then let's take a break. Just relax for a little bit and we will try again." I reply calmly.

"Why even bother? We both know that I can't do this." Annabell says defeated, as she brings her knees to her chest and lowers her head.

"You can do this, but it takes time." I state reassuringly, as I wrap my arm around her shoulders to comfort her. "It took me years, and many songs about my love for poptarts, before I wrote a good song." I say with a chuckle that Annabell copies.

"Seriously?" Annabell asks, her voice muffled by her arms.

"I would never lie about my love songs for poptarts." I reply causing both of us to giggle. "Look, I know that this is frustrating and you probably want to kill me for pushing you so much, but I really feel like you would make an amazing song writer. All we have to do is figure out what you have to say."

"That is just it, I don't have anything to say. Nothing bad has happened to me and it isn't like I have ever been in love. I am just a normal girl with no drama in her life what so ever." Annabell explains.

"Annabell, do you really think that great music only comes from bad experiences or are love songs?" I ask curiously.

"The great songs are." Annabell replies, finally lifting her head to look at me.

"I understand why you would think that, but it isn't true. Great music comes from within. Yes, a lot of the greats come from bad experiences or are love songs, but not all of them. There are so many different forms of music out there, all of which need song writers." I explain confidently.

"So all I can be is some pop writer who writes songs with no meaning?" Annabell questions, clearly disappointed.

"That isn't what I was trying to say. I was just trying to say that music comes in many different forms. No matter what form it comes in, it all has some sort of meaning behind it. As a song writer you have to figure out what message you want to portray to the listeners and go from there. Inspiration can come from anything, a place or a person or an experience, but where it comes from doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is you portray the emotions you feel through the music so the listeners can feel the same thing." I explain passionately.

"Wow, no wonder you are such a great writer." Annabell says with a chuckle. "I just don't think I can do that." The uncertainty clear in her voice.

"You can, just relax and let the inspiration come to you. Once you have that just let the emotions consume you and write what you feel." I state reassuringly.

"Okay" Annabell sighs out.

"Now tell me about the inspiration behind this song." I state.

"Have you heard the new stuff going around about Jude?" I hear Lily ask everyone at her table as I walk by.

"I heard that she was sleeping with some older guy while she was still with Lance." Chloe says.

"I heard she made the whole beating up and that she hurt herself to make it look like Lance attacked her." Marlene says.

"That wouldn't surprise me, she is such a fake." Peter states smugly as I walk back by their table to leave.

Once out of the cafeteria I am stopped by Emily, one of the few people who talk to me. "Hey Jude, are you going to sing at the open mic tonight?" Emily asks.

"Maybe, but with everything going on I don't think it would be in my best interest to do it." I state disappointingly.

"You can't let some stupid people keep you from performing. There are always going to be those people who don't like you or are jealous of you and cause problems, but you can't let those people take away your voice." Emily replies reassuringly.

"I know. I'll think about it." I say with a small smile.

"I hope you decide to do it." Emily states before continuing on to the cafeteria. "If I were you, I would write a kick ass song telling them all to shove it." I hear Emily call out over her shoulder.

"I think that sounds like just what I need." I say to myself with a smile.

"Jude, are you sure you want to do this?" Alice asks concerned.

"I need to do this. I need to show everyone that I don't give a damn about what they are saying. Also I hope this will prove that all of the crap they are saying is complete bull shit." I reply confidently.

"Fine" Alice huffs out frustrated.

"Next up we have Jude Harrison." The director announces on stage.

I walk to center stage, guitar in hand, and position myself behind the microphone. "Hey everyone, I am Jude and this song is called The Music." I simply state.

Before I can even get the first cord out I hear someone start booing. I take a deep breath and just as I am about to start the first chord, more people start joining in on the booing. It only takes seconds before almost everyone is booing. I hear some people start calling out different things. Someone screams "fake" and I hear another yell "you suck."

I take another deep breath and I try to focus on just the beating of my heart. After one more deep breath, my hand starts strumming the chords to the song and I let the music consume me, ignoring everything else.

On the clearest night
When the wind takes flight
Like a lullaby, like a lullaby
On a moonlit lake
What a great escape
Like a butterfly, like a butterfly
Hands over my eyes
I'm not gonna cry

I open my eyes for just a second and notice a few people leaving out the back door, but I don't let it affect me one bit as I continue on with the song.

Try to break me down
Shut me in
Your so called love
Is wearing thin
And I won't back down
I won't fade away
I'll make it through as long
As the music plays

On the wire
While your batting high
I am not a game
This is not a game

Try to break me down
Shut me in
Your so called love
Is wearing thin
And I won't back down
I won't fade away
I'll make it through
As long...

Try to break me down
Shut me in
Your so called love
Is wearing thin
And I won't back down
I won't fade away
I'll make it through as long
As the music plays

Let the music play

I finish the song, feeling empowered and more confident than ever. I look out into the crowd and see a few people standing up, cheering and clapping for me, but I don't let that get to me either. I walk off the stage with my head held high and a smile on my face.

"I am so proud of you." Alice says as she engulfs me in a hug. "I would have never been able to do that."

"Thanks Alice." I state with a smile.

"You ready to go out there?" Alice asks, the concern back in her voice.

"Completely" I state confidently.

We walk back into the crowd from back stage. I can feel everyone looking at me as I pass them, but I don't let it get to me. As we get closer to the back, I hear people talking and laughing. I turn my head to see who it is, and it is none other than Peter.

"Pathetic" Peter bites out once he notices me looking at him.

"Excuse me?" I ask calmly. "Surprisingly I couldn't hear what you fat ass mouth said. I think you ego was blocking it." I bite out.

"I said pathetic, as in you are pathetic." Peter replies smugly.

"Jude, just walk away." Alice whispers in my ear.

"No, I am done walking away. I want to know what his issue is." I state forcefully.

"I don't have any issues. I just like telling the truth, especially when someone is such a big ass liar as you." Peter retorts, that smug smile still plastered on his face.

"I think your issue is that Lance picked me over you. I think you are so damn in love with him that the fact that I got him drives you insane." I bite out mockingly.

"You did not just say that." Peter states angrily as he storms closer to me.

"I did just say that, and based on your reaction I am right." I retort smugly.

"You little bitch." Peter states as he draws his arm back getting ready to punch me.

"Go ahead, punch me all you want, I don't care. Nothing you do or say is going to change the fact that Lance chose me." I boldly state, not flinching an inch.

"I am not in love with Lance!" Peter screams, as he swings his arm. His fist slams me square in the jaw, causing me to stumble back, but I stay on my feet.

"Nice hit, but Lance did it better. You know what else he did really well?" I ask smugly, rubbing my jaw. I answer before anyone else can say anything. "Kiss. His lips practically molded with mine and don't even get me started on the magic things he could do with his tongue." I chuckle out.

"Shut up!" Peter yells, as he swings again. This time his fist hits me in the eye.

"Guys stop it!" Alice shouts, pulling my arm to try to get me to leave.

"Not until this bitch learns her lesson." Peter states, his arm pulling back again but is stopped by the director stepping in between us.

"My office, now." The director states firmly.

"What the hell was that?" The director asks once we reach his officer.

"He started" I blurt out before Peter can speak. "He has been spreading rumors and talking trash about me for weeks. He turned everyone at camp against me." I explain.

"That is bull shit. She started all of this. She accused me of stealing her song and tried to get me kicked out of camp. Tonight she just started yelling at me for no reason." Peter explains, faking innocence.

"That is such bull. You called me pathetic and it wouldn't surprise me if you started to booing." I state.

"I would-" Peter starts but is cut off.

"Enough already. I do not care who started it or who said what. What happened tonight was utterly horrid and will not happen at my camp." The director states firmly.

"Yes sir" We both reply.

"I know that you two have some issues going on, which are none of my business, but that does not allow y'all to act this way. I should kick you both out of camp." The director explains.

"What?" We both shout and start rambling our own things, but are cut off by the director.

"But only one of y'all actually broke a rule." The director states. "That being said, Peter I have to ask you to go pack your things. I will be calling your parents and asking them to come get you."

"What? You are kicking me out and she gets off with just a slap on the wrist?" Peter questions angrily.

"We have a zero tolerance policy for violence here and by the looks of Jude's face you hit her at least twice. As for Jude she won't be getting off easily. She will have to spend the last few weeks working in the kitchen for every meal and all events." The director explains calmly.

"This is such bull shit!" Peter yells.

"Peter, please go sit outside and wait for me to escort you back to your cabin." The director states.

"This is so messed up." Peter says in a huff as he leaves the room.

"Thank you for not kicking me out and I will do my kitchen duty without any complaints." I state.

"Jude, I didn't want to say this in front of Peter, but there is another part to your punishment." The director says calmly.

"What is it?" I ask nervously.

"As of right now you are not allowed to perform at the final performance." The director states with a hint of sympathy in his voice.

"What?" I question as I sink into a chair completely disappointed.

"It isn't a permanent thing. If you do your kitchen duty without any problems and there are no more incidents like this with other campers, you will be allowed to perform. In other words, from this point on you need to be the perfect camper that we both know that you are. No more shouting matches or accusing people of things. Just focus on your music and stay out of trouble." The director explains reassuringly.

"So as long as I stay out of trouble I can perform?" I question to make sure I heard him right.

"Correct" The director simply states.

"Okay, I can do that. Thank you so much." I state before standing up and heading back to my cabin.

"What happened?" Alice asks the second I walking through the door.

"Peter got kicked out." I state emotionless.

"What about you?" Alice asks concerned.

"I have kitchen duty for the rest of camp and am on probation." I state, still emotionless as I sit on my bed.

"Probation?" Alice questions confusedly.

"I can't perform in the final show if I get into any more trouble." I explain.

"Oh, well that should be easy now that Peter is gone." Alice states optimistically.

"Sure" I simply state before heading into the bathroom.

"Jude, are you okay?" Alice asks through the door.

"Fine, just need to shower." I reply with mock reassurance, as the tears start to pool in my eyes.

"Okay, but I know that all that stuff you said about Lance couldn't have been easy for you to say. I also know that Peter hitting you probably brought back some bad memories." Alice explains concernedly.

"Alice, please just leave me alone. I will talk to you if and when I am ready. For now I just want to shower and then go to bed." I reply as calmly as possible so as not to alarm her.

"Okay, I understand. Night Jude." Alice states.

"Night" I state but know she can't hear me since she has already retreated from the other side of the door.

I turn the shower on and let it get warm. I slowly take off my cloths and once I am completely naked I look at myself in the mirror. My eye is swollen and there is a huge red mark on my jaw. I take a deep breath to try to calm myself, but it doesn't help.

I step into the shower once it is warm and slowly run my hands across my hair, as the water pours over me. I do this a few times, each time my hands getting even shakier. After about the fourth time of doing this I feel my knees give out and I crumble to the ground. I pull my knees to my chest and bury my face in my arms as I let the tears flow.

After what feels like hours, but was more than likely only a few minutes, I regain my strength and stand up. I finish my show quickly and get dried of and dressed just as fast. Before leaving the bathroom I grab the razor blade that I had snuck in with me. I take a deep, shaky breath and allow myself to glide the blade across my wrist. The crimson blood starts to pool out of the cut and drop into the sink slowly. I just stare at the cut for a few seconds, allowing myself to fully revel in the feeling it gives me. I eventually snap out of my trance and clear up the cut, but while I am doing so I realize I cut myself deeper than normal. I panic a little, but not because I could have killed myself if I had been just a few centimeters over, but because it will more than likely leave a scar which will lead to questions.

"Shit" I state out loud frustrated with myself.