Sophia's Chronicles
A/N:
Hi everyone and thanks for the new follows/favourites! This chapter will be a direct continuation of the previous one so if you haven't already, read Chapter 36 before this one. I hope you enjoy :)
Chapter 37: The Chosen Pessimist
(Zara POV)
Sophia's House, Illinois – 6 July 2011, 11.35pm
Sam awoke to the stinging pain of liquid being poured on his wounds. He groaned aloud, suddenly conscious, and blinked furiously to find the source of the pain. His vision focussed on Zara, who stood over him and was now pouring some kind of aseptic solution on his body. She dabbed away on his wounds with gauze, throwing pieces upon pieces onto the table next to her as they soaked up the blood. "Z-Zara-"
"I'm gonna do the best I can, Sam," she cut him off. "I need you to trust me and do as I say." Her hand paused at the straps binding his wrist. "I need you to promise me that you'll follow me."
He regarded her brown eyes momentarily. He didn't want to trust her but it seemed like there was no other choice. What if this is a trap? he thought. But nothing could be greater torment than the time he'd endured in the cage. He'd just have to take a chance on this one. "Okay. I will, I promise," he said as genuinely as he could.
Taking a deep breath, she undid the straps binding both his wrists and he sat up, feeling the marks around his wrists. It was almost numb, whatever he felt in his fingers. His body ached with effort and discomfort as he sat up – he felt muscles that hadn't contracted in a while, all coming back to life. Then, as she observed him for a while to make sure he was okay, his hands suddenly reached out and grabbed her neck, pulling her face close to his. Her hands encircled his as she gasped for breath under his iron grip around her throat which was suffocating her. A murderous glint flashed in his eyes as he saw hers, widened in shock and clamouring for life. "P-please… Sam…" she struggled to say. "I wanna… help…"
He felt her life pulsing in his grasp. Why shouldn't he murder this woman, who had been an accomplice to the torment he had to endure the past few weeks? It would be easy – just one flick of the wrist and the snap of her neck in his hands would finish her. But he saw in her eyes a sincerity – the only sign of humanity he had been permitted to see in this dark confinement. He let go. She heaved for breath, bending over in front of him and feeling around her neck. Truth be told, she expected a little more gratitude. She was also taken by surprise by the amount of strength he had, considering he was being kept barely alive. But there was no time for hesitation, especially when Sophia could be back any moment. She regained her composure, turned to the table next to her and brandished a glass of water and a plate with a sandwich on it in front of Sam. He downed the whole glass in a few gulps and began on the sandwich, savouring its taste. He would never take another sandwich for granted again. While he was doing this, she brought out bandages and began covering his arms. The previous night, she had taken his wallet and that morning, she had ventured out to the nearest town and gotten supplies. It was quite a long walk to the nearest road, she'd discovered, and an even longer journey to civilisation. This place really was in the middle of nowhere.
She'd come back prepared with a first aid kit, along with a splint and crutch for Sam's busted knee. She only hoped she could get him out in time. She had also chosen to do this at night, when Luc was asleep, so he would not have to see any of this. It was safer for him and for them that he knew nothing about this. As she handed him his shirt and jacket and undid the straps around his ankles, they both seemed to have eased up around each other, an unspoken trust forming between them. "What changed your mind?" Sam finally asked.
She looked at him from where she was putting on a coat of her own. Her eyes hovered to the ground, considering whether or not she should tell him. But he had helped her discover who she really was underneath, and that was quite intimate. "The kid." She paused. "Luciel is… a good and pure child. I just couldn't do this… without feeling like I didn't deserve to be around him."
Sam now saw her in a new light. She wasn't just someone too weak to say no to an archangel, she wasn't someone too scared to defy one, but she was someone being eaten away by guilt – all because of this child that Bobby had shown him and Dean to be a force of pure destruction. Maybe God did want them to have this child. Maybe it wasn't the child who should be their target but his parents instead.
"Here, let me help," she put his arm around her shoulder as he got a hold of the crutch. As they both turned to move towards the stairs, they both froze on the spot. Luc was standing at the bottom of the stairs, staring at the both of them. That was when Zara realised that she had left the door to the basement open in hopes that she would get in and get out quickly.
"Uh hey, Luc," she began nervously as she went towards him and picked him up. "What are you doing here? Isn't it past your bedtime?"
"Who's that, Zara?" he asked innocently, pointing a tiny finger at Sam. Her initial questions could not distract him from the pressing sight before him. It seemed that he could not recognise Sam from his earlier contact with Sam's consciousness, and Zara thought that this could be because of the damage inflicted on his soul and mind by the cage, which wasn't there when Sophia pulled out Sam's consciousness.
"That's uh… that's my friend," she replied. "Do you wanna say hi?" She brought him closer and Sam managed to crack a soft smile. "This is Sam."
"Hi Sam," he greeted, waving his small palm.
Sam's eyes softened, taken by the charm of this child. "Hi Luc. Nice to meet you." He couldn't help but think that this kid he was seeing, though he could only see its human vessel, was his kid – his and Zara's.
"What happened to him?" Luc pointed to the bandages.
Zara's mouth opened and closed as she thought of how she would answer that question. "Well… Sam and I were… playing… and he got hurt."
"Oh no!" Luc exclaimed, covering his hands to his mouth in surprise.
"Yeah," she nodded. "This is why you have to be careful when you're playing. And it's past your bedtime so we'll have to put you to sleep, okay?" Before she could turn to go upstairs, Luc reached out to Sam and planted his palm on Sam's shoulder. Using what he had learnt before from Sophia, he healed all of Sam's wounds.
Finding that he could stand on both legs again and that his body didn't hurt all over anymore, Sam patted his torso with his hands, relishing the feel. He let out a deep breath, almost unable to believe what just happened. "Oh my God, um, thank you, Luc." He patted the kid on his head.
"I'm so proud of you!" Zara kissed his forehead a few times causing him to giggle. Seeing as how Sam was back in good condition, she showed him up to the bedroom and got him to take a shower, a command he was more than willing to accept.
The three of them stood on the front porch, facing the long dirt path that led to the main road. "I'll be right back, okay? You have to stay asleep this time," she ordered Luc.
"But I wanna come with you!" he pleaded. "Pleaaasseee!"
Zara looked over to Sam, who simply shrugged his shoulders. She sighed. "Alright, but don't tell Mommy, okay?" Ah heck, she's gonna find out from me anyway.
With Luc on her hip, she gave Sam a flashlight and the both of them walked down the dirt path. The breeze was very chilly and crickets chirped all around them. Sam continued to hold onto the hope that this wasn't a trap while Zara hoped he wasn't going to murder her in the process. Luc, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy this night-time adventure and kept pointing out every single insect and bird that he saw moving among the branches. During that moment, it seemed like they were one wholesome family, except both Zara and Sam knew that this would be impossible. With Sam's life as a hunter, he was constantly in danger, not to mention the hallucinations. He worried that he wouldn't be able to protect Zara and Luc from dangerous monsters, or even himself. As for Zara, she was distressed about what Sophia would do in retaliation to what she had done. Even if Sophia did as Zara would suggest and got another vessel for Lucifer, she would have the wrath of not one, but two archangels bearing down on her. This may as well be the last time she got to see Luc, since she could be sure that Sophia wouldn't let her see the real world anymore.
Finally, they came upon a car that Zara had rented. Sam offered to drive but Zara strictly told him not to since he needed plenty of rest. Instead, Zara took the wheel while Sam sat in the passenger seat with Luc on his lap. "Where to?" she asked as soon as they got onto the main road.
"Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Oh wait… I should probably ask-" His eyes widened when he remembered Sophia telling him that Dean was dead. "Wait, Zara, is Dean…"
Dread filled her chest when she thought to how Sophia reached into Dean's guts and felt his insides. Disgust threatened to send her into a shuddering fit but she tried to push those images out of her mind. "No. No, your brother is alive," she reassured him. Zara dug into her pocket and fished out her phone for him to use. Meanwhile, she drove towards the nearest town in case they had to change route, so long as they got away from the house.
"Dean, it's me," he said into the phone.
"Sam? Holy shit, where have you been?" Dean's alarmed voice blared through the speaker of the phone.
"It's complicated. I'll tell you everything once I get to you. Where are you now?"
"Dude, Bobby and I have been looking all over for you. We're in Bootbock, Kansas, right now."
Sam seemed puzzled. The name Bootbock brought back memories of Cas and Purgatory. "Bootbock? Wasn't that where-"
"Long story. I'll tell you all about it when you get here. You gonna make it here alright? You need backup or anything?"
"Actually, I got some," he looked over to Zara, who seemed to be focussed on the road. A frown riddled her forehead as she stared ahead. "I'll see you in a bit," he cut the call.
"Bootbock should be three or four hours away. We'll be there by daybreak. You should get some sleep," she told him.
"Hey, are you okay?"
She glanced at him, before returning her eyes to the road. "I'm just… scared."
He tried to empathise with her. She had stuck her neck out for him. This was a big deal and he wanted to make sure she was going to be alright. "It's gonna be okay, I promise. We've taken down The Devil before. What's another archangel?"
"Huh. Yeah," she smirked. But underneath it all, she had a different plan. She was determined to save Sam, but that included more sacrifice on her part than he realised. "You'd better get some sleep before Luc wakes up again." He looked down to see that Luc was sound asleep on his chest. "Kid can't be tamed when he's up and running," she joked.
Bootbock, Kansas – 7 July 2011, 4.12am
Dean waited anxiously by the window of the motel room. He'd been unable to sleep, worried sick about his brother. Bobby dozed off on a bed nearby. The older man had told Dean to get some sleep and that if Sam could call them to say that he was alright then he would be okay. Besides, it would probably take him a while to get to them, he reasoned. Nevertheless, Dean wanted to be up the moment his brother rolled into town, just in case.
"Bobby, wake up. Sam just called," Dean slightly nudged him. "He'll be here any minute."
Bobby dragged himself out of bed and rubbed his eyes, drifting awake. "He said he had backup?"
"Yeah, thank God. We should buy whoever they are ten beers," Dean remarked. Both men turned to the door at the sound of a car pulling up. "That's him."
Dean hurried to the door and pulled it open. What he saw in front of him gave him pause. "I don't believe it…" he muttered.
"What's the matter?" Bobby asked as he got out of the bathroom. He became alarmed when Dean pulled out a gun from his back pocket and held it ready behind his back.
They both watched in horror as Sam walked in with a child sleeping on his shoulder and Zara behind him. "Hey Dean, Bobby," he greeted. But their eyes were fixed on Zara, the face of the very thing that almost killed them about a week before. Dean swiftly pulled out his gun and aimed it at her head. She gasped and took a step back as Sam came between them and held his arm out towards his brother. "Dean, no."
"Tell me why I shouldn't blow her brains out right now!" Dean's jaw clenched. His eyes held a clear disdain for her.
"Because she saved me. And there's a child in this room," he said firmly. "She's not possessed right now," he stated, as though anyone needed telling.
"How do you know that?" Dean remained sceptical still.
"Dean, we came here in a car." He refused to budge between the gun and Zara. "Please."
Dean held Sam's gaze for a moment. Then he tilted the gun upwards to show that he was relenting and put it back into its holster. "Alright. Start talking."
Half an hour later, Sam had finished relating his side of events. Dean was still furious about the whole thing, and hearing what had happened did not ease his opinion of Zara. "Let me get this straight. Sophia left your body on her own, and it took you a whole week to release him?" Her shoulders jerked at the sound of his harsh voice. His tone scared Zara and he could tell, but he didn't care.
"Dude, quieten down. You're gonna wake the kid," Sam advised.
"Since when do angels sleep?" Bobby asked, finally putting forth the question he'd had on his mind since the two of them entered the room.
"Baby angels need sleep, apparently," Zara informed him. "That's all I know."
"Anyway, all that matters is that we're here, now," Sam eyed his brother, hoping to calm him down. "What are you guys doing here?"
"About that," Dean began. He looked to Zara. "It's kind of a need-to-know situation."
Zara rolled her eyes. She'd figured they would be working up a plan to take out Sophia. It was probably best that she didn't hear what they were doing. "I was gonna leave anyway," she got up.
"Wait, where are you going?" Sam stood up, eyebrows creasing.
She extended her hands, wanting to take Luc back into her arms. "Where do you think? I gotta go back, Sam."
Sam refused to budge. "No, why would you do that? I told you we can help you."
"Look, when Sophia gets back, she's gonna be pissed. You think she can't find me, or her own son? When she does, I have to be there to do damage control. It's the best shot you got," she reasoned.
"This is ridiculous!" Dean exclaimed. "You are not going to say 'yes' to her again!"
"Then what, Dean? She shows up in another vessel, murders us all, and takes her son back anyway? All I'm saying is, this is my mess. If she comes back to me, I can try to reason with her. She'll listen to me." She begged them with her eyes to believe her.
"And if she doesn't?" Bobby chimed in.
"Then it'll be me who pays the price. Not anyone else. I suggest that all of you go as far away from here as possible and stay somewhere warded from angels."
"Not gonna happen. You're not leaving!" Dean pointed an accusatory finger at Zara. At that moment, Luc's head shifted and his eyes fluttered open.
"Great job, Dean. Now he's awake," Sam shook his head. Dean simply blinked, not knowing how to respond to that.
This time Sam handed him over to Zara, who caressed his head gently and hummed a soft tune. Within moments, Luc went back to sleep. The men simply stared as she did her thing, amazed by her gentleness and way with the child. In a softer voice, Sam spoke again. "Zara, please, we can figure out what to do about Sophia later. But trust me, we will find a way."
"Okay, let's say she's not a problem anymore. Then what? You got any idea how to raise an archangel?" she rebutted. "You even have kids?"
"No but-"
"He doesn't even know how to control his powers!" she cut him off with a pointed whisper.
"But he healed me!" Sam's fingers curved inwards to point to himself.
"He what?" Dean interjected.
"Dean, I was being tortured. I had wounds all over my body. Even had a broken knee. The kid just walks in and touches me and bam, I'm all fixed up."
"That's only because something killed the dog and Sophia taught him how to heal it," Zara explained, to the surprise of everyone else in the room. Dean mouthed "The dog?" with a puzzled expression but never pursued the question. "Point is, without an archangel or at least an angel to teach him, he won't learn how to control his powers and who knows what'll happen then."
In that moment, the three men all thought the same thing – this would be a lot easier if Castiel was around. But none wanted to bring up their dead friend again. "Sam, I care about this child," Zara confessed. "He may not be human but he's still my son. And it seems to me that the best shot he has in this world is if at least one of his parents is still around."
"What about us, huh? We're his parents too," Sam placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up," Dean put up both his arms. "Say that again?"
"You didn't tell them?" Zara questioned.
Sam's gaze flickered between Dean and Bobby. "This kid was… made… after I said 'yes' to Lucifer. He's my son."
"Would've been helpful to mention that at the start!" Bobby snapped at him.
"Yeah well-" Sam paused, unsure of how to phrase it. "I wasn't sure that it was a good thing, or even useful information."
"Doesn't matter. You should've told us," Dean said sternly. He crossed his arms and looked away for a moment, thinking about what to make of this. "You know what, Sam's right. Zara and the kid should stay with us, where we can keep on eye on them."
"How am I supposed to raise a kid with three humans who'll just be Sophia's punching bags? You expect me to feel safe with you? And you," Zara glared at Sam. "With your fading grip on reality, you think you can be a good father to Luc?"
Dean and Bobby shared a shocked expression. So far they'd avoided thinking about Sam's hallucinations. They were just relieved that he seemed to be holding it together then. "It's gotten better," Sam admitted. "I can still tell what's real and what's not, I swear."
"The fact that you even have to tell me that…" Zara shook her head. "Look, the three of you, whatever you're gonna do to try to stop Sophia, go ahead. Do it. But don't expect me to help you take her down. I've already stuck my neck out far enough. Please do me this courtesy and let me go before she comes back."
A tense silence eclipsed the room, until Bobby spoke up. "You realise that if you go, and we try to gank her – which we will, by the way – you're also gonna take the fall."
"I know," she released a breath. "I'm okay with that."
Bobby relaxed his shoulders. "Fine," he said, refusing to look at her.
"Bobby, come on," Sam beckoned.
"You heard her, Sam. She's not gonna help us, but she's not gonna stand in our way either," Bobby concluded.
"This is insane. Dean?" Sam looked to him for support.
But what Dean had to say was much less reassuring. "What if we use this to our advantage? We let her say 'yes', trap her and then gank her. This way we can make sure that Sophia can't hurt us."
"I think that goes against everything I've said so far," Zara muttered.
"You don't care about dying. That's what you said," Dean said in a firm tone, muscles tensing. He still didn't trust her and he wasn't going to let an opportunity to kill the evil bitch that kidnapped and tortured his brother pass.
"I also said I wanted my son to have an archangel parent," she replied with an equally firm tone. They both glared into each other's eyes with an intensity that could spark a fire. "You wanted your brother back and I got him back for you. Now let me go do what I have to do." The men remained silent as she gathered herself to leave.
"Wait, before you go," Sam halted her step. "Was it true? Did God… want this child?"
Her brown eyes softened as she slowly nodded. "Yes, it's true." The three men exchanged astonished gazes.
She walked unimpeded to the door of the motel room and got to the car before Sam stopped her. His hand gently rested on her shoulder to stop her as her hand reached out to the handle of the car door. "Hey, I never got to thank you for what you did. Thank you. I know how hard it must've been for you."
His thanks meant more to her than she realised. It reminded her that she was still human and capable of doing good things despite having been a member of the other side all this while. She smiled at him for one last time. Sam caressed the back of Luc's head, which serenely rested on her right shoulder, before he bent down to kiss him. "I hope we meet again, Sam, under different circumstances," she told him before she got into the car.
Dean and Bobby simply watched from the open door of the motel room. Dean wondered what it would actually have been like if she and the kid could stay with them without the threat of an archangel looming over their heads. Just thinking about his little brother being a father would have given him the warm and fuzzies on a normal day, but like everything else in their lives, this was a complicated matter by itself. Nothing was simple for them. There was once that Dean had tried to be a simple man but fate had proved his efforts to be futile when he had to ask his own best friend to erase the memories of the people he loved – Lisa and Ben. And now he had to see his own younger brother say goodbye to a son he only knew for a short while.
(Sophia POV)
Omniverse, The Void – Unspecified Time
I nodded slowly. "So… I need to give something back to Amara's universe. Is that what you're saying?"
"Exactly."
I narrowed my eyes, waiting for a response. "Okay, what?"
Theta fidgeted, His stick fingers touching the back of His neck. "I hate being the one to bring bad news, and my counterparts have always left the job of telling people bad things to me, which I totally despise them for, by the way…" He paused. "Your son. We want your son."
My heart froze. "You want me to what?" Now it all made sense. That last condition – a sacrifice of my own essence. My own child, who was made of my essence.
"It's the price of your crossing. Show us you are willing to make the sacrifice and all our secrets and power will be yours too," Theta explained.
"No!" The answer seemed so straightforward to me. "I don't want anything you have to give me if this is the price!"
"This isn't just about you," the other Sophia spoke up. "It's not just about whether you want this or not. It's about the balance between the two universes you come from. You have to do the right thing."
"Would you do it?" I snapped at her. "Give up your own child?"
She shrank back, taken aback by my outburst. "I wouldn't know. I don't have any children."
Theta stepped between us, giving me a sympathetic look. "I understand that this must be difficult for you, but it must be done. Turn the child over to us and we will see to it that he makes it to the sister universe safely."
"You're asking me to send my son to a place that was so bad that I ran away from it in the beginning of time! How does that make sense?" My fingers quivered just thinking about the horrors I'd seen from that place.
"I'll have you know, it's not that bad of a place," Theta put up a finger to emphasise his point. "I'll personally see to it that no harm comes to him."
"The answer is still no," I shook my head and put my hands up, unwilling to negotiate.
"Sophia," His tone took a dark turn. I looked up, surprised by his sudden change in demeanour. "This doesn't have to end badly. If you don't do as we say, you'll find that things go wrong very quickly."
"You're threatening me now?" I glared at Sophia. "And you're okay with this?" I threw my hands up. "Of course, you're complicit in all of this, aren't you?" To think I could trust another version of myself…
"I'm telling you to do what is best for you!" she retorted. "What is a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of things? And you could always have more children!"
I huffed, and then chuckled sardonically. Have more children! As if they were replaceable! "I'm having none of this. And you!" I pointed at Theta. "How could you think to make me a friend when you demand something like this of me?"
"Someone with a gift like you could always use a shoulder to lean on," He replied. "After what you're about to do, no one's going to be left for you. No one but me. I'll accept you no matter what you do."
"If this is the price of my freedom, I'd rather you just lock me back up again," I bravely put forth.
"That's… not gonna happen," Theta declared. "You see, we inscribed this condition on the vault to give you a heads-up on what's coming next. We don't mean to keep you caged up like an animal. If anything, 'freedom' is a metaphor for your liberation from the constraints of your universe!"
"I'm still not doing it," I crossed my arms. "Take me back home. I won't hear any of this anymore."
"Fine, alright. I'll take you back. But be warned, you will fulfil this debt. You have no choice in the matter. And when all is said and done, your place here will be ready and waiting for you," He concluded.
I clenched my fists. I was seething with rage at this point. How dare He think that I would give up my own child for the sake of power or feeling accepted or whatever? That seemed so ridiculous a notion. I could already imagine myself chuckling with Lucifer that this was even something someone put forth to me. As long as I had him and my son, I didn't need anything else.
Sophia's House, Illinois – 8 July 2011, 10.05am
Many days had passed since I'd left. When I came upon the house, Zara was sitting on the front porch with Luc waddling about in front of her. The sun was up, the clouds drifted lazily, my garden was looking well – things seemed perfect. I was glad that things were going well at least on this front. As I got nearer, she looked up at me and I saw in her eyes exhaustion and maybe a hint of fear, I don't know. Had she been staying up all night? What for? "Accept me again," I requested.
"Yes," she spoke firmly. There was a bright flash of light and I flowed into her, filling up her vessel. As I opened my eyes once again from her body, I realised what was wrong. The rage I'd felt just moments before with Khaos came bubbling up again. I saw her memories of everything that had happened. I couldn't believe it.
"I trusted you," I told her in the shared space that was our head. "How dare you do such a thing?"
Please, Sophia, listen. We can find another-
"You had so much potential, Zara," bitterness laced my voice. "And you chose to throw it all away!"
I'm begging you, please hear me out.
"There's nothing you can say to make this right." After the ordeal with Khaos, I had little patience left to deal with the defiance of one human. Personally, I felt betrayed. She had so much promise. She was smart enough to find me and help Lucifer get me out of the vault. She had helped us during the apocalypse. She barely said a word throughout this whole time I'd been in her body. I even thought of her as a friend. Why had she chosen to deflect now? Words could not express my disappointment. All I knew was that I had to get her in line if I were to carry on.