A/N: Sorry these chapters taking so long. I'm having a bit of trouble with these next chapters as they're "transitional" getting me to the next part of the story and setting things up where I want them to be. So, sorry if these chapters are a little weak and rushed.
As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song It's Not Over by Secondhand Serenade.
CHAPTER 35 – It's Not Over
And all the words we never say come out
And now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
when you've done all you can do
But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over
I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
I'm shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just want to crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die
I won't let it die
But it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over, we could be... forever
I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over, we could be... forever
It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
Thomas' visit days later did nothing to improve the tension between Charlie and Claire, it only made it worse. The morning Thomas was due to arrive Charlie, who had come home only a couple of hours earlier from a show the night before, told Claire to call Thomas and tell him not to come. Claire refused and after a brief exchange of words Charlie announced that he would not stick around for the visit, which truthfully relieved both Claire and Kate. Neither had been looking forward to an afternoon of Charlie sitting around glaring at Thomas and reminding the young man whose family this was.
The visit itself smoothly; Claire had spent the morning explaining to Aaron what was going on and who was coming to visit. She explained that he had two fathers now and that Thomas wanted to meet him and get to know him. She wasn't sure how much of it the 3 year old comprehended fully, but she also assured him that Thomas was only there for a visit and if Aaron didn't like it he wouldn't need to see him again this trip.
Because of his age and his personality the little boy seemed to adapt to this change easily. Though shy at first, Aaron soon warmed up to the young Australian man and was thrilled when Thomas, on a suggestion from Claire, presented him with a carved wooden train set. They sat on the living room floor playing with the train and getting a better feel for one another.
True to his word Charlie stayed away for the entire 3 days that Thomas was in town. Claire had tried calling him but succeeded in only getting his voice mail on which she left a couple of angry messages. Thomas could sense there was something going on with Claire and her husband but wisely didn't say anything choosing instead to work on mending their relationship for Aaron's benefit.
So after a rather successful trip Thomas departed for home with the promise of phone calls and more visits and a heartfelt hug from his son.
When Charlie did come home Claire greeted him with a plea for him to join her for couples counseling to help their troubled marriage. Charlie finally agreed and Claire set up an appointment the following week. She waited 35 minutes in the lobby before Charlie finally showed up with a weak excuse for being late. They made another appointment for a week's time with Charlie promising he would be there. That time he didn't show up at all. Deeply hurt Claire went home and calmly announced to her great aunt and Kate that she was going to separate from Charlie.
The first thing she did was a call a locksmith and had the locks to the house all changed. She then packed up several of Charlie's clothes and personal items and while Louise watched the kids she and Kate drove over to the warehouse where the band normally rehearsed and left the bags with one of the band members along with a message to call before he came over for the rest of his stuff.
Kate had asked her a couple of times if she really thought she was doing the right thing and Claire was adamant about her actions. Charlie needed to get his priorities straight and he needed to trust Claire and her decisions.
Following his lockout Charlie called Claire and asked her what she wanted him to do. She simply told him he needed to take some time to figure out what it was that he wanted in his life…what was important to him. And then he needed to figure out to make his marriage more of an equal partnership instead of him trying to always run lead.
The next couple of months of months went by rather quickly with the girls and the kids continuing with their routine except that Kate had gone out and gotten a part-time job. She started working as a hostess at an upscale social club. It catered mainly to wealthy businessmen and women who were their primary members. Kate's job was to greet the members when they arrived, show them to their tables and take their initial drink orders as well as requests for cigars and cigarettes. The club was open for lunch and dinner and had a golf course, a tennis court and a work out gym as well. It was not Kate's ideal job, but the pay and tips were good and the hours allowed her to be with Emma in the mornings and be home most nights to tuck her in.
To distract herself from her marital problems Claire decided to try and track down her biological father. She told her Aunt Louise how watching Kate with her dad Sam had sparked Claire into wanting to connect with the man and possibly try to form a relationship. Maybe she even had other relatives out there, she told Louise, maybe half brothers and sisters. She wanted Aaron to have a chance to get to know them if they existed. Louise gently warned her that she had to be prepared that if there were other children out there they might not be so receptive to Claire trying to come into their lives. But Claire was willing to take that chance.
Unfortunately, since Louise had already moved to Melbourne before Claire was born she couldn't provide much help. She knew nothing more about Claire's father than what the man had told her great niece himself the day Claire ran into him at the hospital. A call to Claire's Aunt Lindsey didn't prove fruitful either. Claire suspected that she knew quite a bit about the relationship her sister had with the American doctor, but she told Claire to forget it, that no good would come of it.
Another month passed and it was soon time for Aaron's 4th birthday. The little boy was excited about his upcoming party. He was now going to pre-school and had made some friends there that would be invited to the party. He had also invited his "Daddy Thomas" as he called him and the young man, touched by his sweet gesture, promised to be there.
Claire, meanwhile, was a nervous wreak. Finals were approaching and trying to study and plan a child's birthday party was becoming stressful. Kate offered to help with the decorations and the games and Louise immediately took over preparing the menu for the party.
Now the next big obstacle was to let Charlie know about the party and that Thomas would also be attending. Claire had talked to him on the phone fairly often and had even met him for lunch a couple of times. They had managed to have a good time and Charlie did look like he was trying so Claire was confident that the party would go fine.
She decided to catch one of his shows figuring they could go out after and talk about the party and make some plans for Aaron's gift.
Now as she stood in front of the mirror smoothing out her shirt she thought how funny it was that she was a bit nervous about going to meet her husband for coffee.
"You look fine." Kate told her from behind.
Turning she smiled at her friend who was standing at the doorway holding a pajama clad Emma on her hip. "You think so?" She asked shyly. "Not too boring?" She referred to her choice of a pair of 'skinny jeans' and a blue ¾ sleeve shirt that was a bit form fitting with a scoop neckline. Her hair was loose and wavy.
"Are you serious?" Kate remarked surprised as she walked into the room. "You look great." She turned to a wide eyed Emma. "Doesn't Aunt Claire look pretty, sweetie?"
"Pretty." Emma giggled.
"See?" Kate commented with a grin. "And we all know what great fashion sense my daughter has."
Claire laughed and walked over and gave Emma a kiss on her forehead. "Well, thank you…both of you." She walked over to the dresser and picked up her purse. "Thanks too, Kate, for keeping an eye on Aaron for me."
"Don't worry about it." Kate replied. "Just have a good time. And don't worry about coming home early…or at all." She teased.
"Kate!" Claire exclaimed a little embarrassed at her comment.
"Well, you two are married." Kate smirked. "Maybe you could play Rockstar and Groupie." She suggested coyly.
This time Claire blushed at her suggestion. "I can't believe you just said that." She started out of her bedroom. "Besides…been there…done that." She added before disappearing down the hall.
Kate stood there for a moment processing her comment before following out after her friend. "Claire…" She called out.
Claire smirked at the brunette but didn't say a word.
"You serious?" Kate asked amused and full of curiosity.
The blonde laughed. "Oh come on Kate, you're going to tell me you and Jack never played 'doctor'?" She asked grinning with she noticed the light pink coloring Kate's cheeks. "You did, didn't you?" she squealed. "Come on spill!"
"Why? You didn't spill about the rockstar experience." Kate retorted.
Claire rolled her eyes and sighed. "He played the guitar on this makeshift stage. I oo'd and aw'd. Pretended he sent a body guard to pick me out from the audience, went backstage and he seduced the wide eyed groupie." She rattled off in a monotone voice. "Okay, your turn."
Kate shifted a sleepy Emma from one shoulder to the other before finally walking into the living room and laying her down in the playpen.
"Come on Kate, spill." Claire said from behind her with a hint of excitement in her voice.
"Are you going to be late?" Kate questioned.
"I got time." Claire deadpanned.
"I don't see what the big deal is…"
"Oh come on, Kate, you don't think that more than one of the females on the island didn't want to be in your place."
"Really?" Kate asked with a surprised tone. "They wanted to be chased by a smoke monster in the jungle?"
"Ha. Ha." Claire shook her head, her blue eyes sparkling. "I'm talking about having the attention of Doctor Hottie…"
Kate let out a small laugh. "Doctor Hottie?"
"Shannon nicknamed him that." Claire revealed.
Kate brought her hand up to her mouth. "Oh God, he'd probably die of embarrassment if he knew that."
"And I'm sure he'd turn bright red if he knew there was more than one woman willing to share her tent with him?" Claire added teasingly.
"Oh really?" Kate's eyes narrowed and she put her hands on her hips. "And just who are these women? I want names."
"Oh no," Claire shook her head with a laugh. "I'm not going to be responsible for some cat fight at our next reunion." She replied. "And don't change the subject…you still owe me a story. Come on…"
Kate threw her hands up in mock surrender. "Okay, okay,,," She chuckled. "Let's see…there was this one time…"
"There was more than one time?" Claire interrupted.
"What can I say?" the brunette giggled. "It's a fun game to play." She perched herself on the edge of the couch. "There's just something sexy about that lab coat…and the scrubs…"
"Oh really?" Claire asked amused by her friend's revelation.
Kate nodded. "Especially when there's no shirt underneath." She added in an almost whisper.
Claire stared at her shocked for a moment before joining her in a laugh. "And just how did you manage that?"
"I'm not sure." Kate confessed. "That part's a little fuzzy."
"Well, what part isn't fuzzy?" Claire asked impatiently.
"Well…it started out with me asking him how a stethoscope worked, so he showed me and then he offered to do a physical…and so I had him put on his lab coat…" Kate's voice trailed off as she had a memory flash of a freshly showered Jack in black pants and barefoot with his lab coat on and the stethoscope hanging around is neck.
"So, how was the physical?" Claire's voice broke through her memories.
Kate's mouth formed a smile that made her look like the cat that swallowed a canary. "Let's just say everything you heard about surgeon's having good hand is true."
Squealing Claire reached out and squeezed Kate's forearm. "Oh my God, I knew it!" She exclaimed. "Some guys you can just look at and tell they're good in bed!"
Kate blushed at her friend's comment. She wasn't use to having these kinds of 'girl talks'…at least not with Claire – this was more Carrie's line of conversation.
"Oh, I crossed the line, didn't I?" Claire figured when she saw the color in Kate's cheeks.
"No, no…" Kate recovered quickly. "I guess I just figured you didn't wonder what he was like…"
"Hey, I'm a woman, aren't I?" Claire defended. "And he is hot…" She stopped when she saw the sad look in Kate's eyes. "Okay, time to get out of here." She quickly jumped to her feet. "Time to go see the 'rock God' perform." She grabbed her keys and purse.
"He know you coming tonight?" Kate asked grateful for the change in topic.
"I couldn't reach him, but I left him a voice mail so he should know." She explained as she walked to the door with Kate following.
"Well, have fun and tell Charlie I said hello." Kate replied as she closed the door behind Claire.
Unfortunately for Claire the night didn't go as planned. After arriving at the nightclub and sitting through the band's two sets Claire made her way back to the room where the band was hanging out. She walked in to find a crowd of people inside the small room. As she weaved through she searched the faces for her husband before finally finding him. When she did she stood there in shock.
On the couch was Charlie with a young red headed girl dressed in a tank top and short shorts nibbling on his ear. His eyes glassy and half closed Charlie had a beer in one hand and the red head's thigh in the other. As Claire's mind processed the scene her gaze drifted downward to the table in front of him. She noticed a couple of small baggies with a brown substance inside and a couple of needles lying next to them. Realization hit Claire like a ton of bricks and she let out an audible gasp.
As she turned to leave Charlie realized she was there and quickly jumped up and chased after her. He caught up as she approached her car. He tried to stammer out an explanation, a reason for what she saw, but Claire refused to listen. She simply and angrily informed him to stay away from her and Aaron from now on and that included his upcoming birthday party.
When the musician tried to protest Claire icily reminded him that he wasn't legally or biologically Aaron's father so he had no real rights where the child was concerned. With a soft "We're done." She jumped in her car and drove off. The next day she calmly filled Kate in on what had transpired and then contacted an attorney to file for divorce.
Aaron's party went off without a hitch. Charlie respected Claire's request and simply had a gift delivered along with a card for Aaron that Kate read to the child. It explained Charlie was ill and wouldn't be able to come to the party. Caught up in the excitement of the day the little boy had accepted the reason with no fuss.
Kate, meanwhile, settled into her job and was fitting in well with the rest of the staff. Men flirted with the beautiful brunette and a couple had even asked her to dinner, but she politely refused, preferring to go home and spend time with a growing Emma.
Los Angeles
Jack, Marc and Tony made their way through the front door of Jack's old house where Marc was still currently living. The three had gone out for a "Guys Night Out" and ended up at a couple of different bars that Tony was familiar with. Marc and Jack drank and watched as Tony tried to work his charm on a few of the women they encountered. While he had gotten a couple of phone numbers he decided not to push hooking up with any of them that evening opting to stay with his two friends as planned.
As they left the last bar they decided to buy some beer and the caught a cab back to the house. So now they settled into the couches in the living room with the beer, some chips and a bottle of tequila that Marc had pulled out of the cabinet.
"I still can't believe you didn't go home with that little blonde…what was her name?" Marc asked Tony.
"Ahum…Shelly?" He said, his voice unsure. Reaching into his shirt pocket he pulled out a piece of paper. "No, it's Shelby." He corrected himself. "Shelby."
Marc smirked and turned to look at Jack. "See, what happens when you've got too many women? You have a hard time keeping track."
"Yeah, rough problem." Jack commented as he took a swig from his beer bottle.
"Says the man who had…what…three or four women walk up and hit on him?" Tony retorted, a hint of envy in his voice.
"They weren't hitting on me." Jack denied.
"Dude, they were hitting on you." Tony insisted then looked over at Marc to back him up.
"They were hitting on you." Marc smirked as he poured out three shots of tequila trying not to spill the liquid. Jack shot him a look then shrugged his shoulders.
Tony took a long drink from his beer. "Tell me you got at least one phone number tonight." He told Jack who looked at the man in surprise.
"I've got a sick wife." He deadpanned.
"Who you're not in love with" Tony pointed out, the alcohol making him speak his mind easier. "And the woman you are in love with isn't anywhere around."
Jack shot him a nasty look and Marc quickly put up his hands to stop any confrontation. "Tony, man, leave it alone." He warned his friend.
Unfazed Tony reached over and handed the other two the shot glasses of tequila. "All I'm saying, man, is you need to look out for yourself. Let go of any plans you might have for the future and just live for the here and now." He lifted the shot glass up in a toasting manner. "To The Present" He said before downing the liquor.
"The Present" Marc lifted his glass then drank the tequila. Jack followed silently, but had a look of doubt on his face.
"What?" Tony questioned the young doctor.
"It's not that easy." Jack argued.
"Sure it is, man." The other man insisted. "You just gotta let it all go. I mean, you can't tell me you're not tired of doing everything for everyone else."
"Sometimes" Jack agreed as he took another sip of beer.
"And you gotta be a little pissed at her for putting you through all of this." Tony added.
Jack closed his eyes for a moment. He knew there was a part of him that resented the hell out of Kate for doing this and lately that part of him had started to wonder if this hadn't just been a plan for her to run again, now because she wanted to, not because she had to. Maybe she had decided she didn't want to be tied down to a relationship with him after all.
When Jack didn't answer Tony took a long sip of his beer and spoke up. "I know I'd be pissed off."
Jack let out a sigh and looked over at Marc who was actually nodding his head slightly in agreement. Jack could feel the effects of the alcohol as it continued to fuzz out his brain and numb him. "Even if I am pissed it's not like I can change anything…Kate's made that clear."
"But you can change things for yourself." Ton replied dramatically thumping the armrest of the couch.
"How so?" Marc interceded curious to see where this conversation was going.
"Like I said before, he's got to get rid of all those feelings of frustration and resentment." Tony turned his attention back to Jack. "You've got to live for the here and now, not what might happen in the future. Nobody can predict the future so all you can do is live for the present."
Marc looked over at Jack with a crocked smile on his face. "Got that from the Fire Fighter Academy" he commented. "It's on one of the walls." Jack laughed.
"That doesn't make it any less true!" Tony retorted, frustrated by his friends' apparent lack of seriousness. "I'm telling you, you've got to let it go."
Jack shook his head. "Not ready to let Kate go." He stated stubbornly.
"Then at least get your feelings out in the open." Tony looked over at Marc. "Get me a pen and paper." He instructed his friend.
"What? Why?"
"Yeah, pen and paper." Tony nodded. "And an envelope" Marc got up, stumbling slightly, then returned a minute later with the items. Tony took them and put the paper down in front of Jack and handed him the pen.
"Write." He told Jack, his voice a little louder and with a hint of slur from the alcohol.
Jack looked at him with his brow furrowed in confusion. "Write what?"
"Write her…Kate a letter telling her how you feel." Tony replied.
"You want me to write a love letter?" Jack was still confused and the beer wasn't helping to make anything clearer.
Tony shook his head. "No, you need to write her a letter telling her you're letting her go?"
"What??" Both Jack and Marc spoke at the same time.
Tony wiped a hand across his face. "It's the best way to get of that burden…take back your life and be able to move on."
Jack looked down at the blank piece of paper for a moment. "This is crazy." He finally said.
Tony slapped the table next to the paper "It's not crazy. I learned this in a class I took in college. You write down all your feelings and everything that's bothering you…get it all out in the open. Then you sign it and put it in the envelope and address it."
"Tony, man, he doesn't…" Marc started to say but his friend quickly put up his hand to interrupt.
"You don't mail it." He explained. "It's just an exercise I learned in college…a way to work through stuff…like those lists people do weighing the negative and positive of something."
Marc took a deep breath. Man, his head felt foggy. None of this made sense to him. At least not the part about addressing the envelope, but if it helped Jack…he turned and looked at his childhood friend. "Can't hurt."
Jack looked back at Marc and slowly nodded his head. "I guess not, since it doesn't get mailed."
A few minutes later Marc and Tony watched as Jack started to scribble out a letter to Kate. They offered a suggestion of a word or phrase as Jack slowly expressed his thoughts and feelings. Twenty minutes later he was done.
Dear Kate,
This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to write. But I need you to know what I'm feeling. You've been gone for so long and there's been an emptiness in my life since that day you left.
I feel like I'm trapped in a void. I don't move forward and yet nothing is the same. For as long as I can remember I've always done things for others…put their needs and wants ahead of mine and it doesn't seem to make me happy.
I'm unhappy Kate, and I can't imagine you're very happy either. Or maybe you are and that's why I haven't heard much from you. I don't know. But I do feel like we've been holding on to something that may never happen and it weights heavy on us or at least on me.
I want to be happy Kate and I want you to be happy too. I want to be able to move past these feelings and past feeling like I'm moving in slow motion. I love you but I can't have you. I'm married to a woman I'm not in love with and didn't want to be married to but you asked me to and now I understand what you were saying about Sarah needing me. So I stay with her only not it's not so much because you once asked me to, but because if I left Sarah would be alone. A person shouldn't face death alone, that's what you told me. Sarah is strong, but I know facing her future alone scares her.
"What about being angry?" Tony asked as he glanced over Jack's shoulder at the letter. "You gotta be mad at her walking out."
Jack took a deep breath and glanced over at Marc who nodded his head. "You were pretty pissed off those first couple of days." He pointed out.
"Yeah, I guess I was."
"Then put it down." Tony tapped on the table. "You need to get ALL those feelings out."
Kate when you left I was angry…pissed. I was pissed at Sarah, pissed at the idea of getting married, pissed at me for going along with it and pissed at you. I couldn't understand why you'd walk away from us like that. I still can't. You should have stayed…we could have figured out some way to fix all of this. But you didn't…you chose to leave. And that's what I have to deal with. You left and I'm mad. So, I've decided the best thing for me…the best way to handle all of this is to let it all go. This is the only way I know to move forward. To move on with life.
Jack.
"That sounds good, man." Tony said and slapped Jack on the back. "Doesn't it feel good to get that stuff out?" he asked as he finished the last of his beer.
Jack smiled. "Yeah, it does." He admitted, feeling a little less heavy hearted now that he had been able to get that stuff off his chest.
After having him complete the exercise by addressing the envelope Tony wobbled over to the side table and opened the bottle of tequila, over half of which was gone. "Let's celebrate." With slow and deliberate moves he poured out three shots spilling a little of the liquor down the sides.
"I'm good, man." Marc said waving off the shot. Things were already starting to spin around him.
"No, no…no." Tony replied shaking his head handing the glass to the light haired young man. "This is a big moment in Jack's life and we need to com…com…commemorate."
"Jeez," Marc grumbled as he took the glass.
Turning to Jack he handed him a glass then held his up in salute. "To Letting Go."
"Letting Go." The other two said then threw back the shot.
That last shot seemed to do in all three men. Marc stumbled to his bedroom while Jack made his way to his old room and his old comfortable bed. Tony waved them off and stretched out on the couch. Ten minutes later all three were sound asleep.
The next morning Tony was up before the other two. With his head feeling like a beating drum and his mouth full of cotton he made his way to the bathroom and down some aspirin before splashing some water on his face and gurgling some mouth wash.
Glancing at his watch he noticed it was almost eleven – he needed to be somewhere in less than two hours. Grabbing his car keys he wrote a note to Marc and placed it on the table. As he did he saw the envelope containing the letter Jack had composed the night before. Staring at it for a moment he grabbed the letter and took it with him deciding to mail it on the way to his house. He decided Jack needed a little help and he was just the one to do it.
TBC
Next up: The letter gets mailed…The return of an old friend and the departure of another….