Follow Your Heart-Future-take
Bethie and Benji
I could not believe that we were here again, and so soon. Allyssa was only two years old and now we were going to have three children under the age of three and all still in diapers. It's not that I didn't love my children. I just did not want us to becoming overwhelmed and lose us in the process. I ended my inner musings there and got out of the shower. I was going to be running late soon if I did not get moving and that would not be good for business. Bella and I were trying to lay off our savings as much as possible having spent a good portion of it on our travels, the house, and the bookstore.
"Bella!" I yelled through the house as I exited the bedroom. "I can't find any clean socks!"
"They're in the laundry room waiting to be washed because I just didn't get to them yesterday." Her voice came from the area of the living room so I made my way down there. I found her sitting in the rocker while Allyssa sat on the floor playing with her blocks. Anyone that ever said that a stay at home mom had it easy obviously never met one. I think Bella works harder than I do most days.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I should have started a load when I got home last night."
"You were late coming home last night because of inventory at the store. I'll try to get to the laundry today."
"Don't stress it." I said and then I saw her wince and arch her back. "Is your back hurting again?"
"Yeah. I just feel kinda funny today."
"Did you call your doctor?"
"Not yet. I will." With that, she closed her eyes and I left in search of a pair of socks that were clean enough to wear for one day. I ended up finding a pair of dress socks but also thought to go ahead and start a load of laundry. I was just putting the lid to the washer down when I heard a crash and Bella yelling, "Stay away". I ran back for the living room only to find that them both gone. Panic started to set in as I yelled for Bella. Relief set in quickly though when I found them in the kitchen.
"Lyssa wanted juice and I-water." She was crying and sounded out of breath. Then I noticed the broken glasses and plates on the floor at her feet and Lyssa sniffling in the corner. "I didn't mean to scare her but she's not wearing any socks or shoes and I didn't want her to step on the glass and get hurt."
I kissed her on the forehead "Just go back to the living room, sweetheart, and I will clean this up."
"But Edward my water—"
"Yeah. I'll bring you some water too, when I'm done here." I interrupted her, distracted as I went to get the broom from the closet.
"No Edward. I do not want any damn water! My water broke!" I turned back to her and saw the puddle on the floor for the first time, and suddenly cleaning up the mess on the floor did not seem so important. I ushered them both out of the kitchen and back to the living room. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and started making calls as I made my way upstairs to get Bella's bag. The first call I made was to our doctor. He was able to calm my fears by telling me that giving birth three weeks early was extremely common and there was rarely anything to worry about. In addition, Bella had had a normal and healthy pregnancy thus far.
I still remember when Bella was pregnant with Lyssa and I started panicking at becoming a father for the first time. I had been reading the pregnancy books that I had stocked in the bookstore and came across a bunch of horror stories about everything that could go wrong during a pregnancy and delivery. I went to see our doctor on my lunch because I didn't want to upset my pregnant wife and he sat there patiently listening to my insane ramblings and when I was done he looked me right in the eyes and said-,
(flashback)
"Edward, I have been delivering babies in this town for over thirty years. I am now delivering the babies of the babies that I delivered. I know what complications can arise but I will tell you this. Worrying about the what-ifs will only drive you and your wife crazy at you won't be able to enjoy the pregnancy. You do trust that I know what I am doing, right? You trust that I will take excellent care of your wife and baby, to the best of my abilities, right?"
"Yes, of course I do and so does Bella."
"Then how about this, why don't you let me do all the worrying about all of the what-ifs that can happen. I know when its time to panic so you can just stay calm. Let's you and I make a deal, ok, if I start panicking, then you can panicking. Ok?"
's voice brought me back to the present by calling my name, "Edward! Pay attention! Do you remember our deal?"
"Yes sir."
"And does it sound like I'm panicking here?"
"No sir"
"Good. Now CALMLY go get your wife and bring her to the hospital and let's deliver these babies."
I hung up the phone with him and found that Bella had found dry pants for herself and shoes for Lyssa and was trying to get them on her. I took the shoes and told Bella to go sit down again while I got everything together. I had called Mary, my assistant, and one and only employee, while upstairs getting Bella's bag and told her that Bella was in labor. She immediately volunteered to help me out before I even had to ask her.
As I was strapping Lyssa into her car seat, Bella started crying, "Your mom's not here yet! She was supposed to keep Lyssa for us. What are we going to do with her? I don't want her to witness this, it will traumatize her."
"We're swinging by the bookstore. I already called Mary and she will be there and is going to watch her for us until Mom can get here."
"Oh thank God!. But…uh oh... OH GOD! Hurry! I'm having contractions now." One of the real joys of living in a small town is that you could actually walk where ever you wanted or needed to go, if you had to, so the drive to the book store only took a couple of minutes. I ran Lyssa inside and stayed only long enough for Mary to tell me that she already called my mother who was working on getting everyone to Maine. I was never so glad that I always kept extra diapers, clothes, and toys here for Lyssa. It had been one less thing to worry about. I thanked Mary about a hundred times before I ran back out the door and back to my wife who was currently having yet another contraction.
Considering the fact that everything that had progressed so fast this morning, Bella's progress had slowed down dramatically, to a near stand still, once we made it to the hospital. Mom called about two hours after we got there. She still had not been able to reach Alice and Jasper, but they were on vacation in Ireland at the moment. They had been trying to get pregnant for a while now, with no luck, and they had said something about trying to find the same luck the Bella and I had, when we were there. She did get a hold of Rose though. Rose and Emmett were going to wait in Boston for Mom's flight to get in and then she would ride with them to Maine. The only problem was that the first flight that she could get did not leave for another four hours and then the flight itself would take four hours with layovers. Then it would take them another hour and a half to drive here from Boston.
Bella and her nurse, Judy, who was new in town, and I talked the afternoon away as we waited for her to progress enough to start pushing. We spent the day recalling some of our favorite memories together. We regaled her with stories about the night we met, and our weird, extended honeymoon. She laughed as we mentioned how Emmett still loved to tease us about the fact that we started our honeymoon before were even engaged. We told her about the book that I wrote about our trip and how proud my family was of me when they held it in their hands. I had managed to turn it into a novel telling readers not only about our travels but also of us falling in love.
Bella couldn't stop laughing as we recalled being in Phoenix for the 4th of July about two months after it was released when Mom dragged us to a bookstore. I really didn't want to go in and I told mom that whatever she wanted I could probably get it for her cheaper. She said it was a local history thing so I let it drop. Those were hard to get, not impossible, but it would be a pain to locate anyway. Bella, Lyssa and I were just coming out of the coffee bar part of the bookstore when I heard mom scream, "OH MY GOD! THAT'S MY SON'S BOOK"
I didn't think it would have been possible for me to turn any redder than I was at moment, but Bella said that I actually achieved it, though, when I looked up to find my mother standing by a display that sure enough had my book on it and then she proceeded to point me out to the whole store. It only took a matter of seconds before a group of giggling college girls mobbed me. Bella, who was used to this from the book tour that she had accompanied me on, just grabbed Lyssa and slipped off quickly. She went to stand by the door, with my siblings and their spouses while they all laughed asses off at me while I sighed and engaged in an impromptu book signing. While I still do not think that it was all that funny, that moment sticks out with me for nothing more than the look of pure pride on my mother's face when she was looking at the display.
Then Bella and I, told Nurse Judy about the day we heard the heartbeats, for the first time, for this pregnancy. The night before our appointment, we had been out to dinner with some friends, including a nurse that worked in Dr. Conner's office, Chrissy. She was a close friend of ours, and she was excited to hear that we were pregnant again. At one point, she asked if we had decided on how many children we wanted to have and Bella answered immediately three. Chrissy laughed her ass off when Bella told her about the deal we had made. Bella had originally wanted only two and I wanted four. Therefore, we compromised that she would go through the painful process of giving birth to three babies, but I had to go through the painful procedure of having a vasectomy. I grimaced at the idea of someone cutting into me there, but it was only fair, I guess. Well, according to my wife it was more than fair, and I was not about to argue with her. I was not looking forward to having it done, but I knew that I had quite a bit of time before I actually had to worry about that.
The next day at the appointment, it turned out that Bella was far enough along that we were able to hear the heartbeat:
(flashback)
Bella and I were practically bouncing off the walls as we were called back by Chrissy. We had decided to bring Allyssa with us as we wanted to keep her as involved with the pregnancy as possible to reduce the chances for her to become jealous of the new baby, but in reality, she was only two years old so it was not as if she would really understand much of what was going on. I pulled Lyssa onto my lap as Bella settled herself on the examining table.
As soon as they turned the speaker on for us, I noticed that there was a lot of noise, more than I remembered there being with Allyssa. That is when Chrissy started laughing. I asked her what was so funny as she looked right at me and said, "It's time for you to pay up, bub, and make that appointment with the urologist." Bella and I both looked at her in confusion until Dr. Conner, smiling himself, told us that we were hearing two heartbeats…we were having twins. I swear I almost passed out right then and there.
(end flashback)
It took Bella eight very long hours to progress to the pushing stage. Once again, she had opted to get the epidural. She had gotten that when she had Allyssa, and she told me that she felt like she could really relax a little, and actually enjoy the labor and delivery.
As we moved Bella to position her for pushing, I noted that according to the clock, Mom should be arriving in Boston any minute and our family would be here in a couple of hours. In fact, her plane was probably coming in for the landing right now. Dr. Conner was giving Bella some last minute instructions and reminder before she began to start pushing, which would be on the next contraction that she felt.
After forty-five minutes of pushing, our son Benjamin was born. As I took a count of, and ensured, that he had all ten fingers and all ten toes, I also noted that he already had my crazy bronze hair, Then, I handed him back to the nurse, who put a band on his wrist before handing him to Bella. Then I started to cry. My son. This was my son. I leaned down and kissed his forehead before I kissed Bella's as well. "I love you so much, Bella." I choked out. We were able to enjoy the moment for only a couple of minutes longer before another contraction hit Bella.
We knew from our classes that the contractions would start up again and she could regress a bit between the births. What I was not prepared for, however, was the blood-curdling scream that erupted from my wife mere seconds before all hell broke loose in the room.
I grabbed my son from her arms a split second before my Bella collapsed back onto the bed and her eyes rolled back in her head as the alarms on the monitors all went off startling Dr. Conner, who looked at me with a panicked look on his face, a split second before he and the nurses sprang into action. Everything was a blur from there all I every really heard were things like; "fetal distress", "we're losing both of them", and "sign this now" as a clipboard was thrust into my face. I had no idea what it was that I was signing, but I did as I was told. I was completely in shock. I had no idea what had gone wrong, she was absolutely fine and smiling just a moment ago. Within seconds, mere moments actually, everyone was gone from the room, including my wife, leaving me standing there, alone, holding my newborn son, with tears streaking down both of our faces as we both cried.
I was still standing there, alone, staring at the door, and willing someone to come back and tell me what the hell was going on with my wife and our baby, when Mom and Rose came into the room and came to an abrupt stop when they saw that it was just me and my son standing there crying. They rushed over to me, Mom grabbed the baby from me while Rose just held onto me while I cried and I told them what had just happened, and that I had no idea what was going on with my wife or our baby. Emmett came in a couple of minutes later laughing and carrying his daughter, Brianna, on his hip and paled when he took in the scene in front of him.
We just stood here in complete silence until Dr. Conner returned to the room with a tired and worn look on his face. I collapse into a chair that I had no idea was just behind me, before the doctor came over and squatted before me, "Bella is going to be fine. She is in recovery right now."
"You panicked," I accused him; it was the only thing that I could get to come out of my mouth. Really, it was the only coherent thought that I had in my head at the moment.
"Yes, Edward, I did. I panicked."
"What happened?" Mom asked him in a voice that was no more than a whisper.
"Edward, look at me." I looked up into his eyes and he put his hand over mine before he continued. "It was a series of things actually, and none of it I could have seen coming, but I am sorry Edward that I didn't anticipate it. I am so, so sorry. The second baby got turned sideways while Bella was delivering the first baby, and in the process managed to get the cord wrapped around her neck. Then, as the baby went into distress, both of their heart rates dropped, and I had no choice but to get her to the OR and get the baby out of her. Unfortunately, once we got in there that was not the end of the complications. Bella started to hemorrhage and I had to perform a complete hysterectomy on your wife to save her life. I'm sorry, Edward."
I could not believe what I was hearing. I could not believe how close I just came to losing my wife and my daughter. "My baby?" I asked outright sobbing now.
"Your daughter has been revived and stabilized and is in the NICU. Dr. Green was the one tending to her and he will be down here in a moment to discuss her condition with you."
"What do you mean 'revived her'?" Emmett spoke up.
"Technically your daughter was not breathing, nor did she have a heartbeat when she was born, Edward." Dr. Conner replied looking me straight in the eye. At that moment, Dr. Greene walked into the room and expanded on what Dr. Conner was already telling us. She had been clinically dead for three minutes before they were able to revive her. She would have to stay in the NICU for at least a few days, and no one would know the full effects the oxygen deprivation would have on her for months, maybe even years to come. However, they were extremely hopeful that she would pull through this.
After telling me that it was going to be at least another hour before they brought my wife back to the room, I left my son with my family, and went to meet my daughter. Those NICU rooms had to be one of the scariest places in the hospital. And there was my angel, My Bethanny, as Bella and I had already named her. She had wires stuck everywhere and was on a ventilator, but she was beautiful, and she was alive, and that was all that mattered at the moment.
After spending a half an hour watching her and talking to her as she slept, I returned to the rest of my family. Mom was rocking my son when I walked in. "I know that you've been a bit busy darling, but do we have a name for this little boy yet?"
"Oh my God, I didn't even tell you he was a boy, did I?"
"That's ok dear. I figured it out when I changed his diaper."
"Benjamin. His name is Benjamin Carlisle Cullen." Mom's eyes started glistening again.
"Dad would have loved that." I heard Emmett choke out. I looked up to him crying as well. Then he cleared his throat and asked, "What is my new niece's name?"
"Bethanny Angelica."
"You're naming your daughter after our family therapist?" Rose spoke up a little amused.
"Not quite. While we are grateful for all she did for us. We just like the name and the way that the two go together…Bethie and Benji."
"I love it too." Mom added.
And with that we sat in silence until Bella was returned to the room forty five minutes later half awake. She opened her eyes and took in everyone in the room before asking where our daughter was. I informed her on our daughter's condition and told her how beautiful she was because she looked just like her mama. I opted to wait until she was more awake before telling her that we would not be able to have any more children. The three angels that we had were the only ones that God was going to grace us with after all.
The next couple of days were stressful on all of us. I stayed at the hospital with Bella and the twins alternating between Bella's room and the NICU. Bethie, however, had a few setbacks. First a lung infection set in when she was only two days old and then while I was watching her one day I noticed that she wasn't moving her right arm and leg as much as her left. Again, I was told that only time would tell the extent of the damage caused at birth.
Mom, Emmett and Rose were going to stay at the house while helping with Lyssa and the bookstore. I needed to be at the hospital and Mary, as great as she was could not run the bookstore on her own. It was definitely a two-person job. We knew that a lot of people had wanted to come up and visit but the news that there major complications spread through the small town like wildfire and kept people away out of respect. That did not keep the flowers, candy, or cards away, though. The room was overflowing more than a Hallmark store on Valentines Day.
Bella obviously had a lot to come to terms with when it came to the hysterectomy. Even though we had already decided we did not want to have more children, knowing that she could not have more children was a completely different thing. There is a big difference between "don't want to" and "can't". There would be no changing our minds in a few years if we decided that we wanted more children. That was a hard pill for Bella to swallow.
Bella and Benji were released from the hospital about a week after he was born. Bethie stayed for another two weeks. The night that Bethie finally came home, after Bella and I put all of the kids to bed, we returned to the living room where we found Mom coming out of the kitchen having just finished cleaning up from supper. She walked over, sat down in the chair across from us and closed her eyes. We all took a moment to appreciate a rare moment of silence in the house. Bella and I had been discussing something for about the better part of the last two weeks and we really needed to discuss it with mom. "Mom, Bella and I want to ask you again, would you please consider come here to live with us, and help us out with the kids and the house?" And with a simple reply of, yes, it was a done deal. Mom only returned to Phoenix once more and that was to retrieve her personal belongings that she wanted to bring to Maine and arrange for the house to be sold. Everything else would go into storage.
Over the next couple of years, it would be determined that Bethie had limited use of her right arm and leg and had mild asthma, the doctors believed that she may have suffered a small stroke do to the extreme trauma surrounding her birth, but thank God there were no diminished brain functions. She would be limited but not handicapped.
Jasper and Alice did not find their luck in Ireland after all, and after seeing what Bella and I went through with the delivery of the twins; they got scared and stopped trying. They opted to do foster care instead and give a home to children that needed to be wanted and loved. And isn't that all any of us ever really want out of life….just to be loved.
A/N
I am thrilled to finally be able to post these outtakes here. The next outtake should go up in about a week and then it's the epilogue. I started the epilogue the other day. I love you all. Enjoy!