Christmas Day

The Tuckers were sprawled out in the living room, brightly colored paper strewn about the space, and Christmas music playing softly in the background. Noah was engrossed in his new preschool Lego set that took up most of the open floor, Ed was in the recliner fidgeting with his new Apple watch, while Charlie and Olivia were stretched out on either end of the couch watching White Christmas in their matching snuggies. It had been a good day; busy, but good. Carisi, Amanda, and Jesse came over for a late brunch. With Jesse walking now, it was more chaotic than the year before but Ed and Olivia loved every minute of it. Noah would help chase Jesse down and invite her to play with his toys. Olivia still couldn't figure out if something was going on between her two detectives, but she decided not to worry about it. It wasn't effecting their work, so it was really none of her business. Now that everyone had left and the apartment was quiet again, Olivia began to anxiously wonder when she should bring up the idea of adoption to Charlie. Ed insisted she be the one to guide the conversation, and while he had assured her that he was with her 100%, he knew that this decision was primarily between Olivia and Charlie. As the brunette continued to mull over her thoughts on the sofa, Charlie let out a little yawn.

"Why am I so exhausted?" she asked, stretching her arms and legs a bit before reaching to her coffee. "We barely did anything."

"Probably just the excitement of the day," Ed mused, finally clipping his new watch to his wrist and looking over at the women on the couch. Something had been off with Charlie most of the morning, but there had never been a good time when he could check in on her. She seemed pretty spaced out and shaky at times, and her enthusiasm throughout the morning felt almost forced.

"Maybe," she said and went to stand up. "I'm gonna refill, anyone else?

"No thanks," Ed said with a soft smile. Olivia moved to stand up as well.

"I'll come with you," she said. "I'm not quite sure what else I want."

As the two women made their way into the kitchen, Ed could tell that Olivia was planning to bring up the adult adoption topic so he stood, patting Noah on the head, and followed the ladies. He rounded the corner and couldn't help but smile at the scene in front of him. Charlie was fighting back a little laugh while Olivia was cursing at the brand new bottle of Bailey's as she tried to open it. She must have heard him approach, because she quickly turned around with an exasperated look and handed him the bottle.

"Here," she said. "You try."

Ed easily got the bottle open, much to Olivia's dismay, and went about pouring them each a generous serving into their coffees.

"Noah's distracted," he offered. "Why don't we sit at the table?"

"Sounds good," Olivia said, offering him a grateful smile for the transition. Charlie seemed hesitant, almost as if she knew they had something they wanted to discuss with her, but she just plastered on a smile and followed them to the dining room. Once they were all settled, Charlie kept her eyes on her drink while Olivia reached out to take Ed's hand and cleared her throat.

"Charlie?" she said, as the young girl look up at her. "I have something I'd like to talk to you about, if that's okay?"

"Sure Olivia," Charlie said softly, her voice shaking with worry about what was about to be dropped on her. But Olivia just offered her a warm smile, and shook her head.

"Oh, it's not bad sweet girl," she said, quickly reaching over with her free hand and patting her arm. "Not bad at all."

"So…what is it?" Charlie asked, looking back and forth between Ed and Olivia. She watched as Ed gave a little nod to his wife, and she took a deep breath.

"Charlie," Olivia began as she let go of Ed's hand to reach over and grab a folder from counter. "We, your dad and I, have done a little research into the idea of adoption…"

"Right," she said, just assuming they meant Ed adopting Noah. "That should take place in the next few months, right? Is something wrong?"

"No," Ed said quickly, realizing Charlie was confused. "Nothing is wrong at all. We plan to start my paperwork to adopt Noah at the beginning of the year."

"Oh," she said and then shrugged. "So, I don't understand?"

"I wasn't talking about your dad adopting Noah," Olivia said softly, making sure to keep eye contact with Charlie and squeeze her hand. "I was hoping you'd let me adopt you."

Charlie's entire body froze as she locked eyes with Olivia. She was about 99% sure she just misheard what the woman had said. She's 25 years old. That is way past the age for being adopted, no matter how much she longed for Olivia to be her real mother.

"What?" she whispered, her hand beginning to shake in Olivia's hold.

"There is such a thing as adult adoption," Olivia explained. "It's usually for step-parents to be able to claim adult children as their own. Some of it has monetary implications, and we can look over it all if you'd like, but…well, with all this talk about Ed legally becoming Noah's father, I began to realize how much I wanted to legally be your Momma."

Charlie's entire face began to quiver as she tried to fight the onslaught of emotions heading her way. Olivia quickly moved her chair so she was right next to her, and Ed moved his to her other side, making sure Charlie was right in between them.

"There is absolutely no pressure to feel any way at this point," Olivia said firmly, although she was certain her heart might break if the girl said no. "I just want you to know how much I love you. And whether or not we make this official, how much I will always love you."

"Well that didn't go quite the way I pictured it," Ed commented as Olivia sat curled in his lap on the recliner. Noah was out cold on the couch, Mickey's Christmas playing on the TV. Pretty soon after they brought up the adoption idea to Charlie, she had made a quick exit. She didn't seem mad or bothered, but something was definitely bugging her. Olivia was trying not to take it personally, but it was hard.

"I should've known she wasn't in the right head space for that conversation," she muttered. "She was off all morning. I should've waited."

"Hey," Ed said, turning her head so he could look into her eyes. "Don't do that. Immediately blaming yourself. Charlie being upset and that conversation not going well was no one's fault. Okay?"

Olivia just nodded and snuggled into Ed as much as she could. He was her safe place. Her rock. And even with her emotions all over the place after their day, he made her feel stable.

"I know," she said quietly, her head still tucked into his neck. "She mentioned Trevor was going to stop by around 7, so maybe I'll pop down about 9…just to check on her."

"That's a good idea. I do think the little guy had a good day," Ed said as they both looked over at the tyke curled up on the couch, thumb in mouth. He was wearing his new Batman pajamas, complete with his Super Noah cape, and Peter Pan shoes. Earlier that evening, he had declared that if he wore a little bit from each outfit, he would be "da best Super Noah ever"!

"Can't argue with that," Ed had said, as he helped him attach his cape while Olivia rolled her eyes.

"You spoil him," she had said. Ed just shrugged, as if to say 'of course I do'.

Noah must have worn himself out, solving make believe mysteries all over the apartment, because he seemed to be down for the night. Olivia finally pried herself away from her husband's arms and went to gently take off his cape and cover him with a blanket. She leaned up and stretched, looking over to the clock on the wall.

"7:30," she muttered. "Still too early to go check on Charlie…"

"Mmmm," Ed muttered, looking his wife up and down as she stood before him in snowflake pajama pants and a white tank top. "He asleep enough for us to enjoy a nice, long, hot shower?"

Olivia let out a little laugh as she blushed, knowing exactly what Ed meant by that shower. She looked down at Noah, waving her hand in front of his face a bit. Satisfied that he wasn't waking up anytime soon she turned to Ed and gave him a wink.

"I'll race ya," she said with a smirk and took off towards the back, leaving Ed behind to scramble from his recliner and chase after her.

"Ohmigod, Trevor," Charlie gasped as she opened the box he gifted her with for Christmas. The two were seated right next to each other on her couch. He had already opened her gift to him - a blue tie to match his eyes, a framed picture of the two of them, and a gift certificate for a pedicure. The man loved pedicures, and she loved that about him. But now, Charlie found herself at a loss for words as she stared at the contents of the black velvet box.

"I know you aren't big on jewelry," he explained. "And that you love the necklace from your dad. But, I wanted you to have something special. Classy. And I thought that these fit you…"

"Wow," she breathed out, examining the gorgeous diamond stud earrings in the box. The gold plated stud and base held a medium sized diamond on each earring. "They are beautiful."

Trevor just smiled and tucker her hair behind her ear, before leaning in to kiss her briefly.

"For a beautiful woman," he whispered, looking deep into her eyes. She ducked away from his look and fingered at the earrings. "What's wrong, Charlie?"

He knew she had been off since he arrived, but she was clearly trying not to let it show so he pretended not to notice at first. But the more time that went on, the clearer it was to him that there was something really bothering her. He watched as she shook her head and bring her hand up to swipe at her face, trying to hide her tears.

"Talk to me…" he said, leaning over to place his hands on her knees as a silent show of support. She finally looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears and her bottom lip quivering. But instead of talking, like he expected her to do, she shook her a head a bit and then lunged forward to press her lips to his. Trevor was surprised at first, but wasn't going to turn down a gorgeous woman wanting to make out with him, so he recovered quickly and moved his hands to cup her cheeks as he returned her kiss. He enjoyed her advances at first, as the settled into her couch laying side by side, but as she got more aggressive, his alarm bells began to go off.

"Charlie," he said, pulling away and trying to catch his breath. But she wasn't having it, grabbing his soft pink button down and pulling his lips back to hers. Trevor was having trouble thinking coherently, but he knew that something was right. So with the final ounce of strength he had, he pulled back from her again and sat up, rubbing his face with the hand that wasn't still on her waist.

"What is it?" Charlie asked, still laying on the couch trying to catch her breath, and her face flushed.

"Not that I wasn't…enjoying…what we were doing," he said, hoping he wasn't about to fuck up again. "But something isn't right, Charlie. I can't…be with you…like that….if you are just needing a bandaid."

"A bandaid?" Charlie choked out, sitting up and pulling her long hair back into a ponytail before standing up and pacing in front of the couch. "A bandaid? You think I need a bandaid?"

Trevor just watched her as she walked back and forth in from of him, ringing her hands in front of her. He knew her well enough at this point to know that she would eventually say what was bothering her. He just needed to wait out the coming explosion of emotion. She finally turned and looked straight into his eyes, her own blue eyes betraying the pain and confusion she felt.

"If I needed a bandaid, I could go to the street corner Trevor," she said in a low, angry voice. "But a bandaid isn't going to fix me. In fact, I don't know if anything will EVER fix me. I'm broken. In a way that only God can break a person. And I don't know how to be whole again."

"Oh, Charlie," Trevor gushed out, quickly standing to take her hands as the tears began to stream down her face.

"Everyone thinks that just because Josh is behind bars that I'm just magically going to be okay. That I can just start living my life, as if I'm some normal girl. But I can't! I'm not! And I can't keep going day to day with this brave face and stiff upper lip."

"Okay," he said quickly, trying to pull her into his chest but she resisted. "Okay, baby. I'm right here."

"Now Olivia wants to adopt me. Some adult adoption thing," she continued to ramble and Trevor tried hard to keep up. "And it's…everything I've ever wanted. To have a mom and a dad who love me. And a little brother to hang out with. But, how could they possibly want me? I'm a train wreck…"

"Charlie, look at me," Trevor said firmly, planting his hands on her shoulders. "You are not a train wreck. You are not broken. You have been through hell, and just the mere fact that you are still standing in front of me is a damn miracle."

He paused, waiting as she clearly tried to process his words and slow her breathing.

"No one is expecting you to just be okay," he said softly, changing his tone a bit now that she was calmer. "But you have to tell us how to help you. I will do anything you ask of me. I will give you anything you need. I just need you to talk to me."

Charlie finally lost her battle with trying to stay together, and Trevor grabbed her and pulled her into his chest to keep her from falling to the ground in tears. He stood there, slowly rocking her back and forth and rubbing her back as she cried harsh sobs that pierced through his heart. But as awful as it felt to hear her cries, he couldn't help but be grateful that she was allowing him into this intimate piece of her recovery and her life. The couple lost track of time at that point, as they stayed locked in a tight embrace for almost half an hour. Just as Charlie began to pull herself together, a knock at the door startled the duo.

"I'll get it," Trevor said, handing Charlie the box of tissue from her coffee table and hustling to the front door. He looked through the peephole and opened the door, not the least bit shocked at who was on the other side.

"Hey, Olivia," Trevor said, stepping aside so she could enter. She bid him a hello and made her way into the living area where she saw Charlie, eyes swollen and face red from crying.

"Oh, sweet girl," she said, her shoulders dropping at the scene. Charlie offered her a little smile.

"Hey Ma," she whispered. "S'okay, just had a little moment."

Olivia looked over to Trevor who gave her a look that indicated it was Charlie's prerogative to share her pain.

"Hey Trev, can you give us a minute?" Charlie asked, signaling that she was just fine and wanted a moment with Olivia. He nodded and grabbed his phone from the table, before Olivia offered him an idea.

"Ed is upstairs, about to open up a new Bourbon," she said. "He mentioned you were welcome to join him to 'escape the girl talk' as he so kindly put it."

Trevor just let out a little laugh and nodded.

"Sounds good," he said. "See you in a bit, Charlie."

Charlie watched him go, her arms wrapped around herself, and then sighed as she was left alone with Olivia.

"You okay?" Olivia asked, not wasting any time getting to the point.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I didn't mean to run off earlier, or sound like an ungrateful brat when you brought up adoption."

"Oh, Charlie," Olivia said, reaching out to hold onto her hands. "You are so far from being ungrateful. I know I sorta sprung that on you, and it makes sense that you are confused."

"Why?" Charlie asked, looking to Olivia for an explanation as to why, exactly, she wanted to adopt her.

"Why, what?" She asked, playing with the girl's loose hair that had fallen from her ponytail.

"Why do you want to adopt me?"

Olivia looked at Charlie for a while, before cupping her face in her hands and kissing both cheeks and her forehead.

"Because," she said with a shrug. "I couldn't love you any more than if I gave birth to you. And you, Charlotte Tucker, deserve to have a Momma and a Daddy who are there for you. In every way they can - including legally. But, if you aren't ready…or you don't want that, it is very okay. It won't change anything about how I feel."

"Do you think, that maybe tomorrow…when I'm not feeling so...messed up...we can sit down and look through the paperwork together?" Charlie asked, sitting down and pulling Olivia with her.

"Absolutely," she said with a nod and a smile.

"Because….I do want you to be my Momma," Charlie admitted. "I really really do."

Tears began to fall from Olivia's eyes, much to her dismay, so she just pulled Charlie to her and cradled her head into her neck.

"I love you, baby girl," she whispered as her eyes shot up to the sky and she thanked whatever higher power blessed her with two amazing children.

"Tevor!" Noah exclaimed as the tall, blue eyed man followed Ed into the apartment. "You come to build fort?"

Ed and Trevor shared a laugh as Noah happily ran and jumped into Trevor's arms.

"Sure thing, little man," he said. "But can I have a quick drink with Daddy first?"

"Otay…." Noah said, with a little pout, but then once his feet hit the floor he ran to the back of the apartment, yelling "I get all da blankets while you dink!"

"You've made quite the impression on him" Ed said, shaking his head a bit and pouring two glasses of Bourbon. "I like to think four year olds are a good judge of character."

"I hope so," Trevor said, holding up his glass to Ed's and they shared a little toast before sitting at the table and sipping at the warm, brown liquid.

"Charlie okay?" Ed asked, unable to stop himself from prying into what was going on. Trevor took a breath and shook his head a bit.

"Nah," he said. "I mean, she's okay…but, emotional. Confused."

"I figured as much," Ed said quietly. "But the confirmation still stings."

"Yeah," Trevor said, understanding how much Charlie's pain was hurting her father. "She's amazing. Strong. I know she will be okay. I just think, she's putting a lot of pressure on herself to be okay right now."

"Liv and I were talking about this earlier," Ed admitted. "How we all are so used to the law and order side of this stuff, we have no idea just how devastating the aftermath of crimes like this are. And now…my baby girl…"

Trevor saw Ed begin to struggle, so he got up and refilled the man's Bourbon before sitting back down.

"You are a good guy, Trevor," Ed said, looking up for a bit. "Will you help us help her?"

"I will do whatever I can," Trevor affirmed and then men sealed their pact with another sip before Noah came barging back into the moment.

"Otay, Tevor," he said in his little demanding but cute voice. "We make BIG fort. It be Santa workshop. And it soo-prise Tar-lie."

"Sounds perfect," Trevor said and Ed looked on with a smile. It did sound perfect.

We've got three chapters left in this story - so leave some love by hitting that review button!