Chapter 34

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Calm, be calm, Sam chanted over and over in her head. There was no point in going into hysterics when the children are thousands of miles away and she still had a six hour flight ahead of her. She can become the freaked out, panic stricken mother once they were back in New York.

While she was practicing Zen-like thoughts in her head, her body was moving quickly through the long corridors of the Sea-Tac Airport. Danny started moving left when she spotted the gift shop and remembered Grace's request for some sort of trinket.

She stopped abruptly, asking Danny, "How much time do we have before our flight starts boarding?"

He glanced at his watch. "Fifteen minutes but our gate is all the way at the end."

"I'll meet you there," she declared, moving towards the crowded gift shop. "I have to get something for the kids. I promised Grace I would bring her home a souvenir."

But instead of going on to their gate, Danny followed behind her, stopping at a display of model airplanes. He picked one up and studied it, saying, "I should get something for the boys, too."

She gave him a gentle smile before weaving her way to a display of snow globes. She picked one up that featured the Seattle cityscape, complete with the Space Needle in the center. She turned it upside down and when she righted it, fat chunky pieces of white plastic floated down.

She stared at it, wanting to focus on something else besides her overwhelming feelings of guilt. If she hadn't been so anxious to break away from her responsibilities as a mother she wouldn't have come on this trip and she would not be here in Washington waiting to catch a plane to New York trying to get home to make sure kids were alright. Of course, if she hadn't been so devoted to her career they might not have been with a nanny and in the car accident to begin with. "And maybe if you had been more devoted to your career you wouldn't even have those kids and none of this would be happening at all," said the voice in her head; a voice that over the years had begun to sound more and more like Martin's.

She looked at the snow globe and her lips curved into a smile remembering that it was snowing the day Grace came into the world.

XXX

"Okay, breathe," Martin coached as he led her waddling form through the hospital hallway. He had a concerned look on his face as he held both her hands tightly, walking backwards, glancing every few seconds over his shoulder to make sure he wasn't going to bump into anyone.

"Martin, I'm am breathing," she argued, yanking one of her hands free so she could rub the small of her back. Her OB recommended that she walk to help speed up the delivery, something about how it loosened up the pelvis and allowed gravity to help move the baby down. However, whenever a contraction hit she would just lean against the wall, holding the rail as she doubled over in pain.

She eyed the soda machine at the end of the hall, wanting any kind of sugary soda to drink. She had been in labor for a little over 24 hours and was sick of ice chips. It seemed she reached a plateau in her labor and now the doctors were beginning to pressure her to let them perform a C-section so they could just go in and get the baby. They said that if she didn't deliver within the next five hours they would arrange for an operating room for her.

She released a sigh and said, "Let's just walk back to the room."

"Okay," he replied, stifling a yawn.

She didn't know why but the sight of him yawning ignited something inside of her. "Is my labor boring you?" He froze; the back of his hand in front of his mouth. "I'm sorry I couldn't get this baby out soon enough for you or make it more interesting."

"I just yawned," he said quietly with restrained irritation. "I've been up for a long time too you know."

She turned and started waddling back to her room. "I'm sorry if the birth of your child is taking so much time." She took a few steps more and added, "You can go home if you want, it's not like you are really helping."

He got into step alongside her. "I'm sorry, I want to be here." Under his breath he softly mumbled, "I just didn't think it would be so boring."

She stopped short and spun around on her heels. "Boring!" she shouted, seething. "I'm sorry. Maybe we can hire a commentator like the ones from your sports shows to just give you the play by plays or maybe just a highlight reel." Her hair was tied loosely into a ponytail, strands falling around her face and she kept trying ineffectually to tuck them back behind her ears. "Oh wait, but that would take away from your important job of looking at the monitor and tell me when a contraction was coming!"

"I said I was sorry about that," he replied, his tone low and restrained.

When she was admitted the nurse strapped a belt around her waist that sensed when a contraction was about to hit. Martin seemed to find it found it fascinating and he studied the screen intently. Whenever he noticed a spike on the screen he would get an excited look on his face and tell her that a contraction was coming. However, she was the one who felt the surge pulse through her body; she knew damn well what was going on. So she would glare at him and snap, "Really, a contraction? Thanks for letting me know, they felt so pleasant I thought I was getting tickled by kittens!"

She knew that he was just trying to keep himself useful. They had been waiting for the birth of their baby for a long time and they were both getting a bit antsy. He would sit at the chair in the room flipping open his cell phone to check the time, fiddle with the paper cup from his coffee, and he even tried to turn on the TV to watch ESPN before she threatened to kick him out. And now they were wandering the halls of the hospital at three a.m. hoping that this kid would decide that it was time to enter the world.

She looked at Martin, waiting for him to reply but he just watched her, concern on his face. He had stubble on his jaw and his clothes were disheveled. She knew he was tired too and she suddenly felt very guilty for taking out her frustrations on him. "I'm sorry, but I am exhausted and I just want him or her to hurry up and get here."

He cracked a smile and said, "Me too."

She sighed and turned to look out the large bank of windows that lined the hall. Snow had started to drift slowly down outside. She walked over and placed her hands on the rail, looking out. "Look it's starting to snow."

He stood behind her, moving her hand out of the way so he could take over massaging her back. He kissed her on the temple and said, "We still have to decide on a name if it's a girl."

They had settled on William David if it was a boy but they couldn't seem to agree on one for a girl. The last time they discussed it, the top choices were Abigail, Lucy, or Emma but they weren't crazy about any of them.

She trembled as another contraction rushed through her. It was one thing to know that birth was a painful process and it was quite another to really know for yourself. She made a mental note to send her mom some flowers. Diane had offered to come up before the birth but Sam kept putting her off, wanting to enjoy this time with Martin when it was still just the two of them. But now, she really wished her mom was here to comfort her and tell her it was all going to be okay.

Once it passed, she blew out a breath, fogging up the window. She reached out and traced out a smiley face in the glass. Martin rubbed the small of her back, trying to soothe out the pain, wanting to be of use. She hummed in appreciation as she stared out into the night, a memory from her childhood reaching out to her.

"You know, when I was a little girl my mom would sometimes sing me to sleep," she said. She could still recall the feeling of lying bundled up in her bed as her mom sat on the edge, smiling down at her. "They would be either regular lullabies or maybe a popular song from the radio." She leaned back, resting her weary weight supported against him. "But sometimes she would sing Amazing Grace, telling me that her mom, my grandmother would sing to her." She paused and angled her head to look at him. "What do you think about Grace?"

He rested his head on her shoulder, his warm breath in her ear and a smile on his lips as he said, "I like it."

XXX

Grace was born a couple of hours later, splashing around on her chest and greeting them with wide open eyes. The moment she saw her daughter's face her eyes welled with tears, an indescribable feeling pounding in her heart.

When it came time for Nate to be born it was a very different story. This time they thought they knew what to expect. Along with her bag Martin packed a smaller one filled with a deck of cards, some trail mix, books and magazines to get him through the long hours ahead. But Nate arrived into the world within five hours. As it is with all children, you make a plan and they change it. They barely had enough time to get settled into the room when there he was – 6 lbs and 3 oz. of baby boy. And this time, instead of crying she found herself laughing with joy, realizing that this was really what it was all about – this was happiness.

She took a deep breath and tilted the snow globe again, wondering if it was something Grace might like when her cell phone shrilled in her jacket pocket.

She saw that it the incoming call was from Martin's cell so she flipped it open saying, "What's going on?"

"Hi mommy," Grace said, her voice sounding tiny and scared and impossibly far away.

With a heavy sigh of relief she gingerly asked, "Hey sweetie, are you okay?"

"My arm's broken," the little girl whimpered.

"It is?" Sam moved towards the wall of magazines and leaned her head against a glossy issue of US Magazine that was mounted on the wall. "I'm sorry I can't be there right now, Gracie, but I bet daddy is making sure that the doctors take really good care of you."

"He is," she replied softly.

"Good," Sam said, wanting to crawl through the phone line and hold her little girl. She opened her eyes and saw the latest headline featuring the celebrity du jour. She felt her stomach twist into a nervous knot and asked, "How's your brother?"

"He has a bump on his head that looks like one of daddy's golf balls," Grace said with a soft laugh. The soft cadence assuring her that they were going to be fine. "He looks kinda funny."

"He does?" she asked, trying her best to sound upbeat for her daughter's sake. She knew that kids were instinctual and if she sounded as scared as she felt, it would just scare Gracie more.

"Yeah," she replied. "When are you coming home?"

"I'm on my way to board the plane right now and then I'll be home before you know it," she replied when someone tapped her on the shoulder so they could reach over and get some magazines. She tilted her head in apology before squaring her shoulders and moving back to the display of souvenirs. She stopped in front of a display of plush whales, birds, and other creatures indigenous to Seattle. She picked up a moose, playing with its velvety antlers. "When I get home you can show me your cast and I can sign it okay."

"'kay," she replied, sounding delighted by the thought. Sam heard some talking in the background and then Grace said, "I have to go. The doctor has to put on the cast."

"Okay, bye sweetie, I love you."

"I love you too," Grace said before the line was quiet.

She spotted Danny standing just outside the gift shop holding a bag and urging her along with his eyes. She held up a finger indicating she was almost done when a quick second later she heard Nate's voice.

"Hi," he said in his usual sweet and cheery tone.

An ache appeared in her throat but she managed to croak out, "Hey baby, how are you feeling?"

"Fine," he answered. Nate never minced words like his older sister. He was always quite succinct and to the point. "I gotta bump on my head."

"Does it hurt?" she asked, immediately deciding to purchase the moose for Nate and the snow globe for Grace.

"I don't think so," he replied. A millisecond later she heard him yelp, "Ouch!"

She laughed, picturing Nate rubbing his own forehead in awe. "Stop touching it okay, sweetie or it won't heal."

"'kay," he replied.

"Okay," she said; a smile on her lips. "Let me talk to daddy now."

After a quick goodbye, she heard Martin's voice. "Hey."

While to anyone else he would sound calm she knew him well enough to know when he was faking it but she appreciated his trying. "Hey, are the kids really okay?"

"They're a little shaken up but they're going to be fine," he replied sounding like he really believed it. "I'd tell you not to worry but something tells me that it won't stop you."

She cradled her arm between her ear and shoulder as she held both items in one hand while trying to pull her wallet out of her purse. She walked to the checkout counter and replied, "Would it stop you?"

"No," he surrendered. She could hear his breath over the phone and the sounds of Grace chatting up the doctor. Martin cleared his throat and spoke again, "It looks like we will be home by the time you land so you can just go straight home from the airport. I'd offer to pick you up but under the circumstances I think the less driving today the better."

She smiled against the receiver as she handed the clerk her items. "Good idea, so I'll see you tonight."

"Yeah," he replied. "I was thinking of ordering a pizza from Mario's for dinner so we'll save you some."

"No tomatoes!" Grace shouted.

"No, no tomatoes," Martin replied mirthfully.

Sam laughed. When she was younger she hated tomatoes so it was funny that he daughter inherited her childhood dislikes as well. She handed the clerk her credit card and spoke into her cell, "Well, save me a slice of whatever you end up ordering."

"You got it," he replied before softly adding, "See you later."

The clerk handed her the receipt, which she shoved into her wallet. "Give them all big hugs and kisses for me until I get home okay?"

"Will do," he replied. "I love you."

"I love you too."