You are going to need tissues.
Louisa's POV
I watch as Thomas disappears down the hall. Teresa is standing next to me, a stoic look on her face. A tear slips down her cheek, but she quickly wipes it away. She's trying not to cry since she's going up with him in a couple of days. Then, it'll just be Lee, Nathaniel, and me.
Teresa has been kind of distant lately; ever since I told her about Lee and I she's given me the cold shoulder. She probably thinks I'm still using Lee, which I am. I just actually like him now. As a friend of course. I can try to like him as more than a friend, but it never works out. It just doesn't feel right. I just want to make things write with Teresa before she get's sent up.
She goes to walk away and I grab her arm, preventing her from moving. She doesn't even look at me, she just stands there. I take that as a sign to talk.
" Why are you ignoring me? " I ask her, " What did I do? "
" You're using my baby brother to keep an eye on your boyfriends in the Maze. " Teresa hisses and let go of her in shock. Lee is her brother? They don't look like each other, how was I supposed to know?
" God Teresa you're making me sound like such a slut. " I say with a smile. She scowls.
" You are one. You're sleeping with Lee to make sure he doesn't get bored with you. You slept with Newt because he's Second-in-Command. It wouldn't surprise me if you did Minho just for the hell of it. "
" As far as I'm concerned, I'm a virgin Teresa. " I say, and her expression eases up a bit. " And I also really like Lee. "
" You do? " She asks.
" I was using him at first, " I tell the truth, " But then I heard that Newt and Minho were moving on so I had to too. I won't break Lee's heart. I promise. I can't make someone feel that type of pain. "
Teresa's expression changes from anger to one of understanding. She knows me well enough to understand that I won't break someone's heart, at least not on purpose.
" I'm sorry for giving you the cold shoulder. I just know how Lee feels about you. " She says, " Can you promise me that you know what you're doing? "
" I promise I know what I'm doing. " I lie right through my teeth. I have no freaking idea what I'm doing. I'll try not to break his heart, but I know he isn't the one I love.
….
" Louisa your foot work is sloppy! " Brenda shouts at me as I dodge her attacks. " Concentrate! "
I duck as she swings a fist at my neck. I then drive a punch into her stomach and she stumbles back a bit. I use that split second of her being unbalanced to tackle her to the ground and pin her down. I smirk and cross my arms over my chest defiantly.
" You're getting better. " Brenda says, " I might actually have to start trying soon. "
I scoff and let her up. It's almost dinner time now, and I'm staving. Training really takes it out of you. I could also use a shower. I can feel my long pony tail sticking to my shoulders. It's gross. I go to walk out of the room when she speaks up.
" Now, we race. " She says and I freeze. Race? But that requires running. I haven't really ran since I got out of the Maze a month ago.
I go stand next to her, sending her doubtful looks. I'm probably going to trip over my own feet and get a bloody nose.
" First one to the cafeteria wins! " She says, laughing and sprinting out of the room. I run after her, surprised by how easy it is to catch up with her. She looks over her shoulder and looks surprised when she sees me right behind her. I smirk, and run past her, narrowly dodging one of WICKED's scientists.
I take a sharp left, remembering a short cut from one of my memories. She sends me a confused look, but I continue on my path. I relish the burning in my lungs and the way my hair flies behind me. It feels good to run like this.
" Louisa? " I hear Noah as as I run past him. I ignore him, not wanting to talk and also not wanting to stop. I take a right, then another right right after that. I sprint down the last corridor, pushing my legs to go as fast as they can. I make it through the doors and I turn around to see Brenda jogging down the hallway. When she gets to me, her breath is ragged and her chest is heaving.
" Damn. " She says between breaths. " You're fast. "
" You have to be to outrun grievers. " I say with a grin.
" Well you have to be even faster to outrun Cranks so we have a lot of work to do. " She says then she seems to shiver with fear. " Those things creep me out. "
" What are they? I've heard some stuff about them, but no one told me how they got like that. " I ask and she looks over at me.
" I'll tell you later. " She says and then she walks over to my brother's table. It's weird, them being together like that. I don't know why, it just is. I have no clue how to explain it. It just feels weird.
I go get my dinner, which so happens to be pizza, my favorite food. One of my favorite foods rather. Lee, Teresa, and Nathaniel are already at the table so I go sit next to them. They barely notice my presence. Geez. What happened to me being the miracle survivor of the Maze?
" Hey babe. " Lee says, kissing the top of my head. At least someone noticed I had sat down.
" Hey. " I say before biting into a piece of pizza.
" How was training? " Lee asks, looking at me from the corner of his eyes.
" Absolute hell. " I say and Lee lets out a small laugh.
" That's Brenda for you. " Lee says as he finishes his pizza. I glance over at Teresa, and find her staring at Lee and me, as if analyzing us. I smile at her, and she looks back to Nathaniel, continuing whatever conversation they were having.
" What are they talking about? " I ask, nodding towards Nathaniel and Teresa. He was here when they were talking earlier so he should know, right?
He shrugs his shoulders and says, " We were talking about Munies and Cranks. "
I nearly choke on my pizza. They have access to that information and I don't? Not fair.
" What? " I exclaim. " So you know what a Crank is too? "
" Yea, " He says slowly. " We were all told last year. We were even given a list of who's immune and who's not. "
" Ok, Ok. " I say, backtracking in my head. So many questions. " What are they immune to? "
" The Flare. " Lee says, and I rack my head for another question, feeling so elated to finally get some answers.
" And the Cranks are infected with the Flare? " I ask, and he nods his head yes. " What exactly is the Flare? "
" It is a virus that slowly eats away the brain, and eventually turns victims into blood-thirsty and insane humans who consider cannibalism to be an every day objective. " Lee says so casually and I feel my jaw drop. Cranks are cannibalistic? They eat people? I'm going to see those damn things in the Scorch. I had thought it wouldn't be so difficult, now, I know it's going to be a pain in the ass.
Wait, what if I'm not immune? What if I turn into one of those monsters?
" Who's immune? " I ask, and Lee seems to hesitate with this.
" Are you sure you really want to know? " Lee asks, and I feel my heart tighten. Am I not immune? Is that why he doesn't want to tell me?
" Yes. " I say. I need to know if I'm immune.
" Brenda, Jorge, Thomas, Teresa, Frypan, Gally, Minho, Noah, Nathaniel, you, and me. " Lee says, seemingly counts the people off in his head. I let out a sigh of relief, but it doesn't last long.
I go over the list in my head: Brenda, Jorge, Thomas, Teresa, Frypan, Gally, Minho, Noah, Nathaniel, me, and Lee. There's someone who isn't on the list, someone I care about so much. My mom.
" Is my mom immune? " I ask, and he nods his head yea.
" She passed the immune gene to you and your brother. " Lee says and it kind of shocks me how much he knows about me already. I feel like I'm forgetting someone, someone very important. I go over the list in my head again, straining to remember everyone. I know that someone I know isn't immune, but I can't—
Newt.
It hits me like a punch in the stomach. Newt isn't immune. He's going to be a crank. He's going to go crazy and there's nothing I can do to stop it. He's going to hate himself, I just know it. All I'll be able to do is stand idly by and watch as the boy I love begins to go crazy and hate himself.
" Newt. Is he not immune? " I ask while trying to stay strong and not break down.
" No, he's not. I feel really bad for him too. He's so nice. " Lee says and I get up from the table so abruptly that people around stop and stare. I run out of the cafeteria and then I lose my sense of direction as tears cloud my eyes. Newt is going to die.
The boy I know and love, the nice one that was also so kind to me, is going to disappear. An angry, confused, hungry version of himself will take his place, and he will slowly lose himself to a virus. He'll be cannibalistic, and it will become his daily goal. The virus might twist his memories of his friends, making us seem like the enemies. He, he could hate me.
I stumble and fall to my knees. The Newt I know is going to die. He doesn't even know what's wrong with him yet. Does he already feel the itch of the virus in the back of his head, like a whispering ghost?
I sob. When I was in the Maze I had let myself daydream of the day we got out, and many days after that. I let myself think I had a future with him. Newt won't have a future. Hell, he's barely had a past! He's only sixteen, he can't die. He can't. He hasn't lived enough to die yet.
" Louisa?" I hear Lee ask from behind me. " What's wrong? "
Normally, I would care about what Lee would think of me, a crying mess on the floor. But now, I don't care about what Lee thinks anymore. I don't care about anything. My mind is now a black pit and my heart is a bunch of broken shards. Newt isn't immune.
Lee's hand is on my back, rubbing soothing circles. I want to stop crying, but I can't. The tears won't stop flowing and I feel a dull ache in my chest with each heart beat. Is this what it feels like to have your heart broken? Is this what it feels like to know you're going to lose someone you love?
I have to stop crying. I can't mourn for someone who's not even dead, right?
I shakily stand up on my feet, but the tears are still flowing. Only now, they are silent. I look up at Lee through my red puffy eyes, and he looks confused. Then, it's as if wind blew away the fog that was clouding his mind. His eyes clear, and he pulls me into a tight hug. It doesn't make me feel better.
" I know he was your best friend Lo, but you have to let him go. " Lee says into my hair and I feel the tears run down my cheeks faster. I can't let him go. I know he's moved on, but I still love him. I'm in love with a time bomb.
" I can't, Lee, I can't. You don't get it. " I managed to say through the tears. I pull out of Lee's hug and run on shaky legs to my room.
I collapse on my bed and bury my face in my pillow. Lee told me to move on, which is what everyone probably thinks. Why stand next to a bomb when you know it's going to blow? It's simple. You would prefer to die than live without them. But I know that Newt would want me to go on living, and be happy. How am I supposed to me happy if he was the only one that made me feel happy and special?
I close my eyes and try to sleep, but Newt's face keeps passing through my mind. I have to see him. It doesn't even have to be in person. I just have to know he's not going crazy yet. I have to know he's okay.
I somehow manage to dry my tears, even though they my eyes still sting. It takes a constant effort to keep from falling into a puddle as I walk out of my room and into the hallway. My lip wobbles, but there's nothing I can do to stop it.
Lee is working right now. If I ask to see Newt will he detest me saying that I have to forget about him? Or will he let me, knowing that this is what I need? I need to see Newt. I just, I can't have the mental image of him being a Crank seared into my mind.
I enter the room to see Lee watching the Gladers intently. He hears me enter and he looks up with pity in his eyes. I don't want him to feel sorry for me, but if he does, will he let me see Newt?
" Lee? " I ask with a raw voice.
" Yea? " he asks carefully, as if he's holding something fragile, and with one touch it could break.
" Can I see Newt? " I ask, my voice cracking when I say his name.
" Of course. " He says, switching the screen to Newt and moving out of his chair. I slowly walk over, suddenly scared of what I might see. What if he has gone crazy? What if he's already lost himself?
It's nighttime in the Glade, and the beetle blade is showing Thomas and Newt sitting next to each other in front of a log. It's the monthly bonfire they have. He should be happy, but, Newt looks a little….. depressed.
" Hell of a first day Greenie. " Newt says and I feel a little bit better. He's okay. Newt hands Thomas some of Gally's concoction. " Here. It'll put some hair on your chest. "
Thomas takes a swig of it, and immediately spits it out.
" Oh my god. What is that? " Thomas asks while coughing. Newt laughs and looks at the glass jar.
" I don't even know. It's Gally's trade secret. "
" Yea well, he's still an asshole. " Thomas says and I smile a little bit. Thomas could be my best friend just for saying that.
" He saved your life today. " Newt says and I feel my jaw drop. Gally, save someone's life? Ha, I doubt it. " Trust me, the Maze is a dangerous place. " A dark look passes over Newt's face, and he takes a swig of his drink. I know what he's thinking about. He's thinking about when he jumped. I wish I could be there to make him feel better.
" We're trapped here, aren't we? " Thomas asks.
" For the moment. " Newt replies. Then he turns around, and points across the campfire. " But, you see those guys over there? Those are the runners. Every morning when those doors open they run the maze, mapping, memorizing, trying to find a way out. "
" How long have they been looking? " Thomas asks quietly.
" 2 and a half years. "
" And they still haven't found anything? " Thomas asks.
" It's a lot easier said than done. " Newt says and my heart constricts. Too many references to when he ran the Maze. Thomas doesn't even know.
" Listen, " Newt says pointing to his ear. I can't hear hardly anything through the beetle blade but I know what they are hearing. " It's the Maze, changing. It changes every night. "
" How is that even possible? " Thomas asks in disbelief.
" You can ask the people who put us in here if you ever meet the bastards. " Newt says and I allow a small smile. They most definitely are bastards. " The truth is, the runners are the only ones that truly know what's out there. They are the strongest, the fastest, and the smartest of us all and it's a good thing too. Because if they don't make it back before those doors close, then they're stuck out there for the night. "
" Has anyone ever survived a night out in the Maze? " Thomas asks, and Newt's expression drops a bit. He's probably thinking of the week I spent in there.
" One person has. " Newt says. " But she came back sweaty with a broken foot and the Grievers stung her. She looked like hell. "
" I thought there were no girls. " Thomas says with a confused look on his face. Newt takes a deep breath and sighs.
" She's dead. " Newt bluntly says and my heart stops beating. I never want to hear him say those words again. His face just looked so broken down when he said I was dead. Is he feeling what I felt? The emptiness and the ache. I want to reach out, touch him, and tell him that I'm alive. " Enough about all this depressing stuff. You're supposed to be the guest of honor! "
Newt drags Thomas over by the bonfire, near the wrestling pit. I run a hand over my face then I rest it on the desk. Newt thinks I'm dead. He's broken down and depressed because of me.
" Louisa, what was your relationship with Newt? " Lee asks, and I nearly jump out of my skin. I had nearly forgotten he was there.
I hit the mute button the the computer and turn around to face Lee. " What do you mean? "
" I mean, what was your relationship with Newt? " Lee asks a little more forcefully.
" Frie-" I start but get cut off.
" Don't lie to me. " Lee says and his eyes hold anger and sorrow.
" I loved him. " I spit out, feeling enraged from being shoved into a corner like this.
" I knew it. You still do, don't you? " Lee asks, running a hand through his hair.
" No, I've moved on. " I say, hoping Lee can't tell when I lie.
" I don't believe you. You cried like the world was ending when you found out he is going to be a Crank. " Lee says and I already have an excuse backed up for that.
" People always have a special tie to the first person they loved. I couldn't help it. I was overwhelmed. " I say, my voice strong instead of weak. He seems to be convinced. I almost let out a sigh of relief.
" Well then. I guess I have a special tie to you then. " Lee says moving closer to me. I can feel my heart hammering in my ribs.
" Why? " I ask quietly.
" Because I love you. " Lee says and my stomach drops.
Oh shit.
" I, I love you too. " I say, dropping my head and Lee smiles a big goofy grin. Then he kisses me. This is pushing my shattered heart pieces further into my chest. I'm going to end up breaking Lee's heart. There's nothing I can do about it.
Unless, I make him fall in love with someone else.
Did anyone else cry? I know I did. Oh, and, what a hole Louisa has dug herself. She's definitely screwed.
What did you think of the chapter? I'm sorry for writing such a sad one. But guess who goes up in the Maze next chapter? That's right! Teresa. I've been rereading the book and watching the movie. Don't worry guys. I've got this.
Thank you for the reviews, favorites, and follows! Im going to go to sleep now, so goodnight!