This is a work of fan fiction from all Mass Effect games owned by EA and Bioware. I do not claim any ownership of the characters or the Mass Effect universe. My thanks to Bioware and EA for creating an amazing story with characters we have all come to know and love.

Chapter 36: Cutting Loose

The ice burned but Garrus endured the pain for her peace of mind as she sat on the table in front of him, holding the pack in position. The air reeked of the suffocating scent of "popcorn" as Liara and Gabby primed their supplies for the evening before the men would arrive for drinks and cards.

Liara said, "I can't remember the last time I did this."

Gabby laughed heartily and lobbed a bag of pretzels to land beside Shepard's hip. "I learned quickly that the commander wasn't overly formal with how she runs things, and for that I'm grateful. We've been out here for a while."

"I heard you were one of the crew to be abducted by the Collectors."

"You're right. The Normandy is a fine place to spend my days."

Liara smiled. "I like your attitude, Daniels."

"I do my job, which is to say, I keep Donnelly in line at all times. And I apologize in advance for any ogling he's bound to do."

One brow arched, the asari paused. "I'll be sure to watch out for that."

Sliding her feet to the floor, Shepard took his hand and placed it on the icepack. The longer it stayed against the site of impact, the more it began to numb. Who would have thought ice could do such a thing?

Picking up the bag of pretzels, Shepard said, "You're lucky you don't have human skin. You'd have a giant welt and some lovely purple, black, and yellow shades to go with it. Not to mention the chance you'd be dead right now." She pointed to the side of his face. "But it's not like bruises could make this any worse than it already is."

He mocked, "Ha. Ha." and put up his forearm to block the incoming jab to his shoulder.

With a narrowed eye, she appeared as if about to speak when her attention was jerked away by Tali entering the mess-hall with an assortment of wires and tech cradled in her arms. "I've got everything we need. With Goto's help, I'm certain this is going to work."

"Okay, all we're missing is Jack and Kelly," replied Shepard. "I'll grab Chakwas."

Tali shook her head disappointedly as she stopped beside him. "I would say I'm surprised, Garrus, but I'm not."

"Take it easy, Tali. He's had a rough day, but he faced it head on." Shepard nibbled her bottom lip in a feeble attempt to hide her smile.

Tali giggled as she said, "Oh, please. He deserves everything he gets."

"And I'll make sure he gets everything from me... Wait."

Tali started walking. "Don't bother explaining that. I'm leaving."

Goto suddenly materialized and propped an elbow on his shoulder as she spoke to Shepard. "Do you think we're going to have enough seating in there?"

Shepard stuffed the crinkling bag of pretzels into Goto's arms. "Plenty. But if you two can't get this thing up and working, it's not going to matter."

"It'll be cake. I took a good look at the connections before we took the chair apart. It shouldn't need a whole lot of effort to project it. All we need is a white backdrop."

"I've got an extra sheet that can handle the job."

"I bet you do."

"You say that like it means something, but I have no clue as to what."

"That's what makes it so amusing. I don't have to actually say something, just imply it. Even if it's nothing you get all flustered."

Goto scooted away, avoiding the incoming swing, and Shepard sighed in defeat. Adjusting his hand's placement as she eyed him attentively, she said, "Liara, please tell me you're making hot chocolate."

Liara pointed to a tray on the kitchen's island. "I even procured one for Tali."

"Sweet Jesus, I've missed you."

"You just envy my cooking skills."

"I make a mean coffee, but that's about it." Shepard delivered a feathered kiss to his brow plate and whispered, "Set a good example for the boys," before leaving toward the medical bay.

Garrus watched as everyone filed out of the room toward the starboard observation for their movie. Returning his ice pack to the freezer, he returned to the main battery to check the systems. Firepower wasn't an urgent necessity, but it was a nagging habit that soothed his nerves.

A green light flashed on his terminal, the way it had for the past two days. He changed into his proper casuals and tried to ignore the incessant blinking. He should check it. Though, if it was Solana, he feared the reality of what she would have to say.

After slipping on his gloves, he succumb to the urge and opened the inbox, confirming all his worst suspicions. Mom wasn't improving and he needed to come home. The salarians had tried everything, but they were releasing her, stating that she'd be more comfortable among her family and friends. She had asked for him, and Solana suspected there wouldn't be much time left and wanted to know what to tell Mom and Dad.

Garrus ran his hand over the aching of his head. He had to make the call he'd been avoiding, hoping he wouldn't have to. He didn't even know how long he would be away. Her next stop was the Citadel once T'Soni was squared away. The Reapers weren't making any moves, the Shadow Broker was no longer a concern, and Cerberus was out of the picture. She would just be at the Citadel... with Krios and Alenko not far away.

Hands laced behind his neck, he paced alongside the Thanix Cannon. It's not like there was ever a verbal commitment from her. He could just be another one of her experiences. Who's to say how many there were before that. Not that it changed anything for him. He only wanted - needed to know for certain how she really felt about him. Was it as deeply running as it was for him? He was in over his head, and if he left?

He stared at the door panel and leaned back against the console.

If he left, there was the chance she'd move on. She could meet someone else, someone that could be compatible in ways he couldn't. Did she even want kids? He'd never thought to ask. Although, who could think to ask that when given a lifestyle like theirs.

And what if he wasn't here and something happened? Taylor may have concluded that Shepard was tough, there was no argument about that, but she was never indestructible.

No, he'd already established this. She would be perfectly safe on the Citadel with the rest of her crew. At the most, she'd probably make a visit to T'Soni.

What was he thinking? Shepard's main concerns in life were her crew and protecting everyone in the damn galaxy, of course she would be getting herself into trouble. But he had to go. He didn't have time on his side, there was no delay button, no reset. No more options.

He clenched and unclenched his fists and paced again as he replayed his conversation with T'Soni.

"Is there something going on between you and Shepard?"

He answered cautiously, "We've... had time to get to know each other better."

"That's not what I asked."

"Then be more specific."

"Are the two of you more than friends?"

"You should talk to Shepard about all of this."

"I'll cut to the chase since you're trying to elude me. Do you love her?"

"That's a pretty deep question. Rather quick to jump to that conclusion."

"It's a simple question, Garrus."

"I'm not sure I feel comfortable discussing this right now. You need to get back to your-"

"You do, don't you? I don't know why it never occurred to me before now that the two of you would ever... What happened with Alenko?"

"Again, you can ask her that question. It's not my place to say."

Garrus thunked his shoulders against the wall and slid to the floor, stretching one leg down and resting an arm over his propped up knee. T'Soni was deluded to think it was so simple. How could anything like that be simple between him and Shepard? Two completely different worlds. Literally.

He had to tell her and he knew what she would say. She'd tell him to rush back to Palaven and offer to fly him there herself if necessary. Shepard had been afraid of ruining him. And in a way, she had done that a long time ago.

This could all be for the best. She would have time to find a way to build her case. He didn't understand what exactly she hoped to accomplish, politics were never an easy route to take, but he hoped they'd listen. Especially since he told her they would.

Touching his gloved hand to the tender side of his brow plate, he realized it was time to get to the mess-hall before anyone found him in here stewing.

Getting to his feet, he left the battery and discovered Joker, Taylor, Donnelly and Grunt already settled. Pulling a chair up to the end of the table, he said, "Who's dealing?"

Donnelly said, "Me, as usual."

Grunt frowned as he fumbled to fan out his cards. "I'm not seeing the point of this."

"The only point is - we play, we drink, we discuss things freely, and once you're all shit-faced I walk away with a hard earned raise." Joker tipped back his beer with a grin.

Taylor tossed up his bet. "Hey, Vakarian. You seen Shepard's Widow since you guys got back?"

"Nah, I was distracted."

"Ah, yeah. Heard about the slap to the noggin' there. You get a chance you may want to give it a once over. I did the best I could but that things been singed, fried, and battered. Not sure how much more it can take."

"Let me worry about it."

"There's only so many parts I can replace before the thing has to be scrapped."

Joker said, "What the shit did she do to it?"

Taylor eased down in his chair and picked up a card. "That's what I can't figure out. It's like she was using it as a bat."

"That wouldn't surprise me." Garrus folded and tried to keep his mind on the mundane as he directed his question to Donnelly. "How's Daniels been since you two came back?"

"A few nights I caught her up with a nightmare here or there, but things seem to be back to normal now."

Joker set his hat on the corner of the table and spread his cards for all to see. "Sounds like you're whipped, Donnelly."

"Aye."

"Are you planning on doing anything about it?"

"I don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment. I like my freedom. Do you think there's any Scotch in the port observation? I can't remember the last time I had a good Scotch..."

The conversation droned away as Garrus stared at the bottle of dextro-beer yet to be opened. What was it that was so under his skin right now? The fact he had to tell her? The fact he had to leave? This couldn't only be about the Citadel and the risk of her finding someone else. With his frustration calmed, hadn't he been ready to give her up when Krios was the one to beat him to the punch?

No, it was the fact that he needed her. He needed every quirky idea that randomly popped into her head. He needed that contradiction of thought that made him see things a little differently. He'd always been seeking ways to just be near her since the first day he met her. After her death, he fell apart. The only voice of reason was his own, and it wasn't a very good one.

In his darkest moments, his mind went straight to her. What would Shepard have done? How would she have responded? What would she have thought? Even now, on a daily basis, he wished he could know what she was thinking. The only way to know was to talk to her.

Taylor set his cards face up. "Full house."

Joker groaned. "Ugh, I suck at this game. Man, you look lost tonight."

"Hmm?" He looked up to see Joker's questioning expression.

Taylor said, "I didn't want to say it, but he's got a point."

"I've got a lot on my mind right now."

"Gotcha. You in on this round?"

Popping the cap off his beer, Garrus took an indifferent draft. "Might as well." He had nothing on his agenda till he could find a moment to steal her away.

Ellure sat at the end of the couch in the starboard observation watching the drabble unfold. Turian man meets quarian woman. They fall in love, face their challenges, and at the end she predicted they would ride off into the Citadel's faux sunset on the back of an elcor. Actually that would be pretty fucking awesome, she thought.

Liara said, "I'm surprised we don't get to see a quarian's face. She turns away from the camera every time."

"You're the Shadow Broker now. Surely, you can dig something up." Sipping on the smooth and warm chocolate beverage, she said, "You'll have to teach me how to make this."

"It's rather simple."

"I like simple."

"Then why don't you do things simply?"

"I thought I was."

"I had a nice chat with Garrus recently. He's a hard shell to crack."

"Is that a turian joke? Cause if not, it should be."

"You're not listening to me, you're changing the subject."

"Shhh." Jack said from her post beside Tali's legs where she sat cross legged on the floor. "I want to hear this fucker finally admit his feelings."

Scowling and directing Jack's attention back to the movie, she said, "Shouldn't she be contributing?"

Liara coughed on a piece of popcorn and glanced to Tali.

"I'm not touching that one." Tali said with a sigh.

Jack said, "Touching what now?"

Chakwas, Kasumi, Gabby, and Kelly suddenly gave a united effort to quiet their noisy side of the room. Throwing a few pretzels, Ellure pelted Kasumi's bun and knocked loose a stick that was holding it together. "Sorry," she said, chortling as Liara covered her face with her palm and Tali sunk down into the couch.

Kasumi combed out her hair and began to twist it back up into place. "Nice aim."

Kelly said, "This is so romantic I'm getting jealous."

She rolled her eyes. "Gag me with a spoon."

A warm metal spoon was abruptly pressed against her mouth as Liara said, "Open then."

She batted away the blue arm before her. "Cut that out."

"Shhh!"

Liara covered her mouth and lowered her voice as she said, "How serious are you about Garrus?"

"As serious as he is."

"Damn it, Shepard. What does that even mean?"

"He wasn't real specific, andI didn't push it."

"All right, I can see you are both being a bit stubborn about this."

"Why are you even asking me?"

"I was curious to hear your perspective. All right, after this one last question I promise to drop it all... What happened with you and Alenko? I never told him that I had found your body - or anything, really."

"We ran into him on Horizon when the Collectors were making abductions and we tried to thwart them. He was mad because I died and didn't contact him. How I was supposed to tell him when I was in a coma - dead, I have no idea. He probably would've overlooked that until I confirmed that I was working with Cerberus to track down the Collectors. Not that I was too broken up over it. Don't let the door hit ya' on the way out, I say."

"He's still with the Alliance?"

"Last I knew, yes."

"Garrus wasn't bothered by the Cerberus issue?"

"Nope. I thought you said one?"

"Well, I'm happy for the both of you." Liara said, smiling easily as she returned her attention to their crappy make-shift movie screen.

Ellure tapped her short fingernail against the side of her mug. Now she was stuck wondering what Liara had discussed with Garrus exactly. What brought on all the questions?

With Fleet and Flotilla reaching its proper conclusion, Tali helped pull down the white fabric and fold it. Everyone except for the doctor was saying their goodbyes, picking up the kitchen, or returning the unused remnants of the entertainment center to the port observation. "It was better than I expected." she said.

Chakwas gathered up mugs from, collecting them onto a tray. "Certainly makes an old woman feel young again to remember the wistful misgivings of youthful lust."

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience."

With a merry laugh, Chakwas said, "There was a time I was quite a desirable little fish in the sea. However, after medical school, I spent my days taking care of the Alliance's injured. I just never got around to settling down. Wasn't really meant for me." After a thoughtful expression, Chakwas continued, "Although, I'm quite happy with my life."

"You enjoy working on the Normandy?"

Chakwas set the tray on the couch and sat beside it. "I've grown to feel more at home traveling in space than anywhere else. I felt I needed some stability in my life, and working here with Jeff and Shepard... it brings me comfort. Jeff needs me, even though he would never admit it."

"I guess every sapient species has a desire to feel needed." Tali draped the sheet over her arm. "Most, anyways."

Chakwas rested a finger to her cheek and her eyes drifted with reflection. "There is one young man I remember quite fondly from medical school. We spent an entire summer together studying and preparing credentials for our graduating year. I like to think that if I'd stayed and started my own private practice..." Waving her hands as if shooing a pest, she said, "Well, who's to say what happens in life really."

"You lost contact with him?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I was looking for an exotic adventure. Military life didn't quite live up to my romanticized ideals, but I'd found a purpose for my life. And there's just something special about working on soldiers. I couldn't abandon them."

"Did you spend a lot of time thinking about him? You know, since you never got to see him and all that."

"Time heals all wounds they say, but I've also heard absence makes the heart grow fonder. Though, you never really forget. The distance between the times you think about them just tends to lengthen."

"Whoever 'they' are need to stop contradicting themselves."

"I'll second that." Chakwas stood, tray in hand, and followed her out into the mess-hall. "How about you, Tali'Zorah? Any lustful misgivings?"

"Bosh'tet, you're starting to sound like Shepard."

"It's healthy behavior. Perfectly normal for your age group."

Plopping into a dining chair, she watched the grey-haired woman as she began to sanitize cups and spoons at the sink. "For most, sure." Drawing attention to her suit, she said, "I wouldn't call it healthy for my body type."

"Come now. There are ways, certainly."

"It's a bit risky. Last time, I got a tender kiss with side effects of a weeklong fever, stuffy sinuses, and night sweats." Tender but in a passionate and adoring sort of way, she supposed.

"I have been working to bring my knowledge of quarian biology up to date. I can stock you with plenty of anti-biotics and immune supplements." Chakwas dried her hands and turned to her with a smile. "If you don't mind my asking, was it worth the fever?"

She wasn't sure if the doctor could read her as well as Shepard, but there was no one else to confirm her answer. "Totally."

"Then that's all that matters." Chakwas closed the cupboard door. "I best be off to bed. I'm glad we had this chance to talk, and thank you for the movie. It's been ages since I've had a little recreation."

"Being a tech expert has its advantages, and Goto helped."

"Thank you just the same. Now then, let's see if I can get a few hours rest before I start up an inventory of our medical supplies."

"See you later."

Tali brushed a hand over her chilled arm as she sat alone in the dimmed light of the Normandy's hot spot. It was rare to see it so empty.

Following a few minor suit adjustments, she relaxed in her warmer environment. Kal'Reegar had written to her shortly after she had explained her experiences at the Collector Base. He seemed concerned by her close call in the vents and had even come across as a bit angry over Shepard's choice in sending her.

All right, it was possible she was imagining his anger and deep concern. There's no emotional expression to accompany extranet letters. Her cheeks tightened with a grin as she recalled his persistence of calling her "ma'am". In fact, she was beginning to like it.

She breathed deeply of the lingering levo-popcorn scent in the air and switched her olfactory filters to block it out. Leaning her increasingly heavy helmet against her palm, she picked at the table idly for invisible crumbs. Kal was probably waiting for her to write back. He would be returning home in sixty solar days and had requested a follow up of their last "date".

She shouldn't be getting involved. With her father gone and all the speculation regarding her trial, she was bound to be the spicy topic on the Flotilla. The last thing she needed was a bunch of meddling Admirals taking notes on the latest juicy gossip of her life.

A gentle hand touched her shoulder. "How are you, Tali?"

Straightening her posture while Liara took a seat across from her, she said, "It's good be alive... I thought you were leaving?"

"Shepard is trying to convince me to sleep here for the night. She says the Broker's ship has inadequate bedding and that I need to recuperate properly before she leaves me here. But I was just on my way out and saw you."

"She's trying to entice you to stay."

"I already guessed that."

The two old friends lingered with the silence, both acknowledging the uncertainty of their fates. Feeling the pinch of the imminent, Tali said, "I can't believe you're the Shadow Broker now."

"It's overwhelming, yet with a good bit of organization I plan to turn it all into an honest venture."

"I hope you succeed. That is a massive network of data to sort out. How's Feron handling all of this?"

"Remarkably well. He's been a tremendous help to me, and I've made him my assistant. He's probably sulking and trying to find ways to disable Glyph as we speak."

"Glyph?"

"A specialized data-processing VI. It refers to anyone it comes in contact with as the 'Shadow Broker', and Feron seems to be less than enthused by it. I do plan to alter its settings later, but for now it has been invaluable in helping me to coordinate the networks."

"So, has Shepard hit you with the big question yet?"

"What about?"

"Feron."

"Yes, she has. I explained to her that we are good friends. I'm not about to step over the line. He's been through a lot. Any more than friendship right now and I would feel like I was taking advantage of his situation."

"That makes sense. Out of curiosity, is there anything on us that you found in all of that data?"

"Actually, there is."

"I don't think I want to know what you've got on me."

"Nothing too personal... Maybe that is an exaggeration, but Shepard refused to see any of it."

"Why not? Was there files on Garrus?"

"Oh, yes. She seemed bothered when I brought that up. She said that if there was anything he wanted her to know that she trusted him to tell her on his own terms."

"I'm not sure if I would be able to do that. To have that much trust in someone else. If the files were there in front of me? It'd be hard to resist."

"Certainly, you would trust your family I'd imagine."

"If by family you mean the crew of the Normandy, then yes... but it would still be tempting."

Liara's smile faded as her voice took a softer tone. "Shepard told me you lost your father on the Alarei… I'm sorry to hear that."

"Thanks. I probably have already said this, but I'm sorry about the way things ended with your mother."

"Thank you. I try to remember the happier moments, what few there were."

With her eyes barely able to stay open, Tali smiled. "Sorry to leave you, but I'm going to grab a bit of sleep while I can."

Liara walked with her out to the hall and said, "It's been so surreal having Shepard back and being here to see everyone again. I'm afraid I was so caught up in the past two years that I never kept in contact with any of you."

"We each have our separate lives to live. But I'm glad our paths keep crossing. I just wish it didn't always have to include Reapers."

"It was nice seeing you again, Tali."

"It's nice to see you too. Maybe we'll see more of each other."

"Maybe we'll even find a way to get you home."

"That is a happy thought. After meeting Legion, I have a little more hope. Not a lot, but a little."

"A little is all it takes."

Tali couldn't help but smile as she hugged Liara goodnight and sought out her bottom bunk in a tucked away corner of the crew's quarters. She concluded that tonight she would dream of Rannoch. To see it, breathe it, feel it. That alone would be worth all the struggles in her life.