Authors Note:
So we're probably in mid-May at this point in time. Still year 849, but coming up to the end of things.
To be upfront and honest - I feel like Bernell and Levi should not end up together forever. It's cliche and, while I'm a sucker for happy endings and would love to be able to wrap this up with a pretty bow, it's improbable. Levi doesn't settle down in the anime or manga in the foreseeable future.
I doubt he'd have a secret marriage anyone knew anything about despite that fact that his relationship with Bernell is something the both of them have kept relatively close to the chest, despite the musings of Erwin and his team.
The things I'm really torn about is if we should have a true Attack on Titan ending (people die), or just a more civilian version of things (under represented in both anime and manga in my opinion). However stories do tend to be a beast of their own and there may be a possible out come that I haven't even thought of yet.
As an aside, some people felt that the sex scenes were a bit gratuitous. I would like to point out that a majority of the readers waited 90,000 + words for that outcome. I wasn't about to disappoint. I added multiple warnings everywhere on this work.
PLUS THERE WILL BE MORE
Sex is fun (not that I would remember... haha. Ha... #teamsingleforever)
She paced the wooden floor, anxious and terrified and oddly excited.
Levi was supposed to be back today.
After their romp in bed she'd dozed off and he'd left without saying what she knew he was going to say. 6 weeks. She folded the satin sample and set it back on the shelf, ignoring the other anxious women who couldn't seem to sit still. It was an awful thing to not know if someone you cared about had lived or died. Bernell hoped that the majority had survived. She sat back at her station, adjusting the band on her pants to cover the gentle swell of her stomach.
Part of her was still in disbelief that she'd conceived again. She thought it might be a joke, a sick trick but they had been together multiple times over the span of a couple months. She had been gambling with pretty predictable stakes. Bernell wasn't upset at the outcome, merely nervous. She and Levi hadn't exactly discussed the option of children - nor what they wanted their lives to look like.
"Stop pacing." Madam Salish scolded from her table to the head of the store. "You're making everyone else nervous."
"Sorry." Bernell mumbled.
"Is it your gentleman?" She inquired, her eyes were bright with knowledge, her mouth twitching up at the corners.
Bernell froze, narrowed her eyes and nodded. Unconsciously her hand dropped to her stomach. Madam Salish's eyes widened before Bernell realized what she had done.
"All this worrying is making my stomach upset."
Madam raised her brow. "Mm-hm. I'm sure." She responded dryly. "Go have a seat, stop worrying." She leaned forward a little, Bernell followed suit. "I'm sure he'll be thrilled to know." She whispered.
Bernell snapped back. "I'm not sure what you mean." She shot out, quickly returning to her seat.
The wall towered over them, their horses were tired and covered in sweat. Levi looked to the gate as it raised, allowing them through. For the first time in years Levi wasn't looking forward to the shower awaiting him, instead blue eyes and dark brown hair haunted his thoughts. Supple thighs, soft skin, and breathy sighs. He shifted in his saddle as the memories, as tangible as the nights they were spawned, flooded him. His physical reaction nearly involuntary.
It had been a good trip for a change. The number of deaths was less than twenty and the supplies lost were minimal. For the first mission of the year it had been, by all accounts, a success. The handful of slain titans was an added bonus in his mind; a good outlet on the days where his long dormant desires were too much to manage. They rode through the streets, a single wagon shared the memoirs of those killed in action along with some of the items the higher echelon had sent to to retrieve. Levi felt good. Better than normal after a return from titan territory.
Half an hour later they were standing before the processing department. It was a long and arduous process of going over all the equipment that had been damage,d handing over any new findings of significance, making note of the soldiers who had been lost. A new branch of the Military Police took the recovered items and weighed their value, saw to any damage, and rewarded the branch of the military as agreed upon. Not that the Scouting Regiment had much say on whether they were paid fairly or not.
Levi was finally able to start towards the house around sun down, horse stabled and fed - his own personal lists tucked into his pockets, his smuggled memoirs stuffed into his bag. His skin felt grimy, his hair was plastered, he knew without being able to smell himself, that he smelled like he hadn't washed the whole trip. The rivers had been brutally cold with winter run off, normally not warming till mid-June, early July. Still he had forced himself to wash his body and clothes. His toes would go numb in the water and still it was not enough. He hurried down the path, unaware of the figure in the distance waving her arms and hurrying to catch up to him.
He threw his bags on the floor of his home, his overly analytical eye going over the surroundings. It showed signs of being neglected; dust was gathering on the surfaces, spiders had made homes in the corners, the scent of must and heat blasted through the open door. Grumbling he made his way to the windows, throwing them open.
His heart jumped when he saw Bernell walking down the path to her own home, children missing. Anxiously he turned on a heel and made his way back outside.
"Bernell!"
Her eyes darted, her heart tripped.
"Levi!" She called back, smiling as he ran the distance between them.
A laugh escaped from her lips as he wrapped her into a hug, pulling her so tight she was worried he'd suffocate her. Remembering himself he took a step back, looking around to be sure they were alone. A couple people in the distance by the garden were moving, but they seemed not to have noticed.
"How was your trip?"
"Largely successful." He answered, taking a step back, aware of his uncleanliness. "I... I need to shower." He shrugged at her curious look.
She shifted on her feet, a large smile on her face. He had missed her. though she looked -
"Have you..." He cleared his throat, "You look... different." He finished, unsure how to say she seemed to have gained some weight. "Are you still on your workout regimen?"
She narrowed her eyes, "Yes." Her voice was guarded, angry. "Are you saying I'm fat, Captain?"
"I didn't say that you just look.." He couldn't quite place it.
She looked different, but not in any real tangible way; her hair was longer and appeared more lusterous, her skin seemed to nearly glow, she looked very tired. Bernell had always sported light bags under her eyes, but the ones she now boasted rivaled his own. He realized this could all be due to his absence. He hadn't seen her in a long time, he could have very easily just forgotten exactly how beautiful she really was.
"Different." She finished for him.
He nodded, "Different."
"Well, Levi, I have some news for you..."
She hesitated. I should tell him. I want to tell him. "It can wait till tonight though, are you joining us for dinner? Well!" She sputtered, "I guess it would just be myself and you, Lisa's taken the children for the night."
Levi caught her light blush, her small smirk. There was no way in Hell he was missing this dinner.
"I'd-" He cut himself off, groaning, "I can't. I have to write my reports."
"Then I can bring dinner to you?"
"We both know neither of us would get much done if you were there."
She grinned wicked, "I'm sure we'd be doing quite a few things, Levi." Her hand rested in the center of his chest.
He could see the desire in her eyes. He knew she wanted to kiss him. Her eyes dropped to his mouth, she licked her lips. For a terrible minute he nearly lost the battle against himself. Before he could be pulled one way or the other she pulled back, running her fingertips over his lips instead. They were as soft as he remembered, her fingers smelled like vanilla. It went straight to his head, he felt drunk. Her eyes darkened and all the need he'd been repressing flooded him suddenly.
"I really can't, Bernell." He grabbed her hand as it dropped. "No matter how much I want to."
"Of course." She smiled, squeezing his hand. "Tomorrow night then?"
He nodded, "Tomorrow night sounds perfect."
Bernell watched him retreat to his house, watched as he left for the showers. She sighed, turning back to the tea kettle and her book. She had spent many nights at home with her children, a few at home alone. All of them had been torture. Bernell had thought that when Tom passed she wouldn't feel the pain of missing someone so acutely ever again; but she had when Levi left. His scent had filled her room, one of his cravats had fallen to the floor under the bed. She'd found it a week later and taken to sleeping with it on particularly difficult nights. She even resorted to pulling Terra out of bed to cuddle with her.
The idea that she had felt so much for one man was bittersweet. Once upon a time she had thought she'd never feel so strongly again; once upon a time she had hoped she would never feel so strongly again. She had vowed to herself. And yet here she was, watching the man she had pined over walk to the bathroom. Virtually stalking him from her kitchen window. Her life had been lonely and repetitive without him.
She had missed him. She set her book down, unable to focus. Three hours had somehow passed.
"I should eat." Bernell stood, making her way to the kitchen, pulling out bread and cheese.
It was still early in the pregnancy, morning sickness was rampant despite the quickly growing waist line; everything but bread and cheese made her nauseous for hours. It was a miserable affliction. After eating Bernell moved to Lisa's old room, now her own, and changed into her night gown. She stood before the mirror and pulled the dress tight against her skin. the bump was there, barely. If estimated she would say she had to be around ten weeks into conception. She ran her hands over her expanding stomach, feeling love blossoming for the new person growing within her. She closed her eyes, wondering what the baby would look like. Wondering what would happen with Levi.
Sighing she moved to the kitchen, brushing her teeth and hair, braiding the coils. She set her book back on the shelf and blew out the candles, taking one into her room with her. A sharp twinge in her stomach made her lower herself slowly.
"Ow." She whispered, placing a hand over the baby. "Calm down little one." She whispered, "We'll tell Daddy tomorrow. I promise. Let Mommy sleep now."
He had been on a late night walk, mostly to check on Bernell - happy the lights in her house had been off, partly to shake off the stale feeling of sitting and writing all night. He had dozed later in the evening; he estimated the time to be 3 or 4 in the morning. He was passing by the house when he'd heard a muffled scream. Instinct had taken over as an instantaneous barrage of images flooded his mind. He pounded on the door, nearly ready to rip it off its hinges when Bernell finally opened the house to him.
He strode in, agitated, blood boiling.
"What is it?" He turned on her, his face twisted in rage, "Is someone in here? Did someone attack you?"
"No." she laughed, her face pale. She clutched her robe to her body tightly. "I-I had a dream, a terrible dream." Her eyes watered, she blinked furiously. "It was nothing Levi. I didn't mean to startle you."
"You look ill." He commented, stepping forward.
She responded with a step back, "No Levi, I'm fine, truly. It was just a nightmare." She frowned, "It's been a long time since I'd had one of them..." She winced, clutchign the robe closer to her.
"Are you hurt?"
She shook her head mute. After a minute she straightened, breathing steadily, sweat beading on her hairline. "Women's troubles." She gasped, her eyes watering again, tears escaping and falling down her face.
"Does it hurt so bad?"
She shook her head, then paused and nodded.
"Let's get you to bed-"
"No!" She shouted, grabbing his shirt, "No. There's..."
Understanding dawned. "I see." He nodded. "I see we will be spending time together after all."
She gave him a look of horror mixed with disbelief as he led her to the couch, sitting her down. Without a backwards glance he filled the kettle, stoking the fire. bernell watched with silent awe as he bustled around the house. First he stripped her bedding, all of it soaked in blood, and replaced it with clean linens. then he moved to her, peeling of her dirty gown, washing her stained skin.
"Levi, please. I can-"
He silenced her with a look. Once she was cleaned and dressed and properly sanitized he poured them both a cup of tea and sat on the couch across from her. The air was heavy with unspoken things.
"That's not normal for you." He finally broke the silence.
She shook her head, "No." She took a sip, closing her eyes.
"And the news you wanted to share-?"
"No longer relevant." She responded, clenching her eyes shut as emotions rolled over her.
Silence hung heavy in the air.
"Were you okay with... before?" His voice was quiet, yet deafening.
She shrugged. "I was excited to... I... I didn't realize how... much I had looked forward to..." She bit her lip, ducking her head, begging her tears to stay away. "It's silly. I only knew for a few weeks. And now I feel so... hollow." Her hand drifted to her stomach, "Like someone broke a promise to me the day of the event."
His eyes were closed when she looked back up to him. Bernell would have paid to know what he was thinking. The silence was heavy, stifling.
"I don't know what to say." He responded finally. "I would have liked- but perhaps this is..." He stopped himself, shaking his head. "The idea itself is so large and I-"
"You're kind of failing at comforting me right now." She retorted, immediately feeling guilty. "Sorry." she whispered, "You cleaned all that mess up and - I don't mean to be rude."
He eyed her, something on his face she couldn't pin.
"Should we even be together anymore?" She whispered into the room, her heart dropping. "We're not... we're not on the same page anymore. You're out there doing what I wish I could be. Things between us aren't organic anymore." She wrapped her arms around herself. "It wasn't this stunted before."
She could feel that gaze of his pinning her, ravaging her. A familiar heat and a newer pain rose in her chest. It was oddly suffocating.
"Bernell, you're tired." He stood, moving forward and taking her arm, helping her stand.
she sighed,d leaning into his warmth, grateful he was stronger than her at this moment. She let him help her into bed, watched as he moved back to the door.
"Sleep. I'll let your work know you won't make it tomorrow. I'll have Hange speak with Lisa about the kids." He turned away, hesitated and turned back, pressing the ghost of a kiss to her lips. "We'll talk later."