Caius Calls Bullshit
Bella's inner monologue: They came with pageantry, with a kind of beauty.
Aro: Why thank you, you are a doll!
Bella's inner monologue: There were 32 of them. We were still outnumbered.
Aro: I'm sure we could do some shuffling around, or play something that doesn't need even teams…
Garrett: The redcoats are coming, the redcoats are coming. *chuckles*
Everyone: *stares at Garrett's randomness*
Vladimir: They did come.
Stefan: The wives, the entire guard. All of them together.
Bella: *looking green* Well, now was definitely not the time… and all together? What is it with vampires being so sexually liberated.
Edward: They come to destroy and acquire.
Aro: Well, it's just monopoly… but if you want to get all dramatic on us…
Bella's inner monologue: The wolves had joined us. There were seventeen total. With so many vampires a werewolf population explosion was inevitable. More children dying.
Jacob: Considering that… the three great-grandfathers must have gotten around. Seriously, if there are that many werewolf genes running around, they were kinda man-whores, don't ya think?
Bella's inner monologue: I was furious. I was murderously enraged. *snarls*
Edward: They're not sure how to proceed. They've never been outnumbered before. That's what stopped them.
Aro: *furiously counting cream puffs* Drat, drat, drat. Not enough at all, even with the extras I brought along.
Carlisle: Aro, my old friend. It's been centuries.
Aro: Mmmm fine ass, Carlisle.
Carlisle: ?
Aro: Erm, fair words? But you seem ready to kill me, and my dear ones.
Carlisle: You have but to touch my hand to know that was never my intent.
Aro: Oh, I'll touch more than that silky surgeon's hand of yours *winks* But before, there is the issue of breaking the law…
Carlisle: The law is not broken.
Caius: *disentangling himself from Stephenie's clutches* We see the child, Carlisle.
Carlisle: She's not a vampire.
Caius: *bitch-slaps Irina* This is the child you saw?
Irina: This child is bigger than the one I saw.
Renesmee: Gee, thanks. That really makes me feel great about myself.
Aro: I need evidence directly from your talented son *thinking back to the pool of jell-o and smiling*
Edward: *thinking back to the pool full of jell-o and cringing*
Bella's inner monologue: Of course he wanted Edward. Who wouldn't want my delicious sparkly popsicle god?
Jane: *smiles at Edward*
Everyone: Bum bum buuuuuuumm. Jane!
Bella: Oh no you di-n't, bitch. *tries to use non-existent super power* Ahahahahha.
Bella's inner monologue: I saw Jacob's big black eye roll down to stare at me like I'd lost my mind.
Jacob: Well, no shit Sherlock. I mean, you are kind of laughing like a maniacal villain.
Bella's inner monologue: Aro took Edward's hand. His eyes snapped shut at once. Every kiss, every touch between Edward and me… all of that was Aro's now, too.
Aro: No, Stephenie left out most of the juicy parts. I have smutty fanfics to get off on… some involving yours truly. I simply am massaging Edward's hand. It's so soft and supple.
Bella: *growl*
Aro: Oh holy bon-bons! *reading Edward's mind*
Edward: You see?
Aro: I see, indeed. He's not a virgin.
Caius: Bullshit.
Collected Volturi: *pull out copies of Breaking Dawn* But… they never have sex…
Aro: Introduce me to your daughter?
Edward: Bella, bring Renesmee… and a few friends.
Bella: Jacob? Emmett?
Emmett: *grins and starts humming "Eye of the Tiger" while applying war paint*
Demetri: Interesting company you keep *staring at Jacob, who forgot to take off the Polly Pocket bracelet Renesmee gave to him*
Jacob: *growl* Fuck, it's not my fault Stephenie had me imprint on a baby… a sweet, feisty sexy… ugh. Must. Stop. Thinking. Pedophilic. Thoughts.
Felix: Hello again, Bella. You look good.
Bella: Thanks. *watches as ego-meter is shocked back to life*
Felix: It's too bad…
Bella: Yes, too bad, isn't it?
Felix: *winks as he slowly sidles over to Bella, caressing-*
browniechadowes: For God's sake, no more damn shipping. Jesus, Steph, put enough freaking innuendos in there? *smacks drooling Felix/Bella shipper back into the corner*
Aro: I hear her strange heart. I smell her strange scent. Oh, and Bella, you truly are a sexy mink.
Renesmee's inner monologue: Fuck my life.
Bella: *nods* Well, I am the shit.
Aro: You liked my gift?
Bella: It's beautiful. I probably should have sent a note.
Aro: Well, yes, that would be polite. When someone gives you a priceless piece of jewelry it would be good manners to send them a thank you and maybe not look at them like you want to kill them. I thought it might compliment your new face.
Jane: Back off my old-ass sugarkins, Bella you fuck.
Bella's inner monologue: It seemed Jane wasn't happy about the fact that Aro had given me a present. *sticks out tongue childishly at Jane*
Jane: *rolls eyes*
Aro: Hello, Renesmee.
Renesmee: Hello, Aro.
Aro: Half mortal, half immortal. Conceived so, and carried by this newborn while she was still human.
Caius: I still call bullshit. Nowhere in the book does Edward seal the deal with human Bella.
Aro: You think they've fooled me, brother?
Caius: I think you're quick to wish that Edward's sexually available…
Aro: I wonder… *stares at Jacob*
Edward: It doesn't work that way. He seems very much into women… and you're a little old for his taste.
Aro: Hmmm, well we do need a few more on our side for Pictionary…
Wolves: *snarl*
Aro: This lot has picked its side. So much to discuss. So much to decide… so many cream puffs to come up with. And we haven't even broken out the cosmos yet.