Chapter 36: What Should I Do?

In the cave Gawain was trying to reign in his unsettled emotions. He needed to think rationally about what just transpired between him and Eleanor. As his fear slipped away he realized that his feelings for her were as strong as they ever were. But what was he to do? He couldn't help becoming afraid and he couldn't help her reaction even though his fear caused it. Her reaction to realizing that she did in fact change, made it clear to him that she was appalled by her own appearance. Her angry tone and the fact that she ran away from him, a human who could posed no threat to her, told him that she was hurt by his response. Gawain felt wretched for hurting her, but it wasn't his fault!

"URGH!" he shouted in defeat. "What should I do?" but the darkness in the cave gave no reply!

He needed to talk to her. He needed to tell her that although he was afraid he still recognises that she is still the Eleanor he had come to care for, but she needed to explain what that… that transformation was! He didn't want to literally lose his head when she figuratively lost hers.

Deep down he knew she wouldn't cause him any harm. He had spent too much time with her. He just needed to be prepared for the next time. Is there going to be a next time? He wondered to himself. His shoulders slumped. The glow in the cave suddenly extinguished and Gawain grew even more worried. Did something happen to Eleanor or did she just not care for him anymore? He could not answer his question by standing in a dark cave all alone so he forced himself into action. His clothes were still wet but he pulled them on. He wasn't going to make the mistake by waiting to talk to her. She had been hurt enough by her fiancé so he decided to work things out right now…

He began to run at a moderate pace. Not slow because he wanted to get to the cabin in the least time as possible, but not too fast that he would fall on the rain-slickened ground. The rain felt even colder than before and by the time he reached his destination he was shivering. He knocked loudly and when no one answered he knocked again, growing more impatient with each passing second. "Is no one home?" he shouted in irritation. At that point someone opened the door. Gawain came face to face with a tall, lean man. His face was as handsome as his hair was golden. A neat, clean shaven chin, a long Grecian nose and large beautifully shaped eyes that flashed like sapphires looked down at him from a superior height.

Eleanor had made fleeting comments about her ex-fiancé and his infidelity but this was the first time Gawain had seen Velten up close. He could clearly see why Eleanor or any woman or demoness would swoon so easily for him. Gawain suddenly felt at a sore disadvantage at winning Eleanor's affection. The days that he spent with her were truly marvellous but it was just the two of them. He didn't even stop to consider the competition that existed in the form of flawless male demons who would know exactly how to please a female of their kind. True, he had been unfaithful to her but they had once been engaged. Surely they must have shared many nights of … He stopped his thoughts. He couldn't afford to feel any more rattled. He needed to see Eleanor. "Is Eleanor here?"

Velten bent at the waist and studied the human's face closely for about half a minute. Although Gawain stared back at him hard, if the demon was trying to intimidate the Knight, he was doing a fine good job at it! Velten straightened and then walked towards Gawain causing the human to abruptly back up. Closing the door behind him, he demanded darkly, "What did you do to Eleanor?" Velten was known for his cheerful, upbeat and lecherous attitude in the Demon World, a fact that made most not take him seriously. Few knew that he could be severe, even formidable when needed.

"That is none of your concern." Gawain replied hotly not taking his eyes away from Velten's.

Velten smirked menacingly. "You say that after what your people did to us? Don't make me repeat myself."

Gawain knew this was an unbeatable foe but he wasn't interested in losing his calm for a second time in a single day. "What happens between Eleanor and me is none of your business."

Velten didn't feel anger often, in fact in most things he just shrugged it off but right now he was livid. What the hell was this human saying to me? Unable to stop himself he pushed Gawain against one of the cabin's pillars and pinned him there with one hand. "You and Eleanor?" Velten asked in disgust. Velten never felt jealousy before and he didn't like it. "Eleanor is my business." He continued.

Gawain knew that his strength was nothing compared to a demon's. If a demoness could so easily pin him to the ground then a male would… but he didn't care. "You gave up that right to ask questions about Eleanor when you dishonoured her name." Gawain saw Velten's eyes flash and he steeled his body for a blow, but the strike never came. Instead a black blur flitted into visibility. Vivi grabbed Velten's hand that was imprisoning Gawain and forced it aside. "Velten, what are you doing?" he asked as he placed himself between the human and Velten.

"This has nothing to do with you, Vivi. Get out of my way!" He said vehemently.

"Do you think you can force me to move, Baron?"

"Vivi!" Velten was seething. "He hurt Eleanor."

"And you suddenly care about Eleanor?" Vivi taunted.

Velten was beside himself. "How could you protect that man after all that they did to you and Hana?"

Vivi's body tensed at the remembrance of those memories but replied, "You forget that this man saw us to safety."

"Safety?" Velten scoffed. "Then what the fuck are we still doing here?"

"Velten, I will not warn you again. Stand down or I will coerce you into obeying me." Vivi said darkly.

Grinding his teeth, Velten moved away into the yard, putting distance between himself and them. Vivi called out to him, "Velten, take a walk in the rain and cool yourself off." That actually didn't sound like a bad idea so Velten did just that. His blood was boiling and the walk would allow him to work off some of his steam. At any rate he couldn't stand Gawain's presence. He never hated humans before coming to this place, but Gawain was suddenly at the top of that list!

Vivi turned back to Gawain when he lost sight of Velten. "You should know better than to taunt an angry demon. He could have killed you with a single blow, you know."

"I could not give him the information he requested." Gawain said defiantly.

Vivi sighed. One of the codes of honours, huh? Can't talk about anything that transpired between him and a Lady. Vivi mused to himself.

"Where is Eleanor?" Gawain asked.

"She collapsed when she got here," Vivi began.

"Collapsed?" Gawain was aghast.

"and was taken into her bedroom." Vivi finished.

"What happened?" Vivi asked and before the Knight could protest he added, "I am not asking for details of what occurred between you two. I want to know why she used her Animus."

"Animus?" Gawain's perplexity was no secret. "What is an animus?"

Vivi sighed heavily. "Did you not see her change into a large, black cat?"

Gawain frowned heavily. "I saw her change, but only her teeth, nails and hair transformed."

Shit! Vivi thought to himself. What the fuck was Eleanor doing? That transformation should only be used…

Gawain's voice sliced through Vivi's thoughts. "She transforms into a cat?" Gawain really had no idea what he was getting himself into by falling for a female demon.

"Yes, a panther." Vivi sounded distracted.

"So what was that other transformation?" Gawain wanted to know.

"That is something that Eleanor has to answer." He smoothly evaded the question.

"But you know what it is, don't you?" Gawain was no idiot.

The duke nodded, "But it's something that only she can tell you about. It is not my place." It was Gawain's turn to nod.

Vivi didn't like the man's grave expression and since he too was grappling with falling in love with someone quite unlike himself, Vivi offered some calming words. "It's not a bad thing… that… transformation." Vivi looked at Gawain dead in the eyes, "I know to a human it must be alarming, but it means she is quite attracted to you and from what I have witnessed over the last couple of weeks, you feel the same."

A look of relief washed over Gawain and it was reflected in his expression but he was still really confused. "How does that mean that she's attracted to me?" he sounded like a bungling school boy.

Vivi replied, "Just accept my words as the truth. I have said too much already. You really need to talk to Eleanor about this."

Gawain shook his head. "How can I?" He shook his head and looked away from Vivi. "I hurt her."

"Explain." Vivi commanded. It's not like Gawain could really pose any physical threat to Eleanor. Humans were so weak.

"I got scared and it pushed her away."

"Did she not warn you?"

"Warn me?"

"Did she not tell you that she would change?" Vivi wanted to know.

"No…" He looked back at Vivi frowning again, "Should she have?" He thought for a moment and then added, "She seemed surprised… she didn't like it when she transformed. Why was that?" Gawain became confused again.

Shit! What the hell is wrong with Eleanor? Vivi thought to himself. Instead he voiced, "These are things that only she can tell you."

Gawain sighed as he gave up. "Is she resting or is she unconscious?" Gawain asked as he suddenly remembered that the demon mentioned Eleanor collapsing.

"It is alright, she simply overtaxed her strength. She will be fine in a couple of days."

"Days?" Gawain grew even more worried.

"Yes, all her strength was sapped, but other than that she is fine." Vivi looked over the human, "You on the other hand have to get out of those wet clothes." He turned to re-enter the house. "Come." He commanded. "Eleanor would have my head if she knew I allowed you to catch pneumonia."

S*S*S*S*S*S

Gawain wasn't sure how comfortable he was, being in a house filled with demons but since Lady Hana seemed to be happy living with them, his nerves calmed considerably. He wanted to speak to her about being involved with a demon. When he had a bath and changed he asked Vivi if it would be alright to speak to her.

Vivi frowned. "Oi! I don't own her! You don't need my permission to speak to her."

"Well…" Gawain ventured, "from the reaction Eleanor's ex- fiancé showed I would think that male demons are overly possessive of their… ummm…" he wasn't sure what to say, "…mate."

"Mate?" The word took Vivi by surprise and he fell silent for a few seconds. He knew he loved Hana, but to make a human his mate? Vivi didn't dare think that far ahead for what could he possibly do to stop her from aging? She was human. Her lifetime was nothing but a flicker compared to his. What should I do? He asked himself. Wouldn't it be best if I left her alone? Regaining his composure he replied to the man in front of him. "Come, follow me. She is in the den." He turned and walked away, to show Gawain in.

She was lounging on the window seat with her head stuck in a book entitled, 'Legends of Avalon'. Gawain watched with interest as Vivi approached and sat next to the young woman. He saw how softly the demon looked down at her and how when he bent and whispered something in the girl's ear how she started to giggle and snuggled against him. While this display convinced Gawain that demons were fully capable of real affection for humans, affection and love were not the same thing!

He stopped seeing the scene in front of him as he stared off into space thinking about Eleanor and how much she had come to mean to him. He wasn't really the type to fall quickly for a woman and this made him wonder now about why indeed she enchanted him so. It wasn't until Vivi was in front of him again saying, "I thought you wanted to talk to Hana." that he was knocked out of his deep consideration.

Thinking of a way to open the less than conventional conversation he chose to talk about the book Hana was reading. He had read that book many times and could probably recite whole passages from memory. "Lady Hana, are you interested in the stories of Avalon?"

She smiled, "Sir Gawain!" She repositioned herself so that now she was sitting on the window seat instead of lying on it. "It's good to see you again!" She saw the smile that flickered across his face at her warm greeting replaced by a worried expression. "You must not worry about Eleanor. She is fine, she just exerted herself!" she told him in an effort to put his mind at ease. She continued, "Demons have great regenerative abilities."

Gawain sighed, "Yes, I guess so." Taking a deep breath he said, "Lady Hana I have come to talk to you about something else."

Smiling she said, "Yes, please, you can tell me anything!"

He hesitated not knowing how to frame all the questions he had. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out so he shut it again.

It was Hana who spoke instead. "You like Eleanor, don't you?" she asked gently.

"Yes… I like her very much but I think I really hurt her today." A guilt stricken look came over his face. "After everything that her fiancé put her through, I hurt her as well." He turned to Hana and asked, "You are her friend, aren't you? What can I do to make amends?"

Hana frowned. "Please, sit and tell me what happened."

Gawain did as bidden but gave her a rather edited version of the story. There were certain things you just didn't tell a lady. "I got so scared when she… transformed. I didn't mean to push her away!" he sounded pained. "The last thing I wanted was to reject her. Everything was so wondrous before she started to change…" he trailed off.

Hana was blushing… Gawain had only mentioned kissing but knew it wasn't just kissing. Despite the problem at hand she started thinking about the time when Vivi almost took her… Thinking about what must have happened between Gawain and Eleanor wasn't helping. She wanted to find out what making love with Vivi was like… Her blush deepened and there was a stupid, guilty smile on her face.

Her silence made Gawain look at her and he saw her expression. He started to apologize for making her feel uncomfortable. Hana laughed nervously and said, "It's not your fault." She then forced herself to focus on what the knight told her. Hana thought back to the time when Vivi had first met Momo. "I once saw Vivi transform a bit like what you described. It was very scary, but I knew in my heart that he would never harm me. He was trying to protect me from someone who was threatening to take me away from him."

Gawain nodded to himself. It seems like this transformation takes place when they are anxious or excited in some way. "Duke Vivi told me that the transformation was not a "bad" thing."

"Then it wasn't a bad thing!" Hana announced.

Gawain looked sceptical, "You really trust him, don't you? Aren't you worried that he is a demon?"

Hana was a little confused by the question. "Should I be worried? Vivi has never willingly hurt me. He is sometimes very strict and gruff but he always wants the best for me. What does it matter that he is not human?"

Gawain was impressed. This girl was absolutely right!

Hana continued, "It's not wrong to love, is it? Human or demon, witch or angel…" Hana said, thinking of Tsubaki and Momo. "If someone or something is worthy of love then shouldn't it be loved!?"

A feeling of relief washed over him. "Thank you for saying that, Lady Hana." Gawain smiled. "How do I make things up to Eleanor?"

"The only thing you can do is apologize to her and tell her what you told me. Then ask her to forgive you."

He sighed. "You make it sound so easy."

"That's because it is so easy!" she declared. He did not look convinced so she tried to explain her reasoning. "Eleanor likes you. She really likes you! She has been fighting her feelings for you because Velten hurt her a whole lot and she doesn't want to let herself fall in love again. But I can tell that you're different from him." She held on his hand. "Just tell her how you feel. Eleanor doesn't have any confidence in herself. She's been disappointed too many times to be hopeful, but I think with you she can find some happiness. She's been lonely a long time, waiting and hoping for Velten. I wish she had found you sooner."

What she said felt right, so he nodded and replied, "I will take your advice but can I ask you one more thing?"

"Yes, of course."

"I know that Vivi holds a great affection for you, but does a demon know what love truly is?"

Hana thought about the knight's question for a minute. "I think he knows as much as I do. The love we share is new to both of us."

Gawain took his leave a short while later. He needed to get back to his residence and he didn't want to stick around for when Velten returned. He also needed to plan what he was going to say to Eleanor when she regained consciousness. It was a learning curve day and he needed to be alone to recharge!

S*S*S*S*S*S

He paced as he asked himself, What should I do? He couldn't sit still. Where were they? They were supposed to be back over two week ago. What was happening in Avalon? He paced on. He could tell that things were deteriorating further in the Demon World. High ranking demons had been visiting the Human Realm almost daily now, tirelessly searching for Vivi. With Vivi gone, the protective layer surrounding his castle that kept most other demons out had also disappeared. When they realized that Vivi was indeed not at home and nowhere in its environs, they began scouring the country but it was all to no avail. A week ago Davina herself came to ask Momo of the whereabouts of her brother and the party he was with. He could tell her nothing for he himself did not know. It had become clear that he would need to go to Avalon and bring them back. What was Tsubaki doing? It wasn't like her to fail.

In the guest room he had been using, since Tsubaki and company departed, he was packing a small travelling case for he intended to set out that night to Avalon. Viscountess Rosemary sauntered in. "Where is Vivi?"

He had sensed her presence and so was not the bit surprised. What surprised him was that she chose not to hide her aura. "That is what I intend to find out." He said simply without taking his eyes away from what he was doing.

"You're going searching for them." It should have been a question but it was stated like a fact. "I am coming with you!" she declared.

Momo was not in the mood to be saddled with a demoness and even worse, one with her disposition. "No." he said, again without looking at her. He moved away to the other side of the room. Taking a jacket out of the closet he began searching its pockets.

"I am coming with you." She repeated and when his lips parted to negate her she said, "Just try and stop me. I need to retrieve my investment."

Momo sighed. "Vivi is in love with Hana. He is not yours."

"He is my fiancée until he breaks off the engagement." She announced.

Momo asked, "Is there any chance that he will not break it?"

The blonde demoness shrugged. "He is mine until then."

Momo sighed again, more heavily this time. He was too worried about Hana and Tsuabki to argue. "Viscountess, you cannot come."

"Try and stop me." She glared at him.

"I have to go the Realm of the Angels first." He finally looked at her squarely. "Do you still wish to go?"

She didn't like the idea, but she was not about to back out now! "I told you before. I am going with you."

Momo sighed again.

"Stop sighing!" she boomed in an annoyed tone. "Is being in my presence such a pain?"

Momo didn't give a reply to her inquiry. He wasn't sure if it was a pain or not. Instead, picking up his bag he said, "Let's go."

S*S*S*S*S*S

Why was tonight different? Not a lamp, not a single candle was lit. Why was her castle in total darkness? Gilbert grew increasingly concerned the closer he approached. Using darkness as his cover, every night he would steal into Tsubaki's chamber and watch her. Being close to her was enough for him… for now. What else could he do? He needed to be as close as possible to the woman he had fallen in love with. Needed to be close to the only being who was capable of loving him as he was now. He needed to watch over her, to keep her safe. He needed to spend as much time with her as he possibly can for he needed to know instantly if she was to awaken. She may have been in a coma but she was alive. He could not go to her by day but every night since she rescued Vivi and Hana he made the pilgrimage to her inner chamber, hiding there until almost dawn.

Gilbert felt a panic wash over him… She was not there… She was not there! Not even her body. Was she dead? Was the castle in mourning? Is that why there was no light? No! Calm yourself and think! He scolded himself as his rational brain, hardened by years of training, began to take over. What should I do? His brain raced on to find a solution…

He must find Ayame. She will know, or so he hoped.

In his cursed form it took him mere minutes to cover the distance between Tsubaki's castle and Ayame's cottage. His pace quickened. He could sense her even though she hid most of her aura. Casting the spell of Absolute Darkness he circled the house, peering into windows as he did so. There was no one on the ground floor. Squatting low, Gilbert readied himself. With a jolt of power he catapulted himself from the ground up to the second floor, grabbing on to the upper balcony. Easily, he flipped his body across the banister and silently alighted in front of a pair of French windows which lead inside. With his strength Gilbert's claws made easy work of the locked door knob and soundlessly he entered the cottage.

He entered a short corridor and surreptitiously passed one door. He could now hear the sound of the Viscountess' voice. It was interrupted by a male's voice and then there was Ayame's. He continued on to the next door through which the sounds were emanating. He sniffed the air in the attempt to gauge who else was in the room. She was there! Gilbert felt like his chest would burst with happiness. Although he wanted to tear the door down, he controlled himself and listened instead.

"I knew something happened!" The male said.

"Thank the heavens you came, Momo…" Ayame sounded tearful. "I was losing hope."

"Can we get out of here now?" Rosemary sounded like she wanted to hit someone. "You did what you came to do, now can we go find Vivi and get the fuck out of here!? This place is worse than Earth!"

"Rosemary, please!" Momo shouted. Remembering himself he lowered his tone. "All you have done is complain. I told you not to come!"

"And I told you that…"

Ayame put herself between them and lifting her a hand up to face each of them she said, "Please… both of you stop it! This is neither the place nor the time. If you want to continue this senseless bickering you can do it somewhere else!" Clearing her throat she continued. "Tsubaki needs to rest."

Gilbert heard a soft murmur and it took every drop of restraint he had not to burst into the room.

"Hush…" he heard Ayame say. "Everything is alright."