Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
"It is only the impossible that is possible for God. He has given over the possible to the mechanics of matter and the autonomy of his creatures." – Simone Weil
o o o o
15 November, 2001
"I have no idea," Dr. LeBlanc admitted several hours later, glancing at the bed where Sammie lay asleep. She had fallen asleep an hour or so ago as the doctors and nurses ran tests, specifically while she lay in the MRI machine. "There is no medical reason why Samantha has opened her eyes. She has been dead for a month."
"But she did," Derek pointed out and Fran squeezed his upper arm. As soon as Sammie had woken up and Derek had been pushed away from her side, he had paged his mother and she had left work to rush to the hospital. "So where do we go from here?"
"Well, we have to see what the tests say and then go from there. Her blood tests should come back in an hour or so. I rushed the MRI results and hopefully we'll get them back soon," Dr. LeBlanc sighed and ran a hand over his balding head. "What we know now is that Samantha doesn't have the ability to move either of her legs or her right arm. She – she also doesn't seem to be able to speak or fully understand what people are saying to her. She made a few noises, but nothing intelligible."
"Could this just be temporary?" Andria asked hopefully.
"Yes, it could. Honestly, only time will really be able to tell us how far Samantha's recovery will go. It's just as possible that she could make a full physical recovery, as it is that she could remain paralyzed and mute for the rest of her life. It's really all up to her. That said, you need to be prepared for the fact that Samantha could be and probably will be very different than she was before."
"What do you mean?" Derek's head jerked back to the doctor. "Different how?"
Dr. LeBlanc reached for Sammie's clipboard and flipped through a few pages until he find a page with three sketches of a brain – one from the top, one from the left and one from the right. Each sketch had shading from a red pen. Pulling a pen from the chest pocket of his white coat, he held the clipboard so Derek, Fran and Andria could see the sketches. He used the pen as a pointer.
"The direct damage to her brain is contained here – in the frontal lobe, left side. Mostly in the left prefrontal cortex. Our frontal lobe controls our memory, language, judgment, motor function, impulse control, problem solving, attention span, and social and sexual behaviour," Dr. LeBlanc paused. "Essentially, our frontal lobe makes us who we are."
"So…" Derek wasn't sure what to say or how to respond. "So, she might not remember anything?"
"That's possible, but it's more complicated than that. Most patients with damage to their left frontal lobe have symptoms of apathy, indifference, depression, and hyporesponsiveness."
"What's hyporesponsiveness?" Andria asked the question before Derek could.
"A lessened degree of response to physical or emotional stimuli," Dr. LeBlanc explained. "A person who is hyporesponsive, um, they would tend react to sometime with – A person with hyporesponsiveness might be sitting at the dinner table with her family and might be oblivious to the people around her. You could talk to her and she might not respond. Her responses seemed alright before, so I'm not overly concerned with hyporesponsiveness right now, but it is still a possibility. I'll be able to tell more over the next few days."
Derek rubbed at his temples. "I thought you said she couldn't respond."
"No," Dr. LeBlanc shook his head, "I said she can't move her legs or her right arm and that she couldn't seem to understand what anyone was saying to her and that her attempts to communicate were unintelligible. However, she did response. Her eyes followed the noise, she could move her head, and she made a few attempts to speak. All of which are very, very good signs."
"So, she did respond," Derek clarified and even he could hear the hope in his voice.
"Samantha was responsive, yes. But, like I said, we'll be able to tell more over the next few days. She's worn out now and it's best to just let her sleep."
ooo ooo ooo ooo
"Hey, Sammie Girl," Derek whispered, kissing her fingers. He wouldn't be able to stop smiling if his life depended on it. He felt her fingers shift in his hand. It felt like a miracle. Each tiny movement was proof that the only person in his world that mattered was still alive, still with him. "I love you, Angel. I can't even tell you how glad I am right now. You are my entire world, Sam. I don't – I love you, Sammie. I can't – I can't loose you, Sam."
Her fingers flexed again, almost like she could hear him talking to her, and he smiled. Derek kissed her fingers again. Sammie took a deep breath and her head moved, rolling towards him. Reaching out, Derek pushed a lock of blonde hair away from her face. Her lips moved into a brief smile before it faded and Derek grinned widely.
Derek ran his thumb over her cheek, feeling the scar under her eye. He was about to lean over and give her a kiss, but the door started opening and he stayed in his seat. His mother-in-law walked through the door. Andria sat down beside Derek and reached out to squeeze his knee. Neither one of them spoke; they just sat and watched the person who kept them here.
"This is my fault," Derek admitted some time later, his voice quiet with shame.
"It's not," Andria shook her head. "None of this is your fault, Derek."
"I didn't protect her, Mom. How is this not my fault? I'm supposed to take care of her and protect her," Derek ran his thumb over the back of Sammie's hand. "And I didn't."
"Derek, this isn't your fault. You – you saved Samantha's life. You saved her life, Derek. If you hadn't come into her life, Nick would have killed her two years ago," Andria smiled sadly. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to Samantha, no matter what happens now."
"She's the best thing that's ever happened to me."
Sammie's fingers shifted in his hand and Derek glanced at her face. The scabbing on the right side of her face was nearly gone and only the scar underneath her eye remained noticeable. The left side of her face was unrecognizable. The skin was healing in twisted knots of scar tissue over the shattered bones and there was an indention in her skull where the doctors had removed the bones that had been crushed into her brain.
Derek didn't care what she looked like. He hadn't fallen in love with her looks, though he had never exactly complained about them. He was far more concerned with what Dr. LeBlanc had said about her personality. Would she still be the Sammie he'd fallen in love with? Or would she be someone completely different?
ooo ooo ooo ooo
16 November, 2001
Sammie felt exhausted. She felt like she had slept for a century and needed to sleep for another. Her head was foggy and she wasn't completely sure where she was. She should open her eyes, but the effort it took to do so…
She lifted her eyelids and it felt like each one weighed a hundred pounds. This wasn't her home. The ceiling was that obvious. Her left hand itched. She reached over to scratch it, but nothing happened. Her right arm wouldn't move when she told it to.
Slowly, she turned her head to the left and her eyes fell on Derek asleep on a rollaway bed next to her. She stretched her fingers towards him.
"Derek." She said his name, but nothing came out. She tried again and all that came out was an awkward gargling. Sammie reached for him, but her hand arm didn't move as far as she meant it to. She focused on moving her left arm towards Derek inch by inch until her fingertips slipped over the edge of her bed. Slowly and with more effort than it should have needed, she pushed her hand onto his bed.
"Derek." It came out a quiet gargling again and Sammie felt frustration fill her. She gritted her teeth and kept deliberately and gradually moving her hand towards him until her fingertips brushed his wrist. Derek didn't move. Sammie continued pushing her hand until her fingers lay over his hand. She lifted her hand and let it fall back on his hand. Derek shifted slightly, but didn't wake.
Sammie tried again and Derek screwed his eyes shut. She let out a frustrated gargle and hit his hand again. And again and again. Derek blinked, but didn't open his eyes. Aggravated, she moved on from his hand, dragging her hand farther up until she could touch his face. Sammie traced her fingertip over his lips, which twitched in a smile. Then she lifted her hand as high as she could and let it fall on his face.
Derek jumped, awake instantly.
Sammie tried to say his name again, but it didn't sound like his name at all. Derek sat up, turning on the light and reaching towards her in the same movement. She saw his eyes water as he cupped a hand to her face.
"Sammie, Angel. Oh, thank you, God," Derek bent over her and kissed her forehead. "Hey, Angel. How are you feeling?"
Screwing her eyes shut, she tried to answer. She tried to tell him she was tired and her ears were ringing, but her answer sounded like noises her one-year-old cousin would make.
"That's okay, Baby. It's okay," Derek bent over again and kissed her properly. The kiss felt strange, as if his mouth wasn't pressed against hers the way it usually did. "Can you blink once if something hurts?"
Sammie blinked once.
"Arm?" Derek asked, but Sammie didn't blink so Derek continued. "Head?"
Sammie blinked. Derek reached over and pressed the call button.
"The doctor will be here soon, okay?" Derek was smiling and running a hand over her face, but she couldn't feel it. She knew he was touching her face because she could see his hand right next to her eye, but she couldn't feel it at all.
Why couldn't she feel that half of her face?
Her breathing quickened and Derek noticed. "Sam, Sam, calm down, Sam. Please, calm down, Angel. Slow breaths, Angel. Slow breaths. It's okay, Sammie. Listen to me, Sam. Take a deep breath, Baby."
Sammie tried, but she could.
"Shhh, Sam, look at me, Baby. Focus on me," Derek squeezed her hand gently and she focused on his face. "You're okay, Sammie. Please, take a deep breath, Angel. There we go, Baby. You're okay."
"Mrs. Morgan, good to see you awake," Dr. Hsü came into the room.
"I think she's having a panic attack," Derek told the doctor as she stopped next to him.
"Mrs. Morgan, focus on me for a second. Okay, take a breath through the nose. Deep, even breathe. That's good, now blow out, just like I'm doing. Very good."
It took a few minutes, but Sammie's breathing returned to normal. Dr. Hsü smiled as grabbed Sammie's chart. "Do you know where you are, Mrs. Morgan?"
Sammie shook her head.
"You're in Northwestern Medical Hospital," Dr. Hsü wrote something down and then looked back up. Sammie tried to speak again. Dr. Hsü waited patiently and Derek squeezed her hand. She tried a second time without any improved results. She kept trying until she managed a sound that resembled what she was trying to say.
"Ellie?" Derek asked quietly and Sammie nodded. "Sam…" Derek shut his eyes and ran a hand over his face. "Sammie, Ellie's gone."
He could see the devastation crumble its way across her face and Dr. Hsü quietly excused herself. Derek knelt down so that he was on the same level she was. She was crying outright and Derek could feel his own grieve resurfacing as he held her hand and did his best to comfort her now that he didn't have the ability to gather her up into his arms and hold her close.
"I know, Angel," he whispered, kissing her fingers. "I know."
Eventually, her sobbing subsided and Derek gently wiped her face for her. She made a noise that sounded almost like his name, or like she was trying to say his name, and Derek gave her a weak, sad smile.
"I love you, Angel."
Sammie tried to respond and Derek nodded.
"I know," he kissed her, "I know."
ooo ooo ooo ooo
"Sam!" James burst into her hospital room the next morning and Derek raised a hand to his lips.
"She's asleep," Derek whispered. "It's Friday. Why aren't you in school?"
"Like hell I'm going to school," James scoffed at him as Andria walked into the room after him. "Sam woke up."
"And if you don't be quieter she's going to wake up again," Derek said pointedly. "She needs to sleep, James."
"I haven't talked to my sister in a month," James grumbled in Italian, plopping down in the chair opposite in.
"You can wait until she wakes up," Derek responded, also in Italian, and James looked up, startled. "Yeah, I understand you perfectly, kid. You think I've learned nothing over the past two years?"
James stared for a moment and then started laughing. Derek grinned. Sammie shifted and Derek's attention went straight to her. He watched as she blinked her eyes open.
"G'morning, Angel."
o o o o
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." – Erich Segal
A/N:
Someone needs to come write the next chapter of Mystery Muse for me, because it's kicking my ass. Seriously, every time I try to work on it, it makes me homicidal. I'm about two inches away from printing out Callie's picture and throwing darts at it in anger. This really isn't doing anything good for my sanity case. I'd ground her, but that would probably be counterproductive. So I'll just grumble and threaten her under my breath.
Friday was my favourite hockey player's birthday. Sami's pretty much the most under appreciated player in the history of ever - or at least in the running for the title. But on Friday my "Sami Salo" tracked tag on Tumblr kept exploding. So I'd just keep letting the tracked tag get to ten, then clicking it and looking at everything. And then I let it get to ten again and flail. I don't even care. I'll flail over him forever. I REGRET NOTHING.
I'm gonna go back to yelling at Callie now.
Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it and, please, tell me what you think - good or bad!
Love, Thalia