So I was online looking at something about "Chiron's Guide to Greek Mythology", and I remembered a Fairy Tale from a long time ago that might have to deal with Hephaestus. Poor guy…

Disclaimer: Nope. :'(

WITH PERCY AND POSEIDON

Percy slammed the door to Poseidon's palace, scaring the living hell out of three or four sea nymphs.

"Ah, Percy," said Poseidon as Percy threw his backpack on the ground in front of the door. "How was school today?"

"Horrible! I got a D- on a math test," Percy ranted. "I hate my dyslexia. All those stupid numbers float around and it sucks!"

"Percy," Poseidon said, "would you like a cookie?"

Percy shrugged. "Fine. If you help me with my homework."

Amphitrite sat at the kitchen table, decorating the cookies.

"Let's see…" Poseidon glanced at the cookies. "We have a trident cookie, a dolphin cookie…"

"I want the trident cookie!"

"Actually, Percy, that's mine."

"Can I have the dolphin one, then?"

Delphin randomly swam in through an open window. "Eh-eh-eh! That's mine, son of the sea god. Eh-eh-eh!" And he swam back out. By the way, those were dolphin noises he was saying.

Percy sighed. "Never mind."

"How was school today?" asked Amphitrite.

"He got a D- on his math test," Triton said. "I got an A+ on it!"

"That's my boy!" Amphitrite cooed, smothering Triton with motherly kisses. "As for Percy, we should think about getting him a tutor."

That night after dinner, Percy was watching a stupid TV show. Poseidon came into his room. "What'chya watching there, son?"

"It's called 'Class of the Titans.' It's actually pretty good," Percy said.

"A ten-year-old needs his sleep, too, my boy," said Poseidon, smiling warmly at his son. "Last time I checked, you weren't a god."

"Dad," Percy asked, "why does my dyslexia screw everything up?"

"My boy, when you're older, you will understand." Poseidon thought about something. "Percy, I'm going to tell you a story about a god who's disabled, but he didn't let his disability get him down."

"Is it Zeus?"

"No."

"Is it Ares? You said he had anger issues?"

"But that's our secret, Percy. Don't repeat that."

"Got it."

"No, it's not either of those two gods. Just listen."

HEPHAESTUS, THE UGLY GOD

Once upon a time, Zeus and Hera were expecting a child. Each day, Hera grew rounder and rounder, and Zeus finally said something about it.

"Gods, you're fat!" Zeus remarked.

Hera kicked him. "I'm PREGNANT! Stupid!"

"I'm sorry, honey. I'm not used to seeing you so…round."

"Ooh! Zeus, dear, I think my water broke!"

"Oh, crap!"

Zeus rushed Hera to the Olympus Medical Center and Hospital. He ran into the Fat Goddesses Ward and yelled, "Hey, Apollo! Help this fat woman give birth to my kid!"

Hera slapped him, and Zeus' face was now bleeding.

Many, many hours later, Hera gave birth to a baby boy.

"What's his name?" Apollo asked curiously.

"Um…" Zeus said uncertainly. "How about Hephaestus?"

"I like that," said Hera sweetly. "He's so adorable."

Maybe it was Hera's tired mind playing tricks on her, because when she woke up the next morning, Hephaestus was as ugly as the ugliest person on Olympus. "My gods! He's disgusting! Throw him off Olympus, Zeus!"

"I'm kinda busy right now, dear," Zeus said, his voice coming loud and clear from the bathroom.

"Doing what?"

"Taking a godly dump." There was an awkward pause. "How about Ares does it?"

Hera ran downstairs with Hephaestus and found Ares in the living room, playing an Ancient Greek video game. "Ares, please throw your brother off Mount Olympus for me."

"I'm busy. Get Dad to do it."

"Your father is going to the bathroom."

"Taking a godly dump?"

Hera nodded.

"Why don't you do it?"

"I will, Ares."

Hera ran outside and threw Hephaestus off Olympus. "See ya, sucker!" And she went back inside.

Hephaestus rolled down the mountain side, hurting his leg terribly as he rolled. When he finally hit the bottom, he gave Hera and Zeus a very rude hand gesture, and walked away, extremely upset.

Years later, he was walking by himself without his friends (like he had any), when he thought of something totally random. He decided to make his own forge inside of a volcano, and he could be more powerful than that crazy woman Hera.

A month after he started his new business, Ares came to him and asked for a shield. Hephaestus agreed, and soon, everyone was asking him for creations.

Meanwhile, Zeus and Hera were on Olympus, drinking alcohol.

"Are we sucky parents?" asked Zeus.

"Yes, yes we are," said Hera. "We are very sucky parents. Olympians and minor gods alike are asking our lame and crippled son to create weapons and armor for them. I guess he found out that he didn't let his disability get the best of him."

So the two moronic king and queen of the gods went to see their son.

"Heph, sweetheart," Hera said softly, "Mommy's sorry she threw you off Olympus. Will you come home and live with us?"

"Sure. Anything to get rid of that creepy chick, Aphrodite!"

POSEIDON AND PERCY

"See, Percy? All you have to do is not let your dyslexia get the best of you," Poseidon said.

"Did you just tell me 'The Ugly Duckling", but with Hephaestus?"

"Yeah. Well, son, you've grasped the moral either way. Good night."

Once Poseidon closed the door, he jumped when he saw Amphitrite behind him, puckering her lips for a kiss. "Ew," said Poseidon, and went to get ready for bed.