"And a very good morning to you, sports fans everywhere! Bob Bifford and I are standing on the field of the brand-new stadium for this year's Chaos Cup. The grass is being mown, the chalk lines are being set, and we're all getting ready for what should be an epic and gore-filled tournament!"
"That's right, Jim. Registrations have just opened – and our latest scoop for you, like the proverbial Beast of Nurgle, is a big 'un. The rumour on the underground grapevine is that the Orcland Raiders will not, repeat, will not be participating in the Chaos Cup this year. Inside sources report that the team has not been seen since a friendly warm-up match against the Motley Horde just two weeks ago - a hastily-arranged fixture which remains shrouded in mystery, since nobody seems to be able to find any surviving spectators from the game."
"Friendlies, eh? They really should find a different name for them."
"Team coach Bonehead Urgitz was found wandering aimlessly on the mountaintops some days after the game, covered in the blood of his teammates and babbling incoherently. In a statement, he said..."
A rustle of paper.
"'...I have seen the death of our world and the squalid birth of a stillborn new era. The eleven golden men will murder the land and burn the sky. The firmament will splinter and all of us shall come to naught. Beware! Beware!' After which he turned and tossed himself from the cliff, splitting his skull open on the jagged rocks many miles below."
"You knew Urgitz, Bob…what d'you make of all that?"
"Urgitz has always been a strategist, Jim. There's a plan here, we can be sure of that. It'll be interesting to see where he goes from here."
"Okey-dokey, then. Join us after these messages, when we'll be taking a behind-the-scenes peek at the fabulous opening ceremony the Cup's organisers have planned for us, including the ritual sacrifice of a High Elven princess inside a colossal burning wicker model of the trophy itself, and Bob will be giving us his predicted favourite to win. Any teasers you can give us for now?"
"Chaos All-Stars."
"Oh, that's just great, Bob. Real professional sporting journalism, right there."