Set Adrift On Memory Bliss
"Well? What does it say?" Lucía asked Ewald, after retrieving a sample of the red lyrium.
"Nothing," Ewald replied. "Or maybe this stopped working, like most of our equipment."
"Fuck," Brennan cursed. "So we're back to nothing."
"Not necessarily," Varric said. He had a vague feeling about this… "Ewald, do you have the results of those biotics in the vials some months ago?" Ewald nodded. "Run this thing against those."
"I've got a bad feeling about this," Lucía said, stepping back, away from the red lyrium.
"Me too." Varric rubbed his face and sighed. He cast a sideways look at Lucía. "So… Hawke. Care to tell me about that little indiscretion now?"
"There must be something more important right now," Lucía said, watching Brennan slip away.
"Ewald, is that going to take a while?" Varric asked.
"Are you kidding? We'll be lucky if we get some results in one hour or so."
"See?" Varric smiled. "All the time in the world."
Lucía sat down and told him about the dinner she'd shared with Leto, and how they'd arranged to meet the following weekend. "I don't know," she shrugged. "He said they'd broken up, but that it had been very recent. He didn't really want to talk about it."
"Well, they didn't get back together. Bianca told me that Isabela had told her that he'd told her that he'd fallen in loooo-oh. Oh." Varric shut his mouth quickly. The implications were too strong for the moment. Lucía had heard him. She frowned. Then she laughed.
"Oh, Varric! You always know how to make me feel better! Ow, my head!" Lucía went on holding her head and laughing. "For a moment you had me there…" She saw Varric's face. He'd reacted too late. "What are you-? Wait. Are you saying…?"
"No, no. No! No." Varric suddenly wished they were back on the surface, so that he could roll down the mountain and escape faster. Her eyes were fixed on him. He sighed. "Dammit… I don't know, Lucía. Maybe I misheard. I don't hear half of the gossip Bianca tells me."
"It can't be. It doesn't make sense. Why would he give me Anders's journal then? Why go away so suddenly?" Lucía stood up. "It just can't be."
"I er… I had a talk with them some days before that. I… kinda told Anders I knew he knew you liked him. Maybe Leto… I don't know." Varric shrugged. "Maybe he cares about his cousin more than he cares about you? Or maybe he thought that you were a lost cause or something like that. Why did you sleep with him if you liked his cousin? You must have confused the poor guy."
"I'm not sure. He was very sweet. I guess I liked that. And you and Carver are always saying that women have needs. And we do." She looked at Brennan, who was nodding emphatically.
"Still, kinda messed up," Varric said. "What will Blondie say when he-?"
"I told him," Lucía said, shrugging. "But he already knew. So I guess Leto told him first."
"Ah, well… Then you're all messed up," Varric concluded.
"Oh, come on, Isabela! You've never turned down an outing," one of the women insisted.
"I'm sorry, I can't," Isabela said, going into the cafeteria. "My pregnant sister's coming to town tomorrow, and I'd really like to spend some time with her," she said, grabbing a ginger cookie and putting it on her tray. "She's going through difficult times. Her husband's disappeared."
"How awful! He abandoned her?"
"No," Isabela shook her head. "He works for the LED; he's a sergeant. I don't know much, but he went somewhere on a mission and his team's missing."
"What?" Isabela heard Leto's voice behind her. "Varric's missing?"
Isabela rolled her eyes. "Yes. And yes, she is missing as well." The other woman looked at them, not knowing what was going on between them.
"Isabela, please…" Leto's voice was gentle, and after all these months, it still tugged at Isabela's heartstrings. She explained what Bianca had told her the night before. "That's all I know," she finished, and walked away, followed by her companion.
Leto stood there. He had to talk to Anders. He paid for his coffee and a chocolate cookie and dashed back to his station. He picked up the phone. Karl answered. Anders had taken the day off in preparation for his journey to Kirkwall; hadn't Anders phoned him to let him know that he'd be going there?
Leto hung up.
Are you going to risk everything we got for him?
The venom in the mage's words paralyzed him.
This is not about him – this is about us. Just face it: we are no more.
You are mistaken. I will make you see.
He had escaped again, leaving her. The mage was right. He was a danger to them. He was being hunted. He didn't want to make her suffer. But she found him. Every time he escaped, she found him. She didn't ask him to return to her side. Always the same story. He promised himself he'd be strong – he would push her away this time. But her skin was his now. He owned her hips, and every time she lay with him, he bit her and hurt her, so that she would carry his marks; so that she'd remember him when he was not there.
But now, she'd missed their appointment. He walked around their secret meeting place and waited. Hours. Days. He searched for her, day and night, until he found the dwarf.
I couldn't save her. I'm sorry. The mage…
He closed his eyes and saw the jealous mage's fingers around the neck of his beloved Marian.
A cold sweat covered his body. He jumped out of bed, as if the sheets were ghosts from the past. He walked to the window and let the sunlight in. The cool breeze of the early morning kissed his naked body. He breathed in and out, trying to forget. His dreams wouldn't leave him alone. He couldn't go back to sleep. He made the bed and sat on it. He opened the drawer and took the red handkerchief in his hands. He had to get rid of it. It was ridiculous. He was clinging to the memory of someone who'd chosen to be with another person. And yet, even though every fiber of his body told him to forget her, he just couldn't. He lay the handkerchief on the pillow lovingly, got dressed, and walked out of the bedroom.
Anders had sent him a message. "I'll be there at 9." He looked at the time. 6.50. He still had time to get those cinnamon rolls that his cousin loved. He grabbed his keys and wallet and left home.
It took him longer than he'd thought. It may have been the detour he'd taken, or the park where he'd spent half an hour, trying to think about what to say to Anders. No. How to look normal in front of him. No need to panic over Lucía, or ask about her right away.
He went back home. As he was getting to his door, he heard Anders's voice.
"Hey," his cousin said. He was sitting on the steps leading to the next floor, and Bethany was with him. Leto waved at them. Anders stood up and hugged him. Bethany kissed his cheek. They look so nice together, Leto thought. Why can't they be together, and leave Lucía for-? "So good to see you, cousin," Anders said. "Is that… cinnamon?"
"Yeah, I got you some rolls. I thought you'd be hungry, after travelling all night." Leto opened the door to his apartment and saw them in. "But you've got to prepare the cocoa. You know I don't know how to do that."
"Don't worry," Anders said, leaving his jacket on the couch and heading for the kitchen.
"Do you mind if I use the restroom?" Bethany asked Leto. He told her where it was, and she walked along the corridor. The door of the bathroom was just passing his bedroom. As Bethany passed by, she caught a glimpse of something red on the pillow. Blood? She went back a few steps and entered Leto's room. No, not blood. She sighed, relieved. But then it dawned on her. She knew that. She took a few steps and grabbed the handkerchief. Yes, she'd seen it. It was Lucía's. She closed her eyes and remembered. Lucía thought she'd lost it. But she hadn't. It had travelled with Leto, all the way from Tantervale to his bed. She left it on the pillow, and when she turned around, she found Leto standing behind her. Watching her.
Bethany looked at him quietly. "She thinks she was your rebound. Why didn't you tell her?" Her eyes were sad. She pitied him.
"You know it's rude to snoop, don't you?" His green eyes looked angry.
"It's also rude not to answer when you're asked a question," she replied. He raised his eyebrows and reached behind him. He closed the door and sighed.
"Don't tell Anders," he said softly. Bethany felt truly sorry for him. She hadn't expected him to admit it so soon. The poor guy had to feel really bad about it. "Is… Is she happy with him? Was it worth it? Giving her the journal?"
"As far as I know, they're okay. Why didn't you tell her? She might have said yes."
"She could have said 'no'."
"So? 'No' would be better than that," Bethany said, pointing to the handkerchief. She raised her hands. "But it's your life. I can't tell you how to live it. I've no right to do so, anyway."
"Please, don't tell her," he asked calmly.
"I won't tell her," Bethany replied. "I'd better go to Isabela's, you know? I didn't want to stay there. Too much girl-talk. And Maker, now I understand why Isabela gave me that strange look when we got there." She sighed. "I'll go let Anders know I'm leaving. I'll give you guys time to talk."
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Title: a song by P.M. Dawn (although I always listen to the Backstreet Boys' version). As a note, the conversations of the team members take place almost a month before the conversations in the 'external' world. As Aveline said, they've been missing for 27 days, counting as from the day in which Varric's team found the red lyrium. So basically, at the moment in which Anders visits Fenris, we don't know the status of the teams.