EDIT: i've decided to go on a hiatus for a month or two... or more(?). on my profile, there's a link to my lj where you can find the details of it. i'm sorry, guys. but i will finish clay hearts. srsly.

Disclaimers: i don't own anything you recognize. probably. ;3

My Ramblings: so. yes, this is late. sorry 'bout thattt. i suck, i know. this fanfic is getting harder and harder to write lately. a hiatus might actually be coming soon. i don't know. =/

i apologize about all the switching of pov's in this one, too. but the ending will make up for it all. i promise. c;

/commences cackling

p.s. read the bottom note or i will be very unhappy. c=

Clay Hearts

Chapter Thirty-Five:

The Art of Letting Go

That night, I woke up crying. I couldn't help myself, and I felt like an idiot, but I was thinking of Sasuke again. That night was playing in my head again. And it wasn't fair of my mind to do this to me. Like I'm not in enough pain—physical or not—right now.

However, it was out of the ordinary. I hadn't dreamed about him in such a long time—since I joined Akatsuki especially. The only dream I've had of him was when he first came to the organization, but that was sort of a given. I kind of had an idea of why (or more like my Inner-self had an idea) that was.

Ever since I met Deidara, things have been… different. Ups and downs all the time, but one day I knew I'd say I'd never regret them. Right now, though, the entire Akatsuki business, I don't know. I just don't know. Things would have been easier if I never joined. But I've been through this a million and fifty-two times: I really am glad, after all of it, that I'm in the Akatsuki and met him. I was pretty sure that he was the reason why I didn't have Sasuke-related dreams (nightmares) anymore.

Oh. Oh, no…

I… I was in—in something; like, love even? Oh my gosh, I'm in trouble now.

It took you that long to realize it?

I ignored her. My heart was fluttering, my breathing unsteady. And I knew it wasn't just because I was still injured from the torture sessions before. The question now is am I only crushing on him or am I in love? Ohgoshohgosh. The thought made me mentally flail—just to think that I'm in love with him.

This is too complicated! Because I think that I am in love with him. Or something close. Now it's like accepting that I'm an official-official enemy of Konohagakure.

Official-official? Honey, we've been Konoha's enemy official-officially for a much longer time than that, sad to say. Look where we are now, my Inner scoffed.

I didn't want to. I knew where I was, and I realized why and why and why—but it still hurt. I couldn't do this—

((But we're not a Konoha citizen anymore!))

—it was unfair to all my old friends. To Naruto. I can't love someone who is my enemy. Sure, there's a quote that says something along the lines of loving your enemy, but not this way. But… Deidara isn't my foe anymore. That's the thing that's making it all the more complex.

Putting my hand on my heart, I sighed. But in doing so, I ungracefully grazed my left breast and I felt the smooth, solid surface of the vial that held the contaminated sake. It was a wonder as to why the ninja here hadn't found out about it, but I was lucky on that. And I constantly prayed that they wouldn't find it—right after my beseeching of my freedom, predominantly unscathed.

In that little vial held my future. If I ever wanted to make a home in Konoha again, that was my ticket to get there. I would help Tsunade-shishou, I would be proven innocent, I would see Naruto and Ino and everyone else again.

What the heck, girl? Make up our mind already. Did I really want to go home…? Or did I want to stay with Deidara (that is if he even likes me the same way)?

You… I… Don't you have an idea yet? I asked, clearly aware that I was talking to myself. My Inner-self almost sighed, speaking only one word. A sharp intake of breath, and I froze.

You're such a contradiction, aren't you?

I glowered at the wall, pretending that it was my alter-ego I was glaring at. But… I know.

"Sakura Haruno."

My head shot up at the sound of my name. I found myself facing a fox-masked ANBU man. Breathing out a shaky breath, I stood up. I figured as much that he wanted me to move somewhere. Maybe to talk with whoever was in charge? It would be nice to talk to Shizune at least. And if Kakashi-sensei was around…

I let out another long sigh, the ANBU Black Op barely sparing me a glance either way. "Come," he intoned, even though it didn't need to be said.

Soundlessly, I followed him to wherever he would lead me. Which, if I thought about it later, probably wasn't the most intelligent of things to do. Really, this could be a Root agent, and I was to get killed off. Danzo did those sort of things. I cursed him under my breath.

But then I missed Sai. When had I last thought about him and not the others? I'm kind of a jerk sometimes. I wonder how he's doing. Still an artist and socially-constipated, I presume. I almost let out a small laugh at that thought. Some things would never change—some people I should say.

It was getting warmer, and I assumed that we were heading upwards. It was always so damp and cold down in the jail cells. Those were all underground, so that made enough sense to me. (Although, I'm pretty sure that they freeze out the place on absolute purpose.)

Just as we were about to come to a dark gray colored door, the masked man murmured, "Stop." (He really didn't need to say that, because he jerked me still.)

Oh, so is it the new trend here in ANBU to be Uchiha-esque in our speaking? Thanks, Sasuke, thanks. Now all these idiots (well, not all of them were idiots—I'm friends with some of them. But, oh, some of them definitely were idiots, nevermind) spoke shortly. Stupid Sasuke.

He rapped his glove-covered knuckles against the heavy-looking door and immediately a deep voice growled from inside. "What?" That was Ibiki, wasn't it? Oh, crap, it was.

"Haruno is here."

I was led (more like dragged) into the room, a dank, dark room very much like the first one I was in when I got to Konoha. However, it wasn't a torturing room, but an interrogating room—if my memory serves me. I thanked God in that moment.

Forced to sit down, I did, and I was met with the scarred man's forever-stink-eye and a certain blonde man's disapproving gaze. That was Ino's dad: Inoichi, I believe. Oh, no. He was going to get into my brain. Which is worse? I reflected. Skin and life ripped away or memories and thoughts ripped away?

"Hello, Haruno-san." It was the Yamanaka male, and I was hopeful since he spoke first. "You know how this goes. It's easier if you relax and open your mind to me."

But, I don't want to!

I didn't say anything, but stared into his blue eyes. Almost like Ino's, of course. They were so similar. And if Deidara was from Konoha, then they could be brother and sister…

Stop thinking about him, you idiot, I scolded myself. I really would prefer if I didn't think about him so then Inoichi wouldn't be able to find my thoughts—and feelings—about the once-Iwa shinobi.

Without my permission, he placed his hands on my scalp. I felt his chakra surging through my brain, and I gasped as he started to intensify the use of it. My pupils dilated as he searched my mind.

Jerk, my Inner chimed.

Instantaneously, the ache dulled and the blonde seemed to retract himself and his chakra. "That's odd," he murmured before attempting to enter my head again.

Inoichi didn't notice—Ibiki might have, though—when I smirked. I was a Haruno and a few of us—obviously—had Inner-selves. It wasn't just a case of schizophrenia; Inner Harunos were just about like another person entirely.

It was a curse at most times… and a blessing at times like these.

I couldn't help it when my sneer grew when I sensed my alter-ego battling off—winning against—the older man trying to invade my mind. "Come on, Sakura," now he spoke my name without the honorifics and stiffness, like he did whenever I was hanging out with Ino in his own home, "let me in."

You can try.

But you won't get anywhere.

-x-x-x-

Inoichi placed his hands (much softer than a typical shinobi, due to the fact that he destroyed ninja with his mind techniques, not tangible weapons) upon a head of pink hair. He noticed in that moment with displeasure that the young woman's hair was matted with still-drying blood. Ibiki, though his friend, was a callous man—growing more so each day.

The mind was, in a word, an enigma. There were so many things that were to confuse: walls, holes, traps, an entire maze. Sakura's mind was no different except for one thing. When he entered her brain, he immediately got a flash of a person. But it was sooner gone than it came.

Strange, he mused, that man looked like he could be my son. If he were anyone else, he would have dismissed the thought as soon as it came. However, Inoichi wasn't a professional in human study and movements for nothing. The middle-aged man placed the tidbit of information in the back of his own skull.

Everything was blank for a moment, but then I heard ominous words lingering, echoing, "Jerk."

The blonde froze in what he was doing, thinking, Who the he—

He was out of her head—he didn't know how, but he was out. That wasn't supposed to happen. That just wasn't normal for the procedures he was performing. "That's odd," Inoichi said to himself before he touched the woman's head again.

And he saw an angry giant: Sakura…? No, the figure before him, in her mind, wasn't the pinkette everyone (thought they) knew. She was a darker form of the girl, her eyes seemed to be fiery and alive—but for a more different purpose than the actual Sakura Haruno's would be for. "Get the frick out," she ordered, a full-set glare on her features.

But there was a smirk—

("Come on, Sakura." Wow, it felt weird to say her name so simply like that. She was supposed to be some sort of convict, but she was still little Sakura to him. His own daughter's rival and even more of a best friend. "Let me in.")

—and thousands of traps, locks, and walls came up, blocking the Yamanaka's view. Words echoed in his head, as well as hers.

"You can try," the voice said and Inoichi automatically new that it was Sakura not that… alter-ego figure in her mind. It was the first time that she had said something, and not her darker half.

"But you won't get anywhere," Inner Sakura, as he had dubbed her, finished.

The emerald-eyed girl's mind was the same as anyone else's, yes, except for the alter-ego that could actually control Sakura—and him, if he didn't get out soon. It wasn't a risk Inoichi Yamanaka really wanted to take. He liked his mind under his own control, thank you.

-x-x-x-

DEIDARA POV

It's time, I mused as the mouths on my hands began to chomp the chakra-infused clay.

It was nightfall in Konohagakure. Frogs' croaking was heard just about wherever you'd go, along with annoying cicadas. The typical heat that came with being in Fire Country wasn't bearing down on me, but it was still much warmer than to what I was used to.

And if I were farther away, I wouldn't be able to spot the nocturnal guards. Despite what people from my country have always said, Konoha wasn't that stupid. I mean, come on, uh, Sakura was from there.

You're an idiot, falling for a girl like this, an inner voice said. Where is the "almighty" Deidara who used to just do what he wanted for himself only?

Almost chuckling, I replied to it, That's the thing… it is what I want to do. (But, still, I do kind of miss the old days…)

Putting hands together, I created a clay clone. "Go around to the back gate, hmm," I commanded it. Smirking like I usually do, it nodded and took off. Hopefully, this would throw any suspecting Konoha nin off guard and I'd have a little more time. Hopefully I won't get caught, period.

Now it was all a game of sneaking and concealing. My chakra was already masked—had been from an hour or so away—so I did the next thing: create. Tiny, little clay spiders crawled out from my hands' mouths and started for the towering village wall.

I brushed golden hair out of my face to reveal my left eye and an eye scope. Shutting the opposite eye to focus on my targets easier, I brought my hands together to form a sign. And I waited. I waited a full five minutes before I breathed a single word, "Katsu!"

The clay eight-legged bugs had scaled the wall and situated themselves inside the shell of each of a sentinel's ear. And with only one word, I murdered five men. The blast was small, and quiet, but enough to damage the brain to the point that it could not function anymore.

A smirk etched itself onto my face; I was feeling better. I was feeling like Deidara, the infamous Akatsuki member and once terrorist bomber again. The sentiment felt better than it probably should have. A certain pink-haired beauty would not have approved.

At that simple thought, I remembered my (personal) mission. Save Sakura. With my kage bushin still out there, I took off into the night, into the dimly lighted city. Wherever Sakura was, I'd find her.

And maybe she'd see me differently. Maybe she'd see me as a… a… a Prince Charming or something. She would, because, really, what's not to like? (You're confident, aren't you, boy?) I chortled and continued my way.

It was easier than I thought. I take it back, I mused, Konoha isn't all that smart at all.

-x-x-x-

NORMAL POV

Breathe in; breathe out. Don't cry, don't cry, don't freaking cry!

Inoichi had left hours ago, but then I was stuck with Ibiki (he had departed only a half an hour ago, though). My body was broken and bleeding and I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry—but I couldn't. I would hold all my tears in, just as I always did.

I laid on the ground now, my leg bending in a way it shouldn't, my head pounding, my ears ringing, my side singed with electrical wounds, among too many other things. And what's worse was that I could do nothing about them. With chakra restrained, I was utterly helpless.

And one thing that I hated topmost was being helpless and weak.

If Naruto was in my position, he'd probably figure out some way to get out. Heck, if Sasuke was in my position, he would, too. They're all better than me—and I fricking hate it. I love my best friend, but he always overshadowed me. Dangit.

My vision was getting blurrier and redder (literally) by the minute, and my head just wouldn't shut up. Soon, I believed that I was having delusions. Eh, wouldn't doubt it, especially with the way I am. And, oh great… Akane's crap probably doesn't make anything any better.

"Frigging hell, Princess… What did you get yourself, hmm?"

It was him, it was him! …Wait, no. It wasn't. I was imagining things. But I might as well enjoy seeing him before—before whatever happens to me. "Deidara," I hummed incoherently to the image.

His hands felt warm against my numbing hands (against my bloody face), which surprised me at first, but as a medic-nin, I knew that in hallucinations, you can still experience all five senses. "I'll get you out of here." The man delicately picked me up bridal style.

I did not hear the hollering of shinobi, guards, and civilians alike over my pounding head and the faint whispers coming from the person holding me.

"You don't have to worry, hmm," he said, leaving the faintest of kisses upon my bleeding forehead. "Everything will be alright."

If only this was real. Nevertheless, I put on a tiny grin anyhow. I was sure to be passed out by now, dreaming of the man I'm beginning to grow stronger and stronger feelings for.

After awhile, the shouting dulled down and all I heard that wasn't phony Deidara were frogs, cicadas, and the whizzing of the night breeze. My eyes found thick shrubbery and darkness. I wasn't sure how long he had been running.

Deidara placed me gingerly onto the ground, onto his lap. He placed his large hand in my dirty hair, stoking it gently, soothing away some of the pain I still felt in this mirage.

With whatever strength I had, I brought his other hand close to my face. And then I kissed its closed lips. I thought I felt the male pause, but didn't notice because I was already asleep.

Also, I simply reveled in the fact that this entire illusion seemed so real. And it was how I wanted it to be.

—Right then, he was my Prince Charming.

And all I wanted in that moment was to ravish him. Maybe not as extremely as my Inner-self was suggesting, but something to the point. I just wanted to bring my lips to his and feel what it was like to have his body touching mine so closely. (It was probably all those blows to my head. But, whatever.)

But I couldn't; of course I couldn't. For one thing, we were only an hour or two away from my once-home, and I was bleeding and in pain at the moment. Although, I wanted to at least thank him some way or another. Thus, I did the simplest thing:

"Thank you, Deidara," I murmured.

A small, sweet smile came upon his face, but it was soon erased and hindered by a small grimace, "Not a problem, Sakura, hmm." He would do anything for me, I realized.

(And I'd soon realize that I'd possibly do just about anything for him.)

-x-x-x-

DEIDARA POV

Sakura… she… she just… I… What the heck was that just now? Okay, she's lost a lot of blood and is broken (I'm going to kill the vermin who did this), but, still… this was Sakura Haruno. She wouldn't do something like that.

She wouldn't have kissed me—er, my hand, but it still counts. Except she did. And that's what I don't understand. Gosh, chicks are confusing.

Still running a hand through her candy pink tresses, I ogled the violated, opposite hand. A genuine smile came to my lips for a second, when she thanked me, but soon left when I remembered her condition.

We couldn't leave now, she had to rest—and I knew that she was a light sleeper. I was her partner… as in, only a teammate (unfortunately). So, I suppose Sakura and I would leave as soon as she'd wake up. Hopefully soon, but then again, I need time to breathe.

An hour or two, she did awake and I was half-asleep. Her scream of pain was what shook me fully awake. "Sakura—Sakura, it'll be okay; shush, please!"

"Dei-Deidara…?" Her eyes were dull and glazed over, but she wasn't looking through me, but at me this time. "Oh—ohhh, owwww—" she cried, "—it was real? Oh, gosh." Sakura's emerald orbs were now alit with pain, but she cursed anyways. "Lovely. This was real."

I could not make out if she was being sarcastic or not. Only now noticing that my hand was still entwined in her hair, I moved it away, then pulled her into a sitting position. She was leaning into my chest, still close enough, and even in the horrid situation she was in it felt right.

I wanted to kiss all away her pain, but it wasn't something that was actually possible (and if it is, then I want to meet the person who can do that). "Sakura, look at me, hmm."

She did, and my heart broke. Tears were rolling down her face. "Dangit! I-I wanted to not—I wanted to keep it in. I-I-I—"

"Sakura," I uttered again. Frick, I am not good with crying females. I'll probably end up making her wail even more and make her want to murder me. Bah, I'd leave right this very moment if it wasn't her crying now. "It… It's okay, hmm. Just cry, just let go." Was that okay? Was it the right thing to say?

Blubbering, she turned herself around and clung to my torso. "Deidara," she stutter-whispered. "It hurts so much."

I didn't say anything because, once again, I wasn't sure what she meant by that. Did she mean the pain she felt physically or the hurt in her heart…? Did she mean both? Ugh, I need a Haruno dictionary or something.

Not knowing what to do, I decided to kiss her head… right at the moment she chose to look me in the eye. Our lips collided.

They didn't soon part.

A/N: MWUHAHAHA. it looks like sakura got her wish. ;D

anyways…

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