A/N: Can't believe this is 35 chapters in. Even though the last couple of chapters weren't well received, please bear with me. We'll be getting into the more nitty gritty, action stuff soon! I'm also very sorry it's taken me literal months to release this chapter. I'm not abandoning it; updates are just going to be much slower.
So, just an fyi for all you lovely people that follow this fic, I'm pregnant. Yes you read that correctly, my husband and I are expecting. So, chapters will not be as frequent. I'll write when I can, but as I'm sure some of you will understand, babies are time consuming as well as adorable little distractions. I'm taking classes again as well, for another couple of years, so my life has a full plate currently.
In other news, I've finally moved and now I just have to deal with the arduous task of unpacking.
Disclaimer: It's still not mine!
Warnings: Heavy use of alcohol this chapter (with increased profanity, lol). As well as profanity, violence, drama, blood/gore, sexual themes, adult themes, and etc.
. . .
I was slumped in an all too comfortable arm chair. It was one of those old styled ones, with an ugly striped print on it. My legs were stretched as far as they could reach in front of me. I had my arms dangling over the sides of the chair. I clutched a half full glass between my hanging fingers, swirling the ice around.
At some point someone had gotten ice from somewhere. I just wasn't sure where or when it happened. Someone was a sneaky bastard.
The pleasant sound of Kazuma's laugh filled my ears. Even though I hadn't heard whatever Yusuke had just said, I grinned anyway. I'd always liked his laugh. There was something just…I don't know…honest about it. Pure happiness that was what it was. I wondered what it felt like…to be so happy that it even rang through your laughter.
I enjoyed the lighthearted presences of Yusuke and Kazuma. Their bright energies brought me some kind of comfort. I could see it, twining around them, happy just like them. Nothing was better than happy drunks.
Unlike the black cloud that rested across the table from me. He'd taken a seat on the floor, sitting at the low table like it was a kotatsu. He also held a glass in his hand, but he sure was a surly drunk. He'd barely said five words in the past few hours. Instead, he chose to moodily sip his straight liquor and glare at me.
Several times Kurama had tried to engage him in conversation and had failed. Apparently the rest of the guys were unaffected by his current mood. I was certain they'd dealt with it more times than I could count. It was just one aspect that came with being Hiei's friend. You had to deal with his dark and twisted mood swings.
I brought my glass to my lips and drank the rest of the amber liquid in a single gulp. It burned a fiery path down my throat to nestle in my stomach. It warmed me pleasantly. It reminded me of all the times Hiei had used his ability to soothe some of my ache.
I sighed and got up to refill my drink. No use thinking about that right now.
As I watched the liquid slosh over the ice in my cup I heard Yusuke ask, "I wonder what Keiko's up to."
"Studying," I answered.
"Obsessively cleaning," said Kazuma.
"And worrying," added Kurama.
He'd had only a couple of drinks the entire evening. He kept his composure well, continuing to pick through my uncle's books. He'd commented that the man had an extensive as well as impressive collection. I wondered if he realized these were just his books on the universe and not his entire library.
"Lets play a game," suggested Kazuma.
I was grateful that none of them had brought up what happened the other day. I could tell they were dancing around it, but I didn't care now. I just wanted one night to be myself again. And a game might just be the perfect way to keep my mind off certain things.
Even Chronos had left me alone. This was an opportunity I couldn't pass up.
"I think this is where I shall excuse myself," said Kurama. He rose from his chair, taking one of Takahiro's books with him.
"Awe, Kurama, you're a party pooper!"
"Yeah stay and have some fun grandpa!"
The grandpa comment had him pausing. It was hilarious that even Kurama was not unaffected by the banter of his friends.
I heard him sigh in resignation and then he strode back to the table. He sat on the floor, much like Hiei. Yusuke and Kazuma took seats next to him, but I headed straight for my arm chair.
"Not interested Kas?" Kazuma asked.
"Counts on what you're playing," I answered.
I eyed Hiei from across the table, would he play, I wondered. I doubted it, but I'd seen crazier things in my time.
Yusuke produced a deck of cards from his back pocket and waggled his eyebrows at me.
"Strip poker?" he suggested.
I think I might have broken him when I hummed contemplatively and then nodded. I slid from my chair, like my body was made of water, and flopped to the floor. I could feel several sets of eyes staring at me, probably wondering if I'd gone mad again. Or perhaps I had grown a second head? Who knows?
"No way Urameshi, we can't play that! Kas, are you nuts?!"
"Probably," I replied, taking a large gulp of what I thought was rum, but I wasn't totally positive.
"What, are you chicken Kuwabara? Afraid you might see some boobs?" Yusuke said, though his eyes leered down at me.
I glared at him. If he could be any more immature he might as well regress to toddler form like Koenma.
I laughed in his face and folded my arms across my chest, "The only boobs you'll be seeing are your own, Urameshi."
"I don't have boobs!" he defended. "And look at you, all macho. Bet you don't even know how to play."
Oh, I knew how to play alright. I'd taken more than one man's pants in a game of poker. Of course, all those times that was the ultimate goal. This time, it would be keeping my own clothes on.
Kurama rubbed a hand down his face, "Let us not choose something so unbecoming," he said.
Yusuke scoffed, "You're just worried you'll lose. I always wondered if you were hiding boobs of your own under there."
The glare Kurama shot him had me barking with laughter. I guess commenting on his feminine like qualities was a sore spot with him. So an argument wouldn't break out, I did my best to suppress my chuckles and suggested something else.
"Alright, not strip poker," I hummed for a second, thinking. Then it struck me, "How does Kiku no Hana sound?"
It was a game I think even Hiei would play. Of course, there was the high chance of one of them cheating. A table of demons sat around me, all except for Kazuma and I. I tried not to cast a sympathetic look his way. I had a feeling he'd be out cold before anyone else.
Kurama nodded his ascent, agreeing to my choice. Yusuke curled his nose up and then nodded begrudgingly. That left only Hiei and Kazuma to agree, or choose to sit out.
"Okay, I'm good at Kiku no Hana!" Kazuma exclaimed.
He had obviously not thought of the implications of playing with a bunch of demons. Then again…Kazuma was also a powerful psychic. He might have a few tricks up his sleeve yet.
When I cast my eyes to Hiei he pursed his lips, eyes set into a glower.
"Do you not know how to play?" I asked. It was an honest question. He was kind of a recluse after all.
"I've played before," he answered.
He ended up joining the game. As I had earlier assumed, Kazuma gave up first. He stumbled to bed, crashing down the steep staircase as he went. I was almost sure someone would find him passed out in the hallway. I had a feeling he couldn't even remember his way back to his designated room.
Kurama was second, though he acted and looked far less drunk than the rest of us. As he reached the bottom of the stairs I heard him release a humorous chuckle. A groan that could only have come from Kazuma followed. I hoped Kurama would take him to bed, the poor bastard.
That left only Yusuke, Hiei, and I. I was sloshed by then. I hadn't stood a chance at out drinking Yusuke let alone the fire demon. Hiei still looked sober, for fuck sakes. As for Yusuke, he was also sloppily drunk. He was hanging off my shoulders by one arm. With his other hand he poked at a hickey Hiei had left on my neck.
He laughed raucously and poked it again, "Where'd you get this huh?" he slurred.
"Your mother," I snapped and pushed him off me.
He laughed again, "Wouldn't surprise me if you did."
We played another round. And then another. All the while I kept a watch on Hiei. Besides the fact his sour mood had shifted to one less dark and more calm, he seemed normal. He was smirking as he beat both Yusuke and I once again. I took my drink like a champ, even though I was already drunk.
Ruby eyes flicked up to me, swimming with mirth and I felt my mouth go dry. I'd never seen Hiei look at me with any kind of happiness before. He found things amusing on occasion, normally if they caused someone else discomfort. But I'd never seen his eyes alight quite in that way.
The spell was broken when Yusuke burped loudly beside me and then clapped a hand over his mouth. When I asked if he was okay, he just shook his head quickly and dashed for the staircase. I didn't hear him get sick down below, so he must have moved on to a bathroom. Thank Kami; I sure as hell didn't want to clean up that mess.
Belatedly, I realized that with Yusuke's sudden departure I was now alone with Hiei. This should have been normal, something I had grown used to. But I felt my nerves spike and I began to sweat. It was too hot in the room and I was far too drunk.
I swallowed thickly and took a gulp of liquor I did not need. Maybe I should drink until I was black out drunk. Then I wouldn't remember any of this tomorrow.
Across from me, Hiei set the cups up for another round of the game. I raised an eyebrow but made no comment. We played again and he won, though I was sure he had cheated. I drank anyway, ignoring the smug expression he was wearing.
"Play me all you want –" I hiccupped, "– I won't spill anything," I managed to slur out. Damn, I sounded like a total imbecile.
The cups went skidding across the table to smash against the floor. I watched them, as if they moved in slow motion. It drew no reaction from me. All I did was drag my eyes slowly back towards the fire demon.
He sat impassive on the other side of the table. No more games tonight it would seem. How disappointing.
My world spun as I stood from the floor. I had every intention of leaving, but I sensed a shift in his mood. It wasn't dark…or unpleasant – just different. Instead, I slid back into the arm chair. I picked up a half empty bottle on the floor and drank directly from it. Hiei had broken my glass after all. No point in trying to be classy now.
"You're not gunna throw a temper tantrum are you?" I asked.
His eyes narrowed into a glare and I grinned at him. He wasn't about to kill my vibe with his bad attitude.
"Can't we just get along, for one fucking night?" I asked.
I didn't expect an answer, but he did appear beside me. My eyes were too lethargic from the drink to follow him. But he snatched the bottle from my hand and pulled me up from the chair. He didn't yank me, or even really tug. He just wrapped his palms around my forearms and let me decide what to do.
After I was standing his hands remained where they were, but he slid to the floor. My eyebrows shot to my hairline when he tugged on my arms so I would sit beside him. He let me go then and laid back, using one arm to cushion his head. It took my drunken brain several long seconds to catch up to what he was doing. I was quick to lie beside him when it finally did.
I stared up through the clear ceiling, watching the stars glitter against the sky. Even though they reminded me of Chronos and a night spent with Ren what felt so long ago. I still loved the night sky. I loved the color of the moon, the soft glow it gave off ethereal and cold. It calmed me to my very soul.
We were silent for a long while. I listened to him breathe beside me, taking in the scent of pine and firewood and smoke. I twirled a strand of pink energy around my finger. I traced the sky with it, connecting the stars into shapes and patterns.
As I traveled over a star sign I did not recognize Hiei's hand shot out and grasped mine. His thumb rubbed circles into the palm of my hand and warmth spread down my arm. I sighed, the noise loud in the stillness.
He guided my finger to draw a new shape. My energy looked like one of those neon signs you saw in the city but so much brighter.
As his hand guided my fingers down the dips and curves of a constellation – Hydra, the sea serpent – I started to speak.
"Do you remember the night I first discovered you were a demon?"
"Hn," he answered, engrossed with tracing my energy across the night sky.
He swirled my hand, circling Hydra's heart and then continued on his long trek down the serpent's body.
"Why did you burn me?" I asked.
I don't know why I had thought of it. But I felt like now was as good a time as any to ask.
His hand paused for a breath and then started its movements again.
He hadn't spoken much, but when he did I realized why. His voice gave away his drunkenness, more so than his eyes. It was thick…dark, full of emotion that he never dared use. It made his baritone just that much more pleasant to my ears – like melting chocolate on a hot day.
It took him a little while to formulate his thoughts. The first attempt at an answer came out in a tongue I did not understand. He corrected himself, speaking in disjointed Japanese. The answer came slow and with care, his eyes never leaving the streak of energy he was drawing with.
"With the knowledge I have now…" he started, "I believe it was my body reacting to yours."
My eyebrows drew down in confusion. That hadn't made much sense. I body could react in many ways to another person. Although he was a demon, burning me should not have been one of them.
"Elaborate," I said, watching as his fingers twined with mine. He reached Hydra's tail and finished the constellation with a sharp jerk.
He dragged my hand further to the left, starting up with a new set of stars.
"The bond…the thread," he said thickly, "That's the cause."
I frowned. We hadn't spoken of it since that night. I had wanted to keep it that way. But I supposed that I was the one that had brought it up. Baka, Kasumi.
I had thought he would fall silent, but he took in a breath and continued, "I saw that…defiance in your eyes. It lit me aflame."
I didn't speak, afraid that I would break whatever spell he had fallen under. His words held no contempt or hatred, only confusion…and a strange sense of longing.
His hand dropped, taking mine with it. His fingers broke away and we were separate once more. My energy faded from the air, like wisps of smoke. He brought his hands to his face, flexing his digits, staring at his palms.
"These hands were not meant for tenderness," he said. "They bring nothing but death."
I could sense the self-loathing in his statement and it brought words to my lips unbidden.
"Oh, I beg to differ," I said.
I rolled so I was facing him, though he still wouldn't look at me, "Those hands have saved my life. They have mended my broken bones. They have made me…feel a certain way."
He turned wide eyes towards me, his brows raised to his hairline.
I made a show of feeling myself over, checking for wounds that were not there, "And, look at that. I'm not dead!"
He scoffed at me, controlling his facial features, and turned away from me. I heard a mumbled, "baka," slip off his tongue. But I could see the hint of what appeared to be a smile forming on his face.
"Is that a smile?!" I asked, excited. I rose up on my elbows to get a better look but his face was now carefully blank.
I laid back down, my head spinning, but a smile stretching my lips. Maybe I was imaging things. But I'd always remember this as the night I'd almost gotten him to smile.
I lost my train of thought, as I gazed up at those bright stars. I felt his gaze burning into the side of my face, but it didn't irritate me like it used to. I wanted to ask him so many things, but I settled on just one. It was far from an innocent or an easy question, but I hoped he'd answer all the same.
"What are you looking for, Hiei?" I left it open and ambiguous. He could draw his own conclusions on what exactly I was asking.
It took him a lot less time to reply than I had expected, "A reason to keep moving forward."
A couple of months ago I wouldn't have understood the bitterness in his tone. I wouldn't have grasped that Hiei thought he had no true purpose in life. I wondered what had motivated him before…after having lived through more horrible things than I could count.
I also had no high hopes that I could be his reason. Even if…even if he had feelings for me, I would die someday. If not soon…then later and I would end up abandoning him too. The thought crushed a part of my soul.
Earlier, I hadn't wished to put a label on us. But now…now it was a conversation I felt we needed to have. Perhaps this point in time wasn't the best choice, we'd both had too much to drink, but if not now it would be never. It had to be when my inhibitions were three sheets to the wind.
"What is this to you?" I didn't turn to gauge his reaction. I continued staring blankly up at the sky, my emotions fluctuating in discord beneath my skin.
When he did not speak, I thought maybe I hadn't voiced what I was asking clear enough. So I phrased it differently, "What am I to you?"
"Infuriating," he replied, completely serious.
I sighed, "That's not what I meant."
"I know," he said.
Well if he knew, why didn't he just answer me then? Why did he have to be so goddamned annoying? Why did he frustrate me so much worse than anyone else I'd ever met? He even beat Hitomi in that category.
"If I tell you…will you spill your secrets?" he asked. His voice was quiet, a hint of trepidation he'd tried hard to hide in his tone.
I wanted to know…but not bad enough to hurt him. So I shook my head from side to side. I heard him growl low in this throat, a deep rumble that sent pleasant things scattering across my skin. He was irritated, but that was better than angry.
"I could take it from you," he growled.
I stiffened beside him. I knew in my current state of mind that it would be easy. He could pluck it from the fabric there, that fabric I'd so thoughtlessly woven together. He could steal it and then he would never look at me the same again.
"Please don't," I whispered. I hadn't meant to say it aloud, but the plea did not fall on deaf ears.
I heard him sigh, "Why do you hide from me?"
I finally turned to look at him and saw I sight I hadn't expected. His face was open and honest. It was a look from him I'd thought would never see the light of day. How much had he had to drink…to look at me so?
My brows furrowed and I frowned at him, "I could say the same for you."
I watched his eyes flash with something I couldn't pinpoint. I was locked in his gaze, the red darkening to look like pools of blood. His lips parted and I was close enough to feel the breath that slipped past them.
"You know of Yukina?"
My eyes widened in shock. I hadn't expected this from him. He hadn't spoken of his sister to me since the day I'd lost my home. And even then, it was only to intimidate me into shutting up. I held my breath, still staring at him in disbelief, and nodded.
He looked away from me, his head turning to watch the sky. I saw his jaw clench and unclench twice before he spoke again.
"She is ice…but my blood swims with both ice and fire," he said. "I am forbidden…an abomination to demons and humans alike."
My heart clenched in my chest. I had the sudden urge to reach out and touch him. It didn't matter how. I just needed to. And so I did. I took the hand he'd held earlier and reached for him. But he snatched it from midair and placed it back down between us.
I looked to his face, for a clue as to why he wished to avoid my touch. But I found his eyes burning with a clear question. He'd told me that little snippet about himself in the hopes I would spill something.
He was going about this in the nicest way I'd seen him do anything. I knew he could just take what he wanted, but he was trying his damnedest to trust me. He wouldn't have confessed about being a hybrid if he didn't. If I didn't tell him something, and was completely honest about it, that little bit of trust would fade to nothing.
My heart started to race, the liquor in my stomach flipped and felt far from good anymore. But I swallowed down my anxiety. He would have to promise me something first.
"You have to make a promise," I heard him growl again, he was starting to get angry. But I just shook my head, "You have to."
"Promise you won't hate me afterwards."
I was greeted with silence, his cold eyes blank and absent. He was hiding now. He'd closed off, that brick wall of his risen once more.
"Hiei…?"
I knew why he didn't answer. He wasn't blind, he knew whatever I was hiding must be something devastating. He didn't answer because he couldn't lie to me. He couldn't lay there and make a promise he couldn't keep.
He saw the realization as it crossed over my eyes and he nodded slowly. I sat up and groped around for the abandoned bottle of liquor. I uncapped it and took a long drink. I had a decision to make now.
I could barrel ahead, tell him and possibly make him hate me. Or, I could lie again and ruin that tentative trust he'd somehow mustered for me.
I chose what was natural to me. I chose to tell the truth, because I'd had just enough to drink. I chose to reveal what I'd tried so hard to hide…because so what if he hated me afterwards?
I took another long drink to build up a little more courage. Yeah…so what if he did? He would at least respect me and that's more than I could say for now. So I wouldn't get to touch him…or kiss him…or fuck him (I drank again). What did it matter?
It mattered a fucking lot actually. But not for any reasons I was willing to admit.
"I know more about you than you realize," I said.
I was fully sitting up now, so my back was to him. I didn't want to see his reaction to this. I didn't know if I could handle it.
"What are you saying?" his voice was hard as stone. It made my jaw clench. My eyes shuttered closed. And I took another breath.
I polished off the bottle and tossed it aside. It rolled across the floor, the sound it made so loud it was nearly deafening. It came to rest against one of the bookcases and I left it there, forgotten.
"Chronos showed me things Hiei…things about you."
A hand hot enough to burn me grabbed my shoulder. I was slammed back to the floor, so hard if I wasn't drunk it would have hurt. He pinned me there with one arm, hovering over me. I saw panic and rage and seething pain in the set of his eyes. His lips had curled into a snarl and I saw his fangs flash.
Voice oh so quiet, but deadly in its quality, he asked: "Oh really?"
Sweat dripped down my brow, his aura was flaring confused colors. I heard the skin at my shoulder begin to sizzle. I paid it no mind.
I was attentive to the sound of my words. I didn't want him to think I pitied him. I felt for him. I was angry on his behalf. But I did not pity him.
I let the wall come crumbling down. The memories of a life long past came forward. I saw the Jagan begin to glow beneath his headband. He cocked his head, eyes widening. I was giving up and it had shocked him. Honestly, I was shocked myself. I'd made some epic mistakes lately and this one might take the cake.
As each memory spilled forth and he watched on he became increasingly more disturbed. His eyes turned dead, devoid of anything. His hand let me go, leaving behind a nasty burn. He stood from the floor and I expected he would leave.
But once again, he managed to surprise me.
"There is only one other that knows of my past," he said. He turned his back on me and I struggled to my feet.
"When we return, you will go to meet her."
"Who?" I asked stupidly. He wanted me to meet some other woman? Who the hell could he possibly be talking about?
He thought my question was too idiotic to reply. I noticed his hands were clenched at his sides and his shoulders were shaking.
"Get out of my sight, Kasumi," he said. "I can't be near you now."
"No," I said defiantly, just like he always did to me.
I didn't care if he hated me now. I would make him not hate me damn it! It wasn't my fault I'd been shown those things. I hadn't wanted it! I needed him to understand that!
"Can I at least explain – "
"I know. Just leave!"
He knew? What did he know? That wasn't good enough! Suddenly I was angry and indignant and I didn't want him to hate me. That was unacceptable, I wouldn't allow it! It was like I needed him not to hate me. At this moment I could just die from the aspect of it.
"I just wanted to be honest with you!" I shouted.
He dragged a hand down his face, still turned away from me. If he didn't want to be near me, why didn't he just leave? He was faster than me, why didn't he just run away?!
I glared at his back. It made no sense. If he couldn't stand to be around me right now, what he was doing only made me confused.
I was so worked up now I saw tears blur my vision. I wiped at my face angrily with the back of my hand.
"Why do you do this? Every time I try to get you to trust me, you make me regret it!"
"Did you think this would make me happy?" he said the last word with scorn. His voice bordered on hysterics, stuck between pained and enraged.
"No, but –"
"But what?" he snarled. He whirled around to face me and I could say with complete honesty…
He'd never once looked at me in that way before. I couldn't even explain it. His eyes were hard, glittering with angry cruelty and hatred. But it wasn't directed at me. It was like he was angry with himself. But why, what possible reason could he have?
"Hiei…"
"How long?" he snapped.
"Huh?"
"How long have you known?" he stalked towards me, anger mounting with each step. "Days…? Months…? Did it influence the choices you made? Did it make you pity me?" he spat.
My eyes hardened as he stopped in front of me. He was close enough to touch, close enough for me to feel the heat coming off him. I refused to back away from him this time. An alcohol infused rage bubbled up through my chest. It settled somewhere in my brain and it was the reason I did what I did.
Faster than he could run, I slapped him hard enough across the face to leave a mark. It was an unusual move for me, as I normally preferred to punch someone's lights out. But a good solid bitch slap felt like the right option.
I was sure he would kill me. If I was lucky he'd make it quick and burn my body afterwards. But it never came. He stood with his face turned to the side, my handprint raised and red against his skin. I bet he'd never been slapped before in his life.
I narrowed my eyes and hissed at him, "I have never pitied you. What is there to pity, idiot?"
His jaw clenched and his eyes flicked back to me. I continued speaking, not caring if he answered or not.
"You had a hard life. It sucks and it hurts and it makes me so fucking angry. But I do not pity a single thing about you."
Truth rang so clear in my words. There was no way he'd be able to deny them. He stood there stunned, only able to stare at me with those fathomless eyes. I saw the anger fade after a while, but now I didn't recognize the emotion that skipped across them.
I noticed I was breathing heavy, sweat covered every inch of my body. I swiped a hand over my forehead. I was so fucking drunk. I didn't know how I was even having this conversation. He drew so many different feelings from me at any given turn, it was ridiculous. My reactions to him were ridiculous. I was a fucking nut job.
I shook with bottled up emotion, wanting to scream at him some more. But there was no point. It wouldn't get me anywhere.
I turned from him, leaning over to retrieve the last full bottle of liquor. I headed for the hatch, planning to leave. If that's what he wanted, I had no right to stay. I'd said my piece.
As soon as my foot rested on the top step of the staircase, I felt a rush of wind and found myself pressed up against a bookcase.
The bottle in my hand was thrown to the ground. It smashed, the heavy scent of alcohol invading my senses. He pushed me hard enough that books fell from the case, landing with dull thumps.
Before I could think, or breathe, or question him I was lost in the feeling of his mouth. He sucked my bottom lip between his teeth and bit me, drawing blood that he eagerly swallowed.
My tattoo was on fire, my back screaming at me. But the pleasure that shot to my stomach made me moan. I wrapped my legs around him, kissing him with fervor, my alcohol addled brain overloading. His lips slid over mine, his tongue dipping to run along my teeth. I fought him for dominance but did not win, my breath caught in my throat. I bit back another moan and writhed against him.
The deep rumble that rose from his chest vibrated through me. I don't think I'd ever felt so hot before. When his lips left me, it was so he could trail them down my neck. He kissed the dip in the center of my chest, tongue slipping out to taste my skin. My breath came in short pants, my eyes half-lidded. This fucking man…
This fucking demon… caused me to feel desire unlike any other. He was trying to eat me alive, but I was just as eager to push him over the edge.
My legs clenched around his hips, pressing me closer to him. I heard a strangled gasp catch in his throat and I threaded my hands into his hair. He left kiss marks on my collar bones, on my throat. Marks I would have no chance of explaining away and at this point I didn't care.
His heavy hands, so hot they made my skin tingle, dug into my waist. He pushed me back further into the bookcase, surging up to meet me in another kiss. He caught the gasp I released and twined his tongue with mine.
I had no idea what was happening. Well…I mean…I had an idea. I just wasn't sure why I was in my current situation.
The doubt festered and made me remember why this was not a good idea. I hadn't wanted to do this earlier, just because we were both drunk now didn't make that different.
Hiei had hitched my shirt up, his hands touching every inch of skin they could reach. I didn't want him to stop. It was a literal craving, one that might never be quenched. I don't think I'd ever stop wanting Hiei. And that was fucking dangerous.
His mouth left mine so he could run his tongue over the shell of my ear. A violent shiver traveled down my spine and he lowered his head to nip at my shoulders. I groaned loudly and tried to push him away.
"Stop," I breathed. He didn't hear me so I said it again, a little more forceful, "Stop, Hiei!"
He listened, his entire body going rigid. His mouth moved away from my skin, leaving me feeling cold and empty. His eyes burned with desire, like molten lava. His heavy lidded gaze took my breath away. There was so much lust there, so much heated intensity that I nearly gave in again.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled. And I was, I really, really was.
I let my legs drop from his waist and he set me down. He said not a word, but the look he was giving me spoke volumes.
When he saw the guilt in my eyes he turned from me. He returned to the lounge and sunk into a chair there. He looked like a king sitting upon his throne, dark and handsome.
I collected myself and headed for the door. His last words, just before I had disappeared through the hatch were: "Keep running Kasumi. I will catch you eventually."
. . .
I slept most of the next day away. I only woke up when Takahiro barged into my room later that night. I hadn't had a hangover this bad in long time. He couldn't give a shit less. Because I'd done nothing but sleep (and avoid my problems) he forced me to get up and train. My sleep schedule would be pretty well fucked after this, but I was out of options.
I threw up twice during my run around the mountain. Climbing back up it was a bitch too. I was thankful I hadn't eaten much the day before; otherwise I'd be worse off.
I didn't see hide or hair of Hiei the entire night. I couldn't sense his energy either. That meant he'd either left or he was hiding. I hoped for the latter and did my best to concentrate on training.
I was out of the woods with Chronos and there was something she wanted to teach me. I'd made a deal with her, one I couldn't take back. I knew I shouldn't believe her, that I should have been wary. But my gut told me to trust her, just this once.
After I'd stopped trying to fight her, she'd backed off. She'd found the situation between Hiei and I amusing, to say the least. There were ulterior motives involved, that I was sure of. I was prepared to deal with the consequences once they arose.
But Chronos and I at least had an understanding now. I was not ready to absorb her and she was not ready to allow it. She still had things to do, things to teach me. All I had to do was wait it out. She would tell me when the time was right.
I stood in the woods surrounding Takahiro's mountain. It was pouring rain and I was soaked to the bone. But I didn't mind so much, it soothed the burns Hiei had left on my skin. It helped me clear my mind as I focused inward and listened to the whispers of the god.
"What I shall teach you is both deadly and ancient. It is a power I have given no one before you…"
"You must prepare your body and mind, for the onslaught could very well kill you…"
I should have been afraid…or at least wary. Instead I only felt an odd sense of calm wash over me. Training had always come easy for me. It was a constant, the only thing in my life that had never deviated. I might hate it, but I could always rely on it.
"Prepare yourself…Kasumi…"
Chronos had never called me by my name before. This heralded a sensation I had never experienced. Inside my mind I was surrounded by a blur of color until it all faded to black. I slowly opened my eyes to see that the same had occurred in the outside world. My surroundings were nothing but blackness, but not the kind that night brings.
It was a true black, so black that not even shadows dared tread. I remained stock still, staring straight ahead. I had no idea what this was, but I could feel the ancient power that whirled around me. I could see nothing, but yet I felt everything.
It was a searing cold but a blaring heat at the same time. It made my body ache and against my will I began to tremble. My heart beats slowed into an odd, synchronous rhythm.
And then a light appeared. In the center of my chest I saw a bright glowing gold. My pink mingled with it there, twining together into one. It looked like a mini sun burning beneath my skin.
"This ability is known as Oblivion. And it is one of my most prized techniques. Now…release that energy…"
Oblivion…I could see why it was named as such. I did as I was told and tried to gently release the energy burning its way through me. But it did not react how I expected. It exploded from my chest, so bright that the black was blown away. Pink electricity and bright, bright gold energy blew outwards. I watched the rest of the darkness get sucked in and then it imploded.
I was thrown from my feet and realized belatedly, as I sat back up, that I'd been knocked out.
Around me was nothing but devastation. I stared wide eyed at the giant crater I was lying in, the trees gone. It stretched farther than I expected, almost too far for the eye to see. And the crater itself was deep. I rested at the bottom, too stunned to move.
My entire body hurt and it was a painstaking process to climb to my feet.
"Ouch," I mumbled as I rubbed the lump on the back of my head.
"Tch, in my heyday I could have destroyed this entire forest, the mountain included."
I rolled my eyes, about to shoot her a scathing retort when I saw something that caused me to pause.
At the edge of the crater stood Hiei and I shouldn't have been surprised to see him. I was sure the unusually large blast of energy could have drawn anyone from miles away. But he wasn't the only thing that caused my hesitation.
As I truly looked around me, my pain blurred vision clearing fully, I saw something I would describe as…beautiful. I could see the darkened purple of Hiei's soul, the bright, sparkling life of the plants flowing through the ground. I could see the life in absolutely everything…and it was breathtaking. The rain looked as if it were falling in slow motion. It felt like heaven against my skin. I could hear each beat of my heart, each breath that left my chest.
But the most beautiful of all was the bright red string of fate spanned between Hiei and me. I saw it in a new light now, for what it truly was. A gift of epic proportions, a fate I should never have deigned to fight against.
He began to move towards me. His gait deliberate and slow or perhaps that was caused by Chronos' power. It seemed to take him an eternity to reach me. When he did, he stood a few feet away, his eyes shielded.
He opened his mouth to speak but what came out was color instead of sound. All my perceptions were off. It was making me dizzy and my heart began to race. I covered my face with my hands, trying to block out all the brightness that suddenly hurt my eyes. I longed for the blackness I had seen before to return.
What was this? Why did it hurt so much? What I had once seen as beautiful now seemed like torture. I could no longer look. But hands pulled at my fingers, hands that felt incredibly hot compared to before.
And the rain, oh the rain it was so damn cold now. I felt like I would freeze to death.
What was going on?
"Child…it is time you knew. Time you learned of your fate."
Her voice was too much for my ears. I pulled my hands away, jerking them out of the fire demon's grasp. I covered my ears though it did me no good.
"You will be the final vessel. You are the one I have chosen. You are worthy."
My eyes snapped open and I drowned in the red in front of me. Hiei's purple and my pink…the red of the thread. Our souls filled with cracks, damaged, just in different ways. It filled my vision and I swallowed hard. Why was he here? What was he trying to tell me? I could see his lips moving, but Chronos' voice blared so loud I couldn't comprehend it.
"You have a long way to go…the journey ahead will not be easy. Be ready."
And then she was gone. The color and feeling left me. I was numb and broken and suddenly I felt so much more human than I ever had before. I fell to my knees in the mud, the weight of the world coming down to crush me. I felt blood drip over my lips, streaming from my nose like a river. I didn't even have the strength to lift a hand and wipe it away. This is what Chronos had warned me about. Both my body and mind felt like they'd been crushed in cement.
So lost in my current pain I had forgotten about Hiei (don't ask me how that was possible). But he made me aware of his presence again soon after when he crouched in front of me. My vision was swimming again and he was just a blurred mess, but I'd never mistake him for anyone else.
"You are on the threshold between your Reiki and your life energy," he said. It came out matter of fact and his tone gave me the inclination he thought I was an idiot.
What else was new?
"If you'd used even an ounce more…you'd be on the brink of death."
No wonder the explosion had been so large. I figured Chronos had leant me more of her power. Apparently I was wrong. Most of it had been mine. I had foolishly squandered it just for a test…and it hadn't even gone as well as Chronos had hoped.
"You'll be out of commission for days, baka."
At least I could understand him now and his voice wasn't coming out in distracting colors. He could save the damn insults, however.
"Can you walk?" he asked.
I almost managed to shake my head no, but it ended up more like a lopsided jerk. He sighed, irritated. If I could talk I'd tell him to let me sleep in the fucking mud. I was sick of his constant mood swings. He went from hyped up, sexualized, sexy demon to angry, surly little bastard in the blink of an eye.
I supposed I was no better. I'd been sending him mixed signals for months. I couldn't deny that I was disgusted with myself. Who in their right mind denied a man like Hiei?
But then again…I wasn't in my right mind, now was I?
Covered in mud and all, I was swept up into a pair of warm arms. I settled against a chest that was hardened but hot. I sighed at the pleasant sensation, my body so cold I was wracked with tremors.
I heard shouts in the distance, feet stomping through wet foliage and mud. I heard my name cried out to carry against the wind. Kazuma…and…Yusuke, I thought. My uncle's angry tenor reached my ears as well and by his tone I knew what I had done would cost me.
I closed my eyes, squeezing them shut to pretend the outside world did not exist. Another set of hands tried to tug me from Hiei's grip and I recognized the large palms as Kazuma's. A low growl from Hiei had him pulling away.
"I just want to know if she's alright! I feel hardly any energy from her!" I heard him say.
"Dude, that blast earlier was something else!" Yusuke's excitement was apparent and misplaced.
This wasn't exciting – it was deadly. And stupid, it would give Hiei even more fuel to insult me from now on.
"She's fine baka. Now move, you're in my way," Hiei answered Kazuma.
For just this moment the fire demon was my protector. He brushed past the others, not stopping to answer questions. I felt wind blow my dirty hair about my face as he flickered away. The sting of the rain on my skin was even worse thanks to his speed. But none of that mattered and it soon ended.
The smell of cold metal and years of empty despair struck me as we entered Takahiro's compound. I heard Hiei close the hatch door and then I was set on my feet. I let my eyes slip open then, squinting against the harsh florescent lights that lined the hall. He pulled one of my arms over his shoulder and then forced me to begin to walk.
He marched us down the hall, my steps faltering and him compensating by holding me up. He wasn't going to make this easy on me. He forced me down two flights of stairs and we entered into the hall that housed my newly acquired room. He flung the door open and pulled me inside.
I could not bear to take another step but he pushed a few more out of me anyway. I was left to slink to the floor in a heap while he ran a bath. Once the tub was full, he unceremoniously dumped me in, fully clothed.
I sputtered, indignant at my treatment. My voice came out in a harsh rasp, but I managed to tell him off all the same. "You bastard!"
He sneered at me, turned tail, and left the room. I tried to struggle from the tub, but my limbs wouldn't listen to my brain. I was sorely tempted to just let myself drown. But it was a coward's way out. I'd made a mistake today; I'd ruined my chance to hone my skills further. Now all I could do was take the abuse.
I soaked in the water for a while until it had turned a disgusting shade of brown. It was cold and filthy and all around degrading. But I had only enough strength to lift a hand to chest height. And so I waited…and waited…and waited.
The door creaked open sometime later and Kazuma's head peered through the gap.
"Uh…you okay?"
I gave him a look that stated how not okay I was. He pushed the door open the rest of the way and shook his head.
"You sure look pitiful. But we've all been there. Urameshi's killed himself a few times being an idiot."
He pulled the tub's plug, letting the dirty water drain out. Then he turned the faucet back on, letting clean water run and wash away the grime. Like some kind of life sized doll, he maneuvered me around so he could rinse my hair. As always, no matter how big or tough he seemed, Kazuma was gentle. He kept the water out of my eyes and washed my hair as best he could with no soap.
"I'll get Hitomi-san in a bit…but I…" his voice faltered. I was so tired; I did all I could to keep my eyes open. I'd never heard him sound so unsure.
"I'm sorry Kas…I haven't been a very good friend lately."
I was prepared to retaliate, to tell him he was wrong. Never had he been a bad friend, I didn't think he knew how. But he just shook his head and brushed my wet hair out of my eyes.
"Don't talk, save your energy," he said. "I'm gonna go get Hitomi-san…and then punch Hiei in the jaw."
He clenched his fist and rose, determined. But with the last bit of my strength I shot out and grabbed his hand. He paused, looking down on me with confused eyes.
I shook my head weakly and rasped, "Don't blame him."
I don't know if he understood or not. Maybe he had reasons of his own to want to fight the fire demon. But I didn't want anyone fighting over me…not anymore. I'd been the idiot today. I deserved whatever punishment was doled out to me.
Kazuma snorted beneath his breath and with one final wave he left me. It didn't take long for Hitomi to appear, leaving me to believe she'd been just outside the door the entire time.
"You're in a right pickle aren't you, sis?"
I still had the gumption to roll my eyes at her and she laughed. "Let's get you out of these wet clothes, huh?"
. . .
I passed out somewhere in the middle of Hitomi dragging me out of the tub and putting me to bed. I don't remember falling asleep, I don't remember waking up. It just kind of happened. One moment it was dark, the next I'm staring up at a metal ceiling. It reminded me of a tomb and for a moment my breath was taken from me.
"Are you satisfied?" said a voice. It was soft, almost not audible.
My body was paralyzed, I could not move, not even to turn my head. But my eyes flicked in the direction I had heard them. I could make out a shadow covered figure, hidden in a corner of the room.
"Are you satisfied?" they asked again.
Was this a dream? Why couldn't I move? I began to panic. In my current state I was defenseless, just a useless lump amongst the bedsheets.
"Don't struggle. You can't move because you used up all your energy."
They moved, but the shadow came with them. I could not make out a face, just the general shape of a body. I did not recognize the voice. How could anyone have gotten in here? My uncle's hideout was a well-guarded secret. It was protected by wards and other enchantments. No one could enter without his prior knowledge.
The shadow, for that is the only name I could give him, stood above me now. A blackened hand reached forward and I saw it travel through my chest. It grasped my heart, squeezing, pulling. I gasped for air, unable to breath.
He wrenched his arm upwards and with it came a bright red. Not blood…not my heart…but the thread.
"It has a stunning beauty all its own, doesn't it?"
He held it in his palm, watching as it flowed over his skin. He stared on in reverence, nothing but a set of eyes within a black face.
"Do you know what happens…when a soulmate bond is broken?"
Was that possible? I thought it was destiny and destiny can't be changed!
"You would think that, wouldn't you?"
He was a mind reader…like Hiei?
He leaned over me, his lips parting into a smile that flashed bright white teeth. "Oh no…I'm much worse than that."
He tugged on the thread and for the first time since he'd entered I was able to expel some sort of sound. I cried out and had the desperate need to scrabble forward. I needed to take it back. It wasn't right, he should not have it, he should not touch it! The thread was mine!
"I am your penance, your punishment, your payment per say." He spun the thread around and around, until it was wrapped in his fist.
"A human and a demon should never be fated. It was a mistake you see, of the utmost negligence on the higher ups part."
Move Kasumi, you need to move…NOW! But my limbs did not obey. My brain did not obey. I only stayed lying in that damned bed, starting at the shadow, with horror clear on my face.
"It was quite well hidden, for many a decade and perhaps a lifetime or two before that," he continued. "But it is time to pay the piper…and fix the wrongs."
I wouldn't let this happen. This wasn't real. It was a dream, a nightmare! I might not have liked the idea of being fated to belong to someone, but he had no right to take it from me.
"So, I will ask again. Kasumi, are you satisfied?"
I didn't dwell on what he was asking or why. I only honed my anger. My hatred for this unknown entity so great I thought I would burst.
I pushed myself past a threshold I should not have breached. The room filled with a blinding pink light, so bright it burned my retinas. With a fury filled cry I lunged from the bed. The power surging through me would not last long, but it was the strongest I had ever felt. I yanked the thread from his hand, my power fighting against his shadow body. It ate him whole, swallowing every inch of darkened flesh until it was no more.
I did not know if I had killed whatever the shadow was. I did not know if he would return. But for this one brief moment I had won.
And then it all came crashing back down.
. . .
A/N: Yeah, I'm like the cliffhanger queen. And it's especially horrible for me to do this after making you all wait so long. But I needed to push the chapter out and it had to end there. Once again, I have no intentions of abandoning this story, my life is just so full over well…everything right now. I've been all sorts of crazy lately. But I'm taking a little time to myself to write at the moment. I'm sure this chapter is disappointing and not all I hoped it would be, but I started it months ago. As for that rather strange ending…well, you'll see.
Send me some reviews so I know you guys are still with me! Till next time!