Jasper Whitlock

I was still lying in bed with Bella. I liked it here, things were simpler here. Plus, she was still tired. I knew that was an excuse, but I didn't care. I liked laying with my mate as we talked about nothing of consequence.

"He's had it his whole life," Bella said, pure joy running through her, "and then one summer, it was gone, no mustache. His upper lip was so pale and he was so embarrassed. I didn't want to ask about it, but I had to. Apparently, he thought he had the trim guard on his razor, but he didn't." Bella laughed lightly. "He looked naked. It's the only time I've ever seen him without it. Did you ever have facial hair?"

That made me pause, I didn't remember details like that.

"You'd have to ask Garrett."

I felt Bella's sadness. We had been discussing stupid things about her life and I found myself enjoying it. I didn't know who her father was, only over the phone, but now I was interested to see if this mustache was as epic as Bella made it out to be. Surely it wasn't.

"What can you tell me about yourself?" Bella asked shyly. "I feel like you know more about me than anyone else now."

That may be true to her, but not for me. We weren't alone in this house anymore. There were three other vampires with super hearing who had heard everything she said. We all knew. Sometimes, I think Bella forgets we're not alone anymore, she thinks it's just like before, but it's not. I wouldn't correct her though.

"I don't know much about my human life," I told her, "only what we've already discussed and what you've seen in those sketches. Garrett's the only person alive who can give you that information and he only knew me during the Civil War."

I hated that I couldn't give her more, but I didn't remember it.

"Jasper," she said, raising up so she could look at me. Her soft hand pushed on my chest to keep herself up, the pressure of it felt nice. "I'm not asking about your human life, I'm asking about you."

"I am who I am, Bella."

She seemed disappointed, and then determined.

"Angela told me about Maria."

Shock ran through me and then hurt. I relayed what I'd told Angela in my head and I realized I hadn't given her any details. All was right.

"Jasper," Bella prompted, "can we talk about this?"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I want to get to know you better."

It seemed simple enough.

"Bella, I… I don't know." The panic gripped me. I had done so much bad, killed so many humans. I had loved Maria and fucked her. If Bella knew everything then she wouldn't look at me the same way.

Bella laid her head back on my chest, holding me as tight as she could. It wasn't tight for me, but I could feel it and it felt as though she was trying to hold me together. I felt her disappointment though, she wanted to know these things about me and she knew I wasn't going to tell her. I hated feeling her sadness, maybe I could do what she did to me. No details, just facts.

So, I told her, just above a whisper, about the mission I had that night, about how Garrett was supposed to go with me. I told her about the three women I tried to help, about how I realized too late that they weren't in need. I told her about why I was changed and what it felt like when I woke up, about how I had a gift. I told her about my role and how I stayed alive. I told her about all the humans and newborns I had killed. I told her about Maria and her sisters, about how they all manipulated me, but especially Maria.

I realized too late that I had told her everything. I didn't state the facts like I had planned, I had gone into painstaking details. I didn't mean to, it just slipped out. I thought the realization would crush me, but I felt a sense peace. I had been holding onto all of this for so long. No one knew all of the details, but Bella now did.

I noted, during my storytelling, that Peter had ordered everyone away. I was thankful for it. Bella knowing my past was one thing, but I didn't want the others to know too. They all saw bits and pieces of it, but I never wanted anyone to know the full truth.

Bella pulled away from me and I let her. I wasn't focused on her emotions at all, I didn't want to know how she felt about all of this. Her brown eyes were wide and sad, maybe. I needed to feel her emotions, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Bella put her hand on my cheek again and I enjoyed the pressure and warmth once more. I waited for her to speak. She hadn't gone running off, so that was a good sign.

"Are you sure she's dead?" Bella spat with so much venom.

I tried not to analyze her tone and stick to the present.

"Yes, I killed her myself."

I felt Bella's disappointment, maybe she was blocking me too. Why was she disappointed?

"Why does that disappoint you?" I asked, my voice low.

"Because I wanted to watch her fucking burn," Bella said, "I can't believe she did that to you and for over a century. ...Jasper, I love you so much. It hurts and I don't know what to do about it. It scares me. You're a vampire, the Cullens are vampires. I know you won't do to me what they did, but it's hard. I want to love you as much as you love me. I want to trust you as you do me. I want to be able to go into details like you just did, but it's hard. The feelings, the thoughts, they're crushing me."

Bella took a deep breath and held my hands in hers. She was determined but frightened. And then, her shield was down and I could feel everything. She was right, everything she kept hidden inside was crushing her. I didn't know how she could function with these dark emotions, how she was so focused on revenge, how she could love me. So many bad emotions, but there was one I couldn't shake; self-loathing.

"Why do you hate yourself?" I asked.

Bella pulled her hands away from me, locking her emotions up tightly. I hated that she was living with this much turmoil, the Cullens would pay.

"I left you, Jasper. I fell right into their hands. I let Edward dazzle me even though I knew what he was doing. I stayed by them, I let them get close to me. I didn't do enough. You were mine and they were poor substitutes, but it didn't make me stay away. I hate that I could've avoided this all one way or another. You saw Angela, she wasn't hurt like me, she was one month in, like me, but unharmed. I hate that I fought them, maybe I should've complied and waited for you to find me. I hate it all."

"Bella, this was not your fault."

She didn't believe me, I tried again.

"Do you think anything Maria put me through was my fault?"

"Of course not." Bella gasped.

"Then you should trust me when I say the same about you. The Cullens wanted you, Bella, but I don't know why. They didn't care if you complied or not. They fact that they hurt you and didn't hurt Angela has nothing to do with your defiance. From everything I can piece together, they hated you and that's not your fault. I think you were targeted. They grabbed you from Phoenix airport, not Forks. They chased you down. They could've let you go and moved onto someone like Angela who would be willing, but they didn't. This was their fault. They wanted you and they got you. I wouldn't be surprised if the seer had seen you coming."

Something shifted inside Bella, a realization.

"What?" I prompted her.

"My first full day there, when I left school, they were by the trees. I was drawn to them because they felt like you, but they were there, they were staring at me, they beckoned me over. You're right, they knew who I was, they wanted me. ...What does this mean? Why didn't they kill me or change me? Why did they dump me in the canal?"

I wrapped my arms around her.

"I don't know, but if you want, we will find out, it will be their last words. I know this isn't easy, but please don't blame yourself, my Swan. They were responsible for this, not you."

"What about Angela?" Bella asked. I knew this was coming. "If I stayed with them they wouldn't have grabbed her. She went through everything because of me."

"Did you tell them that Angela would be willing?" I questioned. "Did you tell them to take her next? Did you orchestrate this whole thing? No, it was them. From what I can understand, Edward had been working on Angela for at least a year."

"Why did they take me then?" Bella asked. "What was so special about me? They changed everything for a shot at me when they already had Angela right where they wanted her. None of this makes sense."

"I know, but it will one day, I'll make sure of it. Let's head downstairs and get you something to eat. We need to start planning their deaths."

Bella froze. "Did the others hear all of that?" she asked.

"No." I stood up. "They heard you talking about Charlie's mustache and other childhood stories, but they left just after I started spilling all my secrets to you."

I could feel Bella's relief. I couldn't believe she now knew all about Maria, about what I'd done, and she was still here. It was more than that though, her first and only response was to check that Maria was dead. I knew how she felt was true because I felt the same way about the Cullens. I would destroy them for hurting my mate.