Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FSOG. They all belong to E.L. James.

Chapter 37 – Detroit

CPOV

"At what time are we meeting this woman?" I ask Ana who is reading. We arrived in Detroit yesterday. It was late and I was thankful because that meant that I could postpone visiting my parent's graveside for another day.

"This afternoon…" Her concerned eyes look up at me. "It is going to be all right Christian…" She says for the hundredth time. And I want to believe her so badly.

This woman is Lisa Hopkins. Ms. Hopkins attended my mother's funeral when there was no one who claimed her body. The state subsidized my mother's funeral, but it was Ms. Hopkins who worked at the funeral home that gave my mother a proper graveside burial. She also told Ana that there is still an option to reclaim the body and move it to a family cemetery.

"You don't want to eat that croissant?" I point to the tray on the table.

"No…" She says crinkling her nose. "I ate yoghurt with granola, banana and blueberry. Besides Gail gave me a few granola bars in case I get hungry and I carry those in my bag." Ana gives me a tiny smirk. She knows exactly what I am thinking right now. More stuff to go in the bag.

"Are you ready?" She asks and the grin has completely disappeared from her beautiful face and replaced by nervousness.

"Of course. Taylor knows where to go?"

"Yes. He does." This has to be the first time that I don't have control over my schedule. After having everything consulted with Taylor, Ana arranged everything. The hotel, the rental car and even the appointment with Ms. Hopkins. This is really the first time that I have relinquished all control. Flynn will shit a brick when he hears this.

"Is this new? I have never seen you wear it before." I ask my wife as I help her into her coat. It is black and elegant. Combined with the black, high heel boots she looks gorgeous. It is a double breasted coat with a leather metal buttoned front. The sleeves are funny looking but I like it. The coat is definitely different. "Yes it is." She says as she pulls her hair out from under her collar making it fall in soft waves at her back.

"You look beautiful baby…" I slide her hair to one side and kiss her warm cheek.

"Thank you Christian." She turns around and adjusts the collar of my coat. "You look incredibly handsome too. I love that scruff on your face…" She blushes what makes me smile.

"You especially like my scruff when I am buried between your thighs right…" Taking her face between my hands I kiss the tip of her nose.

"Let us get this over with baby. The sooner we do this, the sooner we can go back home." I say determined. I don't miss Ana's frown though.

The Townsend Hotel, where we are staying is located in Detroit's finest suburb, Birmingham and I have to admit that it is a sheer contrast with were we are driving now. There are rows and rows of abandoned houses, which are unfortunately a common sight in Detroit these days.

I feel a flash of guilt as I scan my surroundings from the save confines of the rental car, a Cadillac Escalade. According to Ana a hideous, preposterous car. I couldn't agree more with her.

Despite the fierce cold and snow there are children playing outside. They aren't even dressed warm enough to be playing outside. That could have been me.

APOV

The tension is the car can be cut with a knife. Christian has been silent since we stepped into the car back at the hotel.

A clear sign of his discomfort is the wringing of his hands and the ticking of his jaw. I know what he is thinking without even having to express it out loud. The state of the houses we are passing as we continue to drive further away from the hotel, is disheartening. Just like seeing the children playing on the side of the road. Some of this kids probably don't know when their next meal I going to be. Their parents probably need to make food stretch as a way to cope with hunger. It is their way of life.

It was Christian's way of life before he came to live with Grace and Carrick. He was fortunately lucky enough to end up in with a loving family who was able to provide for the basic needs. Food.

After my phone conversation with Ms. Hopkins I was even more determined to bring the charity organization Christian wants to start here in Detroit to a success. Next to her work for the funeral home, Ms. Hopkins is also active as a volunteer at a local soup kitchen.

I feel the car reducing speed and making a slight turn to the left. When I lift my head I see that Taylor has parked at the entrance of the cemetery. There are spiked, black fences surrounding the graveyard, making it look like a prison.

"Taylor give us some privacy…" Christian barks. Taylor reacts by simply nodding his head and leaving the car. He stops a few feet away from the car and turns his back.

"I don't know if I can do this Ana…" Christian says. He doesn't look at me though. His gaze is turned towards the window.

"I think you can." I simply reply. I step out of the car and immediately the smell of old stone fills the air sending shivers down my spine.

Christian is still siting the same way. He seems surprised when he sees me opening his door. Didn't he notice me leaving the car?

I stretch my arm and wait for him to take hold of it. "Come one Christian. We will do it together…"

"Don't leave me alone Ana…" He pleads.

"I won't…I promise."

The crushing sound of leaves and stones under our feet is almost soothing as we make our way through the rows of white marble tombstones. It's serene and peaceful in an area where you might not expect that. I hold on tighter to Christian's hand as we pass the different sculptures and headstones.

Christian suddenly stops as we see a Latin-American woman standing at the end of the with pebbles paved path. She is dressed in a dark blue pants and a long dark blue coat. She slowly makes her way towards us and smiles.

"Mrs. Grey?"

"Yes, hello Mrs. Hopkins it is very nice to meet you. This is my husband Christian…"

"Very nice to meet you Christian. You are Ella Jordan's son?"

"Yes…yes…I am." Christian says after a few seconds. "Is that her?" He looks at Mrs. Hopkins and then to the spot she was just standing.

"Yes, that is your mother's last resting place…" Christian nods. He looks numb. His face is pale. He swallows and turns to look at me, his hands tightly gripping to mine.

"Will you wait here for me?" He croaks. His eyes are pleading as he looks at me.

"Of course I will…" I squeeze his hands and release my hold on him.

With his head held high, his shoulders right and firm I watch Christian walking towards his mother's grave. An outsider might not see at his body language about the torment that is brewing inside of him. But I do. He doesn't know what to expect. He doesn't know how he is going to react. I watch him taking a huge breath as he reaches the grave. With his arms limb against this sides he just stares at the grave. After a while he takes a small step closer and sits down on his haunches. He reaches out his hand and slides with his finger along the stone.

"I will give you some privacy." I hear Mrs. Hopkins say. "I will be waiting for you at the entrance in case your husbands has more questions."

I have no idea how long Christian stays seated that way. Maybe the feel of the stone brings him some peace. Christian then stars quietly talking. The more he talks the more relaxed he seems. Thank God.

Suddenly he hangs his head and I see his body shaking and shuddering. Oh god…

As quickly as possible I make the short distance to where Christian is and kneel beside him. Ella's gravestone is made of a beautiful white marble. It is polished and smooth. Who did this?

My eyes wander over the stone and it reads:

In ever loving memory of Ella Jordan

Mother of Christian

1965 - 1987

While I am still staring at the inscription on the gravestone I feel Christian's arms wrapping around my waist and he buries his head in the crook of my neck. I instinctively do the same.

I have no idea how long we stay like this but I am actually relieved when Christian's rises to his feet and helps me getting up.

"You said Collin was also buried here?"

"Yes, but in another section though."

The deeper we get into the cemetery the grimmer it seems to get. This is obviously an older section of the cemetery. The graves are hardly maintained. Some of the graves are covered in weeds and some of the grave stones are even cracked and crumbling.

"Fuck I hate this…" Christian mutters and wraps his arm around my shoulder.

"Here it is…" I say as we stop in front of Christian's father gravestone. Just like Ella's his gravestone is also made of white marble. Unlike the other surrounding gravestones this one is maintained.

"Just whisper my name in your heart, and I will be there"

In loving memory of

Collin Alexander

Loving father and partner

1963 – 1985

When I want to take a few steps backwards to give Christian some privacy, he puts his arm around me pulling me closer.

"Please stay…" He whispers.

"I am sorry that I don't remember you…" Christian starts speaking. At first I think he is talking to me, but then I see the haunted expression on his face while he looks at his father's gravestone. "Ella writes that I look at lot like you and I have seen the pictures that proof it. I am sorry that I don't remember you calling me buddy…or playing with me. I am sorry that I hated you for so long…"

Christian throws his head back and looks at the sky. After a long sigh he continues talking again.

"Now that I know who you really where, I can only be proud of the man you were, and I truly hope someday my children will feel the same about me…"

Christian wipes the tears from his face with his hands and blinks a few times. "Thank you for loving her…"

In a swift move Christian leans down and brushes his finger against the cold marble. "Bye dad…"

CPOV

It has been three days since we returned from Detroit. At the end we stayed longer than I presumed. We visited the Detroit institute of arts, where my dad had proposed to my mother.

Mrs. Hopkins was still waiting for us at the exit. When I asked her why she arranged for my mother's graveside her answer was simple: "We don't come into this world alone. We shouldn't leave alone."

I decided that I wanted my parents close to me so we, or as in Ana, is now trying to figure out what the best way is to relocate my parent's bodies from Detroit to Seattle.

After coming back to our hotel room that day I immediately called my parents. It turned out that after they officially adopted me they also arranged for Ella's headstone. It was also Grace and Carrick who ensured that both graves were maintained properly.

After our arrival in Seattle, I made an appointment with John Flynn. I just could not handle my feelings and thoughts. It was too much. I need closure and I have no fucking idea how to get there.

"Thank you…" I hear Ana say. She places her phone back on the desk and sighs.

"Everything all right?" She looks so tired.

"Yes…I was talking with the funeral home about relocating your parent's bodies…"

"If it is too much I can ask Andrea…"

"No…no I want to do this." Ana replies determined.

"You are amazing you know that?" Instead of shrugging it of like she normally does she gives me a bright smile.

"I know…and that is because I have an amazing husband." She looks at her watch and then back at me. "Shouldn't you be leaving for your appointment with Flynn?"

"Yes that is what I came to tell you. After my appointment I have a surprise for you…" I wink at my beautiful wife and turn around.

"Christian…you can't leave after telling me that you have a surprise…"

"Oh I can and I will. Make sure you are ready…I will call you as soon as I finish with John…"

"Am I going to like it?" She probes.

"You are going to love it…"

"So you went to Detroit. How did that go?" John is sitting in his usual chair with the notepad resting on his boney knees.

"It went better than I thought I admit."

"Can you explain that to me?" John removes his glasses and waits patiently for my answer.

"All the memories I have of Detroit are bad ones. Even after reading my mother's diaries."

"Yes, you mentioned that over the phone that you read her diaries. And why did it go better than you thought Christian?"

I bow my head and stare at my hands folded in my lap. "I didn't know what to expect John, I wanted those feeling I was harboring to disappear…"

"What feelings are we talking about Christian?"

"I can't speak for all adoptees, but I can say that I always had trouble feeling completely comfortable wherever I was. No matter how welcomed I was. My discomfort manifested itself by distancing myself from my parents and siblings, I was indifferent and rude…but after having discussed this with my wife I came to the conclusion that I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't mean to push them away. I just always had this notion that I didn't belong anywhere in particular. Even after my parents told me time and time again that they loved me I worked my ass off to prove my worthiness. I have always been afraid, that if I didn't they would give me back. After looking at some photographs from my biological parents, I realized that I look exactly like him. To me that feels like a fucking miracle. It was thrilling, comforting but it was also strange. I want closure Flynn. I want to be able to accept this as it is. My birthparents loved each other, I was wanted…they even loved me. But I just want to focus on my wife and our baby."

"And you want that now?" John says and he smiles. Fucker, I should wipe that smile of his smug British face.

"And you find that amusing Flynn?" I bark.

"Not at all." He says but that smile remains on his face. "You can't erase years and years of pain and hurt by going to Detroit or reading your mother's journals Christian. This is definitely a step in the right direction, however you need to give yourself time to get used to the idea that your birthparents were good people. You need to get attached to them emotionally…" Easy for him to say.

"Did you discuss this with Carrick and Grace?" He asks while jotting down some nonsense on his notepad.

"Yes…I did…"

"And how did they react?" He asks now looking at me.

"Heartfelt and honest. Grace was very emotional though."

"Very understandable…" He agrees. "I think that what every adoptee wants is to find those similarities…"

"But I didn't…" I cut him off.

"That was because you had the idea that your birthparents where horrible people who didn't love you. But know that you know differently it has to be easier…isn't it Christian?"

He is right…he is absolutely right.

"Why is it that you called me Christian?"

"Because I feel guilty towards my parents."

"Why?"

"Because I think I started bonding with my birthparents the moment I started reading my mother's journals. The similarities between my birthparents and I are astonishing."

"Did you discussed that with Grace and Carrick?"

"No…"

"Christian, finding about your birthparents is not about replacing your family. Even though you told yourself time and time again how bad your birthparents where you still had that ache to find out about them. Finding about your biological parents doesn't mean that you love your family any less or that your parents are any less your parents."

"I have been reading about adoption and about adoptees that decide to go in search of their birthparents. One of them said that she felt a sense of wholeness when she found out where she came from…I don't feel that Flynn…"

"What do you feel?"

"I feel relief…" I reply instantly.

"Give it time Christian."

"I still have so many questions John…it makes me restless."

"Write them down." He says. "Write all your questions down. But we aware that there will always be unanswered questions and that not everything is to be understood."

From the moment my wife realized that I was driving towards our new home, her pout got replaced by a bright smile. She is happy and that makes me happy. Another happy coincidence is that we are alone in my car. I need to take advantage of this happy opportunity.

After punching in the security code to gain access to our property I skid to a halt. I first unbuckle my seatbelt and then Ana's. Quickly I yank her across the car into my lap.

"What are you doing?" She giggles.

Without answering her I shift my seat back and pull her dress up to her waist. "I am going to have sex with my wife in my new car on our new property…" I growl.

"Oh…" She looks around us, but we are surrounded by large trees. There is no one in sight.

"No one can see us…now lift yourself up. I take her hips in my hands and encourage her. Ana, even though still a little shocked cooperates. She pushes on her knees and rises. "I thought you wanted to christen the house first…" She says in a husky whisper.

"Change of plans…" I kiss her nose, her jaw and that sweet spot in her neck that makes her squirm and giggle.

"I know that a quick fuck in a car isn't exactly romantic, but I promise I will make it up to you. I can't wait any longer…"

I don't think my wife minds very much, because she is already making fast work of opening my pants and sliding her hands through the opening of my zipper. My dick hard and ready.

"Put your hands on the seat on both sides of my head baby…" Releasing my dick she does what I just told her.

I pull her tiny, satin panties aside and guide myself inside her. Ana takes a sharp breath and moans. Her head falls back.

"Lower yourself on me baby…" Slowly inch by inch she lowers herself until I am completely sheathed with her warmth.

"Fuck, Jesus Christ Ana…don't move baby…" I can feel the tip of my dick touching her inner walls.

"Move Christian…" Ana's head drops resting it against my forehead. Her fingers lace through my hair and she starts stroking and pulling. "Move Christian!"

"We aim to please Mrs. Grey…" I grunt and move my hips.

"Oh God…" She moans. I continue pushing inside of her, circling my hips. Ana is panting my name while she pulls at my hair.

"Kiss me…" I tell her as she slides up and down. When she doesn't react immediately I place my hand on the back of her head and pull her towards me. "You make me fucking crazy Anastasia…" I murmur against her lips. In response she bites my lip and brushes her tongue against mine. "I am almost there…" She pants.

"Not yet…" I am amazed by my self-control, but I don't want this to end yet. "Look at me Ana…" Her eyes are hooded, her body is shaking. Her face damp with sweat.

"I can't …" She whispers and her body starts to shudder and shake. I thrust my hips up and push into her until I feel my own release building.

"I just can't get enough of you Ana…" I confess quietly. Ana remains with her face buried in the crook of my neck.

"I love you so much Christian…" She whispers.

"You didn't tell me that Elliot was going to be here!" Ana hisses at me when we finally step out of the car. Her eyes go from Elliot's truck to me.

"I didn't know he would be here baby." I admit. He told me that they were finished, except for the wine cellar.

"Oh shit, how do I look?"

Like a woman who has been thoroughly fucked. "Perfect" I smile. Huffing a few times she smooths down her dress and fumbles with her hair all the while giving me the evil eye.

"I swear baby…I didn't know he would be here…" I lean down to give her a kiss on her cheek and smell the scent of sex. "You smell so fucking sexy…" I growl.

We both turn around at the sound of the front door opening. My brother dressed in his work clothes steps out.

"Hey Elliot!" Ana giggles and his head snaps up.

"You are early…" Elliot states and looks from me to Ana.

"What the fuck happened to your hair bro?" He turns to look at Ana and grins. "You kids just had sex…"

"No…no absolutely not…" Ana says. But really, the blush on her face is selling her out. As is her crumpled dress and her wild hair. Like is said, she looks like a woman who has been thoroughly fucked.

"Really?" Elliot says while looking at my wife who looks like she wants the ground to open so she can disappear. "Then why is it that my brother is walking around with unzipped pants?" He grins at Ana and I see her eyes turning wide as she zooms in on my crotch.

"Asshole…" I flip him off.

"Don't you need to get home Elliot?" Ana says quietly.

"I do actually…and after that I am meeting Mia to finalize the plans of her bakery…"

"Then you better go." I say and guide Ana to the front door.

"Tell Mia we said hi…" Ana says turning around.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Is my brother's reply as he walks towards his truck.

I am confused. Like extremely confused. I have been showing Ana the house and even though all the rooms are still empty she can't stop crying. She hasn't stopped crying since we step foot into our home. Fucking. confused.

"Ana…I am out of my depths here baby. You haven't said a word…do you even like it?" She makes this funny snorting sound and nods her head.

"I love it…everything is perfect. I can't believe you didn't tell me that Elliot was finishing it today…" She sniffs.

"I wanted to surprise you." I reply lamely.

"I will call the moving company then tomorrow…" She says looking around her.

"Already did that too…" I shrug. "They are starting tomorrow. I expect that we will be able to move in within one week…"

"Really?" She squeals.

"Yeah really…"

"Oh I would like to have a huge Christmas party…" She says dreamily. "And if everything goes well this time next year we will be living here with the three of us…"

"I can't wait."

"Neither can I…" She says smiling that perfect smile. Happiness simply looks gorgeous on her.

"How do you see us in ten years from now?" We are laying on a makeshift bed in the empty nursery discussing colors and themes.

"Ten years from now?" Ana whispers. "Wow…in ten years you definitely will be wearing a hearing aid…" She smirks.

"My fingers are itching Ana…" I say and wiggle my fingers in front of her face.

"No tickling…" She warns. She clears her throat and moves to lay her head on my chest. My hand automatically reaches for her stomach. Fucking. Perfect. Little. Bump.

"In ten years from now we have created beautiful memories made out of perfect tiny moments…"

"That sounds fucking perfect Mrs. Grey, because it happens that making memories with you is my favorite thing to do…"

I can't wait to begin this new chapter of my life with the woman I love. Because if I learned something the last few months it is that life isn't about arriving at your destination as quickly as possible. It is all about the great stuff that happens along the way

A/N.: Hi ladies! First of all I want to thank you all for the well wishes you send me through your reviews or PM for my mother. In the rush to get the chapter out last week I completely forget to mention it. Even though her health is still very delicate, she is feeling a bit better now. So Thank you!

On an entirely different note: We are reaching the end of Wish. There are about three chapters left (including the epilogue).

Take care and see you all again next week!

XOX Alner