Ravencaller, as always, thank thee very much. I'll respond better in the next chapter I upload, I just have barely enough time to upload this one now.

Chapter Thirty-Six.

Crimson dawn spilled into the small cell stirring Johanna awake. She sat up awkwardly, rubbing her back gingerly after her restless sleep; then her eyes fell upon the sleeping Anthony. She could have envied his ability to sleep soundly. His body must ache from such a thrashing he had been given, not to mention whatever had made him distraught the previous day that he would not tell her about. He had been that way the night of the murders too, as she had turned about fitfully in her bed; he had slept like a bear in the winter. She examined him while she had the chance, her fingers cautiously touching his poor beaten face. His skin was pale, which of course was normal for an Englishman, but odd for him considering he had spent years travelling the globe. She would have thought that the sun in foreign skies would have given his skin a darker shade. Her fingers gently combed his light brown hair as her eyes took in his full lips and small nose. He was in his early twenties, but he had such a youthful look about him that she wondered how on earth his Mother even allowed him to sail away by himself. The smell of the ocean was on his clothes, and that had soothed her as they held each other close that night. She had never been to the seaside, and the smell of something so foreign upon him was - well, she shamefully thought, rather enticing. She would have to have Dane bring in some salve for his poor face though…

During this inspection she had not noticed till now that his breathing had lightened and she stood up at once in mortification as she accused, "You're awake!"

He shifted and rubbed his eyes; then sat up stiffly, blinking, "Of course I'm awake."

"Well why didn't you say anything?"

"You seemed to be enjoying what you were doing," his mischievous smile was only fleeting however, as he grimaced and rubbed his neck, "And your hands…Your hands are so soft."

The more he awakened, the more he seemed to remember the situation he was in – and whatever had happened yesterday that she did not know about – and he became sombre. He stood and tried to pace a little awkwardly, though hissed in pain at his sore body.

"Why did they beat you?" she asked quietly.

This inspired a short laugh from him followed by the answer, "Because people have died, and they are right, it is all my fault…" he added a little more darkly, "All my fault. And I should hang for it."

"Don't say such things," she tried to say feebly, "It would only have been your fault if you had known. And you didn't. How were you to know that a man you rescued from the seas could have done such unspeakable things? How were you to know at all? You were doing your Christian duty, and that's what makes you a good man."

"No. That's what makes me a fool, Johanna," he replied curtly.

"You think your kindness is foolishness? That your good heart is senseless?" she tried to reach out to touch him, but he spurned it.

He began to talk, and at first Johanna thought it was an answer to her question but then realised he was just talking to himself as he muttered, "My men – who have years more experience than I, my men tried to tell me – they tried to warn me! Leave him be, they said, the seas of Java are Godless," he laughed again, "If only I had known how Godless they actually were, to keep such a devil alive till he was found. I should have left the fiend to die, to be torn apart by sharks, to have Neptune have the ocean swallow him up into a watery grave for all I should have cared. Why should I have to live with this blood on my hands while he's comforted by death? I have this stench of murder on me that I will never be able to get off! I have that woman's downfall to pay for! I'd had a blameless life before, and in one half-witted decision I have damned my soul! When death meets me, will all those murdered souls accompany me? Will they drag me down to Hell with them out of retribution for what I caused to happen to them?…I did this. I did all of this..." his voice trailed as he saw Johanna watching him from the bed, shaking slightly in fear at this sudden obscene change in her formerly calm and steadfast sweetheart. He said nothing and raked his fingers through his hair fretfully, till they dropped to his sides, "Sanders was right. I'm not the man for you."

To his surprise she stood and spat with venomous sarcasm, "Dane Sanders! That man who thinks he should live on Mount Olympus with all the other Gods! Because he's always right, isn't he?" and she went to the door and rapped on it, "You all want to rescue me like I'm a delicate porcelain doll – and – and that may be my fault. Lord knows I've spent my life living in a doll's house, so I have never been able to act otherwise, have I?"

Anthony stood there bewildered as the infatuated guard opened the door and smiled down at Johanna, "I was jest comin' to collect yeh, I was. My watch is over in half an hour. I have to get yeh back safely in yehr own cell before…" his smile faltered a little uncertainly at the obstinate look in her eyes, and she turned to Anthony.

"I'll no longer be treated like an idiot. I no longer want to behave like an idiot. I'm free – I mean, I will be free soon. I am tired of forever acting like the silly little girl who would need protection in a thunderstorm. I don't know what I'm made of yet – but surely I have to be made of stronger iron. I am not my poor Mother. I am not my pitiful Father. I'm not my upbringing. I'm not the girl locked away behind a glass window anymore. Because if I am still that girl, what the devil was the point in being freed if that is all I will ever be?" she caught Anthony's eyes with her own and said, "But I'm new with this, and I don't need a man who would continue to indulge my delicacies. I need somebody who...For heaven's sake Anthony! Do I have Leprosy?"

Anthony was so taken aback at this little tirade that he creased his brow in confusion, "I don't know – I don't know what you mean –"

The guard sighed, "I think she means will yeh hurry up and prove yehr affections to her!"

Anthony's eyes widened, "Oh!" and he looked from the guard to Johanna, then blinked and stuttered a little shyly, "Well...I..."

Johanna felt a mass of disappointment weigh upon her from his mere bashfulness, and her voice tremored as she said, "Perhaps Sanders was right after all."

"Perhaps? –" Anthony moved over to her affronted and took her by the arms, dipping his head to hers – but as quickly as his confidence had occurred after being insulted, it wavered and he pulled back, "You'll have to forgive me…I'm…I've never really kissed a girl before you see, I…"

She cupped his face gently with her hands, mindful of his sensitive face and brought it down to her and nervously brought her lips to his. It was a fleeting and feather soft peck, but this caused him to smile and he brought their lips together again in a more lingering kiss. He heard her giggle softly and when he pulled back a little, she kissed him again. This time they both laughed quietly together, in this innocent act of their first real intimacy, his forehead resting on hers.

Alas, it was time to go and they said nothing but offered each other a smile as she was taken away. After the door was closed and locked securely however, Anthony leaned his head against the door as he tried to collect himself, and then said with a loud laugh that even the other inmates in their own cells must have heard, "Sanders? To the devil with Sanders!"