AN: Ah, I adore you my wonderful reviewers. Not just for the obvious reasons of getting reviews either, you guys give me a lot of ideas which is partially why this story is so long. Blame yourselves that the inevitable has yet to happen. ;)
Short Stories with Tragic Endings
Stan and Bebe
Stan
I want to kiss him again.
It's one of few coherent thoughts I've been thinking since Kyle and I finally backed away from each other, since we finished our experiment.
We'd already been doing nothing but kiss for, I glance at a clock, shit…two hours. Two hours? It felt like two minutes. Two incredible soft, gentle minutes, in which I had the chance to experience what those small pink lips of his could do.
It's like I'm seeing him reborn. I've always known what he looked like, that he had looks, but I've only just realized the details. The slight curves, the very very faint freckles, the tinge of red, that Jewish nose of his. I didn't realize he had one before, but there it is, sitting in the middle of his face in all its stereotypical glory. It fits him well, just like every little thing about him.
"I want to kiss you again."
He looks startled that I said that. But I'm dead serious, I do want to. I want to right now. Kyle looks like he's ready to agree when I watch his face pale and the red tinge disappear. I sigh internally. He's realized what he's done. No doubt he's remembered Bebe, and where he's supposed to stand. That we were only supposed to share a small brief peck on the lips simply in the name of a "scientific experiment". But we went overboard, way overboard and now he remembers. He liked it, there's now way he can convince me otherwise. Unfortunately, I can see it in his eyes, he's almost wishing he hadn't liked it.
"Shit," he mutters, looking away momentarily. "Yesterday Bebe asked me to help convince you to go back to her."
"If there was ever a doubt in my mind about breaking things off with her, it's gone now."
Kyle looks back over at me and I can tell he's fighting a smile. He eventually restrains himself and looks at me thoughtfully before standing up and attempting to run his hands through his hair. He gives up at the habitual gesture and looks around the room. I stay where I am and wait for him to say something more.
"I need to get back," he mutters. His eyes suddenly widen to the size of malt balls. "Fuck, I've got to go back to work!" He rushes into his room to haul out his giant duffel toward the front door. "Damnit!" He mutters, "Chef gave me an extended lunch break, not a mini vacation."
Just as he's about to open the door I clear my throat and he turns to look at me expectantly. I watch his face flush. "Erm," he starts.
"We'll have to talk about this later," I suggest and he nods his head in agreement.
"Um," he scratches behind his ear before dropping his hand and giving me a smile through a sigh. "Never mind."
Nodding to him I watch him leave. Once he's left I wonder if I should have offered to help him with his bag, but he looked fine handling it and I don't think he wanted to deal with any sort of…goodbye's. I understand and at the same time I feel more than a little frustrated. Things are out in the open now, but we can barely move forward. That is if we want to move forward…do we want to move forward? Do I? Does Kyle?
It'd be different that's for sure but…I lick my lips and fight back a grin. I kissed Kyle. And it wasn't even one of those wimpy ones, I leapt on the guy! I find myself chuckling at the thought and immediately stop when I realize I'm acting giddy, before I fall back into chuckles again.
I feel so…so liberated! All from just one, okay more like one hundred, kisses. I scoot myself back to lean against the couch and continue to eye the door. I had wanted to ask Kyle if he still planned on staying with Bebe as he went to get his duffel. But even that seems like a stupid question to me. Things would only be harder for him if he stayed here. Not to mention Bebe probably wouldn't get why Kyle would stay with her for one night and decide that was good enough.
Exhaling slowly and feeling my sudden liberation melt I look down at the carpet. "What was I planning to do before this?" I wonder out loud. From my spot still on the floor I look around, hoping that whatever I had been planning to do reminds me of itself. After thinking and coming up with nothing I look expectantly at my cell phone. This would be the perfect time for someone to call me. Like my mom; I haven't talked to her in awhile and I think she's overdue in harassing me about not visiting her.
Or Token; he ought to be checking up on me to be sure I actually made it home without wandering off or something. Or, fuck SOMEONE! But my phone stays silent and I glare at it. I want to tell someone what happened, at the same time I really don't think I should as I'm not entirely sure where Kyle and I stand.
Grunting to myself I stand up, retreat to my bed, and fall back onto it opting to stare at my ceiling. If I'm not going to be called to explain myself I might as well rest and relive the fact that I fucking kissed my old best friend and that I fucking loved every second of it. There is absolutely nothing that could ruin this moment for me, except a call to inform me this whole afternoon has been some perverted dream on my part.
I hesitate, "don't you dare ring!" I call out to my phone which should still be resting in the living room. There's no response and I smile in contentment before happily wondering when things went from somewhat bad to utter bliss.
Everything we just did together made so much sense, it was perfect and natural. At the same time it was kinda confusing, and raises a lot of questions I don't feel the need to answer. It's good for the both of us, I think, that he left so abruptly.
Still…I grin to the ceiling, I wouldn't have minded if he hadn't left either.
I could probably continue thinking about what did happen and what will happen and be happy for a pretty long time. Yet my mind is getting really tired. Probably from all the stress I've had to deal with. Now I feel stress free and I have Kyle to thank for that.
I can rest in peace as I nap. Hmm…even falling asleep I think maybe that wasn't the best choice of wording…
"Hey, do you think you and Wendy will get married?" he asks as he skips a rock across Stark's Pond.
"I dunno, probably," I say and attempt to do the same. My rock only results in a light splash as it heads straight for the bottom. I frown. I was never good at skipping rocks. Kenny on the other hand…I watch mournfully as he makes another skip almost to the middle of the pond. "Why can't I do this?" I ask scowling at my shitty flat stones.
"Because you suck at it," Kenny laughs though I don't. "What? Cant be good at everything," he adds after his laughter has calmed down.
I snort and drop the rocks in favor of plopping myself down at the edge of the pond. Someone to the far side catches my eye and I glance at Kenny who's already noticed him. "Are we going to invite Cartman over?" I ask.
Kenny looks down at me quietly before he shakes his head and skips another rock. "Do you really think you and Wendy will last that long? I mean dude, we're only eleven." He changes the subject back to what we were talking about earlier and I more than welcome it. Lately it seems whenever Cartman's brought up Kenny gets awkwardly quiet. I don't know why, and I plan on asking but he's always so…he has this face on that just dares me to ask and I don't want to dare it.
"Yeah," I say to start the conversation back up. "But who else would I marry?"
Kenny shrugs and stops skipping his rocks to sit down next to me. "Bebe? How should I know?"
"Bebe?!" I snort and start laughing. "I don't like Bebe! She's irritating."
"You're just jealous that she takes away your time with Wendy."
"I am not dude! Bebe's just so…she'd expect waaay too much from her husband you know?"
"You think so?" he asks thoughtfully.
"Yeah of course!" I eye him a grin starting to form on my face. "Dude…"
"What?"
"You like Bebe don't you?"
Kenny doesn't snort at the absurdity or shake his head automatically, he just sits and thinks for a short moment before answering, "no," he replies simply. I can't even argue with that response. It was direct and honest. Kenny odds me out sometimes when he's like this.
"Do you like anyone?" I wonder. I haven't ever seen him take any particular interest in anyone. Then again, we are only eleven and I'm still one of the only guys that have a girlfriend.
"I like you," he answers and I make a face.
"Guys can't like guys the way guys like girls."
"You don't think so?"
"No dude of course not!"
"What about Mr. Garrison?"
"That's different."
"Why?"
"Because…" I hesitate. "Because it's Mr. Garrison."
Kenny suddenly throws back his head and laughs. The force behind tossing his head back makes his parka hood fall off and all I see is his dirty blonde hair whisking around him. He eventually stops laughing and rights his head, immediately brushing his hair out of his eyes without a second thought. "I can't argue with that," he says with a smile and I smile back.
Sometimes I don't understand Kenny. He'll be serious about the most random things one minute but then he's fun and immature the next.
"Why'd you bring up me marrying Wendy anyway?" I ask.
"Oh," he leans back on his arms and sticks his legs out in front of him. "My parents were talking about how they couldn't wait to have grandchildren. But then my dad wondered which one of us was going to get married. He said none of us had any assets to trick anyone to marry us. It just got me thinking is all, about who I would marry."
"I don't see you marrying anyone," I say bluntly.
"Me neither, but anyway," Kenny stands back up and grabs a few of the flat stones I had discarded. "I don't see you marrying Wendy."
"Dude! Don't curse us like that!" I stand up to and reluctantly take another stone.
"I don't even see you getting married either. It'll just be me and you until one of us kicks the bucket," he adds.
"I don't want to grow old with you," I cringe at the thought. "Besides the middle schoolers say there's some cool things about girls we don't know about yet."
He mutters some response and I realize he probably already knows what it is. It's Kenny after all. "We won't grow old together," he tells me before turning around to coach me a little on how I'm holding my rock wrong.
"But then-" I start out confused but Kenny interrupts me.
"Now trying throwing it," he says to me.
I look at my rock and the new position my hand has on it before looking at the pond and tossing it sideways like he's always done. "It's skipping!" I say happily and watch as it skips about four times before falling into the water. I turn to grin at Kenny and he grins back.
"I guess with a little bit of practice and help from me, I guess you could be good at just about anything," he chuckles. "Make sure you don't forget you owe your success at skipping rocks to me."
"I won't forget," I tell him honestly and we go back to the rocks, changing the subject to more casual conversations. Like how Cartman is still watching us from the distance.
"Mhm," I mutter groggily to myself as that last thought lingers in my mind as I fully wake up.
I kinda thought I'd end up dreaming about Kyle or something like that and yet it was of Kenny and one of our more random moments together. Then again, our time together never seemed that random, it all eluded to something whether or not I picked up on it.
That dream has reminded me though about what I first thought of Bebe when we were kids. It's almost laughable to think how I didn't even like her, but then how we ended up together for so many years only to get engaged. I wonder how I can say that I really loved her when I so clearly chose Kenny over her all the time, and even now how I'm willing to ease her away from Kyle. If I believed in things coming around full circle I'd predict that we'd end up hating each other at some point.
I glance over at my clock and sigh. I slept away most of the day, and now I feel gross and lethargic but still…I think I should call Bebe now. I've avoided the inevitable long enough and there's nothing like a dream to remind you of it.
After forcing myself to get out of bed I pad my way to the living room and grab my phone to dial for Bebe. She picks up first ring, even though she should be at work. I can hear her breath quickening, "Stan?" She questions quietly into the phone. Almost as if she's not sure it's really me.
"Hey…Bebe," I hold in my sigh.
"…how are you?" She's still talking in that breathless manner. I guess she might be trying to convince herself that I really did call her, and that I am talking to her and that this isn't some dream of hers.
I shake my head, "forget about me, how are you? I'm sorry I haven't called earlier."
"…t's okay," she mutters. "I'm…okay."
"Good," I tell her nodding into the phone. "I think we need to…get together and talk about some stuff don't you, and not through the phone?"
"Yeah," her voice sounds firmer. "I can get Heidi to cover the rest of my shift and we can meet at um…do you mind meeting at our apartment?"
I hold in another sigh. It isn't our apartment anymore, it hasn't been for awhile but I wont correct her on it. "Yeah, I'll meet you there but…you don't have to leave work early, we can get together later or something."
"Now is good," she says just as firm.
"Well, okay, I'll be there in a few minutes then. I'm closer so I'll just wait in my car for you."
"Don't be silly, just use your key. I'll see you then Stan." She hangs up with me and I'm left staring at my phone as it blinks how many minutes we talked.
I don't want to use my key to get in. That implies a whole lot, and I don't want to imply anything. Gathering myself off my bed I grab my keys and head for the door. I hadn't taken anything off when I entered here, having been too occupied with thoughts of Kyle. Now I wish I had. I could delay my meeting with Bebe. As I lock up the apartment and walk toward my car I try to quickly go over everything I could tell her.
Of course I'll apologize for my less than prefect location for a break up, but then after that I'm at a loss of where to take the conversation. Bebe can be as unpredictable as she is predictable so I don't know what to expect.
The drive to her place is entirely too short and she isn't home when I arrive. I park my car in a visitors spot and do what she told me not to do. I turn off my engine and sit to wait for her. I am not going up there alone. It'd be too weird now.
I don't have to wait long before I see her car pull into her spot and I watch her hop out. She seems kinda nervous about something and I can guess about what. She starts heading up the stairs and I remember that I need to do the same so I pop out of my car and at the sound of it her head zips over to me.
I raise my hand in a slight wave before stuffing my hands in my pocket and approaching her.
"You should have waited inside," she says and I shake my head.
"That probably wouldn't have been the best of ideas…" I glance around. "Where's Kyle?"
I don't see his car anywhere and technically he should be here by now.
"I told him you called me so…he's going to spend some time at Craig's for awhile."
Oh. I nod my head and make a gesture ahead of us, "let's go up then."
Bebe eyes me but doesn't say anything before walking ahead of me. My stomach starts to twist and turn into knots the closer we get to the door and I start to rethink my agreeing to have this conversation in an enclosed space with her. I mean I don't think she'll get crazy or violent on me, she isn't like that, but I know I'll feel trapped in her apartment and that wont help matters.
"Did you want something to drink or to eat?" She says once she enters. I follow behind and shut the door not even bothering to peel off my jacket. I really would rather not get comfortable. The longer this lasts the harder it will be on her.
"No I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" she turns to look at me and frowns. I know she isn't frowning at me, but rather at my jacket. "Let me take your coat."
"It's fine Bebe," I say quietly. Those gag reflexes that I thought I grew out of are starting to act up. But not for the reasons I had before, I'm just getting THAT nervous.
"Okay…" she looks around aimlessly for a second before she heads for the living room and takes the spot she usually sits at. In the past I would take the one next to her and she would lean against my chest, but now…now I take the chair that's to the side.
I fiddle with my hands for awhile willingly myself to start. I can feel her staring at me, waiting for me to say something. I'm the one that called her after all so she knows I have something to say. My throat feels a little dry and I swallow back everything in my stomach that thinks its going to come out of my mouth.
"I'm sorry," it slips out of me before I have time to say something else.
"…Sorry?" She mutters quietly to me. I look up at her and see there's a bit of confusion on her face.
"Yeah…for being a complete jerk and handling everything in such an awful manner. I don't know what came over me at that game Bebe. I don't know how I could do that to you and I can never apologize enough for it."
Bebe
He's apologizing. I feel like the wind's been knocked out of me and I feel a smile creep onto my lips.
When he called me at work I was so nervous! I didn't know what he would say and the fact that he wanted to talk, I was even more nervous. But here we are and things are going the exact way I knew they would. I didn't even have to execute my plan with Kyle to get him to realize his mistake! He's done it all on his own!
"Honey it's okay," I mutter softly back to him. "I knew…I knew you were stressed. I should have been a better partner. I admit I was so…shocked, but after talking it over with Kyle some and thinking things through I knew you'd-"
"Bebe I don't think you understand my apology," he suddenly cuts in.
"No I do," I stand up and kneel over beside him, gripping his hands. He always plays with his fingers when he's nervous. I always thought it was so cute and now is no different. "And well…I don't entirely forgive you for it, but I'm willing to move on and forget about it."
He looks away and so many emotions flash in his eyes that I cant even determine what a single one was.
"That isn't what I meant," he says and meets my eyes again. He changes our hands so he's grasping onto me and gently pulls me up so we're standing together, our eyes only a foot apart.
"I'm not…I'm not apologizing for breaking up with you. I'm just as firm in my resolution that we can't be together anymore."
I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.
"I'm sorry for the way I did it," he goes on. "For doing it at the game in front of thousands of people like it was no big deal. That's what I wont ever be able to forgive myself for. That's what I'm sorry for."
I think he squeezes my hands, I'm not sure really because I'm starting to go numb. I notice he's released my hands and that he's now stepping back from me.
There's a few hitches in my breathing as I try to get my brain to catch up with what he's telling me.
"That…that doesn't make any sense. How can we be so in love one second, and then you decide you don't love me at all?" I ask confused.
"It isn't like that, I do still love you just…not in that way. More like I love a good friend, like I loved Kenny, like the way I love someone I've given so much of my life too."
Is that supposed to make me feel better? Does he think that by saying he loves me the way he loved Kenny will make ME feel BETTER?! NO! This is not how things were supposed to work out. He can't really be saying this to me not after everything we've been through together. We've been through hell and back and the only way we've managed to defeat it all was by relying on each other!
"Don't say that to me," I growl out. "You still love me, but you love me like a friend?! That's a bullshit answer Stan and I don't want to hear anything like that!"
"What would you rather have me say?"
"I'd rather have you flat out say you hated me rather than you still "loved" me! How…how do you expect me to take this?! We've been together for so long! I…just the other day I asked Kyle how much milk he wanted in his tea and he gave me the most confused look before saying he didn't even like tea and that if he did he certainly wouldn't want milk in it! Then I remembered that it was YOU who liked it like that! For a second I confused Kyle's likes with yours and I've been doing that the whole time he's been here!"
"Bebe-" he says quietly, but I cut him off. He doesn't deserve to talk right now, I am not finished!
"No listen! And when he was sleeping on the sofa I asked him if he wanted a second pillow because you like two pillows! And I've been nagging him about little habits he doesn't even do and he's been so confused and…" I take a deep breath and calm down. "My whole life…is you, and you're asking me to give it up."
I watch Stan standing where he is. He pinches the bridge of his nose, but not in annoyance like he usually does. It's in distress…I know its distress because of the lines that form on his mouth. No one else knows lines form on his mouth when he does that. Just me. Only me.
"Would you really want me back now Bebe?" He suddenly asks as he drops his hand back to his side to look at me.
I eye him suspiciously.
"It's not a trick question. Would you really want me back now? Would you want me to come back to you after knowing all this? How I really feel and that I didn't love you in the way you deserve to be loved, but simply because you know my habits so well? Would you be happy that way, turning a blind eye to all that?"
I squirm and swallow a lump in my throat.
"Because," he goes on and lifts his hands in the air slightly. A sure sign of his defeat. "Because if you could deal with that, then fine…let's get back together. Let's get married Bebe."
I stare at Stan in surprise. He has that face again, his most serious one on. He's actually saying that, I'm not fantasizing about this. There isn't a glint of hesitation in his eye, he means this with all his heart. It isn't some joke to him, he's not going to say he's just kidding…
I cover my mouth with my hand and hold back a dry sob, "get out." I say quietly, darting my eyes to the side. "Get out please," I repeat.
I can feel him eyeing me carefully but he doesn't say anything. He walks right past me heading for the door just like I asked him to. I hear it open but I don't turn to see him off.
"It's not as if I don't miss your habits too," I hear him say. "Sometimes I still expect Kyle to take forever in the bathroom like you did, and okay he does but I don't see you coming out of that bathroom. Bebe…old habits do die hard, but it's not impossible. Anyway, if you change your mind you know my number," with that he leaves and I listen as the door shuts firmly behind him.
With my hand still covering my mouth I calmly sit back down on the couch and stare at the blank television screen. I'm not sure how long I sit there because the next thing I know I hear the door opening and I realize Kyle's sitting down beside me asking me something, rubbing my arms. He's such a wonderful guy…he's just like Stan, so much like him. But they're still different, they just compliment each other well, its why they were best friends…
"Bebe!" I hear him say in worry and I realize he must have said that because I've bucked over him as he holds me. I've started to cry. Really cry, like I haven't before. I hear him say my name again and hear as he fires predictable questions at me as he holds me tighter and allows me to ruin his Diesel jacket.
"He said," I manage out.
"He said what?! What did Stan say?!"
Do I hear panic in his voice? Kyle is so sweet…so sweet to be so concerned about me.
"He said he'd marry me if that's what I wanted."
I can feel Kyle tense but I'm not sure why.
"…You're sure?" He eventually asks.
"Uh huh," I start to cry harder and I feel only a little better as he soothingly runs his hand up and down my back. "But it was…he only made…Kyle, he made me realize I really have lost him. He won't ever change his mind, his heart's not coming back to me no matter what I do!"
I feel myself shaking and I feel Kyle pull away to get a good look at me. "Bebe calm down," he says forcefully. He even shakes me a little and that does make me come to my senses a little bit. "Just calm down," he says this softer and more gentle and I feel the onslaught of my tears lessen. "Come on," he says he urges me to stand up. "Let's get you into bed okay? I'll fix you something to eat and then you can get some rest okay?"
I don't know if I'm nodding, but he is leading me to my room, and eventually my bed. He takes of my shoes, but other than that he tucks me and runs a hand through my hair. "I'll get you something okay?" he mutters and I feel the loss of his body heat the second he walks away from me.
Leaning my head into my pillow I let out a long sigh that's mixed with a shudder. I can't believe how out of control I got there for a minute. Crying so much without really realizing I was. I think I will take a nap, just a short one…
I don't get very far into it before I smell smoke and I remember how much Kyle can't cook. Stan told me that, Kyle told me that…and yet, he's still trying to make me something.
Even with knowing I've lost Stan I'm so happy to know I have Kyle. At least he's here for me. I couldn't ask for a better friend. Not even my girlfriends would do this much for me.
I'm not sure how long I waver in between being conscious and unconscious but at some point I register Kyle walking in. There's the sound of obvious shuffling and eventually of him dragging a chair over to my side. I turn to face him to give him a small smile.
"I'm fine," I mutter though I'm wondering if it's to him or myself.
"You're not," he responds. "But that's okay. Umm," he glances to his side and picks up a bowl that he must have rested on my tableside when he walked in. "I don't really know if you're hungry but that's what my mom always told me to do…make food for the sick…and you're not even physically sick…" he mutters.
I sit myself up and take a deep breath as I accept the bowl from him. "I could eat," I tell him and he beams slightly before slumping back into his chair after he gives me a spoon. I run my nose over the bowl and smile. "This soup smells really good Kyle, I think you're getting better."
Just as I raise the spoon to dip into the bowl he suddenly snatches the bowl from my hands. "What-" I start and I see his face redden.
"If you think that's soup you probably shouldn't eat it."
I stare at him blankly before it dawns on me, "what's it supposed to be?" I wonder curiously as I glance at the bowl that's now in his hands. It looks like soup from here.
"Never mind," he murmurs and sets it aside, taking my spoon from me as well.
Staring at this red embarrassed face I can't help but to laugh lightly, even given the situation. "How can one person be so horrible at cooking? It doesn't make any sense, everyone can make something."
Kyle frowns but it doesn't last long on his face before he's laughing too. "I can make things that don't require anything with heat, like cereal and sandwiches."
"That's good enough I suppose," I reply as my laughter dies down.
He stops as well and we're left staring at each other in silence. When he says, "oh Bebe," I realize a few tears have dropped down my face. I watch him search around my room before he stands up to grab a Kleenex to hand me. I take it in appreciation and wipe my eyes.
I drop it silently as Kyle leans over and hugs me tightly. It feels nice but I wonder if he should have done that because now I have no control over my tears again. They just keep falling and I can barely keep the muffled sobs contained as I grasp onto him tighter than he's holding me.
It's hard to categorize what I'm feeling. Everything feels numb, still slightly unreal, and I don't feel like I'll ever be able to face the word again. Not without him, not without Stan.
As I wonder how he could do this to me, and as I contemplate what it was that I did wrong. How things could have been different if I had only done this or that I realize I don't know. I thought I was doing everything right. We were so happy, so perfect…when, why did things go so bad?
I devoted my life to him, how can I…
I feel a shudder run through my body as I hiccup and swallow a sob.
Things will never be the same. I won't get through this. I simply won't. I can't do this alone; I've never really been alone.
"Bebe," my eyes widen at the sound of his voice but I calm my nerves. For a second Kyle sounded just like Stan. "I'm sorry," he says quietly. Or maybe it just sounds quiet because with all my self restraint I'm probably still being kinda loud. "I'm really sorry," he says.
He's sorry? For what? For me or the "soup?"
"I didn't mean to-" he starts again but he stops and I hear him sigh. "You're not alone okay?" He says soothing as he starts to rub my back gently. "I'll be here as long as you need me, I'll hold you as long as you want."
I don't answer him but I bury my head further into his shoulder if it all possible. Why I believe his words so much when I just thought I'd be alone I can't say. Maybe it's his tone of voice, maybe it's the way he's clutching onto me as if I'm the one comforting him. Either way it soothes me and relaxes me slightly. I feel my tears let up a little bit until they stop completely.
Long after they've stopped Kyle's still holding onto me I remember that even without Stan I'm lucky to have such a caring friend. I love him so much and I now understand why Stan had been such a wreck when Kyle left him all those years ago. I'd be a wreck if Kyle left me too.
Stan
"Mr. Zanadaci," I say surprised once I've climbed the stairs to the apartment. He's standing outside the door looking like he only just arrived.
"Stan," he smiles at me. "What perfect timing."
I nod absentmindedly and let the both of us inside. Tossing my keys and jacket onto the dining table I eye him curiously. "You don't usually visit in the middle of the afternoon," I point out.
"Time allowed me to do so today," he answers as I gesture for him to have a seat anywhere he'd like.
He takes my offer and sits himself down on the sofa while I stand.
"I didn't really think you would be here," he confesses. "As it is the middle of the day I had assumed you'd be at work. But I only just had a chat with my brother and he assured me you were skipping out from work despite having not called him to explain why."
I rub my eyes tiredly and mumble a, "crap." I'd forgotten about work and doing my homework and just about everything else except how to get to my home.
"No worries, I told him I planned on dropping by and that I would ease him by calling him back to assure him that you were alright…physically."
Maybe I should sit down. "Right, so…?" I let the question hang in the air.
"Ah, what I'm doing here. Well my visit is long overdue if I was supposed to visit every two weeks. I apologize for that I've been busy with a few other cases as of late. Anyway, I'm sorry to see that I wasn't able to catch Kyle. Is he at work?"
My face reddens at the mere mention of Kyle and I turn my head to the flooring, "probably." I mutter.
Zanadaci is silent for awhile before he starts asking his questions again, "how are you boys doing, well I hope?"
"We're good," I state.
"No fighting?"
"A couple, but nothing really…well, we're fine Mr. Zanadaci."
Mhmm," he says. "Pardon me for saying so, and I do hope I'm wrong but I have a rather distinct feeling that Kyle doesn't currently live here."
How he picked up on that I have no idea. It's not as if anything of his is missing from the living room.
"…he's not…technically."
He waits for me to expand my answer even though I was hoping that he'd be okay with what I just told him.
"He's…" I pause. "Staying with my ex-fiancée for awhile."
"Staying with…your ex-fiancée?"
I nod and for a second I could swear I see him look confused.
"I'm sorry Stan I feel as if I'm missing something. Has Kyle and your ex…?"
"Oh, no," I answer. "They're not…no, but they're really good friends, like I've told you before. And…it's sort of a long story."
"I see…Kenny spoke of her. Bebe is her name?"
"Yeah…he probably didn't speak of her fondly did he?"
"Kenny was civil."
"That's him alright."
He stands and I'm instantly relieved to realize this is only a short visit. "I'm very pleased to see that you can mention Kenny without…"
"Bursting into tears?" I joke but not really finding the humor in it. "I am better, mostly because of Kyle. He…" I think about Kyle for a minute and what he did to help me not really get over Kenny's death, but help me accept it and it's hard to think it over in a nutshell. Especially since I'm not sure when thinking of Kenny didn't leave me in complete pain.
"…I see," Zanadaci mumbles. "You and Kyle are doing quite well together I assume, even with him living at Bebe's. Though do make sure he isn't there too long, we wouldn't want it to fall under a breach of contract with Kenny's will."
I snap out of my reverie and nod to him. He's looking at me oddly and if he had it in him I feel like he'd tilt his head at me for further study. But at seeing a gleam in his eyes I think he found whatever he was searching for…it makes me wonder...
"I'll be back sooner rather than later as I'd like to talk with Kyle. Perhaps I'll call him," he says more to himself as he heads for the door. "I'm sorry to hear about you and your fiancée Stan. I don't suppose there will be any changes of heart?"
My mind wanders back to what I only just did what seems like days ago. The choice I gave Bebe…I shake my head. "No, we won't be getting back together. We both know it's over."
"You look to be taking it well."
"I was the one that…well, broke things off."
"And her, how is she taking things?"
"As best as she can I guess…"
He opens the front door for himself, "meaning not well I wager?" I shake my head. "Then it's a good thing," he pauses for a moment. "That she has as good as a friend as Kyle to help her through this difficult time. I'll see you again Stan," he smiles and closes the door behind him.
Eyeing the closed door for a second I turn back to face my entire apartment. It's not as if I don't know the situation with Kyle and Bebe, after all I hated it in the beginning. I don't even like it now, but I accept it since there's nothing else I can do about it.
I wander over to where I had discarded my cell phone and pick it up off the table. I'd like to call him right now. If nothing else to hear his voice and maybe assure myself that what happened earlier today really did happen. But I don't want to seem needy. I've already put him in a tight spot, I don't want him to feel suffocated all of a sudden.
Though I do want to move forward. I really do want to call him and I am getting the urge to see him as well. But he probably is at work…
Fuck it. I quickly dial his number before I change my mind and I almost grin as he picks up, but before I can say a word he speaks first.
"You'll marry Bebe if she chose too huh?" His voice is strained and quiet. At his words I close my eyes and wonder how I thought for even a second that he wouldn't find out.
It's not even that I didn't think he'd find out, I knew he would, but I…
"What made you think that'd be a good thing to say to her?" He goes on to question, but it's not a question because I can feel that he doesn't want an answer. "This situation….between us…" I hold my breath. "Is fucked up for more than one reason. I can't believe that you'd say that to her."
He's sentences aren't connecting, he's just going back in forth in topics but I am following.
"So fucked up," he breathes out. "But I…I still want to…"
"Me too," I say quietly in relief.
"And even if what you said to her was so stupid and just…I don't know what the hell you were thinking, but at the same time I do know what you were thinking. You said that to her to get her to realize that you guys really were through, but damn, Stan! Couldn't you have worded it better without offering a re-engagement for fucks sake?!"
I'm quiet because I can't agree with him. My decision in choosing to marry Bebe again if she agreed to was the best one for her, for us. Like Kyle said it's the only way she would understand. The only way. She wouldn't have said yes.
"She could barely stop crying you know," he says his tone changing. "I hate you right now for being the cause of that. Bebe was only just able to fall asleep…"
He's silent on his end and I stay silent on mine, waiting for him to say he's through with my bullshit.
"Even so…" he says hesitantly. "Do you want to…meet somewhere tonight? Just for a little while? I want to ask you something, but not over the phone."
"…you don't want to come over here?"
"It's better that I don't."
I want to ask why he thinks that but I decide against it. "Do you want to meet in front of Cherry Kiss then?" I question.
"Uhm, yeah that works. Can you be there in fifteen?"
"Yeah," I nod carefully. "Kyle?" I question.
"Huh?"
"Am I…am I going to like what you have to say to me?"
I hear nothing on his end of the line for entirely too long. At the silence I feel my stomach start to twist into knots.
"Meet me there in fifteen okay Stan?" He finally says and disconnects our call.
-FG
AN: I started classes! Whee! Finally, I get so bored during summer. Anyway if you think that means this story will be updated even slower than it already is you might be right and you might be wrong. I do a lot of things to avoid doing homework, writing is often included.