I think this is one of my favourite chapters I've ever written... so obviously it's very Max-centric. This goes into a bit more detail about Lauren's recovery from her alcohol abuse (i.e. before the story started). And this chapter is really long... so just this one today. Enjoy!
Chapter 37.
Max sat beside Lauren's bed. He'd been sitting there for almost two hours now. The nurse had arrived and said she could go down and see Joey but Max was going to wait until she woke up before taking her down there. This just meant Lesley and Alice could spend more time with him anyway. Also he hoped that if she got a decent amount of sleep, maybe Lauren would be allowed to stay with Joey longer because he knew she wasn't going to be happy with just thirty minutes. He was holding his daughter's hand and he lifted it, pressing his lips against the back of it, his mind drifting to what he'd said to Tanya before she'd left. He hadn't been lying, if anything, he'd hidden from her just how scared he'd been about what he'd find when he got to her college. A far from forgotten memory ran through his head, seeing Bradley fall from the roof of the Queen Vic and unbidden tears were soon rolling down his face as he realised how close he'd come to losing another child, his baby girl, his princess. It was something he'd dreaded for close to two years now and today it nearly came to fruition.
Lauren had always held a special place in his heart, of all his children she was his favourite. However much he didn't like to admit to having favourites, Lauren was his and always had been. He'd bonded with her the easiest when she was first born and when she was a child, she had definitely been a daddy's girl. Although there had been rocky times between them throughout her teenage years, there had only been one real time where their bond had been seriously tested. Max remembered the day when Lauren had told him to leave the square as if it was yesterday. It was Lauren's words that had hurt more than any other that day and it was because of what she'd said that he'd left. In much the same way that it was her words that influenced his return just a few months later. 'I need your help...' had been the phrase she'd used and it was only then he knew that Walford was where he needed and wanted to be. And he hadn't realised at the time just how much help she would need.
Max remembered when the realisation about her reliance on alcohol had hit home for him and Tanya. It was the day after Pat's funeral when Abi had told them exactly what had been happening with their eldest daughter. To say he'd been shocked and disappointed by her behaviour was an understatement but when he heard her speak at the doctor's office later that day and he'd discovered a lot of her problems stemmed back to when she'd been coping with Tanya's cancer diagnosis on her own, he couldn't help feeling partially responsible. If he'd been there in the first place she wouldn't have been under as much pressure and maybe her drinking wouldn't have got so bad.
However Max had been proud of Lauren when she finally asked for their help just after her eighteenth birthday and he'd been more than willing to support her through those first few weeks. And those weeks had been tough, both for him and for Lauren. It was painful watching her suffering like she had during that time but it was better than seeing her slowly kill herself like she'd been doing with her drinking. Tanya had initially wanted to send her away to a professional centre to get some help but Lauren had hated the idea and after he'd talked to her and spoke to the family doctor to get some advice, Max had offered to help her. Jack had taken over the running of the car lot for a month initially but it turned into almost three so Max could devote his time to being there for Lauren. And it had led to the bond between them being firmly re-established. That's not to say there weren't times when Lauren said she hated him, when she spent hours screaming and crying at him and there was even one time when she'd kicked and punched out at him as her body went through the withdrawal.
The nights had been the worst as she couldn't sleep at all. She had a lot of pent up energy during those times, the days seemed to be when her body ached and she was either being sick or felt so drained of energy she could barely move. At night though, it was almost like flicking a switch and she seemed to come alive. So there were times when the two of them would walk around the square while she tried to get to such a point of exhaustion where she could sleep. They'd talked a lot with the vast amount of time they spent together, about her childhood, her teenage years, about when her drinking really started and how Bradley's death had been the first contributing factor to her steady spiral downwards. This was another reason for Max to feel guilty as he blamed himself for that too. Over time though, Max had really been able to connect with his daughter and to see her now facing having to go through the whole process once more was daunting for him. Not that there was any chance of him not being there for her. He was going to be by her side one hundred percent of the time if he had his way.
It was during one of their many discussions that they'd discussed her returning to school. She'd quietly admitted to him how she really enjoyed her art classes when she was at school but everything else had bored her silly. He watched her as she'd spent an afternoon with him working on a promotional flyer for the car lot. He'd seen how good she was and the life shining from her eyes when she drew so he'd encouraged her to look into something along that line. During one of her better days she'd searched online and had found a couple of courses at some colleges she liked the look of. With Max's help she'd filled in the application forms and sent them off and she'd been accepted at the one she'd really wanted to go to which had truly helped motivate her to deal with her issues.
Max still remembered the joy on her face when she read that letter from them telling her they'd granted her a place starting in September and she'd hugged him so tightly it was like having his little girl back all over again.
Max heard her stir on the bed and looked at her, brushing away his tears so she didn't see. He didn't want her to feel guilty; she didn't need that on top of everything else going on. She opened her eyes and he could see that for a few seconds she was confused about where she was and then he saw the realisation on her face, quickly followed by the sheer terror as she remembered what had happened with Joey. "I'm so sorry, dad." She murmured.
"It's okay, babe." He said, although it really wasn't.
"I didn't mean to do it." Max watched her, knowing it was important that she said what was on her mind. The more she held it in, the bigger the implosion later on. "After Joey told me," He heard the pain in her voice at her words but she kept speaking before he could say anything, "everything was a bit of a blur. I felt numb and I didn't really know exactly where I was. I just ran away from him and once I got onto the main road there was a supermarket. It's a bit like an out of body experience, you know? I bought the bottle without even thinking about it." Tears began fall from her eyes, "I just wanted to forget what he'd told me. I felt cheap and dirty and the vodka helped." Max reached his hand forward and he brushed away her tears gently, "I don't remember going back to the college... I don't really remember much of it once I started drinking. I see flashes of me destroying my pictures. Everything hurt and I was really tired and overwhelmed by it all. Then I knew I needed to call you. I needed you to save me." She whispered the last sentence to him.
"You know I always will," he promised her with a small smile.
"Is mum angry with me?" she asked, frowning slightly. Whereas her relationship with Max had improved, there were times where Tanya's relationship with Lauren hit rock bottom. In fact it was only since Christmas that things had stabilised somewhat.
"No, Lauren. She's worried about what you're facing now and she was scared when I called her last night. We both were."
"I'm sorry, daddy." She closed her eyes, "Can I see Joey yet?" she whispered.
"Yeah. The nurse came a while ago but you were asleep so I let you rest. His mum and sister will be with him now."
"Can we go and see him?"
"Let me go and speak to the nurse outside and see what we can do." He walked out of the room, returning a couple of minutes later. "She's getting a wheelchair to take you down there."
"I can walk..."
"It's a long way and it's standard procedure. You've been through a lot and you haven't been sleeping well. Don't argue about this, Lauren, please."
"Okay." She relented.
The wheelchair arrived and Max helped her into it. He covered her legs with a blanket and put one around her shoulders too. The nurse came in and transferred the IV stand so it was attached to the back of the wheelchair and Max and the nurse started the journey with her down to the Intensive Care ward. When they got there Max could see that Lesley and Alice were both in with Joey.
"I'll go and see if Lauren can see Joey for a little while," the nurse said.
"Thanks," Max said.
"Dad..." Lauren whispered as she stared at the door to the ward.
"Yes, babe?"
"Can you come in with me?" she asked, staring up at him and looking so vulnerable, there was never any possibility of him saying no. He nodded and she smiled in relief. The door to the ward opened and Lesley and Alice walked out.
"We're going to go home and try to get some sleep," Lesley said, "Alice is exhausted and I'm not far behind her."
Max stood and pulled out his wallet, "Get a cab home..." he said, passing her a few notes. Lesley stared at him and he wondered if she'd reject it, "Please, Lesley. You and Alice are family and we look after each other." She nodded, "We'll stay with Joey."
"I'll give you my number in case anything happens." She said.
"I hope I don't have to use it." Max said.
After passing a piece of paper with her mobile number and home numbers on it to Max, Lesley crouched down by Lauren, "It's pretty scary in there, Lauren. Try not to worry, he's doing okay at the moment." She leant forward and wrapped her arms around Lauren's shoulders, "You look after yourself as well, okay." Lauren nodded, surprised by the comfort Joey's mum was showing her. Why didn't she blame her? It was her fault Joey was here, not anyone elses.
Lesley and Alice left and Max pushed Lauren towards the ward and then through the doors. Lauren gasped when she saw Joey in the bed. He looked much worse than she'd thought he would, even after the doctor's warning. "You okay, babe?" Max asked her. Lauren nodded and Max pushed her closer to where Joey lay. Lauren wasn't sure what she was expecting but this hadn't been it. Joey was lying in the bed, his top half naked with a blanket pulled up to his waist and there were several sensors attached to his chest. As she looked at him closer she could see several IV's going into his right arm, much like the one she had. What scared her most of all though was the oxygen tube that was going directly down his throat. The doctor hadn't been kidding either, there were machines everywhere, surrounding both sides of the bed. Lauren looked at them all in bewilderment, hearing the noises they were making but not really knowing what any of it meant.
"I'll give you some time alone with him. I'll wait outside, Lauren. Just let me know if you need anything." He told her gently.
Lauren looked at him, petrified of being in this room on her own, "Can you stay?" she asked him hesitantly.
"Of course." He said with a smile, grabbing a chair and pulling it closer to where she sat.
"I didn't expect him to look like this..." she whispered as she ran her eyes over her... was he still her boyfriend? In her heart he was, of that she was certain. She decided that until he told her otherwise that was how she was going to think of him. "I thought it would just look like he was asleep..."
"I think the oxygen is just to ensure he gets enough." Max rested his arm on the back of the wheelchair, his hand brushing the side of her arm. "If his condition worsens and he does have a stroke, it will be really important that he gets enough oxygen into his system."
"Do you think he will?" she whispered.
"I don't know, babe. I think it's too early to tell."
"Will he end up like granddad?" she asks.
Max looked at her, surprised by her question. She was still looking at Joey and he could tell she was unsure of what to do. Using his free hand he reached for her face and coaxed her to turn it so she had to look at him. "You need to believe that he's going to get better. Don't start worrying about things that haven't and may never happen."
"But..."
"Lauren, Joey needs you to be strong for him now. He can't do this on his own; he needs people around him who love and care for him. Why don't you concentrate on that for the time being?"
Lauren stared at her father, "You never told me what you thought about me and him being together..." she said.
"I just want you to be happy, Lauren. It's all I've ever wanted for you and up until recently you've been just that. I know that was because of Joey so how can I be upset about you seeing him?"
"But we're related..." she whispered.
"I know, babe and I realise it's complicated for you because you've both found this out after the feelings between you have developed but Joey's mum has looked into it and it's not illegal for you to be with him."
"And you would be okay with that?" she asked him in disbelief.
"If I thought neither of you were serious about this or Joey had ulterior motives then, yes, I'd probably not be quite so open to this but I know that's not the case. Joey wouldn't be where he is now if he didn't love you and I can see it on your face every time you look at him. So, yes I'd be okay with you seeing him... That's not to say he's not in for a world of pain if he hurts you again."
Lauren leans against him, wrapping an arm across his waist and half-hugging him. "Thanks dad."
"Why don't you talk to him?" He said to her gently.
"I don't know what I want to say..."
"I thought you wanted to apologise for what you said to him earlier?"
"I did. I do. What if he doesn't want to hear it?"
"Babe, Joey was devastated by what you'd said to him. I think it's unlikely he wouldn't want to hear what you have to say." He pushed her away from him and nudged her towards Joey. "Go on..."
Lauren pulled her chair forward, sitting by his bedside. The fingers of her right hand tentatively touched his left arm and she rested her head softly on his arm, her fingers brushing softly across his skin. She lay like that for a little while, feeling the warmth of his skin heating her cheek. She tried to focus on how she felt about Joey rather than how she was feeling about sitting in this room like this. Finally she felt more centred and she lifted her head and slowly turned her eyes to look at his face. She moved further up the bed, lifting her hand and running her fingers through his hair softly. "Joe," she said in a whisper, "I'm so sorry you're here like this. I know this is my fault and I shouldn't have pushed you away like I did. I lied to you and I swore I was never going to do that." She swallowed and paused as she prepared herself for what she was about to tell him, "The truth is, Joey, I love you so much it was painful for me to think about losing you. And I thought I was going to. I knew in my heart you were going to leave me and it scared me and I didn't know how to react. So I panicked. I want you in my life, Joe. I know you think it's wrong and a little part of me understands that because I feel that way a bit too but more than anything I don't want to be without you. I don't know if I can be. The last nine months with you have been the happiest of my life and I met you at a time when I really doubted I could ever be that way or even deserved to feel that way. My art gave me a little taste for it but it became so much easier once I met you." She swallowed and took a deep breath, turning to look at her dad, "Can I have some water?" she asked him quietly. He nodded and rose to his feet, leaving the room and the two of them alone. Lauren turned back to him, "Joe, I've never met someone like you before. You've shown me what it's like to be loved by someone and treated like the centre of their world. I fell in love with you so quickly and at first I was scared you didn't feel the same way but you showed me such passion and you cared for me in a way I'd never experienced before." She heard the door open to the room but continued speaking softly to her boyfriend, needing him to know everything she felt. "I was so unsure when I first met you. I didn't think someone like you could want a girl like me. I was in a place in my life where I felt so unworthy but you made me realise I deserved someone to love me. You made me feel beautiful, Joey. And suddenly I couldn't imagine you not being in my life. And I still can't. The problem is I don't want you in my life as my cousin, Joe. The way I feel about you is so much more than that. I want you in my future as my boyfriend." She leant down and kissed his shoulder tenderly, "Before I met you I didn't even imagine a future. All I could concentrate on was getting through each day without having a drink. Each moment was a constant struggle with the desire to open a bottle and lose myself in it. Then I bumped, quite literally, into you and everything changed. Suddenly I started thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. Now when I think of what I want in my future, the thing I always see is you, Joe." Tears roll down her face and she brushes her fingers down his face, hoping he can hear what she's telling him. "I imagine what it would be like to have you hold me in your arms every night as I sleep. I want that every day, Joey. I miss you when you're not there. I dream about opening my eyes every morning and seeing you staring back at me. I want your kiss to be the first and last thing I experience each day." She blushed slightly but knew she needed to say this, "I want the emotional connection we share when we make love, Joey. I've never felt that way with anyone else and I know I never will. I love you more than I knew it was possible to do so." She lowered her head to his shoulder and took a couple of deep breaths before looking back at his face, "I think about the possibility of us having children. Me, Lauren Branning, who's never had to be responsible for anything in her life thinking about raising a child with you, if you were awake now I know you'd be laughing. But maybe you wouldn't because I sometimes wonder if you've thought these things too. I wish you could tell me. I'm not saying I want this now. There are a lot of things we need to sort out before we go down that route but for the first time in my life I can see myself doing that in the future. With you." She whispered.
Max stepped forward and passed her the plastic cup of water he was holding, brushing his hand through her hair. He was a little surprised by what she'd just admitted. Obviously he'd assumed their relationship had been sexual, he'd have been an idiot to have thought otherwise. After all they'd been seeing each other nine months. It wasn't something he particularly liked thinking about his daughter so he tried not to wherever possible. But his daughter was an adult now and she was at the age where that part of a relationship was important to her. What really surprised him about what he'd just heard was the part about her having dreamt about a future with Joey, imagining having children with him. Like Lauren he'd never seen her as the mothering kind. She just seemed to be less drawn towards them than, say Abi for example. Lauren had always been a free spirit and he'd never seen her getting tied into one relationship, never mind marriage or children. He, himself, had wanted that for her, knowing she would benefit from the stability a relationship of that kind would give her but he'd hadn't even thought about her having a child which is probably an odd thing for a parent to admit but he hadn't. He took his seat near her again, clearing his throat softly and she looked at him quickly. "The nurse told me the doctor will be around in a few minutes to assess him again."
"Is he going to make me go back to my room?" She asked, a panicky look on her face.
"I don't know, babe."
"I'll be good but I can't leave him alone, daddy." She was gripping Joey's hand tightly and Max had known this was going to happen.
"Let me speak to the doctor, okay. I'll try and convince him to let you stay here. But if he allows it you will follow his instructions to the letter, okay?" She nodded and he left the room, hoping to speak to the doctor before he came into the room.
"Joe, I'm going to have to be quick because I don't know if the doctor is going to let me stay much longer. I'm sorry for the things I said to you earlier. I hope you realise by now that I love you. I need you to help me because I'm scared about what the doctors are going to find when they send me for tests. I know I need to do this, I need to know what damage I might have done but I'm scared I might have done too much. So I want to make you a deal, I'm going to help you through this. We can do this together I know we can. You're going to recover from this, I promise. In return for me helping you with this, you're going to wake up and work really hard to get back to being the Joey I know and love and then together we'll sort out my medical situation. And while I'm asking you for favours, I know I need to stop turning to the alcohol, so can you be what I turn to instead? My dad can't always be there and sometimes I need support that he can't give me and I think you'd be pretty fantastic for that role. So I hope you're up for the job, Joe because I'm more than ready to keep to my side of the deal." She stared at him, a small part of her hoping for a response from him.
The door to the room opened and the doctor and Max both walked in. "How are you feeling, Lauren?" The doctor asked as he walked over to the bed. He began to look at various machines surrounding Joey but she could tell he was waiting her answer too.
"I'm okay. I'll be better if you say Joey is getting better."
"Your dad tells me you got some sleep earlier on, before you came down here."
"Yeah. About two hours apparently."
The room fell silent as he continued examining Joey. He made some notes in Joey's file and did something to the IV. Once he was done he walked round the bed to Lauren after dragging over a blood pressure machine. He put it around Lauren's arm and took her blood pressure. Then he took her temperature. "You seem to be okay, Lauren. Your dad has asked if you can stay here with Joey and despite what I said earlier, I'm going to allow it." Lauren smiled and looked at her dad gratefully. "Under the following conditions," he added and Lauren's smile fell. "I will get a nurse to bring you something to eat and you will eat it all, young lady."
"Okay." She said softly.
"You are also to not strain yourself. I expect you to stay in that wheelchair, beside this bed. No running around. You sit here and keep doing whatever you've been doing." He smiled at her, "His condition is improving."
Lauren smiled at him, blushing slightly. "Do you think he can hear what I'm saying?"
"People who've come out of a coma have said they could hear what people around them were saying but it's different for everyone. I like to think there's no harm in you saying things to him. If he can hear you he'll know when he wakes up. If he can't it's probably cathartic for you to say those things anyway so it'll be beneficial for you as well."
"When do you think you'll be able to take him out of the coma?" Lauren asked, glancing at Joey's face and squeezing his hand.
"We're going to take him for another scan in the morning and it depends on the results of that. At this stage I can't promise anything more than that, Lauren."
"Okay." She said, a little sad she hadn't been able to get any more from him, "I can live with that." The doctor left the room and Lauren turned back to Joey, "Well done, Joe. You're already working on your part of the deal." She said to him softly, confusing her dad completely. "I'm going to be here for you, Joey." She moved a little closer to his head and leant as far forward as she could, brushing her lips against his cheek. She rested her head on his pillow, lifting her hand and caressing his face softly as she stared at him. She lay there in silence for some time, relaxing as she realised that even over the hospital smell she could still catch the faint scent of Joey.
TBC
A/N: So that was a really long chapter. What did you think? I hope you liked it... Anyway back tomorrow. Sorry it's later than I intended... just needed one read through before I posted and I got home late. Also - I'm not a doctor, nor do I have a drinking problem so I've had to guess a little what it's like to go through what Lauren went through.