A few hours later as the euphoria of the pain killers wore off Lizzie began to get a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach about what she had done to her dad earlier. As she sat on the bed watching the TV without really seeing what was on the screen she wondered if she could ever face him again after what she had done. "God, I really fucked up this time," she said out loud to herself. "Why can't I get anything right?"

While she was busy mentally kicking herself for her failings both real and imaginary her mom knocked on her bedroom door. "Lizzie can I come in?"

When Lizzie heard that she thought 'I'm really gonna get it now.' She grabbed the remote and shut off the TV then answered loud enough to be heard through the door"Sure."

Mrs. McGuire entered the room then pulled out the chair at the desk and turned it so she would be facing Lizzie when she sat down. The sick feeling intensified when Lizzie saw that because she knew she was in for one of her mom's serious discussions about something she'd done wrong. As her mother did that thought's of what she had to her father earlier and how ashamed she was of her actions raced through her mind. She considered just waiting until her mom brought it up or to bring it up first and hope her mom wouldn't be too mad at her. In the end her habit of not talking about such things if at all possible won out.

Once she was seated Mrs. McGuire said "Lizzie I have something important to ask you and I need an honest answer no matter what."

Lizzie hated when her mom said things like that because she knew that any vague or ambiguous answers wouldn't be accepted. There would be no wiggle room for her to not admit it without lying. Hiding something by not saying anything about it was different and she was good at doing but not lying. She never could lie to her mom without being caught and she knew that well from past experience. So in response to what her mom had just said Lizzie sighed as she nodded her head slightly in agreement.

Mrs. McGuire took a medicine bottle out of her pocket and showed it to Lizzie. "I just noticed a little bit ago that there are fewer pills in this bottle than there should be. Did you take them?"

Lizzie didn't need to look to know that it was the Vicodin bottle her mom was showing. She mentally added not realizing her mom would notice the missing pills to the growing list of ways she had messed up that day while thinking 'I'm being such a damn idiot today'. She nodded her head as she decided to just get it over with as quickly as possible. "Yeah, I took them," then after a split second's hesitation went on to answer the obvious next question before her mom asked it. "But I only did it to make sure it wouldn't hurt this time just in case."

As soon as those words were out of her mouth Lizzie thought 'Oh God, why did I just say that?' as she realized that it was about the worst way she could have answered the question she' known was coming. While waiting for her mom's response she couldn't help thinking 'Why am I being so fucking dumb today?'

Mrs. McGuire was a little bit surprised by Lizzie's response and also a little afraid to ask what it was that she was referring to. What do you mean by that? Make sure what wouldn't hurt?"

Right then Lizzie knew that there was no way her mom wouldn't let it go until she answered the question and since she never could lie convincingly when answering a direct question her only option was to answer the question truthfully. She sighed loudly before telling her mom what she had done that morning while alone with her dad. She managed to tell her mom about it with only minimal details and the briefest explanation of why. Then she added how bad she felt about what she had done.

Mrs. McGuire was stunned by what her daughter was telling her. She'd known from some of the things Lizzie had said and done recently that something like this happening was possible. Dr. Wilkerling had even told her a couple times it was likely that Lizzie would exhibit uncharacteristic behavior during the early stages of her recovery, which was not unusual in cases like this. She had thought that she was ready for what ever form it might take, yet when faced with the reality it was almost more than she could handle. While it had left her emotions in such a turmoil that it felt almost unbearable she instinctively knew that if she didn't remain calm and collected it would make her daughter feel even worse than she already did about it.

After Lizzie finished talking Mr. McGuire took few slow deep breaths to calm herself before she said

"Lizzie, darling I'm glad you told me about that and first of all I want you to know that what you did won't make your father and I love you any less than we already do. There is nothing that you could say or do that would make us stop loving you so you can talk to us about anything at any time. OK."

Lizzie had heard her mom and dad say that too many times to count but her experiences in the past five years had made her believe it even less than she already had. Yet this time when her mom said it it seemed to Lizzie that she might actually mean it. She couldn't help wondering if she really could tell them about all the dirty and disgusting things she'd been so careful to keep secret. After considering that idea for a few seconds Lizzie felt uncomfortable just thinking about it which made her realized that she could never do it. Then suddenly it hit her what her mom's reaction to what she'd just told her really ment.

"Dad didn't tell you about me taking off my clothes, did he?"

"No he didn't. All he told me was that you two had a long talk and everything was straightened out between you two." Then by force of habit Mrs' McGuire couldn't help adding "It is straightened out isn't it?"

Lizzie took a couple moments as she remembered how happy she was when her dad had refused her offer that morning along with his reassurance that he would never do anything like that because he loved her too much. She smiled as she replied "Yeah it's all straightened out."

Lizzie couldn't help thinking about how her mom had been right about how her dad felt about her and how wrong she'd been to not believe it. She felt so sorry about not believing what her mom had told her and said "Mom I'm so sorry for not believing what you told me about dad and how he feels about me."

Mrs. McGuire was tempted to tell Lizzie that she didn't need to apologize but the look in her daughter's eyes told her that she needed to apologize so very much. It was a hard thing for her to do when she knew that in comparison with her's and Sam's failing in their duty to protect her, the mistakes Lizzie had made earlier were of little consequence. Mrs. McGuire felt as if she should be the one apologizing to Lizzie for failing to notice that something was wrong from the very beginning and failing to protect her from the abuses she had endured. ""That's OK honey, I understand why you didn't believe that and don't worry about it."

While her mom responded to her apology, Lizzie noticed that her mom was fidgeting with the medicine bottle. Then just as she wondered if her mom had forgotten about the extra pills she had taken earlier Mrs. McGuire said "Now about these pills, I don't want you to taking any more of these again without asking me first." Her mom shook the pill bottle causing the remaining pills to rattle around inside the container. "These are a narcotic drug. Do you know what that means?"

Lizzie wasn't sure but judging from the way her mom said the word narcotic it probably wasn't good. She vaguely remembered that it might have been mentioned in the drug awareness part of last years health class. Unfortunately she couldn't be sure of that because that was when she, Miranda, Kate, Veruca along with half of the girls in her class had a crush on Mr. Keith who had been substituting for Mrs. Stebel. Now she wished that she'd paid more attention to what was going on in health class than day dreaming about Mr. Keith and thinking of ways to get him to notice her instead of all the other girls.

Mrs. McGuire took her daughter's silence as a negative reply to her question and went on to explain it. "It means that as long as you take them the way the doctor prescribed them they're OK and control the pain. But if you abuse them by taking more than you're supposed to they not only kill the pain they also make you high, stoned or whatever you kids call it these days. When you're like that you can't think clearly and you're more likely to do things you wouldn't normally do. Also if you abuse them you can get addicted to them and start taking more and more of them. When you do that they can have some really bad side effects. You can even die from taking too many of them."

As soon as she said that Mrs. McGuire choked up so that she couldn't continue what she was saying. Until recently even remotely considering the possibility of one of her precious babies dying was virtually impossible, but now that it had almost happened it had become a very real possibility. Now it was something that she could never again ignore or dismiss like she'd done in the past and it scared the hell out of her. After a second she was able to continue. "Promise me that you'll never take any more than the directions say to."

Lizzie was still focusing on the where her mom said that taking too many of the pills could make her not think clearly or do things she wouldn't normally do when she realized that her mom was waiting for her reply. It took a second or so for the rest of what her mom said to register. Lizzie was about to answer in her usual somewhat ambiguous manner but when she saw the scared look in her mom's eyes she knew her mom was really serious about it. So Lizzie nodded her head as she said "Of course I will. I promise that I'll never take any more this medicine than the prescription says or any other medicine ever again."

As she said it Lizzie realized that, even if her mom hadn't given all those reasons not to take so many pain pills again, she meant every word of what she said. When she took the pain killers as directed it only reduced the pain but taking more of them didn't make the pain go away she had thought it would. They did make her feel weird when she took too many. It felt lot like when she was really tired and couldn't think straight, which was a feeling she hated.

"Mom I feel really bad about what did to dad this morning and I'm really, really sorry. Can you tell him that for me?"

"I could, but it would be better if you told him yourself."

"I want to but I don't know if I should. I mean I don't want to upset him or make him angry."

Mrs. McGuire was a bit puzzled by Lizzie's reply. "Why do you think he'd get angry by you apologizing?"

"Well he said that he wasn't angry at me but I could tell that when I did those things it made him really upset and angry. It kind of scared me at first cause I thought he might hit me or something then he calmed down. So I don't think I should apologize and remind him about it again because really don't want to take a chance on upsetting dad again"

Mrs. McGuire moved from the chair and sat next to Lizzie and hugged her as she said "Oh sweetie, one thing can promise you is that no matter how angry and upset is at you, or something you do, your father will never, ever hit you or deliberately do anything to hurt you. Can you remember any time the he's ever hit you?" Lizzie shook her head no. "And he never will in the future either. In fact I'm sure he didn't mean to scare you." Mrs. McGuire pause for a couple seconds the n added "I'm going to talk with him in a few minutes any way and if you still want me to I can give him you apology but I really think it would be better if you did it yourself. Not only would it mean more to him, it would also make you feel a lot better too if you apologized yourself."

After saying that Mrs. McGuire got up to leave the room. Lizzie watched as her mom put the chair back where it belonged as she left the room. She thought about what her mom had just said Then before closing the door her mom said "Please think about it at least."

"Yeah, sure." Lizzie muttered to herself after she hear the door click shut. She considered turning on the TV but decided to listen to some music instead. She picked up the four CD's she'd gotten as gifts at the party. The first one was Avril Lavigne's Let Go, the next was The Calling's Camino Palmero, the n Pink's Missundaztood and the last was a Greatest Hits CD by a band she never heard of before called Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band. She knew she wasn't in the mood to listen to Avril Lavigne or Pink's music and The Calling's stuff was being played to death on MTV and the radio. When she opened the last one there was a note in it.

Lizzie, I know it's old music but I think you'll like it.

Gordo

Lizzie smiled when she read it. Leave it to Gordo to give her some old music when everyone else gave her music that was popular now. She said "What the heck, I might as well get it over with. Maybe I'll even like it." Then she put it in her CD player.

While Lizzie was listening music Mrs. McGuire was about to put Lizzie's medicine back where she always kept the medicines when she paused to consider if she should put it some where else. Until now neither of the kids had ever taken any medicine from there without her permission. In fact she'd always had to make sure they took their medicine when they should since both of them had a tendency to forget about it just like their father did. She started to take the pain and antidepressant medications down from the shelf when she heard Sam come into the kitchen and started pouring a cup of coffee.

"What are you doing Jo?"

She looked at the pill bottles in her hand and silently asked herself the same question. She wondered why she was doing it after Lizzie had promised not to take any more of them than she was supposed to. While her daughter was by no means the perfect child who never did anything wrong she had never broken a promise to her before. She sighed as she put them back then closed the cupboard. "I don't know Sam."

When Mrs. McGuire turned to face him she saw him placing two cups of coffee in front of their usual spots at the table. "Earlier when I was filling Lizzie's pill box for this week I noticed that there was some Vicodin tablets missing. When I asked her about the she said she took them and I was about to move Lizzie's medicines so she couldn't take more than she's supposed to any more."

"But..." Mr. McGuire said when she paused for a moment.

"But, she promised me that she wouldn't do that anymore. I'm sure sooner or later she'll notice it if I move them and I don't want her to think I don't trust her." She

While she'd been talking he had sat in his spot then motioned towards her chair once she finished speaking. After she sat down Mr. McGuire said "We've got one very tough and very brave daughter."

Mrs. McGuire was a bit surprised by what he just said. It was obvious that he was trying to change the subject but at first it seemed a strange thing to say yet considering everything that Lizzie had been through it was very true. "Yeah she sure is." She took a drink of coffee before continuing. "Sam, why didn't you tell me about what Lizzie did this morning?"

"I thought it would be better if you heard it from her first."

"I suppose you're right about that, but I still think you should have let me know about something this important."

"And if I had told you about it, what would you have done?" Then without giving her a chance to respond he answered the question for her. "You would have gone and confronted her about it then try to fix it even though I had already handled it. This isn't something that you can fix Jo. By doing it this way she was helping herself before you could jump in and meddle with something between me and Lizzie that had already been dealt with."

Mrs. McGuire started to open her mouth to protest when he added "You know I'm right Jo."

She knew he was right about how she would have reacted if he had told her about it first. She was glad that he knew her so well and knew how and when to prevent her from doing something she'd regret later. That was one of the things she loved about her husband even though it was often irritating as well.

"Yeah I guess you're right." She took a drink of her coffee then said "You know Sam she feel's terrible about what she did to you this morning. She's worried sick about it and you might mad or upset with her or that you might not love her any more because of it."

"She shouldn't be worried abut that at all." It was clear from the look on his face that Mr. McGuire was hurt by the idea that his daughter might think he wouldn't love her any more. "I explained it to her that I wasn't mad or upset with her and that there was nothing she could ever do that would make me love her any less."

"I know you did and I'm sure it seemed like she understood you but she didn't. She doesn't understand because she can't. Sam, how in the hell can a 15 year old girl possibly understand a parent's viewpoint on what she did this morning let alone everything she's been through that led to it."

"Maybe I should try to explain it to her again later."

"How Sam? Just how are you going to explain it so she can understand it. It's like trying to explain what it feels like to hold your newborn child for the very first time or what true love feels like or what being married to the love of your life feels." She paused for a few moments to let it sink in. "All we can do is to help her to understand what she can when she can."

"Yeah I suppose you're right." Then he took a big drink of his coffee before saying, "I suppose when it comes to our kids I'm just as bad about wanting to fix everything as you are."

Mrs. McGuire smiled at that admission. "Sam, Lizzie wants to apologize to you about what she did this morning but she's afraid to because it might make you angry or upset you."

""What!" he exclaimed in surprise. "I'd never get angry or be upset by any apology she might make."

"That's what I told her."

"Besides Jo, she doesn't need to apologize at all. In fact I owe her an apology. I let her down so much. I'm supposed to protect her from the things that happened to her. I should have known right away when something was wrong with her but I didn't. I could apologize to her every hour of every day till the end of time and it wouldn't be enough."

"I know Sam and I feel the same way but she needs to apologize even though, as far as we're concerned, she doesn't need to. The problem is that she'd never understand that until she has kids of her own. Anyway I told her to at least think about it and I'm pretty sure that sometime later today she will apologize to you. When she does I want you to accept it with out saying that she doesn't need to apologize. OK."

It took him a few seconds to respond but she could almost hear the thoughts running through her husband's mind. "Sure, I'll do it but it just doesn't seem right. She's been through hell and I wish there was something I could do to make it all better but it's going to take time for her to get over it. Then when something like what happened this morning or at the party it just makes me so angry."

"I know because it makes me angry too." Mrs. McGuire sighed as she thought about how at times it made her angry enough to wish that the men who did to be executed it the most excruciating way possible.

While her parents were talking Lizzie she listened to music. At first she listened to the CD Gordo had given her but after listening the the first couple songs she shut it off because it was too sad and also sounded a lot like the music her mom & dad listened to. She considered putting in one of her other CD's then decided to turn on the radio instead. At first it was tuned to the station she usually listened to but she wasn't in the mood to listen to the sappy pop love songs the station played. So she scanned the channels until she found a station playing a song that really caught her attention. After the song ended the DJ announced that the song had been Roller Coaster by Blink 182 then said after the commercial break there would be a block of 5 songs by the same band.

As she listened to that block of songs she mentally beat herself up for being so stupid earlier. She found it hard to believe what her mom said about her dad not being mad at her after what she had done. She knew that wasn't true because she had seen the the anger smoldering in his eyes afterward. At first she had believed him when he said he wasn't mad at her but thinking about it later Lizzie had remembered that John Larson & Paolo Valisari had said similar things not too long before they stabbed her then threw her in the trash to die.

The memory of it was so vivid that it was almost as if she was there again. They had caught her begging some of the men raping her to kill her so the pain and humiliation would end. By that time she was hurting in ways and places she'd never imagined was possible. At first both of them looked very angry, then they had talked to her in calm soothing tones and convinced her that it would all soon be over. They said that if she cooperated and did what they told her to it would be over sooner and they'd let her go that much sooner. They had lied. Once they were done with her Paolo had a couple men throw her in the trunk of a car . They hadn't even given her a chance to put on any clothes on so she had lain naked in the cold dark trunk shivering for what seemed like hours terrified at what might happen next. Then then the car started moving swaying back and forth as it went to where ever it was going.

When the car stooped she came alert as if she'd been sleeping and someone had made a loud noise while shaking her. At first it was pitch black then the car's trunk opened up. As the lid was lifted the trunk was flooded with the blue light of a security light which seemed as bright as the noonday sun after the total darkness she had been in. Then two giant demons reached in and lifted her out of the trunk as if she was a child's doll. They stood her up in front of John and Paolo and held her there in an unbreakable grip with their talons so she couldn't escape. She was so scared that she didn't even notice the cold night air raising goose bumps on bare skin.

Paolo was the first to speak. He had an evil grin on his face as he said "You have no idea how much I've been looking forward to this moment, you God damn bitch." Paolo practically barked out the last four words. "Ever since you and your evil twin Isabella humiliated me and made me a laughingstock in front of the whole world on TV I've been dreaming of this moment." As he spoke Lizzie could see a look of pure hate in his eyes. Right then she knew he was going to kill her and there was nothing that could stop it. He was no longer the cute and sexy Italian boy she'd been attracted to just a few month ago when she had hopes of leaving he dirty past behind and living a normal life. Now he was a diabolical fiend with his face all twisted up with hate."While I can't touch that fucking whore I can and have been making you pay for what you did to me. Lucky for me that I found someone who told me not only where to find you but he put me in touch with someone who could take care of everything I needed to take my revenge on you. That person was John here, who I found out later was also your old friend and lover."

"Umm, make that ex-lover," John said correcting him. He gave Lizzie a smile that chilled to the core then he said."After Paolo explained everything to me, I was the one who pointed out how he could use you to humiliate, maybe even make that Isabella bitch more reachable, while getting his and my revenge on you. You didn't really think I'd let you send me back to prison, did you? Besides that by doing it this way we can make some money while we're at it. Like I pointed out to him, you always were and still are a pretty little thing and pictures & videos of pretty little girls sell quite well. I also convinced him to make your death a long slow one." As he spoke John pulled out a wicked looking knife and lightly touched it's cold steel tip to her throat. The way I see it you don't deserve a quick & painless death. Not only that but we're also gonna throw you in the trash because now that we're done with you that's all you are. You're nothing but a sex toy for men to use then throw away once they're done. You're nothing but trash. A worthless piece of trash."

Those words echoed in her mind getting louder each time they repeated. Then suddenly she heard a deep gravely voice came from the car that sounded to her as if it belonged to a monster from the pits of hell. "Dispose of the bitch and let's get going, we've got a lot of work to do before I leave for home."

After hearing that Paolo held out his and towards John and said "I believe the honor of the first strike is mine."

As he moved towards her with the knife Lizzie started screaming. She struggled to get away but the grip of the two thugs holding her was so strong that here efforts were useless. Then she felt the knife pierce her skin. The pain and shock of it cut off her screams. As Paolo withdrew the blade from her abdomen her legs buckled beneath her and she would have fallen to the ground if she wasn't being held up.

Time became distorted for her as it seemed to both slow down yet speed up at the same time. Each time the knife entered he body it seemed agonizingly slow yet it happened too fast for her to count them. First Paolo was stabbing her then all of a sudden it was John stabbing her. Both of them looked like devils from hell as they were stabbing her. Then the next thing she knew she was being thrown into one of the nearby trash bins. This brought new levels of pain as rough handling aggravated the stab wounds she'd just received causing her to involuntarily cry out. Then suddenly she was plunged into darkness as the lid to the bin was closed.

As she lay there in the darkness surrounded by the foul smells of trash and garbage it seemed like the filth was trying to pull her deeper inside of it. Yet as painful and difficult as it was she struggled as much as she possibly could to escape that pull. While she was doing that a little voice in her head kept trying to tell her that none of this was real. It said that she'd been rescued and was safe at home and that all this was just one more nightmare that she'd soon wake up from. Then another voice said it all was real and that it had happened and still was and that her rescue was just an impossible dream. It seemed like s those two voices warred in her head for control as she laid in the trash dieing slowly.

After an endless time she realized that the lid to the trash bin was open again and she was no longer in total darkness. Some how she knew that it had been open for a while but she couldn't remember when it had opened. She also vaguely remembered hearing other voices than the ones arguing in her head. Then she saw a face looking down at her but she couldn't see who it was. It took a tremendous effort of will power but she finally focused her eyes enough to see her dad's face looking down at her lying in the trash. She tried with every ounce of strength she had left in her body to call out to him for help. At first nothing happened but she kept trying with all her might and then she could hear her own voice calling out to him weakly. "Dad, please help me. Please save me dad."

At first there was no sign on his face that he had heard her pleas for help. Then his eyes widened a bit and he leaned in a tiny bit closer. When she saw that Lizzie felt hope returning to her giving her a measure of strength which she used to redouble her cries for help. After she did that he started to reach out his hand towards her. Then when his hand was almost within reach it suddenly stopped. After his hand had stopped moving towards her Lizzie added promises to pleasure him in any way he wanted whenever he wanted to her pleas for help. When her dad heard that a look look of revulsion then anger appeared on his face. The next thing he reached up and slammed the lid closed on the bin, plunging her once more into darkness.

At first Lizzie was too stunned by what her dad's reaction then she started crying out as loudly as she could "I'm sorry dad, I'm sorry for everything I did. Dad I'm so sorry." She kept saying those words over and over again in hopes that he'd hear them and forgive her.

Then she woke up with he mom gently shaking her while saying "Wake up Lizzie, wake up. It's just a bad dream honey. Every thing's alright."

It took Lizzie a few seconds to finish waking up and realize that it had all just been another nightmare and that she wasn't dying while laying in the garbage as if she was just another piece of trash. When she saw her dad standing next to her bed along side her mom with a worried look on his face she recalled what she had done to him that morning. She knew that she had to apologize for what she'd done and ask for his forgiveness regardless of how he might react. "Dad I'm sorry for what I did this morning. I'm so ashamed of myself and I promise I'll never do anything like that ever again. I'm really, really sorry and I hope that you'll forgive me."

Lizzie hung her head in shame not daring to look him in the eyes while waiting for his response. She wouldn't blame him if he didn't accept her apology and forgive her even though she so desperately needed it. She need it more than anything else right then, even more than life itself. That thought totally surprised her because it seemed like something out a romance novel yet it was so true.

"Of course I forgive you." When she heard him say that Lizzie let out the breath that she'd been unaware of holding.

"I love you so much Lizzie and there is nothing, nothing at all that you can do that would change that. Don't worry about this morning OK baby. I just want you to get better and I'll do anything and everything that I need to to help you do that."