On the morning of April 5th, I put on my work boots, layered some sturdy clothing under my coat, and headed out for Community Service Day in Deer Trail. The mood was bright and cheery, and from Andrew to Mrs. Anderson and her son Caleb to Brenda, it looked like everyone in town had turned up for the fun. I helped them pick up wind-blown trash along the road and repair the playground in the park in silence. Being quiet gave me fewer opportunities to accidentally reveal something that would hurt my family, and it also helped me eavesdrop on the locals, learning more about them. I filed everything away, carefully making mental profiles of everyone in town so that I would be prepared for any situation.
Andrew spent the day at my side. He seemed to prefer silence too. Little Caleb Anderson ran through the park with the other elementary aged children, obediently helping repair the playground equipment and helpfully testing it to make sure it all worked correctly. I watched them, comparing them to Rayne. Rayne was so much more energetic and excited about life. Souls in children's bodies were subjected to tiring years of physical growth and mental development, but some qualities showed through at any age. There were no arguments, no unsightly behaviors, and certainly no disobedience. They seemed happy, but none of them exuded joy the way Rayne did. I much preferred Rayne and her endless spunk and energy.
Brenda and her clique of young women wandered around the park, picking up trash (the result of a recent windstorm on garbage day-sanitation engineers had not been able to empty all the trash cans before the wind tipped the ones in town over) and giggling at whatever they were talking about. All four of them were in their late teens or early twenties and though I had seen all of them around town, Brenda was the only one who I had ever interacted with. They were too far away to listen to their conversation, but I caught Brenda and her friends staring at me a few times. They always looked away quickly, laughing and nudging each other playfully. Unconcerned with whatever they were discussing, I went back to work and focused my attention on conversations that were happening closer to where Andrew and I were mending the swings.
Mrs. Anderson was chattering with some of her lady friends, discussing all the planets they had lived on and comparing them all to Earth. According to them, Earth was the end-all, beat-all. I silently agreed. This was by far the best planet, even though I only had one other to compare it to. Their stories were interesting though, and I found myself enjoying their descriptions of the other planets.
At one point, the mayor's wife brought up the subject of wild humans, and my ears perked. The group of women was confident that the Seekers would soon have things under control, despite recent killings in some nearby towns. I winced, knowing from Rayne that Sarge had shot a few Seekers in his time. One of the women, who I recognized as the wife of a nearby farmer, hesitantly mentioned the rumor that humans were taking their bodies back. That Souls were being locked prisoner in the minds of their own hosts while the human consciousness lived on.
That was impossible. I refused to believe it. I knew as surely as the sky was blue that Stephen no longer existed. I had replaced him. Killed him. But my heart ached with the possibility. Was there hope for rescue after all? Could the Souls just remove themselves from the planet altogether, allowing humans to return to their lives? If I had someone take me out of Stephen, would he wake up, alive and alert? I was so intently focused on the issue that Andrew's next comment startled me enough to drop my wrench.
"You do realize that you are Deer Trail's most eligible bachelor." The old man casually commented as he tightened the bolts on the swing set, tipping his head toward Brenda and her posse.
My mouth swung open in surprise, and for the moment, all thoughts of wild humans and alien Souls vanished. "What?" I exclaimed.
"Brenda and her little group of single ladies have laid claim to you. Before you arrived, I was the only single man in town, and I'm not exactly what they're looking for." He gestured to his gray hair, beer belly, and scruffy face.
"Oh." I managed as my mind carefully retraced every conversation I had ever had with Brenda. They were all cordial. Polite. Friendly. Nothing ever suggesting that she was interested in me, and certainly nothing that I had done to suggest any kind of interest in her. I had never even been introduced to the three girls she was chatting with, but apparently they knew all about me.
"Downside of a small town, even I can't escape the girly gossip." Andrew mumbled returning to his work.
I think I managed to murmur some kind of agreement, but my head was full of the repercussions of being sought after by the eligible women in town. None of the scenarios my brain was imagining were good. It was not like I could date any of them. After what I had experienced, I highly doubted I would ever connect romantically with another Soul unless they felt the same way about humans as I did. If one of them ever arrived at my house unannounced, there was no telling what they would see. I had no idea if being a single Soul in a male human body required me to entertain females in a romantic way. Would it blow my cover to refuse her, or by refusing her would she just realize that I was not interested and move on?
None of the men I lived with were authorities on women. Eric avoided them, Nate had no time for them, Sarge was wise, but admitted to being married to the army, and Rob was making no progress in his attempt to woo Rachel. No, I would need female help for this problem.
Shoving the news about wild humans and overpowered Souls aside, I finished community day with the best smile I could muster. I almost managed to avoid any run-ins with Brenda or her band of giggling girls, partially because any time I saw them move my way, I found an excuse to run an errand. Everyone was thirsty? Great, I could get hot chocolate and bring it out to share. That tool broke and we needed a replacement? Andrew happily handed over the keys to his store when I said I would go find another. The kids were hungry and cold? Sure, I could take them to the Thriftway and get them snacks and allow them to thaw out in the warm store. The one time the girls approached me directly, I immediately turned to Andrew with a complicated question about cars. Andrew raised his brow, completely aware of what I was doing, and launched into a complicated answer, sure to bore everyone but the most obsessed car junkies. I was so grateful that he played along, especially after the girls retreated, obviously disinterested in our technical babble. After he finished his explanation, he shook his head and smiled.
"You know, having a female around to take care of you isn't all bad."
I mumbled some non-committal answer and continued fixing the swing. Andrew dropped the subject and we slipped into comfortable silence once again.
At the end of the day everyone gathered for a potluck meal, hosted in the community hall that used to double as a church. I hastily made my excuses, claiming I had chores to get to before dark, and escaped to my truck. Brenda smiled and waved me off, but I barely acknowledged her. I did not want her getting the wrong idea.
I walked into the house and was greeted by exactly the two women that I needed to talk to. It was their night to cook dinner (Eric was at the silo, consumed with installing all his new equipment), so both Rachel and Jess were bustling around the kitchen, preparing fried chicken, coleslaw, cornbread, and sweet tea.
I offered to help, but they both waved me off. It was probably just as well; I was hopeless in the kitchen. I took a seat on one of the barstools, leaning onto the countertop that separated the kitchen from the dining room. For a while I just watched in silence, wondering how to ask what I needed to ask, but Jess interrupted my thoughts,
"What do you want Burns? It's pretty clear you need something." She was not annoyed, but her voice and facial expression reminded me that she had plenty of experience interpreting boys having grown up with two brothers.
"How does a man tell if a woman is interested in him? Is it always obvious flirting or do girls really play innocent or hard to get?"
Rachel dropped the spoon she was using to combine the coleslaw ingredients and Jess hit her head on an open pantry door as she snapped around to face me.
"Why do you need to know?" Rachel asked, keeping her eyes on cleaning the spoon she had dropped.
"Well, there's this woman in town. Brenda. She works at the Thriftway." I started to explain.
Rachel relaxed immediately, and shared a look that I could not interpret with a scowling Jess.
"And you think Brenda is attractive? You'd like to get to know her better but aren't sure she returns your feelings?" Rachel asked.
"No! Just the opposite! Someone in town told me she and her posse of single friends had it out for me. Apparently I'm Deer Trail's most eligible bachelor." I gave the last few words some sarcastic air quotes, and immediately Jess and Rachel adjusted their body language into interrogation mode.
"You're the only single guy in town?" Rachel asked.
"You don't want a Soul to love and share your life with?" Jess added curiously.
I frantically shook my head no, resting my forehead on the cool countertop in frustration. "None of them would understand me. They consider wild humans to be dangerous savages. They wouldn't be able to accept the choices I've made and would never understand that I care more about my human family than my Soul family. I could never become partners with someone who didn't love humans too. How do I get them to forget about me?"
Jess was quick to reply, "Lie. Tell them that you have a girlfriend. Tell them that your partner is stuck on some other planet and will join you soon."
Rachel nodded her agreement, "Though that might make them jealous. Be careful how you word it; make sure they know there is no chance of them ever getting to know you like that. Make them think you're so in love with this other Soul that you can't even function properly without her."
I nodded, pondering their answers. The next time I was at the Thriftway I would casually mention my partner stranded on Singing World until her life term was over. I would have to come up with a back-story to explain how we met and why I was not with her now, but I would figure it out.
I relaxed about my girl problems and returned my focus to the possibility of the human soul surviving insertion and remaining an active part of human body functions, battling with Souls for control of the host mind.
Though I trusted all my human family completely (except maybe Maria), this was dangerous information. I needed to keep it to myself. Do further research. Decide what I wanted to do with the information. Figure out how the information could help my band of survivors.
We ate dinner together, Rayne dominating the conversation as usual. I was abnormally quiet because I had a lot on my mind, but the adults at the table seemed to sense my need for silence. Rayne was not so perceptive. I did not hear her addressing me until she sang my name from the other side of the table at full volume. I left my musings and gave her my full attention.
"What is wrong with you, Burns?"
I gave her a sheepish smile, "I'm sorry Rayne. I just have a lot on my mind."
Jess snorted, "Yeah, today he discovered that he is Deer Trail's most eligible bachelor. He had girls following him around all day." She rolled her eyes as she slopped a second helping of coleslaw on her plate.
Nate's eyes lit up immediately and I could almost see the wheels in his head turning as he processed how best to tease me.
Oh, great. Thank you Jessica. Who knew what Nate was going to do with information like this.
"Any of them cute?" He asked playfully, wiggling his eyebrows. "You just met them, right? Did any of them give you their number so you could call them, maybe?
The rest of the adults at the table laughed as Nate started singing "Call Me Maybe" under his breath, breaking out some arm movements to the song and using his spoon as a microphone. Rayne caught on and starting singing the lyrics, and before I could escape the madness, the two of them were dancing around the kitchen, singing off key, encouraged by a round of applause from the rest of the table. I gave Jess a "you're in deep trouble" look before I grabbed my plate, set it in the sink, and retreated to my bedroom. The dance party continued downstairs while I pondered life and love. Nothing about being a human was easy. They loved too fiercely, cared too deeply, and got excited too easily. Being a Soul in a human body was even worse because I had human emotions and a Soul personality, each fighting for control of my body.
The next day life went back to normal. I maintained my farmer image, taking all the steps necessary to prepare for spring planting that was only weeks away. Everyone else made incredible progress on the silo. In just a few weeks the kitchen equipment was fully installed, there were three functioning bathrooms and a few more in the works. The water was clean and drinkable, and Rob had managed to repair the well which kept the water tanks full and fresh. The electricity was on and we managed to warm up the cold, concrete cave with space heaters. Beds and linens and furniture arrived and the girls took it upon themselves to not only create a space for everyone to live in, but to make it look like home. The move out of the farmhouse and into the silo was a quiet affair in the dead of a moonless night, and my little group of rebels started a new chapter in their collective story. Eric had completely transformed the two control rooms and was now happily geeking out as he monitored Seeker activity around the state, scanning every frequency on the radio and checking Seeker databases on a regular basis. His new professional grade kitchen was his pride and joy, and I even saw him smile a few times. Better yet, he had his own room near the control center while everyone else lived in the "apartments" down the tunnel near the actual silos. Rayne claimed two bedrooms, her old one near the kitchen that held all her toys and one in the apartments with Jess and Cole where she slept. She spent almost all her waking hours playing in her playground, swinging and whooshing down the slide—Nate frequently joined her.
I was left in the big farmhouse by myself. Even though they were all only a few miles away, I was lonely. I missed Rayne's enthusiasm and Sarge's quiet confidence and Nate's jokes. I missed Rob's ingenuity and Rachel's observant eyes and even Eric's cooking. And I missed Jess and the way she took care of me. Us. The way she took care of all of us.
The silo was good for them, though. They needed the space after living so close to each other for the last 6 months. Thanks to Eric's monitoring, we discovered that human activity, at least the obvious stuff, had become nearly nonexistent in the area. This part of the country was almost totally settled, the Souls in their new bodies and the humans who figured it out hiding underground. Nate, Rob, and Jess were all in favor of taking a roadtrip to search for more people. I was not excited about that idea, but agreed to go along. We planned the trip for summer, after spring planting and when the temperature was warm enough to sleep outside.
In the meantime, I kept busy. Spring planting was upon us and I spent hours in the fields, so grateful for the human technology that allowed me to do my job without having to plant each seed individually. We were careful, planting wheat on the outskirts of the property and around the farmhouse so that visibility was far reaching. We planted corn around and above the silo, knowing the high stalks would allow some cover if the humans ever had to evacuate quickly. We also cut a nearly invisible road to the ground level entrance on the far side, which now sported a large, camouflaged garage door, allowing vehicles to pass in and out of the tunnel without much notice. Rob and Sarge, being the strategizers they were, prepared and buried survival kits in various places out in the cornfields. Backpacks that contained everything someone needed to escape on foot.
They day they were all moved in safely, I took my first totally relaxed breath since this whole journey had begun. I was confident that the compound was unnoticeable to anyone who did not already know it existed. My cover story held up in town, and though sometimes the older women asked nosy questions, everyone seemed to believe that I was here with totally innocent purposes.
I visited the compound every chance I got and soaked in the love and feeling of belonging from my human friends. I was more confident than ever that I was doing the right thing. Humans were beautiful creatures, and one of the most wonderful things about them was their individuality and personality. Each one was more different than the next, so opposite the cookie-cutter personalities of the Souls.
One Wednesday night after I finished working in the fields, I stopped the tractor by the silo on my way home, hoping to catch my family at dinnertime. I was surprised to find a bustle of activity taking place as Rob, Nate, and Jess rushed around, packing supplies into a non-descript full-sized SUV that I had acquired on one of my many supply runs.
"What's going on?" I had no idea what was happening. Had our location been compromised so soon?
"Eric got intel that some humans are holed up in a cabin outside of Colby, Kansas. Apparently they have an unlimited supply of ammo and good aim because they've been killing any and every Seeker that tries to approach. The call for backup from Colorado Seekers was sent last night, and a whole squadron of Seekers is on their way. It's only two and a half hours away. If we hurry, we can get there before backup arrives, find a way to get them to come with us, and high-tail it back here."
"I…" I tried to talk, but my thoughts were not making sense in my head. I tried again, "I don't…"
"We know you can't come with us." Nate said as he tossed another bag of supplies in the truck, "You have to stay here. Keep up the cover story. Besides, you're only halfway through planting; it'd be odd for you to leave, even for a few hours, and we don't know how long this is going to take. We might have to lay a false trail down before we come back here."
I was speechless. What Nate was saying made sense, but I was totally and completely terrified of what would happen to them. They would not have me to protect them. They would be entirely on their own. Nate hastily grabbed my hand and pulled me into a man-hug while Rob patted me on the shoulder.
"We'll be fine. We have a cell phone and a radio. We'll keep in touch as much as we can."
They both hugged Rachel goodbye, waved to Maria, shook Sarge's hand, and then the two of them hopped into the front seats. Right behind them, Jess opened up the back door, preparing to climb in behind the passenger seat.
My speechlessness quickly turned to overpowering worry, which somehow accessed my speaking capabilities. My mouth moved of its own accord.
"No. No. Absolutely not. You are not going with them. You have to stay here. You have to take care of Rayne and do the laundry. You cannot go with them, you just can't." I walked up to the door and slammed it shut. "You're not going. That's final." I was heaving by the time I was done as I glared at Jess who glared just as defiantly back.
"I'm a grown woman who can make her own choices, and I've been through Colby multiple times on my way to visit my aunt and cousins in Topeka. You can't stop me, I'm going!"
With a huff she reopened the door, climbed in, and slammed it shut, crossing her arms and staring at the seatback in front of her. Both Rob and Nate gave me sympathetic looks, but they did nothing to come to my aide. They were actually going to let her go! The SUV was speeding down the tunnel to the ground-floor entrance before I had time to even comprehend all the facts.
They were gone. Rob. Nate. Jess. All gone. I may never see them again—or if I did, they might be completely changed. Never the same.
"Idiots." Maria muttered from her spot near the Control Center's door. She huffed in disapproval as she stalked back down the long tunnel toward her apartment. Rachel watched her leave and then addressed Sarge quietly, "Do you really think they'll be okay?"
"Yes." Sarge confidently. Nate is a quick thinker, Rob is excellent at strategy and combat, and Jess is smart. Hopefully smart enough to reign the other two in if necessary." He pulled Rayne closer to his side—she was already hugging his waist tightly as she watched the proceedings with big, scared eyes—and suggested that everyone go back to the Control Center for games and food, his eyes indicating that everyone needed to help distract Rayne.
Rachel, who was clearly terrified, caught on quickly and nodded her agreement. She faked a bright smile and turned to Rayne.
"Would you like to have a tea party with me?"
Rayne shook her head no, her demeanor changing as she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. Watching an eight-year-old compose herself so quickly was a tremendous indication of everything the young girl had adapted to. She was a tough little squirt.
She turned to me and said, "Now can we go on that tractor ride you've been promising?" Her voice was controlled, but I detected a bit of hope and Rayne-like enthusiasm behind her composed question.
I gave her my best smile and pulled her up into a hug. I wished desperately that she could live in a world without fear, but I was determined to make this world she lived in as happy as possible.
"Of course." I turned to Rachel and Sarge, "We'll be back before bedtime."
I took Rayne's hand and led her up the seven flights of stairs toward the hatch. Once in the equipment bay, I pointed toward the tractor.
"Well, get on up there. Go on."
She flashed me her mega-watt smile and ran around the side to scramble up the steps. The tires on the tractor were taller than she was, so getting into it was difficult, but she managed. Soon she was waving excitedly at me from inside the cab. I waved back and used my own long legs to jump in beside her. I pointed out some of the knobs and buttons and explained their meaning as we exited the equipment bay and took off down the road. I had planned on doing a full circle around the farm, something that would probably take us a little over an hour given the tractor's slow speed. Rayne settled comfortably into my side, the scent of her strawberry shampoo filling the cab. I smiled and hugged her closer. She was so precious. If I had a daughter, I would want her to be like Rayne.
As we were passing my farmhouse, Rayne tugged on my sleeve and whispered, "I have to go to the bathroom." She was already cringing, waiting for me to turn into Sarge and scold her for not going before we left, but I simply turned into my driveway and parked the tractor outside the house. I helped her disembark and she rushed inside, promising to only be a minute.
I waited, leaning up against the huge tractor tire, absently adding up all the things I needed to do to finish spring planting. Distracted as I was, I did not notice the truck until it was turning into my long driveway.
One glance and I was on the run. I tore open the front door and took the stairs two at a time. "Rayne!" I hissed. No response. "Rayne, you need to come out right now. Someone is coming, I have to hide you."
The bathroom door swung open, "But I didn't wash my hands." She whispered.
I ignored her comment and grabbed her by the waist. I hauled her, fireman style, down the stairs and into the huge pantry that had the trapdoor leading to the cellar. I dropped Rayne ungracefully (she landed on her feet) and pushed away the rug that was covering the door. I grabbed the metal latch and hauled the heavy oak door open, hurriedly pushing Rayne down the stairs.
"Be quiet and stay there until I come get you. Do you understand Rayne?"
She nodded solemnly and disappeared into the darkness. She knew where the lamp and matches were down there, so she would not have to sit by herself in the dark, but as I closed the hatch, I heard her whisper, "I wish I had Rainbow."
Teddy bears. Considering Rayne's attachment to that bear, I made the snap decision that we should add a teddy bear to every survival kit. It made Rayne feel safe.
I processed these thoughts as I re-covered the trapdoor and hurried outside. I was out of breath and my heart was beating out of my chest, but I mustered my best fake smile and called out, "Hi Andrew! What brings you around these parts? Anything I can do for you?"