It was already late when Claire Farron woke up the next morning. The sun already high in the sky, she couldn´t help but wonder. She hadn´t slept that long in years.
The memories of the past night flooding back to her, she just stayed under the covers for a little longer, let the information filter through her sleepy brain.
How the General had approached her in the hallway.
How she had walked back to the table, acting as if nothing had happened.
How he had joined a few minutes later.
How she had caught him staring at her from the other side of the table several times.
How she had wished he wouldn´t do that, wouldn´t do that to her, because it made things so much harder, so much harder for her.
How Serah had invited them to stay a little while longer. At least until the wedding, to which she had invited them too.
How she had escaped to her room shortly afterwards. Just to lie there, tossing and turning, and looking up at the darkened night sky, unable to find some rest, unable to get that pair of mako green eyes out of her head.
Damn.
Sighing deeply, she pushed herself up in her bed and got up to put on another summer dress before she made her way over to the bathroom to make herself look somewhat presentable.
She couldn´t help but notice how quiet the house was. Unusually quiet for a house with eight people residing in at the same time this hour of the day.
Making her way downstairs she found the living room as well as the porch outside empty.
Looking through the other rooms, she didn´t encounter anybody until she made her way outside onto the front lawn, where she found Genesis standing with his back to her, dressed in a crazy patterned Hawaiian shirt and a pair of bright red speedos that left only very little to the imagination, shamelessly peeing into her front yard.
"Genesis Rhapsodos! What do you think you are doing?!" she yelled at him once she realized what he was doing.
"Uhm... Watering the flowers?" the redhead replied nonchalantly.
At least he was descent enough to put away his *** before he turned around to face her.
The front of his shirt unbuttoned to reveal his well trained abs, that mischievous smile she knew so well tugging at his lips again told her he hadn´t missed the way her eyes had roamed his body to subconsciously check him out.
Fuck, what was wrong with her?!
She chided herself in her head for letting him catch her doing something embarrassing like that.
"Where is everyone?!" she swiftly changed the subject, hoping the redhead would just leave it at that.
"Went down to the beach couple of hours ago... I actually only came back to the house to check on you." He said, twinkling at her seductively.
"Oh shut up, you jerk!" she snapped, turning around to head back inside to find her beach mat and hopefully one of Serah´s old bikinis.
Going up and into her sisters room she rummaged through her cupboard to produce a cute white one. It wasn´t exactly Victoria Secret, but it would have to do.
Getting up to go back to the bathroom to put it on, she found the annoying redhead leaning in the doorway.
She just scowled at him.
What was he doing here?!
"Uhm... You wouldn´t happen to know, by any chance, where your sister keeps her booze...?" the irritating First Class started.
"No, I certainly don´t!" she barked at him, then pushed him out of the way to lock herself inside the bathroom.
It was about quarter an hour later that she arrived at the beach. Luckily Genesis had already been gone once she´d come out of the bathroom and now she spotted him in the water a fair distance away, a tiny crimson spot bobbing up and down in the waves, accompanied by a silver and a black one. Sephiroth and Angeal.
"There you are!" she heard Serah´s voice from a nearby beach chair, greeting her with one of her cheery smiles.
"I didn´t want to wake you, you know..." she quickly added taking in her sister´s stern expression.
"That´s okay." Lightning said, spreading her beach mat next to her´s and taking a seat.
Funny, after all this time walking on a beach still gave her goosebumps.
"Where is Snow?" she asked.
Scanning the beach for the burly blonde, she found him down at the shore, where he appeared to be engaged in a fight with Zack and Cloud, who were busy hitting themselves over the head with a couple of ownerless parasols.
Children...
"Oh... I see." she commented dryly, making Serah giggle.
"It suits you!" her sister said.
"Huh?"
"My bikini... It suits you." she clarified. Looking down at her exposed skin, belly button piercing sparkling in the summer sun, Lightning couldn´t help but feel self-conscious and stupid. She hadn´t been this scantily dressed in public for ages.
It didn´t take long for the guys to join them. The First Class´ apparently done with swimming, they had picked up the others and were now approaching together, all of them sexily shirtless. How come she had never realized before she had been working with a bunch of porn stars?
It was Zack who reached them first, running on ahead of the others like the little pup he was.
"Hey girls... Everything alright?" He asked, sounding slightly out of breath and letting his body fall onto the beach mat next to her´s.
Serah eager to engage in conversation immediately, Claire Farron let her do the talking and just gave him a tiny nod, her gaze trained on the well defined chest of a certain follow First Class in black board shorts he had to have borrowed from Snow.
She knew exactly what that body felt like.
Damn.
She had a hard time forcing herself to look away.
"So, what´s next?!" Cloud asked excitedly. The timeout on the beach obviously had him jumping with joy.
"What about a beach volleyball match?!" Snow suggested, rummaging through his beach bag to produce a battered looking ball.
"Cloud, Zack and me against you three guys." he said, motioning towards Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal.
"Oh no! You can count me out!" Cloud cried immediately.
"I´m not going to play against him." He added, pointing at Sephiroth and causing the other First Class´ to erupt in chuckles.
"NO WAY!"
Taking a deep breath, Lightning dared another glimpse at the silver haired general in question, just in time to catch one of those adorable half smiles of his.
Letting her eyes linger there for just a few seconds too long, she couldn´t help but notice the way the sun reflected in the waterdrops running down his still wet skin, making their way from his chest down his abdomen and – FUCK!
She hated this guy, hated him so much for just being him, for doing this to her, for affecting her like that.
It wasn´t fair.
"Oh come on Cloud! Without you we´re uneven!" Zack tried, but it was no use.
"It´d be uneven anyway! No matter how many people play on our side!" the cowardly blonde threw in.
He was right of course... But still... Cloud could be such a pussy sometimes!
"It´s okay, guys, I´ll take him on." Lightning heard herself say.
Now where had that come from?!
Getting up and brushing the sand off her legs, she found all the others staring at her crazily.
The pink haired woman didn´t care.
It were the general´s eyes she met, those beautiful green eyes, that would haunt her like forever no matter how hard she tried to forget about them. The silver haired man in question rewarded her with a curious stare.
Standing there in only Serah´s tiny bikini, the stupid thing leaving her practically naked, Lightning couldn´t help but feel uncomfortable.
Oh, how much she wished she could don her baggy SOLDIER pants!
"Okay guys! Then let's go!" Snow cried excitedly, motioning over to the beach-volleyball court.
The remainder of the morning passed by in a blur.
The volleyball-match intended a pastime among friends, soon turned into a fierce battle between Zack, Genesis, Sephiroth and her, with Angeal and Snow wisely keeping to the background and Serah and Cloud watching from a safe distance.
That contest, it got nastier and nastier by the minute, until it was nothing more than a blur of fast and violent balls hurled back and forth between the general and his former student. It was only thanks to her Jenova cells that she could keep up with him, but only barely so, and in the end it was her body that, from the force of her opponent´s last attack, was knocked to the ground.
Lightning wasn´t hurt, except for her ego maybe, but still she took a few seconds until she pushed herself up onto her knees.
That match, it had been quite exhausting after all.
And it was just when she was about to get up on her feet again that suddenly he was right next to her, offering her one of his ungloved hands.
"Are you okay?" the general asked, offering a small smile.
Looking up at him, at his handsome features, the way he was studying her face, concerned, curious, the pink haired female couldn´t help but wonder.
Was he talking about her face hitting the sand or about something else entirely?
Lightning wasn´t sure.
"Yes... I´m okay." the pink haired first class lied.
General Sephiroth Crescent had always wondered what his female comrade actually liked.
You know, like Angeal liked stuffing his face with food or Genesis´obsession with his stupid book.
Not unlike himself, Lightning was always serious, practical. He rarely saw her smile, did he?
And it wasn´t until he saw her eat prawns one evening in Bodhum, when they were sitting around the dinner table outside on the Farron´s porch, Serah had invited Maqui, Gadot and the other´s as well, all of them together, that he realized he had never actually seen her genuinely happy before.
Sitting outside with all of her friends and family huddled together, to Claire Farron it almost felt unreal.
Never had she hoped that she´d see all of them together gathered in one place at the same time, all the people that mattered... And Snow.
She wished she could just freeze that moment, freeze it and keep it forever.
Serah and Lebreau had outdone themselves cooking seafood, her favorite dish, while she, useless in the kitchen as always had tried to help her bake some bread. A futile attempt resulting in something the dog´s might eat, but certainly not something that could be served at a table.
Her mouth watering at the sight of the delicious meal, Lightning dug in hungrily. She already had forgotten how much she had missed the food from home.
Serah and the Norah guys merrily followed her example.
Looking at her old comrade´s faces, Lightning couldn´t stifle a laugh at taking in the way they looked at the prawns and calamari on their plates in front of them.
This time it was her for once, spraying everything with food, not Angeal as usual.
She had completely forgotten that with none of them having lived at a beach before, they weren´t exactly used to seafood.
While Zack and Sephiroth seemed brave enough to give it a try, and Angeal after skeptically taking a few first bites dug in as usual, it was the way Cloud was eyeing his plate suspiciously and Genesis who had his nose scrunched up in disgust, that nearly made her choke from trying to hide her obvious amusement.
The redhead and the blonde rewarding her with incredulous stares, her good mood didn´t last long though, as it was just a few seconds later that Serah took out the breadbasket, not only revealing her own perfectly made loaf of white bread, but also, to her horror, that damn charred thing she had fabricated in the stove earlier.
Snow, being the first to realize, he pointed towards the partly burned chunks and started to laugh immediately.
"Hey Serah... Why do you serve our guests that dog food?" he said playfully.
Oh how much Lightning hated that guy!
"Well actually..." Serah started, turning to look at her, "It was Lightning who made that bread. It was her first time, so I figured it´d be rude to just throw it away..."
Her fiancé picking up a chunk of the failed creation, he held it against the light to examine it, then tried to give it a squeeze with his giant fingers.
The bread hard as a stone, it wouldn´t budge at all.
"Maybe you should keep to killing monsters instead wasting your time in the kitchen Lightning... I mean... you could easily beat someone to death with this." the stupid oaf of a man said, causing the others to erupt in laughter.
It was Sephiroth who took a sample next, taking a bite and giving a tiny shrug.
They could hear the hard burned pieces crunch between his teeth but he ate it anyway.
The other´s laughter dying down to small chuckles, everybody staring at him expectantly, the General looked up to meet his female comrade´s gaze for a tiny second before announcing that it actually wasn´t that bad at all.
Well, he was a bad liar too, but at least it was enough to silence the others.
Lightning couldn´t help but avert her eyes in shame.
Thankfully nobody else dared to touch her bread after this.
But still, she couldn´t imagine a scenario more embarrassing.
Thank you Serah.
She kept sending her sister angry glares for the rest of the evening but it would do no good, the little traitor just kept smiling back at her cheerfully, winking at her whenever their eyes caught. Well she guessed that was what you had younger siblings for.
To have somebody you could count on to get stabbed in the back by.
It was later, when she went back into the house, carrying in all the dishes while Serah was busy preparing desert, that the younger Farron started one of her talks again.
"This guy must really like you." she said, once Lightning had put the dirty plates down on the kitchen counter.
"What are you talking about?"
"The General..." her younger sister prompted.
"I mean... He actually ate that bread of yours..." she joked, making her sister look away.
Turning around, Lightning made to go back outside when Serah addressed her again, her next comment catching the pink haired first class completely off guard.
"It had been him all along, right?" Serah said, giving her a knowing smile.
Lightning didn´t know what to answer.
"It´s the way you look at him that gives you away." the younger woman explained.
"Well... What are you waiting for? Why don´t you make the first move?"
What was she waiting for...
Well...
Things had been complicated between her and Sephiroth lately, weren´t they?
Serah had no idea...
Choosing to remain silent instead of saying something stupid, Claire Farron hurried back to the others instead.
"Genesis what exactly is the gift of the goddess?" Zack asked out of nowhere.
It was late in the night already and the 6 of them former SOLDIER members where lounging on the sandy beach behind the house, watching the dark waves roll by.
From somewhere behind her Lightning heard Angeal Hewley give a groan.
"That's a question impossible to answer..." the redhead started.
He was wearing that ridiculous Hawaiian shirt again he must have bought somewhere in town.
"It manifests itself differently for everybody." he explained.
"Yeah... For me it´d be an antidote to your constant drivel." Sephiroth said dryly, making Zack and Cloud laugh out loud. Lightning couldn´t keep a smile form forming on my face, either.
Looking over at the silver haired general sitting not far from her, she could easily make out one of his adorable half-smiles illuminated by the pale white light of the moon. Their eyes locking for a tiny moment, she realized she loved to see him have some fun, to be relaxed, at ease.
Of course she had seen him like this before, on several occasions, but seeing him like this here in Bodhum, it was something different all together.
Could Serah be right?
Was there really a chance he liked her too?
Days dragged by and Serah´s wedding drew nearer and nearer.
Lightning had spent a lot of time helping to prepare for it. Together with Lebreau, she had put up chairs and tables, had cleaned the house, had helped with the deco and, and, and.
There were so many things to do.
And that was a good thing she guessed.
It kept her busy, kept her mind from thinking too much.
Because the truth was, the closer the wedding came, the more anxious she started to feel.
She had abandoned Serah all those years ago, had left her just like that, but now that the moment had come to leave her to Snow, she was reluctant to let her go. She knew she needed her. And the idea of her being married to that oaf of a man... It didn´t sit well with her. Well, she had never exactly been very fond of him in the first place.
So she naturally was in a bad mood already when on the night before the wedding, they were sitting out behind the house again as usual, just sitting and talking, having one drink or the other, to Genesis´ great joy.
However she didn´t join in on any of the conversations. She just sat there, lost in though, and let her eyes wander, observing the others. Her eyes travelling past the Norah guys immersed in a game of cards with Cloud, and Zack, who was shamelessly flirting with Labreau, she stopped at Snow and her little sister, huddled together on the porch swing, kissing passionately.
She somehow couldn´t bear to watch them.
Tearing her eyes away, she looked up, just to meet Genesis´ curious stare.
Following the direction of her gaze over to the kissing couple, the redhead sitting on the opposite side of the table gave a content sigh, before he looked up at her again.
"Infinite in mystery - Ouch!" He wasn´t even halfway through the first line that she kicked his shin under the table hard.
She was so not in the mood for this.
The annoying redhead rewarding her with an accusing glare, he wasn´t ready to give up, but instead of shutting up like she had so much hoped for, he just continued anyway, completely unfazed by the protesting groans of the others.
Ignoring the other´s curious stares, Lightning just got up and left.
She just wasn´t up for it today.
Making her way down to the beach, to check on the chairs and the flowers again (Serah was going to have a beach wedding of course), she made sure that everything was still in perfect order for the ceremony next morning. Approaching the altar to rearrange the flowers Lebreau had put up there for decoration purposes, it was the sound of his voice that made her drop them to the floor.
"You did a great job on this... You and Lebreau..."
Sephiroth.
He had managed to sneak up on her again.
Oh, how much she hated when he did this.
She just gave a grunt to indicate that she had heard, while she bent down to pick up the flowers now scattered on the floor.
The moment she came up again, he was standing next to her already. Penetrating mako eyes glistening in the fading lights of the sunset, staring at her.
"Lightning... What´s wrong?" he asked, his voice was gentle, soothing.
"I don´t know..." the pink haired woman admitted after giving a frustrated sigh.
"It´s just Serah... The wedding... I... I don´t know... Everything just happened so fast." she began.
She didn´t know what made her tell him, but suddenly she talked. First tentatively, then the words just started flowing from her mouth, she couldn´t stop them from coming out.
"When I left her for Midgar she was just a girl. Now she´s a woman... Going to marry tomorrow... I can´t believe so much time has passed already. And Snow... I don´t know.. He´s ... I don´t know whether he´s the right guy for her... He´s so... He´s just so..."
Although she had never voiced her objections, although she loved her sister and respected her choice, she couldn´t, wouldn´t, bring herself to approve of snow. Never. Snow was an idiot, naive. How was he supposed to keep Serah safe? That guy was all talk. Nothing else. And he had not an ounce of discipline inside of him.
Her words trailing off, unable to think of something more to say, she just looked up at the General, her eyes begging for advice.
How was she going to survive the next day?
"You shouldn´t be so hard on Snow, you know..." Sephiroth said.
"He really loves your sister. They are happy. Why don´t you give him a chance?"
Unable to think of something to say, Lightning just gave him an incredulous stare.
That wasn´t exactly the answer she had expected, not from him at least.
Looking away, she slowly shook her head.
He was right of course.
But still...
"He cares for her. He only wants the best for her... Just like you." the General reasoned.
She knew it was true.
But what was she to do, to feel, to think?
Back when she had left, Serah was the only family she had had. They had only had each other. They used to be so close. Now that she was back again, she felt stupid, felt dispensable, felt like an intruder inside her own house. Serah didn´t need her anymore. She had Snow now.
And she... She had noone.
Where would she go from here? She couldn´t stay with Snow and Serah forever, could she?
No. She couldn´t stay there and watch them live their lives, marry, have children... She´d only be in their way.
She had fought all those last years. She had fought for Serah, to protect her, to support her, to make sure she had everything she needed, to make sure she would be happy, and save, and whole. And she had accomplished all that. She had accomplished this mission.
Serah had been her reason to live, to carry on.
And now, now that she had to let her go, suddenly she had nothing. Nothing to hold on to.
Now she didn´t know where to start, what to do.
Being a member of SOLDIER, it had been her duty to carry out orders.
Just that.
Nothing else.
Back then she had been yearning for freedom. She had wished to be free. Free of orders. Free of compulsion. Free of Shin-Ra. Free of responsibility.
And now...
Was this freedom? Was this what she had wanted?
Standing there, stranded, lost, without a clue of what to do next?
"What should I do now, that I don´t have to look after Serah anymore?" she murmured, feeling infinitely lost.
"Hm... Why don´t you look after yourself for once?" the General suggested, extending one of his arms to gently take her hand.
"Huh?" Lightning had completely forgotten he was there.
The feeling of his smooth cool skin against her own, it didn´t make coming up with words any easier.
"You said everything you ever did was for Serah. Why don´t you do something for yourself for once?"
Shit, she must have thought aloud.
"Something for myself?" she repeated stupidly.
"Yes... I don´t know. You could quit. Quit fighting. Start anew..." he said, his thumb caressing the back of her hand, it sent tiny shivers up and down her spine.
"Why not?"
Pulling her hand away from his, the pink haired woman just shook her head.
What was he implying?
Lightning wasn´t sure.
"I can´t quit fighting." she said at last.
It was true.
She couldn´t quit being a soldier. She wasn´t even human anymore. She couldn´t go back to leading a normal life, never again. The beast it was in her blood, ran through her veins, to the very core of her being. He had made sure of that, hadn´t he?
Looking up at the silver haired man again, she could tell he knew exactly what she was thinking, knew that he was thinking just the same thing. It was written all over his face.
What were they doing there anyway?
Pretending that they could live like that. Like them?
Would Serah even accept her, would she have let her into the house, if she knew what she had become? If she knew she had become a monster?
Somehow Lightning didn´t think so.
Somehow she wasn´t even able to accept it herself.