Chapter 37

Kakashi reflected that one of the joys of a vacation was being in Konoha when new chapters of Icha Icha came out. Usually he was never here on the second week of the month, when Dan Denki's monthly issue appeared on store shelves. He didn't know why. It was just a thing that happened. Schedules tended to fall into a rut, even in ANBU with all the secret missions and emergencies.

Dan Denki was the men's romance magazine that published Icha Icha in serialized form. When he bought chapters as they came out, he had to deal with cheap paper and a slew of other stories in the same magazine, but he had immediate access to whatever Jiraiya had completed for the month.

So it was with whistling cheerfulness that he walked to the bookstore nearest his house as soon as the bookstore was open, at ten o'clock in the morning. After some small talk that wasn't returned, Kakashi exchanged money for paper and walked out with the latest thick issue of Dan Denki. Gai wasn't expecting him at the training grounds until noon, so he had plenty of time to read and reread in peace.

He didn't like keeping issues of Dan Denki on his shelf, but he didn't have to. When he was done with Icha Icha he could just donate the magazine by putting it in a collection bin. Collection bins for magazine issues were all over Konoha. If people didn't mind reading a used issue, they could pay a small fee for getting the bin to dispense the used magazine. Then they could return the magazine, or recycle it, or whatever.

Kakashi was crossing the street at the end of the block on his way back home when he caught sight of Bensaku. Bensaku saw him, made a determined face, and crossed the street at him. He stopped short, feeling keenly that life wasn't fair. They'd recently come to an understanding, true, but he didn't expect that to stretch far enough for him to carry around issues of a romance magazine without earning a snide comment.

As soon as Bensaku reached his side of the street, his captain said, "I'm glad I caught you."

Kakashi gave the captain a suspicious look. "I'm sixteen and a jonin."

"I'm not here about the sexy comic book," Bensaku said, exasperated.

"Great. Then what is it?" Kakashi opened the issue and flipped past the advertisements, to the table of contents, and found where Icha Icha was.

"I need your help," Bensaku said.

"Oh? Okay."

"Kakashi."

Kakashi glanced up, startled by the use of his first name. "Hai?"

"When someone asks for your help, don't read," Bensaku said.

Kakashi shrugged and smiled. "Sorry. I didn't know there was more to discuss."

"Can you come over?" Bensaku asked flatly.

Kakashi wasn't sure he heard that right. "Sorry?"

Bensaku shifted and gave him a look. "You know where my apartment is. Do you have time today?"

"Yeah. Sure." Kakashi couldn't help glancing down at the page he was on.

"Eyes up here, Hatake."

Kakashi glanced up again, irritated. "If you're asking for my help outside of a life or death situation, it's Kakashi."

Bensaku sighed. "Fine. Just come over. Do you think you can make it before three?"

"Why?"

"Because I want to know," Bensaku said.

Kakashi shrugged. "I'll go meet with Gai right now. We'll get our training out of the way and I'll tell him where I'm going. That way he won't stalk me."

Bensaku shook his head. "You guys have the strangest relationship."

Kakashi pointed out, "We're also the strangest people you've ever met. You keep saying so. Therefore it's only natural that Gai and I should have the strangest relationship."

"Whatever. I'm not going to verbally spar with you. I've got things to do." Bensaku raised his hand in a wave. "I'll see you later."

"Ja ne," Kakashi said. He waited long enough to see that Bensaku was really leaving. Then he went back to devouring the new issue of Icha Icha.

xXx

Kakashi devoured every panel of Jiraiya's work before meeting Gai at the training grounds and going a few rounds. He noticed they went at each other harder than usual, as if to make up for their recent slacking. Both of them ended up tired and sweaty, panting as they lay in the grass. A peaceful feeling rolled over Kakashi at the realization that he hadn't lost anything, and had gained a lot, by being honest about his feelings.

"We're taught not to be honest," he said, breaking the silence of the wind in the trees and the chatter of birds. He turned his head and looked at Gai, who lay beside him. "Why are you honest?"

Gai grinned. "I'm sneaky about some things."

Kakashi snorted. Gai was referring to their last round of sparring. He had used kage bunshin to trick Kakashi into a wrong feint. Even though Kakashi had only been fooled for a moment, it had been enough to ensure Gai's victory. That meant treating Gai to barbeque tonight. "I mean about your feelings."

"Oh." Gai beamed. "My grandpa taught me that. He said we could lie about a lot of things, but we should never lie about our feelings."

Kakashi took 'we' to mean 'shinobi'. He nodded. "That's good advice. I think it makes life simpler." He reached out and took Gai's hand gently. "I'll try to be more honest with people in the future."

Gai leaned over and kissed him.

Kakashi snorted with laughter. "Let me take off my mask first." He pulled his mask down.

Gai rolled on top of him and kissed him again.

xXx

Kakashi showed up on Bensaku's doorstep around one, queasily nervous. Maybe he just wants me to help move furniture. That was a comforting thought, but that didn't explain why the captain picked on him instead of roping in the entire team.

He didn't have to stand there long. Bensaku opened the door and invited him in. He slipped off his sandals in the foyer.

"Beer?"

"Soda. Thanks."

Bensaku brought Kakashi the soda and sat down.

Kakashi put up his genjutsu, pulled down his mask, and took a sip of soda. He smiled and said casually, "So, why am I here?"

Bensaku looked into Kakashi's expressionless gray eye. "You're no relationship expert, but you're all I've got."

Kakashi's expression didn't change. "Ah." Inwardly, he was delighted. So you are going to try to act on your feelings with Tenzo instead of running away from him.

"If you don't hear it from me, you'll hear it from Tenzo, since I know you two are chummy now," Bensaku said. "We're going for it. Tenzo and I are dating."

Kakashi draped himself back on the couch like a cat uncurling. "Congratulations."

"Thank you." Bensaku was tense, but Kakashi could tell he was trying hard to act like a friend. They might actually come away from this with a friendship after all, even though they rubbed each other the wrong way all the time.

"How far did you get?" Kakashi asked casually.

"There has been...kissing, and stuff...of that nature, but I don't know where to go."

The captain's face flushed in an endearing way that instinctively made Kakashi cut him more slack. He nodded. "Mm-hmm."

Bensaku narrowed his eyes. "Any ideas?"

"That depends," Kakashi said. Ideas about what? What to do next? He hoped not. He couldn't imagine a more embarrassing thing to discuss.

"On what?"

"What you need ideas for," Kakashi drawled.

Bensaku sighed explosively and scowled. "Alright, I'll cut to the chase. Tenzo promised me that he won't try to do anything serious with me until he's at least sixteen, but I know him. He'll last a week and break down. I asked him to keep a secret from one of his other teammates once, and he blabbed it in three days flat. I'm adjusting his willpower to account for his age."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "A secret from a teammate? Don't you think that's an unfair example?" Privately, he agreed with the captain's assessment of Tenzo's willpower. Tenzo had dragged him into this in the first place by not being able to handle a secret.

"It's asking him to delay gratification," Bensaku said. "He's lousy when you ask him to wait for anything."

Kakashi was struck by how bizarre this conversation was. When did I become everyone's confidant? "So you want me to figure out how to make him wait longer to have sex with you?"

"No!" Bensaku ground his teeth for a moment, stewing. "No, I want you to tell me what to do when he breaks down and tries to further our relationship."

'Further our relationship'. That's a good euphemism. I'll have to remember that. "You can always say no," Kakashi said.

"Has saying no to Tenzo ever worked out for me? In the two years that you've been on the team?"

Kakashi looked away and scratched his temple.

"Exactly," Bensaku said. "I've made a terrible mistake and now I've got to live with it."

Kakashi glanced at him incredulously.

"That's what I'd tell myself, except it affects Tenzo too," Bensaku said. He gestured helplessly. "Maybe even his career. A career's not worth trashing for love."

That's a very definite value system. Kakashi took a drink of his soda. "So what are you going to do if Tenzo trashes both of your careers? Kill yourself?"

Understanding flooded Bensaku's eyes. "No. Of course not."

"Of course not," Kakashi intoned. "But really, be honest with yourself. Is your career so important that you'd kill yourself if it was ruined? I need to know to help."

Bensaku clenched his jaw and visibly thought it over in uncomfortable silence for three minutes.

Kakashi waited. As much as he hated his father for putting community opinion and duty before him, Minato had taught him a lot about respecting other people's values. A lot of it he didn't even understand yet. He suspected he wasn't experienced enough to make use of everything his sensei had told him. Right now, all he knew for sure was that he didn't want Bensaku to commit suicide, and respect was the best way to head that off.

"If I had a civilian career to fall back on I'd be okay," Bensaku said. "If I could still be respectable to the veterans in my community, so they would agree to help me, then I could take the loss of my first career. If no one knew the reason why."

Kakashi nodded slowly. That was at least more leeyway than he had expected, given the lengthy silence. "Okay. Then no matter what you want to avoid a public scandal. Anything that happens has to stop at the team level. We can't tell anybody."

"If you and Gai would be behind me, that would help a lot." Bensaku's voice was hoarser than usual. That was obviously difficult for him to get out. He got up, went to the refrigerator, and pulled out a can of beer. The captain opened the can at the sink with the same tinny, sucking pop soda cans made and came back to his chair. He sat down and drank half the can.

"We are," Kakashi said. "We always will be. We're a team."

Bensaku looked at the can in his hand. His voice came out very quietly. "Thank you."

Kakashi nodded. "That said, we need to figure out how you can cope with Tenzo's exhuberance and maybe how you can get Tenzo to slow down. If not a lot, then a little. So you have some breathing room. You could also speak to someone who knows something about your problems."

"I am," Bensaku said.

Kakashi sighed. "I mean a therapist."

Bensaku stared at him.

Kakashi leaned back, affecting nonchalance. "I had to see one after my father died. She really helped. Therapy can be useful."

Bensaku looked away. "I just don't want to go. Okay?"

"Fine. But that means we have to come up with strategies on our own for how to deal with Tenzo and your feelings of anxiety and low self-worth," Kakashi said.

"We kill people for a living, and we figure that out just fine," Bensaku said. "How hard can this be?"

"Do you have years of schooling and constant training of how to make a successful relationship?" Kakashi asked.

Bensaku winced. "Point taken. This'll be hell." He finished his beer.

"Being drunk's not going to help," Kakashi said.

"Unlike Gai, I'm not drunk after one beer," Bensaku said.

Kakashi thought of Gai at the beginning of what had turned out to be their romantic relationship, red-faced and stumbling as Kakashi brought him home from the bar. Swaying in the shower while Kakashi helped him bathe. Tucking Gai into his own bed for the night and snuggling up. If he'd known that Gai had feelings for him then, they would have gotten up to more than snuggling.

Then he realized that his physical comfort with Gai was probably a big deal. "How comfortable are you with Tenzo touching you?"

"Not that comfortable," Bensaku admitted.

"And how are you with touching him?"

"Awful."

Kakashi grinned. "That's a place to start, then. A place to start that you'll both enjoy and won't put a lot of pressure on either of you. Try sitting or lying down and touching each other. Getting used to each other's touch will go a long way towards building intimacy without putting you in a spot you dread. Tenzo's fourteen, and you're his first date. So this'll keep him happy for a while."

Bensaku looked relieved. "You think so?"

Kakashi nodded and took a drink of his soda. "Absolutely. Gai and I hung around in contact phase for a long while without moving any further. Reliable touch satisfies the need for intimacy and comfort without risking much."

Bensaku gave Kakashi a strange, scrutinizing look. Then he sighed and just looked tired. "You're wise. I never would've guessed it." He rubbed his face with one hand. "I've been sleeping like crap. This has been bothering the hell out of me. Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight."

"I hope so, too," Kakashi said. "Tenzo takes a lot of patience."

"Don't I know it," Bensaku said. He rose. "But I love him. I think. So I've got to protect him."

"That's the spirit," Kakashi said cheerfully. He finished his soda and padded into the kitchen, rinsing out the can and depositing it in the recycle bin underneath the sink. "Well, it seems like you have a place to start. Call on me if you need someone to talk to again."

"You're not off the hook yet," Bensaku agreed. He walked Kakashi to the door. "Thanks. Hope I didn't ruin your day."

Kakashi grinned. "How can you ruin a day that has a new issue of Icha Icha in it?"

Bensaku rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. I'll leave the knowledge of what that kind of day is like to pervs like you."

Kakashi was surprised at the teasing nature of the comment. Maybe we really are getting past our differences. He saluted and walked away, down the hall. "Ja ne."