Trigger Warnings: Panic Attacks
"What if we went in at an angle?" Yates asks from the other side of the lavender plush mass.
"What if you took a pick ax to it?" Haymitch calls. He's sitting on our porch drinking and not helping.
"To the bear or the door, Haymitch?" I yell back.
"Either!" he responds gleefully. "Both are Capitol made! Neither would be missed!"
"We'll save the remains," Katniss adds from the living room, flipping through a book. "Something to throw at Cesar if he ever tries to visit."
"Why do all victors have such a dark sense of humor?" Yates asks, as he tilts the bear. He comes into my field of vision as the purple fabric moves down. I'm standing just past the doorframe trying to pull the stuffed animal through the narrow space. At Yates' word I glance at Katniss. She's giving me a knowing look, mouth drawn in a tight frown, eyebrows just creased. I hear Haymitch let out a loud sigh. I can just imagine him rolling his eyes.
"Better than not laughing at all," I tell Yates, grabbing the bear's ears and pulling. My feet begin to slide forward and I try to brace them better, just as Yates pushes. The bear's head begins to move into the house, pushing me backwards. I land on the floor, just as the nose catches and makes a ripping sound.
"That was a gift!" Haymitch says, in a slightly higher nasal sounding voice. Is he trying to imitate Effie?
"Manners!" Katniss snaps, in a perfect Capitol accent. Yates and I both burst out laughing. I hear the couch creak, and turn to see my wife walking over towards us, belly leading the way.
"It's just such a waste of time," she says, crossing her arm, leaning against a wall in the hall, arms crossed, frowning. "I'm not putting it in the baby's room. It gives me the creeps. Why did you even ask for it Peeta?"
"It seemed like a great way to get him to stop talking," I tell her honestly, kicking the bit of the head that managed to make it into the house out again. I still have not risen from the floor. The bear leaves a small tuft of stuffing on the ground from the rip in its nose.
"We could cut it up," Yates suggests. "Delly and Sae could turn it into pillows. There's enough stuffing and fabric."
"Have them dye it!" Haymitch adds.
"Perfect," Katniss says with a note of finality. "Then…I guess we'll just leave it on the porch."
"Wonderful," Yates and I both say at the same time.
"Lazy bums," Haymitch mutters.
"Would you like some tea Yates?" Katniss asks.
"No, Katniss," he answers, smiling at her. I've noticed everyone in town beaming at us the past few days. "I've got to get back to the bakery. Thanks though."
"Of course he has to get back to the bakery. He needs to gawk at Delly, without asking her out while he still can," I say, stepping out onto the porch, and beginning to yank the bear to the side, so it's no longer blocking the entrance.
"I will ask her out, eventually. You of all people should know this kind of thing takes patience." He picks up the other end of the bear, and together we set it down next to Haymitch.
"Take it from me Yates," Katniss yells from inside the house. "Peeta's move is risker, and, as much as I love him, I could have done without the public proclamations. You're safer just asking her to dance the next time the fiddler strikes up a tune." Yates chuckles as I scoff, before turning my attention back to my old drunk mentor.
"There you are Haymitch," I tell him, straightening the bear so it can sit up right. "Cesar sent you a friend because he knew you were feeling lonely." Haymitch snorts, before bring the flask to his lips and tilting his head back. Yates claps me on the shoulder and waves to Katniss, who is now standing in the doorway.
"See you Yates!"
"Thanks for the help!" Just as his form disappears from sight the phone rings. My heart stops. Katniss pauses for a second. Haymitch looks between the two of us.
"You going to get that?"
"Yes," Katniss says slowly. "Peeta…" I walk past Haymitch and reenter my home. Katniss is pressed against the wall in the entryway. It seems to take me an eternity to reach the ringing phone in the kitchen.
"Hello?" I say cautiously, pressing the plastic to my cheek.
"Peeta!" Dr. Aurelius' voice greets me. I feel a weight life from my chest.
"Dr. Aurelius!" I say loudly. I'd called him earlier about Gale, before Katniss woke up. My wife lets out her breath in the hall. "What can I do for you?"
"Well, I was calling to remind you that I scheduled an appointment for you with Dr. Clora for tomorrow," Dr. Aurelius says in a knowing voice. He promised he'd call later to talk to Katniss.
"Yes," I confirm. "We'll be there."
"Wonderful! How is everything going?"
"It's been a slow morning."
"Slow can be good." I glance at Katniss. She's leaning on the doorframe in the kitchen now, frowning at me. "So," the psychiatrist continues, "She hasn't brought up Commander Hawthorne again?"
"No. It didn't come up yesterday afternoon or this morning."
"Can you be more specific with me Peeta? What has her mood been like today? Anything out of the ordinary, since she woke up? I'd just like to get a sense of what I'm walking into before I talk to her."
"I'm not sure I can say," I half whisper into the phone, turning away from Katniss. I hear her let out a huff. Aurelius pauses.
"She's standing right there isn't she?"
"Yes."
"May I talk to her?"
"Hold on." I cover the receiver with one palm and turn to see Katniss now standing directly behind me, causing me to jump. She can move too quietly for her own good. Her arms are crossed, a scowl firmly etched on her face. I hold up the phone lamely. "Aurelius…he wants to know if he can speak to you."
"I don't have an appointment to talk to Aurelius right now. He's not supposed to call till three today."
"I know. I think he just wants to check in." She scoffs.
"You told him didn't you?"
"Told him what?" I ask, trying to sound innocent.
"Told him that Gale called."
"Oh that…yes."
"Peeta!" She groans. "I don't want to talk about it."
"That's fine. Explain that to him."
"You had no right to tell him."
"I'm worried Katniss. I want you to have the resources you need, and I know that often times you have problems telling Aurelius when something has gone wrong or bring up problems that you have."
"Don't be ridiculous!"
"I'm not being ridiculous. You do that Katniss!"
"Name one time I've done that."
"You didn't reach out for help when you were having nightmares after our first games. You didn't ask for help when I was hijacked. You just demanded they send you away. You sat on the couch in the living room wasting away after…the war was over, rather than answer the phone and accept help from Aurelius, and you let yourself panic for two weeks when you thought you were pregnant, because the idea of confiding in me made you panic even more."
"I said name one time!"
"Well more than one came to mind! That is how often this happens Katniss!" My blood is starting to boil. How did this become a fight so quickly?
"Give me the phone!" I hand it to her, and push my way out of the kitchen without saying a word. I make my way, loudly to the porch, stomping my prosthetic on as many steps as I can. Upon reaching the porch, I instantly see Haymitch, sitting with the stupid purple bear. I knock it over, into the dirt, with one swift kick. He chuckles.
"You should know better than to pick a fight with a hormonal pregnant woman. Especially when it's your wife. She not even that sunny and chipper when her ankles aren't swollen and her back isn't killing her."
"I can't believe her!" I yell, gesturing wildly towards the door. The anger building up inside me right now makes no sense. "I try to help her and I get my head bitten off!"
"Take a breath, boy," Haymitch says quickly. Making a motion with his hands to indicate calming down. "You're going to work yourself up into an attack."
"I'm fine," I lie. I can feel the venom coursing through me.
"Yeah and I'm sober," Haymitch scoffs. "If you're going to demand that she not be irresponsible and take care of herself, you have to do the same. Logically coming home is going to be just as stressful for you as it will be for her. Go for a walk. Don't come home, till you can get that trembling in your hands to go away." He points to my fists, which I have balled at my sides, to hide the twitching that started in the last few seconds. "Go," he repeats, pointing me in a direction with his whole body. "I'll hang around here."
I take a deep breath and begin to make my way across the gardens of Victor's Village. I kick a heavy stone on the way out of the gate, which accomplishes nothing other than making me feel angry and broken. I used my prosthetic and the absence of an ache only serves to remind me of the real flesh I'm lacking.
My real foot and my fake foot automatically carry me to the place I spent most of my time at the last few months I was home, the hospital on the edge of town. In the early days of Katniss' pregnancy I spent all my time going back and forth between here and home. The doors slide open, and I blink once. It looks clean and bright, mostly white, like it has since its construction. After everything that happened it seems like it should look different. I stand for a minute staring at the spot where Dr. Birk and myself placed Katniss on a gurney months ago. Her screams seem to echo back to me through time.
"Peeta!" I jump at the sound of the voice that calls my name, unable to take my eyes off the sport where months before my wife had been strapped down. I can't turn to look at the speaker. "I'm surprised to see you here. I didn't think Katniss' appointment was till tomorrow."
"Tomorrow," I repeat in a haze. "Right."
"Peeta? Are you alright?" A hand claps on my shoulder and I jump away from him, finally turning to look to see who is speaking to me. Dr. Birk stands to my right, staring at me, confused. His eyes drop to my hands, which are twitching worse than ever now. He lets out a sigh. "Why don't you come back with me?"
"Back where?" I ask, beginning to feel the panic I associate with white coats pulling me places. An image of a capitol doctor flashes before my eyes, and I start to back away from Birk. He holds up both his hands.
"Just to an exam room. I can get you some water." I shiver. The sound of rushing water fill my ears, followed by shocking zap, and a shattering scream from a familiar voice. Birk grabs my wrist, and I instantly try to twist away.
"Stay in this time frame, Peeta," he says gently but firmly. "Don't slip backwards."
"Water," I repeat, choked.
"Doesn't have to be water. It could be juice instead, or a nice IV with some wonderful fluid in it. You like fluid don't you?"
"I…" a sense of confusion is overcoming me. Am I in the Capitol or the District? "I'm in the Capitol, real or not real?"
"Not real. It's okay Peeta," the man standing before me says. "You're in District 12. Your name is Peeta Mellark. You're twenty-two years old. You own a bakery in town, and you live in Victor's Village with your pregnant wife Katniss." That's right. I swallow hard, and close my eyes, picturing Katniss' baby bump. My heart rate begins to slow. I hadn't even realized it was beating faster.
"Come back to an exam room Peeta. I'll set you up on an IV, we can talk, and I'll call Katniss and Haymitch to come get you." I nodded, and let him steer me into a back room. I keep my eyes closed as the needle pierces my skin, and try to make myself comfortable on the padded table.
"What happened?"
"Katniss and I got into a little spat, and I…I lost my temper with her, because she didn't want to talk to the therapist about something."
"And you felt an attack coming on, so you left the house?"
"Haymitch noticed my hands twitching…"
"Well, you know by now that you're more susceptible to attacks during times of great stress. I can't imagine that trying to help Katniss adjust to being back in twelve is all that relaxing." I shudder.
"We rushed this…we aren't ready."
"I'm sure Aurelius wouldn't have let you leave if he thought it was going to detrimental."
"I'm not talking about that…the baby…" I feel like my throat is closing up. I'm having problems breathing. "I have attacks and…this nearly killed her…I don't know what I was thinking!" My voice is getting louder.
"Take a deep breath Peeta," Birk asks alarm filling his voice. "You're white as a sheet. Are you having problems breathing?" I nod. "I'm going to get you a glass of water. Try to lean back and relax."
"I feel like I'm dying," I choke. There's a pressure building in my chest, which is not helped by my pounding heart.
"You're having a minor panic attack. That's normal. It'll pass in a few minutes. I'll get you some water and call Katniss."
AN: Ah Katniss and Peeta, when are you going to be able to just suck it up and stop lording things over each other...probably when you're older. That has been something of a challenge in this story. They're only 22 and not as mature as they probably where in the epilogue, so it just seems right that they would argue more often and get into little spats more often. Parenthood will probably mature them. Thanks for reading, and please leave a review!