Chapter 19) Ocean's Parting

It took a few days, but eventually, Etruria recovered enough for us to leave. Prince Mildain refused a formal coronation until the war's end, and so, the only ceremony we had to endure is him entrusting the Etrurian army to Roy.

Now, we make our way to Ilia, intending on liberating it from Bern's control so that we only had allies at our back. For it was time that we went on the offensive, for everyone's sake.

The people of Aquelia lined the streets to watch us march off, waving and cheering for us. Their well wishes ease our tired spirits, but I can only worry as we press forth. There's little information about the situation in Ilia, but we know that Murdock's forces hold it. Even if he, himself, isn't there, there will be no easy battles. If, by some miracle, I am wrong about those elite forces, though… no, it still will not be easy.

Winter is coming, and we're going to the land of eternal blizzards. We were going to lose so many to the cold. I just know it.

Even long after we left Aquelia, the populace lined the roads, watching us pass. As we got further from the cities, though, the looks on their faces changed. Those in the cities had been cheerful in their hope, likely because we had just liberated the place. But out here, the people felt the war more keenly. They knew, a little better than the city-folk, how deadly this was going to be. I could tell by how their hope was hidden behind fear, desperation. I wondered how, but then realized what it was when I saw just 'who' was watching. They were the very old, and the very young. They were the injured and mothers with children.

Between the revolutionaries and our own army, all of those who could fight or help with the war had been conscripted. Bern's army was too large, and there had been too many losses between Lycia, the Western Isles, and the revolution. Those in the city didn't feel that loss keenly, or, at least, it was not 'collective'. It was a few patches of neighbors who mourned and fretted together. It was easy for an outsider to miss.

But in a village where everyone knew everyone… that fear was everyone's. So, when we marched past, they were desperately trying to find their loved ones among the uniforms, and they knew, knew, that they would be all be in heavy mourning before a week was over.

It was rather sobering, and it added to my worries. There were more people than ever in the army; one could make an argument that our army was the strength of half the continent. That meant an increased chance of illnesses spreading rapidly, more food to make, larger camps, more inventory to keep track of… and that wasn't even going into the number of spies in the army. Astore, Uncle Legault, and Uncle Jaffar had identified thirty new spies, with even more 'potential' spies, and they all had to be kept tracked of. They were all fed misinformation, rumors, some truthful but undamaging things… it was a mess. It was an absolute mess.

It was almost a relief, really, when we arrived at Remy. It was the boundary province between Etruria and Ilia, and at least while we were fighting, I wouldn't have to worry about things. But the thought that I was relieved to be near a battlefield, just so that I could stop thinking in circles, was enough to make me feel ill. Though 'feeling' ill was apparently the closest I was to being sick. According to multiple healers, aside from some exhaustion, I was 'the picture of health'. This was despite my appetite being next to nonexistent, and despite my sleeping schedule being more of 'nap for thirty minutes because I fell asleep on the paperwork again'.

I thought of how, in her logbook, Mom had written down how many times she had broken down, often very dramatically. I wondered why I hadn't yet. Maybe that was Dad's influence. Maybe I inherited my strength of will from him, and that was keeping me steady. Maybe they were lending me their strength.

I wished I could ask them. But even if I did, I doubted I'd hear an answer on the wind. It was probably just as well. There were other thinks to wonder about.

We brought the army to a stop as we came near a village. We wanted to make sure they were evacuated; the soldiers milling about in the distance already screamed that there would be a battle here today.

Everyone began snapping orders, falling into patterns. Infirmary was set up. Messengers were sent to the village. Scouts went out, of the mounted (led by Sue and Sin), flier (organized by Tate), and unmounted (led by Astore, with Chad and Cath as his support) varieties. I dismounted and made my way to Elphin and Roy. They were standing in silence not far from me, looking over the area. I deliberately kicked a stone to catch their attention, and both turned to face me.

Still, Elphin waited until I had taken 'my place' on Roy's other side before murmuring, "Perceval mentioned that the sea-level drops around a certain time of day, exposing a sand bar that can be crossed."

"I wonder where at," Roy mumbled, eyes narrowing. He pointed to a spot not far from us. "Maybe there? It's the most 'sloped part of the coast here."

"Yes, I think so, but I'll ask Perceval to confirm, if we're going with that."

"Yes, we'll plan our attack to begin shortly before the sandbar shows, and then we'll use it to sneak around." Roy glanced at me. "Can we do that?"

"I'll give you a better answer about how plausible that is when the scouts return," I answered him firmly. He nodded, expecting the answer. "But even if not, there are other ways to circumvent the enemy's frontlines." I smiled slightly. "Did I tell you that Zeiss took up magic and is now slinging spells from a wyvern?"

"No, you didn't," Roy laughed. It sounded a little forced, but I didn't blame him. "I did know that you had Miredy take up axes?"

"I suggested it; she decided to take them up herself after a few practice swings." I shrugged. "Some of our other Bernese soldiers have taken up similar things. Some stuck with Bern's normal practices, but that's fine. Between them and the pegasus knights, we have every weapon type among all the fliers, including healing staves." Then we had the 'odd' combinations on the ground. They were things that made sense, but didn't occur to people because they weren't 'the norm'. "There's a few formations I won't mind trying."

"From those books you got in Arcadia, right?" Yes, the books Alberich gave me were amazing. "We'll have to go to the War Council soon."

"I think we can afford to stay out here a little longer," Elphin reassured. He smiled faintly and patted Roy on the back. "This… will be a very memorable battle." Yes, it would. After all, this battle was different.

This was our first battle as the Etrurian Army. This was our first battle as a whole, cohesive unit, and this is the battle both sides would remember the most. More importantly, though, this was an army that meant to invade Bern. This was a force that could only be matched by Bern's army. This… was an army built to end a war. There were more people than ever before, and there were going to be more injured, more dead than ever before. More sounds, more blood, more… everything. This was half the continent, armed and ready to destroy the other half, if need be.

I was going to be sick.

The bay was a rather pretty blue. At least, what we were calling a 'bay' was a pretty blue. It was the bit of water 'trapped' when the tide changed and exposed the sandbar, and really, it was a very, very pretty blue. Not that the tide had exposed it yet, of course. That would be a little while longer. But it was pretty.

I clutched at my reigns, mostly to hide their shaking. On the surface, the battle plan was simple: decoy force and strike force. The decoy force had flanks and frontlines. Well, obviously they did, but I had to think in short little sections. The flanks were headed by Deke and Ekhidna on one side, Igrene and Hugh on the other. Cavalry was split into four groups: Perceval and Cecilia led one, Zealot and Noah led the second, Lance and Allen led the third, and Sue and Sin led the fourth. Rutger and Fir led the strike force, with Clarine as the sole healer of the group. Guinevere and Lilina led the mages, and they were carefully interspersed throughout the lines, hidden near the fliers, who waited to lift off.

Movement made me focus forward, and I realized the enemy had settled into their own lines. Ideally, we would have already struck, but it was hard to pull an ambush like that with so large of an army, especially in an area so enclosed. They had known we were here, and charging recklessly would have caused more harm than good.

So, instead, we had prepared, and Father Sky, I hoped we had prepared enough.

My eyes flitted to our own frontlines. Spear users were in the front, kneeling and bracing their weapons against the ground. Those wielding pikes were behind them, also bracing their weapons. Behind them were the archers, who would move at Klein's command. Knights, with their lances and heavy armor, stood close by, ready to defend. Uncle Douglas and Bors commanded them.

We stood in silence for a long while, just staring at each other, waiting for someone to break the tension mounting. The stalemate stretched on and on. Each second felt like eternity. My muscles ached from how tense I was. It hurt to breath.

But then, suddenly, the enemy army charged, bellowing war cries, but the front lines did not flinch. All I could think was how, just a few months ago, weeks ago… hell, even just a few days ago, a large portion of that frontline had been farmers, craftsmen, those who never thought to wield a weapon. But now, even with an army bearing down on them, they held firm. They didn't flinch.

I wondered why. Was it because Bern and the revolution had slaughtered so many? Was it for Prince Mildain? Was it for Roy? I had no idea. I wished I could ask.

But there was no time for anything, because Klein suddenly yelled, and all the archers suddenly had their bows up and notched. The 'twang' of hundreds of bows snapping, the sound of hundreds of arrows 'swishing' up into the air… no point in aiming, really, as the enemy was so clustered together that even without aiming, the arrows would hit something…

The arrows arced gracefully down, and the war cries were drowned by screams of pain.

Some went down. Their fellows didn't care; they stumbled over them as if they were just rocks in the path. I wondered how many died because they were trampled by their own army.

Klein yelled again, and two more volleys were loosed. But then, the archers had to duck behind the knights, as the first of the enemy crashed into the line of spears and pikes.

The sound was horrific, and nothing that I had ever experienced before. At least, I hadn't to this degree. Screaming, screeches, of anger, of pain… The clang of metal on metal… the 'slice' of metal through flesh… the squelch of soldiers ramming themselves on the spears, on the pikes, to knock them out of the way for those who followed…

The bay wasn't blue anymore. It was a strange… crimson… red… yellow… it wasn't blue anymore. That's all I was going to focus on. I had my own job.

"Miredy, Zeiss!" I yelled, signaling their groups to take flight. The wyverns were going to be the aerial vanguard. "Tate, Shanna, prep!" The pegasus knights would fall in afterwards. "And… now!"

Arrows, magic, lances, swords, axes… they rained down from the skies as our fliers bombarded the enemy. They didn't have many fliers, so we held a distinct advantage. Now, we had to keep it.

"All forces charge!" Roy roared, brandishing his rapier to direct the troops. The sandbar must have appeared. That meant the strike force was moving. "Don't hesitate for anything! These people brought war to our lands, and we will show them why that was a mistake!" Roy, where did this flair for dramatics come from? Uncle Eliwood? Aunt Ninian? Was it just a little thing all his own? "Give no quarter!" It didn't matter. The soldiers loved it, especially when he charged with them, ice magic in one hand and sword in the other.

I didn't fight alongside him, though I kept Rienfleche in hand. I couldn't. Everything was too chaotic, and I had to change tactics on the fly as more information came in, as lines broke and reformed, as… everything seemed to happen at once.

However, at some point in the fighting, after a moment that felt like both eternity and nothing, I noticed something that seemed just plain wrong. None of their cavalry was out. Despite multiple scouts confirming the numbers, they weren't here, fighting. Where were they? Why weren't they here?!

"Irene!" There was Roy, splattered with blood. I had no idea when he'd made it back to me. I knew he wouldn't be able to give me an answer either. "You've noticed too, right?" he asked. His tone implied he knew the answer. "About the cavalry?"

"Yeah, I was just freaking out over it," I growled. Arcardo led here, or so the scouts said, but even he couldn't have been stupid enough to dismount his cavalry, right? He had to know we had our own. "Elphin…"

"He doesn't know. The scouts don't know. No one does." Roy's eyes were worried. "I asked Tate and Zeiss. Nothing. Sue doesn't know. No one has an answer."

"We have to think. They can't have just vanished." Were they inside the castle? No, that would be ridiculous. Well, they could be reserves? There were forts about where they could hide. But that would be a lot of people to hide, just for reserves. Were they closer to the sandbar? It was possible, but surely not all of them. Arcardo knew less about the area than we did. "Flanks?"

"I'm waiting for a second confirmation, but the first reported none." Damn. Then where…

Behind. If they weren't in front of us, or at our sides, then logically, they were behind us.

"They're going to catch us in a pincer!" I snapped, livid. We were so focused on the front that I didn't even think to make sure we couldn't be…! "We need to redirect…!" But, we had difficulties. Most of the army was charging forward, and changing momentum in the middle of all this chaos would be… trying. "Father Sky…" Think… think… "Lilina. Lilina and her group can pull back easiest." The infirmary was at out backs, and it did have guards. "Though, if Fae transforms, then it really means-"

"Yeah, about that," Roy groaned. He pointed behind me and I didn't even need to turn to know that Fae's adorable little dragon form had likely popped up. "How much trouble will we be in if I head back?"

"It would be a lot; the army will think you're retreating." I grit my teeth. "You and Elphin handle the front. I'll take charge of the rear!"

"Be careful." Roy dove back into the fray, rallying the soldiers who were slowly realizing what the fluffy large thing in this distance was, and meant.

I twisted and urged my mare to her absolute fastest speed. It was dangerous in such chaotic conditions, but speed was of the essence here. Our backs were the weakest part of the formation; there were only a handful of fighters, mostly there for the infirmary.

Of all the stupid decisions we had to have made…

The sound of wings caught my ear as I burst from the main lines and I slowed slightly as I saw Tate and Zeiss both heading for me. I only slowed, of course. We had to keep moving. "Please tell me that nothing else is going wrong," I deadpanned. In the distance, I saw Fae fighting. "Please."

"No, General Roy and Lord Elphin adjusted the line so that two groups of fliers could come with you," Tate explained. She smiled grimly and nodded at Zeiss. "We volunteered. Figured flying mages might be a little more useful battering horses."

"And fliers can evacuate people if need be," Zeiss added. His hands were tight on the reins, but his voice was even. "Lady Lilina is going to try and get her group to catch up, but things are difficult." That was an understatement. "So, orders?"

"Orders right now are to make for the infirmary, and organize the back lines," I replied. I smiled slightly at them. "Thank you."

"Just following orders." He looked away when I gave him a look. "Also, Elen is there. I want to help her."

"She is capable of fighting." She and Saul were surprisingly proficient light magic users for those who had just started learning.

"Will she fight or freeze?" That, however, was a very real concern. It was one thing to train; it was a completely different thing to fight.

"She is a healer," Tate reminded. Her gaze was forward, eyes narrowed as we were almost there, almost within shooting range. "She spends much of her time tending to the wounded, and these are people who will kill her and her patients. You never want a healer angry at you." Healers knew how to take you apart. "Zeiss…"

"Right, we need to split off," Zeiss murmured. He waited, however, for my nod. "Up!" Both of them took to the air, leaving me 'alone' to continue heading right for where the enemy cavalry were doing their damndest to bring down Fae. A dragon had strong defenses, but she couldn't stay transformed forever.

As soon as we were in range, I brought up Rienfleche and fired. The first shot went wide, but the second caught one in the chest, knocking him off and sending his horse into a panic. Then, while the enemy tried to adapt to the hole in their line, I caught up and slowed, dismounting to give my mare a break. She was so tired… poor dear, I've been working her far too hard.

Shaking my head, I looked over, and nearly had a heart attack when I saw one cavalier heading straight for a crouched down Elen. But then, Zeiss was between them, blocking the oncoming weapon with one gauntlet, and casting a thunder spell with the other, right at their head. A little disoriented, I tried to figure out why he wasn't mounted, before realizing that he'd literally jumped down from his wyvern to get in between. Well, that was… dramatic.

As he crouched to tend to her, though, I focused on the other 'target'. "Fae?" I called, looking up at her. Even as a dragon, I could see her swaying. "You can transform back, Fae. I'm here."

"Fae is tired." Her voice, still as childlike as ever, echoed through my head. Light wrapped around her as she shrank, and soon, she was back to her human form. "Fae is really tired," she repeated. She had enough energy to toddle over and hug my leg, though. "Thank you."

"Of course." I bent down and got her up on my mare. If the worst happened, she'd be safe. "Okay, now, where are the oth-"

"Lady Irene, the heavens have truly blessed us with your lovely visage!" Saul joked as he came over. His robes were checkered with fresh and dried blood, and his smile was forced. "Ah, happy days!"

"I don't think anything about this is 'happy'," I pointed out, eyes narrowed. The cavalry outnumbered us by a lot, but that could work to our advantage…

"Speak for yourself. I've Marcus on the edge of death, but with more defenders, we run a chance of saving him." His cheer dropped, eyes serious. "I'd be dead if not for him, mind. Dorothy took a bad injury and dropped, and then the enemy came…"

"I'm sorry." Damn it all… "Wuotan and Fiona?"

"Inside amputating someone's destroyed leg. The injured don't stop bleeding because we're under attack, and we ran out of numbing herbs, but if that leg doesn't come off, the soldier will definitely die. He'll likely die even…" He shook his head. "Sorry, that came out more caustic than I intended."

"No, I'm sorry." We should have left more guards. We should have watched for attacks from behind. "Go inside with Elen. Zeiss, Tate, and I will handle the defenses until more arrive."

"Keep Fae out here, please." His eyes were serious as he glanced at her. She was half-asleep in my saddle. "She doesn't know what's going on inside. The blood confuses her, and we're dealing with… okay, there's a few illnesses that we didn't catch, and we might also have the beginnings of a lice infestation, and-"

"You need me to keep the cute dragon kid out here, where she can't get in the way on accident. I'm assuming that's why she was even out here to start." I shrugged at his wince. It had made sense at the time. It made sense now. "Go. Leave everything to me."

"Then we are in your very capable hands." He gave me a smile and a wink. "Bring us a miracle, oh grand tactician!"

"Saul, just get to work." But still, I cracked a smile, and he grinned in triumph. "I have my own job to fix."

I wondered if we could steal the horses when the enemy was dead. They really did look like good ones… well, that wasn't a priority. I'd show them just why it was a bad idea to attack our infirmary.

I'd make sure they learned that lesson very well before Mother Earth took them.

Destroying the enemy cavalry was a lesson in quick thinking. Magical assaults, aerial bombardment… anything and everything that could take them out, we used. The most dangerous tactic had definitely been generating a giant wall of fire to spook the horses and to give us a barrier, but Wuotan had volunteered for that job when I thought of it, and he'd controlled the flames well enough to keep all of us from burning.

As soon as things were clear, though, Saul and Elen dragged us into helping in the infirmary. They needed every bit of it. We had more healers in the army, thanks to the Church of Elimine throwing their lot with us, but many had never seen injuries on this scale before, assuming they had healed anything worse than a particularly bad papercut.

Of course, as Saul said, they'd run out of numbing herbs. Worse, they'd run out of most of the 'safe' herbs for sedation before a minute had passed. I liked working on the patients that had passed out from the pain. They didn't scream and squirm as much.

"Irene, you need to go rest." The kind voice barely penetrated through the haze in my head. It took me a few blinks to realize it was Zealot, of all people. When did he get here? "Your hands are shaking," he murmured, taking my hands to still them. I'd been stitching up someone's stomach after shoving their guts back inside. The smell should be nauseating, considering all the blood and everything, but I was far too used to it. "You can't stitch straight like that."

"But…" I tried to protest. There were still so many wounded. There was no end to them. "I…" I had training. I had medical training. I couldn't use staves, but I could tend to those that didn't need it, saving the magic. I could buy them time.

"You won't help anyone by falling flat on your face." He took the needle and thread from me and pulled me up. "Go rest, Irene. At the least, you need to clean up. You're covered."

"I…" No, he was right. I was covered in all sorts of bodily fluids. My hands were clean, of course. I'd washed them. Every time I had a new patient, I washed them. But, dirty as the rest of me was, I ran the risk of catching some sort of illness or, worse, passing it to one of the wounded. "Sorry, you're right."

"You went into work mode. It's fine." He nudged me towards the door and sat down on the crate I'd been using as a chair. "I'll take over for you."

"Okay." I hesitated, though. "The battle…"

"We won, as I'm sure you figured." He smiled warmly. "We did rather well, thanks to your tactics, General Roy's orders, and Lord Elphin's strategies. There's less wounded and dead than expected."

I glanced around the infirmary, where the injured were packed tightly together, almost like rats in a cage, and there was barely any room to walk without running the risk of tripping over someone. This was less? There were hundreds here, or so it seemed.

"I'll take your word for it," I finally whispered. Then, I saluted him and picked my way out of the tent, not really wanting to talk to anyone anymore.

When I got out into the blinding sunlight, my brain dragged itself out of its daze, and I grimaced as many things barraged me at once. I itched. I ached. I smelled. I looked like I'd been dragged out of hell facedown. The camp was loud. The camp was busy. There was a long line for the bathing tents.

So, I decided to just step out of the camp for a little while, posting word to the guards, and went to a nearby river, downstream of the village. Then, I stripped down and jumped in without a second thought. The cold jolted me back into wakefulness, and eased the pain in my back and arms.

Sighing, I undid my ponytail, and was glad that I had stored Dad's ribbon safely in my tent when I noticed how stained the ribbon I had in my hair was. It was more blood than cloth, and completely ruined. So, I threw it to the side and ran my hand through my hair, jerking at the knots. The particularly bad ones I just ripped out, uncaring of the pain in my scalp. The water rippled around me, slowly taking off the first layer of blood and filth from my skin. I'd have to scrub the rest, but of course, I didn't have soap on me. I supposed I could use sand…

The sounds of footsteps caught my attention, and I turned, carefully grabbing a few rocks to throw as weapons if need be. But, thankfully, the person was Guinevere. Strangely, though, she had a towel, a change of clothes, and a small basket with soups.

"Before you ask, I was looking for something to do since I was chased out of the infirmary," she explained as she set down everything down on some rocks. "Klein said he saw you heading towards the river, likely for a bath, and asked if I'd bring you a change of clothes."

"Of course he did," I whispered, smiling softly. I swam closer to the shore and snagged one of the bars of soap. "I was just wondering about how I was going to get the rest off."

"I figured by how you were glowering." She sat down on the edge, taking off her shoes to dangle her feet in the water. "Miredy dragged me out when she saw the lines for the baths. I didn't want to leave, but I've exhausted my magic for the day."

"I think 'exhausted' summarizes everything." There was something refreshing about taking a bath, though. "I forgot to ask. Is Arcardo dead?"

"He was captured alive, actually. Mildain, however, is going to carry out his trial here, with foreign witnesses, and he's going to let Ekhidna be his executioner. So, he'll be dead before long. I think after we finish with our own dead, so that the people have someone to focus their rage and grief on. But maybe it'll be reversed, so that the funerals can provide some sort of release."

"How many dead?"

"I don't know." She sighed, shaking her head. "I keep being told that the numbers are low. But I see a line of bodies, some looking like they're sleeping and others mangled beyond recognition, stretching the length of the camp. Twice." Considering the size of our camp… that was far more people than I wanted to think about right now. "They were working on a third line when Klein snagged me."

"I bet he was carrying one of the bodies."

"Practically everyone who isn't helping in the infirmary is. Well, those the healers haven't all-but-bound to their beds to make sure they rested." She watched the water, and I noticed her gaze focused a lot on the trail of rust-colored water disappearing downstream. "It's only going to get worse."

"Is that so?"

"Our army's code dictates that every officer must be capable and self-sufficient. Bern becomes all the more dangerous because Galle will now be a Wyvern General." She sighed, looking up at the sky. "I'm sure that's why Zephiel kept giving Narcian such dangerous, impossible tasks."

"Either Narcian would succeed, and he'd win, or Narcian would fail, and he'd win." All I could think was that Narcian likely had screwed up a lot of plans by fleeing instead of dying. But that was no longer the case. In order to liberate Etruria, the only country with enough people, with enough power, to stand against Bern… we had killed Narcian. There was no other way to go about it. "He still got what he wanted, even though we won." Damn him.

"Zephiel was always intelligent." She drooped. "My poor brother… I wish…" Her voice cracked, but her eyes were dry. I wondered if she was cried out. "No, never mind."

"If you say so." However, this did seem like a good opening, so as I continued to scrub, I glanced at her. "Have you thought about what you will do after the war?"

"I… haven't, really." Her gloom deepened. "I've… avoided it."

"Won't you rule?" I kept my gaze sharp, even as she jerked her head up to stare. "You're Zephiel's sister, and his heir. By all rights-"

"I can't rule!" Her voice was somewhere between a squeak and a yelp. "I can't! It's Zephiel's, not mine!" It was probably wise to not remind her that if we were going to end this war, Zephiel was going to die. "B-besides, people will say that I joined Etruria to steal the crown!"

"You joined Lycia first." But I could see the very real fear in her eyes, and decided it was best to stop the conversation there. If I pushed, she'd run. "Just think on it, Guinevere. You can't run away from it. I won't let you. It's not good for you, or for your country."

"I…" She sighed heavily. "You're right. But… later. Much later."

"Of course. I won't speak of it again until you bring up the conversation." I felt guilty at how relieved her smile was. But, I knew I had to bring up the idea. "Though, if you want some ideas, Lilina would be a good choice. You two are surprisingly similar in many ways."

"We are?"

"You're both powerful magic users, for one. You're both princesses, essentially. You're both very kindhearted, and will break your hearts for your people without a second thought." I shrugged. "She can give you a perspective I cannot and, perhaps more importantly…"

"She… might be able to understand a bit better, and I could help her, since she will rule Ostia when all of this is over." Yes, that was exactly it. "I will think on it. I do like spending time with her, but whether I can bring up that conversation…"

"As I said, I will not bring it up again until you do." I twisted and grimaced as I ran soap through my hair. This was just a pain. "I am incredibly tempted to cut my hair." Actually, that… did seem like a good idea. I had worn it long because of Mom, really. I had loved how long her hair was. But, it might be better for me to get all this weight off my head, literally. Besides, Dad had kept his hair short…

"I have a dagger if you want it." She reached under her skirt and pulled it from a thigh sheath. She laughed at the dumbfounded look on my face. "I'm Bernese. All noblewomen keep knives on their person. I have a pair of heels back at the castle that are designed to hold them too." She smiled wryly. "'Death before dishonor' is prevalent in Bern as well, so the daggers are also there for noblewomen to kill themselves if their homes are overrun." That was something I had to be careful of, then, especially when we actually made it to Bern. "But the ones you saved seem to think there is 'honor' in serving the army. I think they're curious as to what would make me 'betray' Bern for it."

"That lines up with what I'd been thinking." I accepted the dagger from her, used the soiled ribbon I had thrown to the side to more easily gather my hair in a ponytail, and cut my hair before I could think twice. I instantly felt… lighter. It was nice. "I wonder how many people will have heart attacks. How bad of a cut is it?"

"You just need the ends evened out." She tilted her head to study me. "But, it suits you. If I may be so bold, I think it suits you more than long hair."

"Well, it's done now." Still, I couldn't help but look at my reflection in the water. It was a bit unnerving, since I had long hair for most of my life. Now, though, it was above my shoulders, just a bit longer than how Dad had worn his. When the ends were evened out, it would likely be the same length.

What startled me the most, though… all my life, I had been told how much I looked like Mom. Everyone would comment on it, more so as I grew older. But now, with my hair short, I didn't see much of Mom in my face. I thought, actually, that I looked most like Dad.

I… rather liked that. I rather liked that a lot.

You would think that, after a grueling battle and losing so many people, the camp would be somber once the bodies were all buried. But victory, Arcardo's death, or just the realization they were alive made them cheerful, and the camp was basically throwing a party. The only somber part was the infirmary, to lessen the chances of disturbing the healers on watch duty and waking the wounded.

After bathing and changing clothes, I felt human enough again to think to ask about people I personally knew. Marcus's condition worried me the most, but I'd been reassured that, while the injury was major, especially for a man his age, he would recover. That had been so much of a relief that I almost broke down crying. It took a bit to realize that I'd been absolutely terrified of losing yet another person who helped raise me. I hadn't even registered the fear on the field, but off it? Off it, I felt it clearly.

I shook my head almost violently, and made myself focus on the camp. Elphin had brought out his lyre, and some other musically inclined people joined in to perform a very lively tune. It was so lively, in fact, that many had started dancing around the main fire. Fiona and Wuotan danced, both laughing at something I couldn't hear. I caught sight of Sue dancing with Fae of all people, reminding me of festivals back on the plains, where Mom would dance with a little Sue while Dad and I watched from afar, watching all the colorful people laugh.

My thoughts almost went down that memory-path, but I kept looking at the present. There was still plenty to see. Rutger, for instance, was teaching Clarine a festival dance, one typically performed at the Sky Festival. Fir and Noah weren't far from them, Fir blushing madly, but smiling sweetly as she and Noah spun. Hell, even Perceval was dancing, but that was more because Cecilia had dragged him into it.

Others, of course, danced alone, or in larger groups. But I found my attention drawn to those not dancing. Deke and Uncle Douglas, for instance, were just watching with fond exasperation, sharing ale and laughing. Lance and Lot were playing chess, or trying to as Shanna teased them. Tate would try to scold her, but then be distracted by whatever Allen had said, making her squawk and even blush. Zeiss and Elen weren't far from them, smiling softly at whatever they were talking about, before Zeiss laughed at Elen's sudden blush. Miredy and Guinevere were near, watching over the two fondly, and I resolved to ask the two about them later. For now, there were other things to see.

Sofia and Ray held my attention, mostly because of their past interaction. But all Sofia seemed to do was thrust a book at Ray before scampering off, quickly being dragged into the dancing thanks to Fae. Thankfully, Sue adapted before long, and Ray didn't seem inclined to chase. Instead, he sat down to read through the tome, eyes alight with bright curiosity.

I let my attention roam before it settled again, this time on Astore and Igrene. They chatted about something, serious and tense based on their postures, but then he said something that made Igrene slap him. His wry smile as she stormed away made me wonder if he had done that on purpose. It made me remember their last interaction, and I filed it away for later. That might become a problem.

But what troubled me most was that Roy wasn't among the group. He was apart, frowning at the sky. That certainly wouldn't do at all. So, instead, I made my way towards him, and tried to decide, based on his posture, if I needed to be 'tactician' for him, or if I could just be his 'older sister' for right now.

The way he slumped as soon as he saw me told me that it was the latter. Roy was worrying over something, not as 'general' but as 'himself', and 'he' needed his 'big sister'. How long had it been since I had just been myself? It felt like forever.

"When did you cut your hair?" he asked, mostly to say something. He still looked confused, though. "I don't think I've ever seen you with short hair."

"You were a baby when it was last over my shoulders," I replied, fiddling with the ends. Clarine had insisted on evening out the ends for me, and a look in the mirror had proved me right. It was the same length as Dad's. "But what has you here, glowering at the sky? Father Sky does not take kindly to being glared at."

"I suppose frowning at the ground is just as bad." He sighed, shaking his head. "I heard something… troubling."

"It's been a bit since something troubled you as yourself, not as 'the general'." I rested a reassuring hand on his back. "What is it? Are you having trouble with Lilina already?"

"N-no, I… think I'm okay on that front?" His face went as red as his hair and his voice was distinctly squeaky. "Th-though, we've only really talked about our feelings, and… well…" He trailed off into mumbling, so soft that even my hearing couldn't make out anything coherent. "Wait, you're distracting me!"

"Teasing. I'm teasing you." I smiled at his sulk. "So, what is it?"

"Ah, right." Slowly, his blush faded and he was back to frowning. "Merlinus told me-"

"Oh, great, what did he do now?"

"You haven't been mad at him in a while." Yes, but that was probably more because I didn't interact with him anymore. There was too much going on, and while I liked checking over inventory, most of those reports went to Elphin now, as the strategist. "But he told me something I can't quite wrap my head around?"

"Is that so?" The wind blew, and I thought I heard quiet weeping on it. Why? "What was it?"

"He told me that Zephiel killed his own father." Roy looked so troubled. "How could…? I mean; I was told he threatened Guinevere too, and I don't understand that either, but…"

"Since I highly doubt Merlinus was in Bern at the time, he's likely going off rumor, and it is important to remember that while rumors may hold a grain of truth, there is no telling what that grain might be." I sighed, looking up at the stars. Some part of me wanted to read them, but the rest of me flinched away. That was still too raw of a wound to even try. "But, Roy, we should remember that not all parents are loving and, even those who are, can make mistakes." I thought of Dad's letter, which revealed that Grandpa had thrown him away. I thought of how Grandmother, in her love, had been horrible to Mom, to the point that even twenty years later, Mom had been deathly afraid of turning out like her. "But you never hear anything good about Desmond." That was when you heard of him at all. Bern seemed all too determined to forget he had existed.

"So, you think it might have been justified?" Roy still looked confused. "But why? Why wouldn't a parent love their child?"

"Considering we were blessed with good parents, Roy, I doubt we'll ever understand." I ruffled his hair before looking at him seriously. For one brief moment, I had to switch to 'tactician'. "But Roy, even if that is true, you cannot-"

"Don't worry. I will not falter." His eyes were certain, and he switched back to 'general'. "I can sympathize with an enemy, though. If I make them human, then I don't ignore the plights that shaped them, and others. At least, that's what I think."

"We have to keep focused." I sighed, though, and smiled softly. I was tired of being tactician for a night, and I knew he was tired of being the general too. "But this does remind me. It's been a while since you confided in me. Do you need to?"

"Maybe later." He looked at me worriedly. "What about you? Do you need…?"

"I'm coping, Roy." At least, I thought I was. I felt it, at least. "If I feel like I'm breaking down, I will run to the nearest adult."

"You promise?"

"I promise if you promise the same."

"Then, I promise." He suddenly grinned, eyes lighting up. "Klein, what are you doing over here?"

"Looking for you two!" Klein laughed, walking up. Like most of the others, he wasn't dressed in armor. In fact, he was in very casual clothes, like the ones Uncle Pent would wear when he snuck into town. "People have noticed you're not around, and it's making them fret." He crossed his arms, looking almost comically stern. I could see the very real 'lecture' behind the laughing tone, though. "They think that if you two aren't around, it's because there's something wrong."

"Ah, I'm sorry. It's my fault," Roy explained. He was still smiling, and his eyes were a bit mischievous. "I was alone in my thoughts and Irene came to bail me out."

"I am unsurprised." Klein hesitated a moment before bowing with a little flourish and holding out his hand to me. "My lady, might I have the honor of a dance?"

I hesitated as well, but took his hand silently, flushing from embarrassment. His hand was warm as it closed on mine, and there seemed to be something almost electric in the air as he tugged me into the dancing group.

All hesitancy fled, though, as the two of us threw ourselves into the music and simply danced and laughed with everyone else. When I got tired, I'd likely join the singers, and maybe Elphin, Lalum, and I would perform to give everyone a break. Maybe Wuotan could be persuaded to tell us stories. But that would be later. For now, I was dancing with Klein, and I planned on enjoying the moment.

I couldn't keep moping. I couldn't keep being… well, I could be exhausted. War was tiring. But I had to find the cheer in things. I couldn't despair forever. That wasn't fair to myself, and I knew my parents wouldn't want it.

This war was going to be horrible enough. So, I just had to create my own little bits of happiness among the horror, and help others do the same. That, too, was part of my job as tactician. My worries were well-founded, but I wasn't alone. I just needed to open my eyes and look around if I ever forgot that.

Things were going to get worse? That was fine. I'd make them better. We would make them better. I knew we would. After all, we could smile and laugh. We could find joy in the world.

That was our advantage over Zephiel. We found beauty in the harshness of the world. And I would exploit that weakness to give Roy his victory.

Notes on songs

While not tactical in nature, I feel like songs are important for our morale. Though, maybe we could hide messages in songs…? Hmm…

· Sacaean and Ilian songs have an emphasis on vocals, with little instrumentations typically. Sacaean songs lean more towards flutes and drums for instruments, while Ilia relies more on stringed instruments. Music is deeply tied to the cultures of both, surprisingly enough, and play important parts in funerary rites. I was startled to learn how similar they were, actually.

· Etruria, unsurprisingly, favors hymns and choral pieces more than anything. Even the folk songs tend to be slower, more to make you listen and rest. While there are songs designed for dancing, they're only played during festivals. They also have opera, but I'm not too fond of it.

· Bernese songs, apparently, don't have a lot of vocals. They favor strong, complex instrumentation. What songs they do have, though, focus a lot of courage and hope. According to Guinevere, Elen, and Zeiss, Miredy is an excellent singer, so maybe we can convince her to perform for us soon.

· Lycia songs tend to be fast-paced songs, designed for dancing, and it often seems like most tavern songs on the continent originally came from Lycia. They're also incredibly catchy, so if you hear one, you're likely going to have it stuck in your head for half a year. I know from experience.

· Western Isles is a bit trickier, as the long campaign in Etruria made some of the local culture fade away. But some things still remain, including songs. Most of their songs actually tell stories, and it's not uncommon to have dancers 'act out' the song as its being performed.

· Arcadia stands out, though, as most of their songs are actually sung in another language entirely. Sofia doesn't know the translations at all, and Fiona only knows a little bit. Languages change as time goes on, and according to Fiona, the songs came from long before the Scouring. In fact, it preceded another great war that shaped the continent into what it was before the Scouring reshaped the continent again. I guess history repeats itself, but I'm really curious about this 'war before the Scouring'. I'd never even heard of it!

Author's Note: So, this is Chapter 17A, Ilia route. You unlock this route if Thany and Tate's gained experience surpasses Sue and Sin's. Just as in game, Arcardo dies here. Roark, however, will be saved for the 'Sacae' route.

Sofia and Ray's little 'interaction' is based on their B support. Astore and Igrene's is based on their B support. Sue and Fae are grouped up as a reference to the fact that they have in-game supports.

Next Chapter – Interlude, Confessions